Works Every Time

This is episode 80 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

[]

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 79 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

[]

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Monford:https://www.instagram.com/bestfriendmonforddavis/

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 78 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

FOLLOW MONFORD:

https://www.instagram.com/bestfriendmonforddavis/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

[]

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 77 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

[]

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 76 of the WET Podcast.

WET LIVE TICKETS

Friday, May 30, 7:30 PM

https://www.sunsetstripatx.com/?event-id=109542

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00 - Standup

00:16 - Markus

01:06 - Justin

01:55 - Phillip

02:48 - WET Live @ Sunset Strip (sponsored by Tejas Tonic)

03:31 - Did you guys like the smoke machines?

05:04 - The WET Commandments

07:24 - Audience suggestions

07:51 - Boobs or ass?

10:05 - Sucking titties?

11:04 - Elon did the salute

12:52 - Markus interrogates the crowd

14:50 - Is the girl in the front row rich?

16:09 - How much for Markus to shave?

16:57 - The door guys tried to ruin the show

17:38 - How to compliment a woman (don't)

21:32 - How many Tejas's has Markus drank?

23:55 - Markus has a little Donald Trump in his head

26:31 - Who's the better golfer?

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 75 of the WET Podcast.

WET LIVE TICKETS

Friday, May 30, 7:30 PM

https://www.sunsetstripatx.com/?event-id=109542

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

[]

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 74 of the WET Podcast.

WET LIVE TICKETS

Friday, May 30, 7:30 PM

https://www.sunsetstripatx.com/?event-id=109542

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Intro

00:00:13 - Bureaucracy

00:01:20 - Phillip Goes to Vegas

00:01:41 - Justin Hates the Grateful Dead

00:03:13 - How to Have Fun on Mushrooms

00:05:53 - Markus and the Haunted Bathroom

00:07:34 - Should Men Use Straws?

00:09:11 - Mustaches Get in Food’s Way

00:12:01 - What’s the Best Ranch?

00:12:48 - O.G. Podcast (Phillip Spills)

00:13:40 - Phil’s Accent

00:17:05 - Drooling Banjoes

00:18:11 - GTA Trailer

00:21:14 - AT&T vs MetroPCS

00:23:26 - The OtterBox

00:24:26 - Say Something Nice

00:24:50 - Justin’s Brother Calls In

00:32:03 - Shitting Your Pants

00:37:05 - Phillip’s Brother Throwing Up

00:38:37 - Justin Drunk in the Trunk

00:39:41 - More Drinking Stories

00:40:55 - What Women Care About

00:43:57 - Justin Spills the Tejas

00:45:52 - Dino of the Week / Justin’s Birthday Party Story

00:48:52 - Justin’s Life Goals

00:50:50 - Justin’s Been Killing it

00:51:34 - Rockstar Mentality (A Parody Song)

00:52:41 - Car Talk

01:01:44 - Justin Spils the Tejas (AGAIN!)

01:02:07 - Markus & Justin Go At It!

01:03:41 - Dukes of Hazard

01:06:21- The Fight Continues

01:07:50 - Phil Feels Drunk

01:08:13 - The Boys Figure Out Their Schedules

01:08:20 - Fake Laughs

01:08:54 - Drunk Monks

01:09:32 - Da Pope

01:14:01 - Phil’s Been Playing Black Jack the Entire Podcast

01:17:00 - Dr*gs in Vegas

01:17:50 - Michigan has the Best and Cheapest W33D

01:20:54 - Taking Phil to the Hood of Detroit

01:22:14 - Outro

01:23:03 - Actual “Da Pope” Line

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 73 of the WET Podcast.

WET LIVE TICKETS

Friday, May 30, 7:30 PM

https://www.sunsetstripatx.com/?event-id=109542

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Intro

00:01:07 - Bureaucracy

00:04:13 - Fat Cat Epidemic

00:04:36 - Fat People Help the Economy

00:06:20 - Markus is Healthy and it’s Annoying

00:07:00 - Iceberg Lettuce

00:08:46 - Weird Pet People

00:09:24 - Markus had Bunnies Growing Up

00:11:34 - Explaining English to Justin

00:13:59 - What did Justin Miss Last Week?

