Works Every Time

This is episode 70 of the WET Podcast.

WET LIVE TICKETS

Friday, May 30, 7:30 PM

https://www.sunsetstripatx.com/?event-id=109542

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - New studio / New Golf Clubs

00:01:43 - Bureaucracy

00:03:00 - Justin wants to go to Vegas

00:03:45 - Phillip almost forgets our sponsor

00:04:23 - Phillip is sports gambling

00:05:53 - Markus hates Colt Keith

00:08:07 - How much it costs to be a pro golfer

00:08:27 - Justin could have been a pro bowler

00:11:51 - We still call X “Twitter”

00:12:45 - Luka Doncic returns to Dallas

00:13:17 - IT’S PHILLIP’S BIRTHDAY!

00:14:07 - Are we a sports podcast?

00:15:03 - Tariff Talk

00:17:16 - Why is lunch meat so expensive?

00:20:17 - What’s the best cheese?

00:23:25 - Florida is pro child-labor

00:28:22 - This episode is not what Justin thought

00:30:30 - Markus ACTUALLY explains tariffs

00:32:55 - Children are spoiled now

00:33:51 - Piss bottles showing up everywhere (epidemic?)

00:36:54 - Articles about how many articles there are

00:37:26 - OnlyFans getting sued for catphishing

00:39:03 - AI chicks are never mean

00:40:11 - Markus and his prison diet

00:43:11 - Markus is having crazy dreams

00:47:26 - Taking naps with baseball in the background

00:48:28 - It’s Masters weekend

00:49:35 - Lessons from sobriety

00:50:20 - Markus got blacked out drunk at a German soccer game

00:52:37 - Justin getting drunk on Captain and Root Beer

00:55:05 - Get drunk and listen to our podcast!

00:55:24 - Autistic people are telepathic

00:58:15 - Coast to Coast AM confirms telepathy theories

01:00:17 - Aliens: are they real?

01:01:03 - Murder mystery podcasts in a haunted attic

01:01:34 - Haunted stories from the Sunset Strip

01:05:20 - Markus explains the brothel experience to Justin and Phillip

01:06:54 - Amsterdam has the best red light district

01:08:28 - Why there’s a push to make weed illegal again

01:11:24 - Politicians should live like monks

01:12:25 - Phillip breaks down why University of Texas won’t fix the highway

01:14:30 - The NCAA is fake and NIL is b.s.

01:16:03 - The Government is still screwing Joe the Plumber

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 68 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Bureaucracy

00:03:52 - Screaming in your car is always an option

00:05:40 - Michigan loses in Sweet 16

00:07:04 - The Alamo: Never forget or whatever

00:09:07 - Poop of the dawg

00:12:08 - Markus is sober and it's all our problem

00:15:15 - The prison workout routine

00:17:11 - Huntsville Prison Museum

00:18:55 - How to Commit Murder: Crime of Passion

00:21:27 - Justin's Journal: TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME

00:25:45 - We had sad hotdogs at the UT baseball game

00:29:54 - They changed the food pyramid??

00:35:47 - Lady Bird Lake Killer strikes again?

00:37:24 - All taxation is theft

00:40:14 - Transmorphers better than Transformers

00:42:16 - Phil slanders Vin Diesel

00:44:19 - Markus's Dino of the Week

00:48:52 - Noah was racist to dinosaurs

00:52:00 - British Airways pilot back in the skies after snorting drugs off woman's breasts before flight

00:55:36 - Michigan governor kidnapping plot

00:56:58 - Visdeurbel (fish doorbell)

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 67 of the WET Podcast.

FOLLOW JAKE STEERS

https://www.instagram.com/jakesteerscomedy/

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Bureaucracy

00:02:28 - The British got low T (literally)

00:04:49 - Illegal Snack Time: trying US foods banned in UK

00:11:08 - British vs American Costco

00:12:42 - British vs American cereal

00:15:14 - Getting a healthy dose of red 40

00:18:51 - This candy should be illegal

00:20:43 - Jake brought gifts

00:23:54 - Jake's hometown voted the worst place in England

00:27:50 - Someone done a murder there last week

00:29:38 - Jake got held hostage in an Uber

00:31:29 - Why isn't Jake British Mr. Beast?

