Parents are opting out of taking their kids to see Santa, and what’s up with Tara Reid? A California man discovered that a bear was living under his kitchen, and it wasn’t a rent share situation. I give you the best places to have a white Christmas, and one mother is charging each family member for their Christmas dinner, and I don’t think that announcement landed well. A raccoon now knows what a hangover is all about, and Christmas in New York isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Christmas bonuses are a thing of the past and you never know where your food has been when you order it delivered to your home. These women on only fans will do most anything for their paying customers, including going to jail. It’s so festive in here you can almost feel it, so let’s do it. NO, not that!

We move closer to Christmas with a good December show to get you in the mood. For example, a guy was arrested for showing his naughty bits to oncoming traffic. What are women thinking about while having sex? Turns out it’s not me. I give you a surefire way to improve your dating life, guaranteed! You may have heard, people find snakes in their bedroom quite often, but not one this big. Tips on how to survive traveling with your kids during the holidays, and things not to do while flying during the holidays. Apparently, we’re not supposed to forget the butter when holiday cooking, yet folks are reporting they’re spending much less for the holidays. Have you ever stolen anything from a hotel room? Plus, everything you need to know in order to survive your holiday hangover. Men are drifting away from dating all together, and I’ll tell you why. This may cause you concern because Robo taxies are on the freeways now. Plus, I give you the mother of all scams… literally! I’m inviting you to start your holidays with me, so let’s bring in December together.

Astronauts will soon be eating food made from their own urine, and I’m not kidding. Bob Ross original paintings have sold for big money, and good news if you’re bald, someone thinks they’ve figured it out. Have you tried the Scandinavian sleep method? Me either, but it seems to make sense. Why are there kangaroos in the road, and how did they get there. Have you ever cried at work? You may be surprised how many have. You ever been pissed off at the supermarket? Hopefully you didn’t do what this person did. Elton John threw another bitch fit in front of everybody back stage at a show, and is a forehead kiss the sign of a breakup? A woman was driving 107 mph because she had to get to the pizza place before they closed. It’s hard to believe what a guy will do to get out of going to the mall with his wife, but I support him. Plus, I give you tips on how to survive Thanksgiving. Join us and gobble it up.

It’s not against the law to throw a sandwich at someone, judge said, and some people are spending hours in their shower but experts are saying you shouldn’t do that. We venture into the world of Cool Stories In Music, and what is a rule society follows that makes no sense to you? And allow me to introduce you to the world’s longest married couple. Tom Brady had his long-lost favorite dog cloned by a company that he himself owns. Is that legal? I give you the top eight favorite sandwiches and that should make your day, plus, what’s something you wish your partner would do without you asking them to? Here’s a shocker; cash money is close to coming to an end. The divorce rate is at its all-time lowest and so is getting married. And my favorite, a superior court judge took a piss outside in full view of the public, and that judge is a female! The world can be a beautiful place.

A guy stood up a date so she set his house on fire, and a naked guy ran through Walmart and yes drugs were involved. How odd. Your local movie theater has never been in this bad of shape, and guess which city has the most rats? It ain’t New York. A Florida teacher showed up to class high on cocaine and it got worse from there, plus if you marry on a holiday, your marriage is cursed. Shit got weird at an Illinois McDonalds and gun play was involved, and even worse, a guy willingly paid alimony for his cats, and he was fine with it. A guy was eating a bag of Doritos and the cops were alerted, and that’s not a joke, plus a guy destroyed eighty pumpkins for no reason and yes, it was in Florida. 70-year-old Kelsey Grammer just had his 8th kid with his 4th wife, plus Kim Kardashian thinks the moon landing was a hoax. Cows apparently love jazz music and give more milk and finally, 21 monkeys are on the loose, so beware! Its amazing how shit gets stranger every week. How can that be?

Today, the scary is everywhere! A man threw his own funeral and he wasn’t dead, plus a blind man in Italy received state benefits for 50 years, problem for him is that he wasn’t actually blind. A restaurant in Washington has a strict no phones policy, and people are loving it. Something appears to be up with Britney Spears and it doesn’t seem good. Francis Ford Coppola is broke, as in no money, and AI could soon be assisting NFL refs. Early to bed and early to rise isn’t necessarily a good thing, and as odd as it may sound, people are being warned they shouldn’t lick the toads. Three women were arrested because their underwear had $650,000 worth of gold in them, and Valentine’s Day is not the loneliest day of the year for singles; Halloween is! Today is our Halloween Spooktacular and it’s a complete waste of your time. That I promise.

Cops brought an end to one man’s violence by serving him Dairy Queen, and celebrities are up in arms about a gas station dinosaur. Delivery people are stealing merch left and right, and Americans are feeling really good about marijuana. Nasa is planning to build livable quarters on the moon with material already found up there. What would you do if a workmate hugged you every time they see you? Heidi Klum has boob hair, and proud of it, and a gorilla slammed into a glass viewing wall and cracked it. What TV show never had a bad season, and young and old people are now renting homes together. I give you the latest on Halloween this season, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised how a former stripper is now making a living. Hey, we all have to make a living some way! Hop aboard.

The best man at a wedding was never told he shouldn’t shoot anyone, and be careful of chat GPT; it apparently remembers what you talk about. What’s a skill everybody should learn, and how much do you think you need to retire? You may be shocked. Would you like to skip heavy traffic? Can you say flying taxis? A cow showed up in the median of a busy freeway, and no one can figure out how he got there. People are no longer hooking up for sexy romps, and the reason is a clear sign of the times. The color of your car may be attracting birds to take a dump on it, plus learn how not to decorate your house for Halloween. Scientists have woken something up that’s been sleeping for forty thousand years. That doesn’t seem like the best idea, does it? Plus, an alligator walked into a bar, and yes, it was in Florida. We’re clearly busy today, so let’s get started.

The world’s largest great white shark breezed past swimmers in North Carolina, and a couple decides to divorce because their dog and cat couldn’t get along. I can clearly see that! JK Rowling is pissed off at Emma Watson, and lets her have it on social media, plus a guy was arrested doing 107 mph because he had to get to his barber appointment, which makes complete sense. You want to sell your fingernail clippings? Because China is buying, and I’m all in. Americans are cooling it on college saying it’s a waste of time and money, and Halloween is in trouble because Americans are saying it’s too expensive. I say pick one. And what are the best candies to hand out on Halloween? PETA is calling for a teacher to resign because of what she did to a new born kitten in front of her class, and that one is hard to hear. Florida comes through in a big way with a guy who presents a live alligator in court as his attorney. The crazies are clearly here, and that includes me.

Lots of good crap today. Example; A school administrator stole an ATM machine without his wife’s permission, and a mere skateboard sold at auction for millions. Cool Stories In Music pulls back the layers of Levi Stubbs career, and what would happen if you drove a tiny Barbie car in real traffic while drunk? This dude found out. The five activities that are banned in space, and a wannabe bride does a stupid thing, or did she? Marjorie is the latest hot craze name for your newborn child, and there’s a reason, plus I give you the top 10 one hit wonders. She did something because she thought it was really sweet. He didn’t! An Ohio school teacher was fired because he stole 14 lawnmowers, and you can now purchase the actual house from the Conjuring. Anybody? Push play so the haunting can begin!