00:16:45 - What if WWIII Starts?

00:18:30 - Justin and Phil: Stronger Together

00:19:10 - Cinco de Mayo isn’t a Holiday?

00:20:33 - RFK did WHAT?

00:21:15 - Reefer Madness 2.0

00:21:52 - Only a Sith Deals in Absolutes

00:22:06 - Yoda is a Stoner

00:22:39 - Markus is a Sith / Star Wars Breakdown

00:25:13 - Context Clues

00:26:35 - Holes (Pt 2)

00:27:30 - Harry Potter vs Sinners

00:30:00 - Watching a Movie in 4Dx

00:32:48 - Do You Still Watch P0rn?

00:34:23 - Phil did Drooling Banjoes

00:35:42 - Phil Can’t Stop Golfing

00:37:20 - Stealing a Golf Cart (How to)

00:39:54 - Justin Battles a Fly

00:40:04 - Markus & Justin went to a Baseball Game

00:41:05 - What does “Livin’ High on the Hog” really mean

00:42:20 - Sitting in the Cheap Seats

00:44:02 - Markus Hates Losing

00:47:33 - How Old Stadiums are Used

00:49:30 - Witnessing Phil and his Mother Argue

00:51:12 - Justin’s IDK Face

00:52:17 - Vegas Tourism is Down

00:54:03 - Giving your Girl a Gift

00:54:59 - We Love Women

00:55:49 - El Bano es Closed

00:57:16 - Trump’s First 100 Days

01:00:52 - Breaking Down the US National Debt

01:02:14 - Millennials Will Never Get Social Security

01:03:09 - Phil Wants to Join the Illuminati

01:04:12 - Phil Becomes Born Again

01:05:01 - Fight Club Anonymous

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 72 of the WET Podcast.

WET LIVE TICKETSFriday, May 30, 7:30 PMhttps://www.sunsetstripatx.com/?event-id=109542

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

FOLLOW MATTYhttps://www.instagram.com/mattystucomedy/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Bureaucracy

00:02:56 - JD Vance Drops the Ball

00:04:20 - Killing the Kennedy’s

00:05:16 - JD Vance Killed the Pope

00:06:21 - May 30th for the WET Live Show

00:06:31 - Barron Denied from Harvard

00:07:20 - Katy Perry in Space

00:09:34 - What does 2S Mean?

00:10:22 - Bezos Sent the Wrong Ladies to Space

00:11:11 - Aishe Bowe is an Actual Aerospace Engineer

00:12:24 - More on Blue Origin

00:15:20 - Testicular Tangulation / Bluetooth Balls

00:17:40 - Squattie Pottie

00:18:46 - Phillip Needs to do Latter Drills Again

00:19:19 - Austin Comedy Combine

00:20:30 - Markus Can’t Jump

00:21:19 - Reminiscing on Youth Sports

00:22:20 - Lacrosse is Savage

00:23:54 - Kevin Gates/Lebron Beef

00:24:54 - The Cuck Bit

00:25:24 - Shannon Sharpe Saga

00:27:39 - Maria Taylor Sex-Saga

00:28:23 - Shedeur Sanders Saga

00:28:51 - Coach’s Son Special Treatment

00:32:02 - Lebron and Bronny Special Treatment

00:33:55 - More Youth Sports Stories

00:35:57 - Racism in the NFL Draft

00:37:33 - 3rd World Grounders

00:38:51 - Bartolo Colon Origin Story

00:39:50 - Nicotine in Sports

00:40:36 - Matrix Broken in Minor League Baseball Game

00:41:31 - Baseball in Japan

00:44:40 - Knuckleballs

00:46:33 - Arguing Balls and Strikes

00:50:19 - Markus Reffed Intramural Frat Basketball

00:50:47 - Phillip’s War Stories from Reffing Youth Soccer

00:51:39 - Matty Stu Coached on Friday Night Tykes (Texas Youth Football)

