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By Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson
4.8
996996 ratings
The podcast currently has 1,193 episodes available.
The most played episodes among Podcast App listeners.

Overfunctioning is usually defined as taking on excess responsibility for other people’s feelings, issues, and tasks. And it's usually presumed to be tied to anxiety. IF someone's overfunctioning, it's either a symptom of or cause of the panic assumed to be lying just underneath. But are we "overfunctioning" when we're doing our absolutely regular amount of way-too-much as a parent? Does anxiety have to have anything to do with it? In this episode, we're talking about the stress that comes with being the backstop how to sense overfunctioning in ourselves as a potential barometer of anxiety the MoSCoW method (Must Have, Should Have, Could Have, Won't Have) as a business-world framework that can help all of us discern what absolutely has to happen in a given "timebox"... and what might be able to wait Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kate Manne on Substack: In Defense of Mom Anxiety Anne-Laure Le Cunff for Ness Labs: Overfunctioning: The Drive to Do it All, or When Helping Others Is Hurting You Yunus Emre Yalçıner for Medium: The Moscow Method: A Comprehensive Guide to Prioritization in Project Management And in response to this week's mailbag, here are a few of our past episodes specifically relevant to single / solo parenting: Our episode Solo Parenting Seasons and How To Get Through Them Our Fresh Take with Jamilah Lemieux Our Fresh Take with Norah Lally Our Fresh Take with Susan Sutton Chris Fleming: COMPANY IS COMING!!! What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group: My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help! In this episode, we explain why these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature. These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Rebecca Onion for Slate: Why These Child Psych Books From the 1980s Are All Over Parenting Facebook Groups Today Allana Robinson for Mom Halo: Here's why your 4 year old's behaviour is out of control Uncommon Sense Parenting with Allana Robinson: What Exactly Is Stress? Louise Bates Ames: Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you've ever looked at your very different children and wondered how they could possibly share the same DNA, same parents, and same upbringing, you're not alone— and you're not imagining things. Research shows that while siblings are usually more alike in appearance and intelligence than we sometimes think, their personalities are as different from one another as they would be from a stranger on the street. Why is that? This week, we discuss: Why siblings can have vastly different personalities despite common upbringings How birth order influences family dynamics Why "de-identification" tends to be more intense when siblings are closer in age Why "the same household" doesn't actually tell the whole story Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Alix Spiegel for NPR: Siblings Share Genes, But Rarely Personalities Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr. Judy Dunn: Why Are Siblings So Different? The Significance of Differences in Sibling Experiences Within the Family Dr. Frank Sullaway: Why Siblings Are Like Darwin's Finches: Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Adaptive Divergence within the Family Daniel Goleman for the NYT: Each Sibling Experiences a Different Family Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr Denise Daniels: Why are Children in the Same Family So Different From One Another? Science Daily: Parents’ Comparisons Make Siblings Different Dr. Alexander Jensen and Dr. Susan McHale: What makes siblings different? The development of sibling differences in academic achievement and interests. Annie Wright, LMFT: Same Family, Different Survival: Why You and Your Sibling Turned Out So Differently What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Based on a recent listener question about how to start to let go as our kids get older, this "Deep Dive" series highlights some of our past interview episodes on the topic. Julie Lythcott-Haims is the author of the parenting bestseller How to Raise an Adult, which opened the minds of loving but hovering parents everywhere. In this episode, we discuss her follow up book Your Turn: How To Be An Adult, which Julie calls "a compassionate beckoning into the freedoms and responsibilities of adulthood." Adulting is a mindset. That might explain why many of us whose drivers' licenses indicate grown-up status still don't feel ready to be in charge of anything– including the children with whom we have somehow been entrusted. But trying and failing doesn't mean you're not ready to be an adult. Failing and trying again, Lythcott-Haims argues, is what makes us adults in the first place. This episode is full of advice on how to move the parent/child paradigm (gradually) from vertical to horizontal– and on why becoming an adult is actually a path to joy. As Julie explains in this episode: "Whether we're 8 or we're 18, or 28 or 38 or 48, we are yearning to make our way down a path that is ours to lay. We want to be loved and cared about along the way, but we do not want someone else to lead our lives for us." Find out more at julielythcotthaims.com, on social media @jlythcotthaims, and find YOUR TURN in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250137777. This episode originally aired on April 16, 2021. What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Julie Lythcott-Haims, How to Raise an Adult, Your Turn book, adulting mindset, becoming an adult, parenting young adults, overparenting, helicopter parenting, raising independent kids, transitioning to adulthood, parent child relationship, letting go as a parent, autonomy in adulthood, failure and growth, resilience skills, emotional independence, purpose and meaning, identity development, joy in adulthood, modern parenting, parenting teens, parenting adult children, life skills for young adults, boundaries with adult kids, self-directed life, compassionate parenting, personal growth podcast, psychology of adulthood, human development, mental health and growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You just brought your kid’s forgotten lunch to school. Again. Is that helping or helicoptering? You know overparenting when you see it— in other people. Sometimes it’s harder to gauge in yourself. As moms go, Margaret tends toward the laissez-faire, and Amy towards the shall-we-say particularly attentive. In this episode we tease out * our own worst bad calls on this topic * the best question to ask yourself when you’re not sure if you’re hovering or just helping * why you need to start letting your kids fail now Perhaps it’s best to just keep in mind Margaret’s solemn words of advice: When in doubt, let your children be more miserable. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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