With You in the Weeds

When relationships don’t work, there is often a sense of loss and heartache. Being single and longing for connection may mean you’re willing to compromise your standards in order to deal with loneliness or fulfill your need for intimacy.

Our hookup culture promotes a consumer mindset, detached from emotion, that encourages you to get your needs met without considering spiritual, intellectual or emotional compatibility. But that can lead to unwise dating decisions and further pain.

Shay and John share their own personal stories of painful breakups and the time it takes to heal when relationships don't work out. They offer wisdom and guidance when it comes to healing from divorce, how to know when you’re ready to date again, choosing wisely when it comes to finding a spouse and readiness for marriage.

If you are single and seeking companionship, or mending a broken heart after a breakup or divorce, this episode will challenge you to consider the importance of not jumping too quickly into a relationship. Singleness is a good thing; a time for personal growth and reflection, and an opportunity to prepare your heart for whatever the future holds.

American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus by Lisa Wade

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Are you concerned that you’re on the road to divorce? Maybe you and your spouse have fallen into unhealthy, frustrating, and toxic patterns that leave you wondering if your marriage can work. Now what? 

In this episode, Lynn, John, and Austin discuss the following patterns you can practice on your own and as a couple that can change the dynamic of your relationship:

On your own:

As a couple:

This is hard work, and it won’t happen overnight. But if and when you, and your spouse, are able and willing (the key phrase!) to practice these together, we’re confident that you’ll be on the road to better and deeper connection.

Book recommendations: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage

If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!

Unfortunately, you can’t talk about how to make marriage work without acknowledging divorce. The prevalence of divorce means that everyone has some experience with it and has been negatively impacted when a marriage doesn’t work out.  

Because divorce is so common, we think it’s worth slowing down to ask: What happened to the marriage? Why didn’t things work out? What were the steps that led to divorce? Could divorce have been prevented? How has the family (and children in particular) been affected by divorce?

In this episode, John, Lynn, and Austin discuss the following 3 topics regarding divorce:

When you listen to this episode, you’ll be more equipped to evaluate the signs and symptoms that indicate your marriage may be in trouble. And once you do that, you can figure out if it’s possible to get off that road to divorce, which is the next episode! So stay tuned…

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at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!

Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce

Did you ever get “the talk?” Do you remember feeling encouraged and hopeful, or were you left feeling awkward, ashamed, confused and with more questions than answers? 

Whatever you might have learned about sex when you were growing up, your view of sex has likely been shaped by our sexualized culture that reduces sex to body parts. At the same time, you also may have been influenced by a church culture that emphasizes “purity” as the sole focus of your spiritual maturity. 

Yet both of these messages minimize or ignore the beauty and awe of sex that God intended for us to experience and can cause hurt and misunderstanding in marriage. For instance, men may view sex as something they need. And women may feel like they have to have sex with their husband so he won’t seek it somewhere else.

In this transparent conversation, Austin and John explore these topics with Sam Jolman, author of The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality. Sam lays out a captivating and beautiful view of sex and sexuality (especially for men) that we think will leave both men and women encouraged, equipped, and curious - all of which is needed to understand sex the way God intended it to be.

[Please note, this content is for adult ears only. We recognize that sex is an important, yet sensitive topic, and can bring up a wide range of emotions based on your personal experiences. We encourage you to listen at your own pace, giving yourself time to process as needed.]

If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!

This episode might make you blush, it might make you cringe, and it might make you laugh! But if you want to make your marriage work, you’re going to have to address your sex life. Intrigued yet?

In this episode Austin and his wife Polly - yes Polly! - discuss:

We hope this episode helps you feel normalized, encouraged, and hopefully willing to address the topic of sex in your marriage wherever and however you need to. 

[Please note, this content is for adult ears only. We recognize that sex is an important, yet sensitive topic, and can bring up a wide range of emotions based on your personal experiences. We encourage you to listen at your own pace, giving yourself time to process as needed.]