00:52:53 - Parents Getting Ejected from Little League Games

00:55:40 - Markus Decked a Kid in Hockey

00:58:01 - More Parents Getting Ejected Stories

00:59:17 - Phillip Learned the Word “Bastard”

01:00:35 - New Sitcom Idea: “Little League Parents”

01:02:27 - Phillip’s Forgotten No-Hitter in Softball Championship

01:03:53 - The Dugout Hangout

01:05:50 - Phillip’s Marching Band Stories

01:07:18 - Best Walk Out Songs

01:08:43 - Little League Drafts

01:09:50 - Russia Picked Kids’ Careers Early

01:10:10 - Liberal Arts Sucks

01:11:41 - Teaching Kids Comedy

01:15:30 - Wrap it Up

01:16:07 - We Miss You Justin!

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 71 of the WET Podcast.

WET LIVE TICKETS

Friday, May 30, 7:30 PM

https://www.sunsetstripatx.com/?event-id=109542

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Bureaucracy

00:03:06 - Phillip’s Birthday Recap

00:03:30 - 4 Years in Austin has Aged Us

00:06:39 - Su*cide Ultimatums

00:08:27 - Falling Asleep/Sneezing While Driving

00:09:38 - Justin’s Fat Cats Keep Vomiting

00:12:22 - Actually Recapping Phil’s B-Day

00:13:03 - The Ojos Locos Incident

00:19:49 - The Celiac Incident

00:24:50 - We Love Women!

00:25:54 - How Phillip Serves People

00:26:21 - Markus’s Worst BBQ Customers

00:26:54 - Justin Breaks Down Restaurant Health Code

00:28:03 - Phil’s Phinancial Advice

00:29:01 - Justin Forgot it Tax Day

00:30:12 - The WET Boys Adjust Their Thermostats (Remotely)

00:30:31 - Uncle Sam is the Worst Uncle

00:31:27 - Recycling Cat Throw-Up

00:32:39 - Justin’s Fat Cats are Shipping Up to Ohio

00:33:41 - Markus Offends Justin and his Fat Cats

00:35:32 - Rule #3 Invoked (Say Something Positive)

00:37:30 - Why Justin and Markus Always Fight

00:41:48 - The World is Out to Get Justin

00:42:55 - Toll Roads are a (Chinese) Scam

00:45:22 - Trucks are Awesome!

00:46:42 - Justin’s Cats are Gaslighting Him

00:47:05 - Explaining Mecca/Islam to Justin

00:49:07 - Markus Watched the Da Vinci Code

00:50:23 - Handmaid's Tale: Explained

00:54:49 - The Dire Wolf Returns

00:55:43 - We’re All Gonna Die

00:56:11 - Markus Diagnosed as Gay

00:57:15 - Markus Got a New Dino!

01:01:30 - Markus liest die deutschen Anleitungen

01:01:56 - It's a Slip and Slide Summer

01:02:37 - More Cat Vomit

01:02:57 - Markus Curling Bottles of Liquor

01:04:59 - Phillip’s Cat is a Menace

01:05:35 - Soul was a Great Movie

01:06:03 - The WET Boys Reflect on their Careers

01:08:55 - Phillip Dresses for the Days Off He Wants

01:09:28 - Edibles and P*ss Bottles

01:10:29 - Watching Justin’s Serving Stories Come to Life

01:14:53 - Austin Mushroom Convention

01:16:37 - When the Accent Matches the Order

01:18:05 - Stories from Black Rooms

01:21:15 - Austin is Missing True CULTURE

01:23:06 - Old Austin People Rule

01:25:06 - The Mushroom Chronicles

01:29:16 - Justin’s Best Set was on Molly

01:30:44 - Markus Describes Sobriety on Stage

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass