Courtenay Hameister worked hard to stop feeling shame about her body size, but she also had a cruel inner monologue that just wouldn’t leave her alone. At times, her internalized fatphobia was so powerful, she couldn’t think about romance at all. But when Courtenay started dating Jason, everything felt different. He was fat, too, as well as smart, funny, and handsome.

When Courtenay realized she was starting to gain weight again, though, she became obsessed with the idea that other people were judging her and Jason, and she made a decision she would immediately regret.

This episode is adapted from her 2023 essay “Were We the ‘Fat Couple’?”

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