What Matters Most

Originally inspired by Mel Robbins ‘Let Them Theory’ in this episode of What Matters Most, Antonia and Jacqui dive into the psychology of control; why we crave it, where it comes from, and how it can impact our lives and relationships. 

Together, they unpack the evolutionary roots of our need to control, the difference between agency and unhealthy control, and why sometimes letting go feels so hard. Jacqui shares insights from psychological research on the brain’s response to uncertainty and how control can be both a survival mechanism and a way to mask deeper fears. They also discuss the impact on those who feel controlled and how to break cycles of control with practical, evidence-based strategies.

Whether you’re someone who thrives on structure or finds yourself caught in a cycle of micromanaging, this episode offers a nuanced look at why control can feel both comforting and confining. Antonia brings her usual candor and curiosity, while Jacqui offers thoughtful, research-backed insights into how we can start loosening our grip…without losing ourselves in the process.

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This week, Antonia and Jacqui perform surgery on one of society's most beloved obsessions. It’s the quiet saboteur of your happiness, hiding behind seemingly admirable qualities like ambition and high standards. It can push you to achieve great things, but perfectionism can also leave you paralyzed, afraid to start anything you might not excel at.

Jacqui breaks down the science behind perfectionism. It's more than wanting to do well, it's an all-consuming need to be flawless. Perfectionism takes different forms: the drive to succeed, the pressure to appear perfect, or the need to control every detail. Each variety comes with its own particular challenges but Jacqui shares tools for managing when it’s crossed the line from helpful to harmful.

Antonia brings the conversation into sharp relief with her own experiences, reflecting on the pressure to perform as an actress and the stress of getting every little thing just right. The peculiar terror of being seen as imperfect in a profession that trades in fantasy.

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We have never had access to so much information. But does it help or hurt us when it comes to seeking answers to support our mental health? The answer may surprise you.

Because there was so much more to cover in last week's episode, Antonia and Jacqui dive even deeper into the world of therapy.

They tackle the avalanche of self-diagnosis, offering advice on how to ensure you get the correct diagnosis and the right support.

Jacqui shares her views on self-help books and provides credible resources for those who may not have access to therapy. The prohibitive cost of therapy is another issue the girls unpack.

This episode is one that everyone will find helpful because, let's be honest, we could all use some guidance in figuring out what is fact and what is fiction.

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…Ok but what is therapy? 

Firstly (and I know we say this every episode) but this is a chat that everyone can benefit from. Whether you have your psychologist on speed dial or have never seen the inside of an office. 

This week Jacqui and Antonia demystify the process and delve into its importance beyond just addressing crises. They highlight the way it can be used to support mental health, personal growth, and overall well-being. They also clarify the role of a psychologist and how it differs from others offering support in the space.

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This week's conversation between Antonia and Jacqui can be a…well, sensitive subject. 

Historically, being called ‘sensitive’ has been equated with weakness. Thankfully, because of thorough research from numerous scholars (we are looking at you Dr. Arthur and Dr Elaine Aron) we have a much deeper understanding of what it means to be ‘a sensitive person’. 

As always, Jacqui’s clinical psychologist lens provides crucial insights into what it means to be a highly sensitive person. The characteristics are probably more diverse than what you expect and the positive ways that it can impact your life may not be common knowledge either. Of course, there are also challenges, which Antonia can relate to, so the pair talk through what they are and how to navigate them. 

This is such a beautiful conversation. One that you will benefit from if you believe you're sensitive yourself or know someone who tends to have a sensitive side. You'll come away with a better understanding of how it affects you or someone you know, and how best to navigate it. 

Sit in a quiet spot, grab a fly swot (IYKYK) and have a listen. 

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This week Antonia and Jacqui are exploring a topic that is another favorite in the self help section of bookstores.  

Habits..they touch every aspect of our lives. From the morning routines that set the tone for our day, to the more unconscious patterns that can hold us back.

As always the girls simplify the science behind how we form habits and how they shape our success. They also explain why it’s so hard to change ‘just one little thing.’

Jacqui shares why self-compassion, rather than self-judgment, is the key to helping us build positive habits and enabling us to design our days with intention.

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95% of all parents will have issues with their connection at one point or another. Often it comes after having children, as parents grapple with maintaining their relationship with each other while dealing with the intense demands of raising kids.

But you're not alone. 

Clinical psychologist Jacqui Maguire and Antonia Prebble talk about how to open up and have potentially vulnerable conversations with your partner that ultimately bring you closer together. We also discuss the importance of being clear on your own personal needs, but also why you don't always need to be the expert on every situation. 

We also talk about sex, which can be a really important piece of the connection jigsaw. Sex is impacted by all the other things that happen in our lives, and while the advice on this topic might be less romantic than it could be, we stand by the results!

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As a clinical psychologist, Jacqui Maguire sees burnout a lot. She's watched it become more and more prevalent in the last few years, and is well versed in its signs, symptoms, and common causes.

She's also seen it become a bit of a buzzword. One that can be used to describe how people are trying to keep up with fast-paced lives. But, in this episode Jacqui and Antonia Prebble unpack what burnout really means, leaning on the scientific evidence for both individuals and workplaces.

Jacqui clarifies what it can look like for individuals. The pair talk about how burnout operates, how it differs from stress, and how to recognise it. As well as well as effective techniques to handle it, and practical advice to lessen some of the psychological aspects of burnouts impact. 

For workplaces - we hate to break it to you - preventing burnout is about much more than a fruit bowl and a ping pong table. We talk about the best things organisations can do to genuinely help their staff and avoid the costly repercussions of burning your people out.

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Hello to our beautiful listeners! We are so sorry but we have a slight change of plan and will now be going on a break for the rest of this year. We just wanted to update you on what has been going on behind the scenes. And, not to be too mysterious, but we do have some exciting news in here! x 

We can't wait to get back to sharing 'What Matters Most' with you next year - We have so much planned and promise it will be worth the wait!

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Ah, money: Right now, money – or the lack of it – is a real hot-button topic as New Zealanders battle a cost-of-living crisis. If you’ve found yourself worrying about finances this year, first of all you’re FAR from the only one, in fact, 57% of Kiwis surveyed in recent studies are worried, too.

So in this episode of What Matters Most, you’ll hear Jacqui and Antonia talk openly about budgets, finances and how the rising cost of living is truly impacting so many of us in Aotearoa.

But, as ever, Jacqui is here with tips to lessen some of the psychological aspects of financial strain, including techniques to tackle your response to stress as well as practical advice that’ll help your bank balance anxiety.

Simple steps like opening up to people you trust, knowing what your spending triggers and habits are and removing the stigma of financial strain are all great places to start, Jacqui says – as well as knowing how to actually identify if you need some help.

Jacqui also talks about why we’re not good at talking about money as a society, how to re-prioritise spending, why self-care simply doesn’t cut it when dealing with money worries, how to shift the conversation towards ways of spending less money, and why doing a self-audit is the most important start when it comes to relieving the mental pressure of financial strain.

We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep!

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