If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!

Do you know which habits will make the most positive and lasting impact on your marriage? Although ideas about what makes marriage work change from one generation to another, there are evidence-based habits that characterize a healthy marriage.

In this episode, Shay and Lynn explore what toxic behaviors erode your relationships including criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. Using Gottman Institute research and biblical wisdom, this conversation sheds light on why these attitudes and actions do so much harm to your marriage.

Then we discuss what 4 habits you’ll want to practice instead:

There are many benefits to implementing these 4 habits into all of your relationships, and it’s never too late to start! This is a practical episode that will offer concrete changes you can work on now to create a stronger bond with your partner as you navigate the challenges of marriage. 

If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!

Kids might be the best, and worst, thing for a marriage! On the one hand, they’re a “blessing from the Lord” (Ps. 127:3) and Jesus himself said “let the little children come to me” (Mt. 19:14). But on the other hand, they’re loud, messy, needy, don’t listen, and can (unintentionally) create barriers between spouses. 

Being aware of both the joys and hardships of parenting as well as the impact your kids may have on your marriage is an important first step to preventing a future breakdown.

In this episode Austin and Shay discuss the ways their kids have helped build up their own marriages. Then they acknowledge the following four ways that kids can break down marriage:

The great news is that there are several things you can do to build up your marriage in the midst of parenting stress! Austin and Shay recommend the following four practices:



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Trust is not secured or defined by the vows you make on your wedding day. Those are serious and important commitments, but they will be empty words if your behavior isn’t trustworthy over a long period of time.

Boundaries are so foundational to making marriage work, but they’re often associated with being mean or unloving. This conversation with John and Lynn highlights that without boundaries in marriage, you won’t know what your role is, you won’t be able to take responsibility for yourself, and you won’t be able to establish the deep bed of trust that God intended for your relationship.

Understanding the role of boundaries and how they build trust will help you diagnose growth points in yourself and in your marriage, and reinforce the need to protect the marriage covenant by becoming worthy of your spouse’s trust.

If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!

Have you considered that the recent argument you had with your spouse began long before you ever got married?

Walking down the aisle on your wedding day, you see the person that you love and are attracted to, but you may not realize that in that moment, two histories are colliding. 

In effect, you are marrying your partner’s brain. This means that all of your (and their) previous experiences with love, closeness, connection, hurt, relational expectations and ways of seeking comfort are like pre-programmed software that you will both need to learn about. It also means that your history and everything that’s shaped you, is going to be operating in the background of all of your interactions. 

The bottom line is that how you learned to love when you were growing up will be the way you love when you are married. 

Using the 5 Love Styles from the book “How We Love” by Kay and Milan Yerkovich, Shay and Lynn discuss how each of these love styles developed in your childhood are impacting your relationship today. This enlightening conversation offers insight into the defensive patterns you might see in your marriage, and what to do when your two histories collide. 

How We Love

Love Style Quiz

If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!

When you’re hungry and ordering a hamburger at the drive thru, do you expect to have a deep, personal conversation with the person at the window? Probably not.

More likely, you’re hoping to find that deeper emotional connection in your marriage with your spouse. But that can be harder to do than you think!

In this episode, John and Austin explain that communication in marriage ranges from very shallow, to very deep. Most couples stay in the shallow end, afraid to take a deeper dive into emotional intimacy.

The reason why it’s so difficult to have deep, meaningful conversations with your spouse is that it requires honesty and openness that feels very vulnerable and requires safety and trust. It takes patience, persistence and intentionality to build this trust over many years of marriage.

However, we think that learning how to REALLY talk with your spouse is worth pursuing for several reasons:

If you liked this episode, text it to a friend! And please consider rating WYITW on your podcast player and leave the team a review. You can subscribe to our newsletter at withyouintheweeds.com and follow us on Instagram @withyouintheweeds!