If you accidentally get the Paris Hilton cologne all over down there do NOT try to clean it off with Old Spice and then try to wash it all off in the shower at a house party. Just go down to where the Golden Retrievers are sleeping and get your coat and your shoes off the porch and go home

https://www.patreon.com/posts/149947440

The only thing worse than getting to a proto-Vrbo and realizing you have no way to Netflix and chill is getting stuck in the yellow jacket tunnel at Payless Shoe Source with a bag full of rotting apples and the extra large condom you brought isn't big enough to catch them all #BarLife #AnkleMonitorLife

https://www.patreon.com/posts/149615999/

Never snipe or use the Italian wizard spells like Boom Boom Pow or Bang Ding Ow. Katt Williams fought a 17 year old pool supply store owner because they designed him a 3 ft deep pool shaped like a vibrator with balls on it

We finally got around to covering the untimely death of Adam the Woo who has left a hole in all our hearts and his wife Brianna a widow. The waves at the Outer Banks are insufficient for surfing. If you take your parents' sibling stoppers and turn them in at a Catholic condom buyback you can make enough to buy an airsoft gun with the orange tip colored over and go out like Adam the Woo

https://www.patreon.com/posts/148637882/

Babe come over BurntPeanut and Steve Lookner both went live at the same time and we can watch them on my two TVs and you better not break up with me or AI Kratos and AI Yoda and AI Batman are going to give me motivational speeches about it

Teaching children to talk and read is basically like podcasting and it also involves a lot of AI and YouTube and Roblox. In the 1990s two out of your five friends were named Lingo and Wheels and you were probably Kid Vid. Batman canonically has really sore elbows from smacking them together for exercise. Guard dogs suck because they give you away

🎼Kraftwerk - Computer Love

https://www.patreon.com/posts/147598050

The VeggieTales lore contains just enough information about the in-universe sexual and racial politics to leave you wanting more like a tomato in heat with a big blossom end rot waiting for Sully to give you a mouthful like Mike Wazowski. Being the Andy Dick Show Boy ruined my life. "Bonnie" "Prince" "Billy" is pretty good for a guy with a girl's first name.

The Format went on Big Desk and the results were unbelievable and people are even calling the new singer the White Black Eminem. Getting the unalive at KFC is both easier and harder than ever but the mix always ends up brown. And yes, we have bologna sandwiches for Sunday dinner

https://www.patreon.com/posts/146319048

Leather hackysacks are for Republicans and all GameStop managers poop their pants at the counter because using toilet paper at work is technically theft. Sum Ting Wong is one of the worst pilots to ever work for Ticketmaster. The whole class took some bad molly and the classroom smells like the third pig

Keep an eye out for the 350 bit and the Drippy Louis Bluey Back Bling season of Fortnite. 7/7/7 was the luckiest day ever but no one invented scratch tickets or getting a UTI from the Reverse Shocker yet so it was basically useless for all intents and purposes. Then 7/7/77 happened and we were all too young for that one so what gives

https://www.patreon.com/posts/145477935