00:34:20 - 2 World Wars, 1 World Cup

00:38:50 - 'This is England' is the best British film

00:41:07 - British people celebrated Margaret Thatcher's death in the streets

00:43:30 - Jake got dumped by ex after “British pigs” comment on last WET appearance

00:48:29 - Laws are just threats from the government

00:51:44 - Jake is the only British guy calling women señorita

00:54:17 - The Irish have ZERO bathroom etiquette

00:56:21 - Jake America Great Again (our Americanize Jake project)

00:59:05 - You can't watch sports sober

01:04:39 - The Gyropean Football Championship

01:09:18 - Jake got CTE from 6 Flags

01:13:26 - Jake could make the WNBA

01:17:53 - Justin's Journal: South By is finally over!

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 66 of the WET Podcast.

FOLLOW DAVID JOLLY

https://www.instagram.com/mrdjolly/

https://www.instagram.com/youlyingpod/

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - How many Tejas's can you drink?

00:01:53 - We hate South By

00:03:36 - Where do they stash the homeless during SXSW?

00:05:24 - Don't learn what's in your food

00:07:41 - Always ignore your mail

00:08:46 - Never pay tolls either

00:10:27 - When does something become a scam?

00:13:01 - Traffic is a nightmare

00:15:19 - Making Markus uncomfortable with compliments

00:16:49 - Phil got held hostage by a parade

00:18:14 - Justin's Journal: SXSW

00:24:16 - David Jolly: The college years

00:25:38 - Women with mustaches

00:26:59 - Jolly forgot what he studied in college

00:28:42 - These fools don't know how to play minesweeper

00:31:38 - Did you have recess? - Justin Essenmacher

00:35:04 - The Arkham Asylum of Florida

00:37:40 - Jack Nicholson is living his best life

00:40:32 - Inspiration p*rn

00:45:06 - Jolly's dream super power is r*tard strength

00:47:33 - Caffeine is a serious drug

00:49:11 - Sober people are just better

00:52:58 - Drunk driving our first cars

00:57:25 - Shopping for our dream cars

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 65 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

FOLLOW LEMAIREhttps://www.instagram.com/lemairelee/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Mouse jigglers in covid

00:00:42 - Weebs in

00:02:43 - Most iconic anime t*tties of all time

00:06:24 - Sunset greenroom is a pigsty

00:08:24 - The WET Commandments

00:10:54 - Chinese robot seems to attack human

00:15:26 - Everything is advertising (even us??)

00:18:03 - Casey Anthony's back (no) baby!

00:23:45 - Uber with guns (Protector private security app)

00:31:35 - Billionaires think they're helping us

00:35:10 - How we'd fix the car industry

00:39:26 - You can't laugh at the fascist dictator

00:41:35 - Anti-Neuralink ads in Austin

00:42:45 - Two souls: appropriation or just cringe?

00:44:23 - Texas Republican wants to change 'NY strip steak' to 'Texas strip'

00:46:03 - LeMaire launches his presidential bid

00:48:56 - WWE drama

00:51:25 - John Cena sells us McDonald's

00:55:28 - Shout out all the people working sh*tty jobs

00:57:39 - Protector app but its crackheads

01:00:10 - Best things about being fat

01:03:37 - Does everyone just know the international banana code?

01:05:29 - Markus's Dino of the Week

01:07:59 - Keep your King Kong out of my Godzilla

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 64 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Our best Ben Bankas impressions

00:01:05 - Ranking the types of white people

00:02:33 - Use code WETPOD on tejastonic.com

00:03:05 - Liam Neeson pees his pants all the time

00:04:08 - Does Apple Care cover piss damage?

00:10:09 - Crying on shrooms and farting on acid

00:12:53 - Will they ever stop talking about piss?

00:13:40 - Music to poop to

00:16:38 - X-Files is scawwy

00:21:58 - Jackalopes are real goddamnit!

00:23:54 - Tripping in the woods

00:28:11 - Bel Air Motel: Even the roaches are dead!

00:33:24 - Our sons are going to be little menaces

00:36:14 - Dollar General hates poor people

00:38:50 - Markus's Dino of the Week

00:44:04 - Guys being dudes

00:45:42 - Buying 'Fcuking Fab' from Thirteen down at the vape van

00:48:12 - Justin has (mostly) quit Zyns for 2 months

00:51:26 - What word would you be?

00:54:18 - Charlemagne asks the craziest question ever

00:55:52 - Shout out Matty Stu for forgetting Justin's name

00:57:28 - Do we miss the old Justin?

01:00:07 - The last time Markus thought about maybe crying

01:01:31 - Golf needs guns

01:04:55 - Top 10 scams in America

01:06:28 - Every job is a pyramid scheme if you think about it

01:14:25 - What causes grey hair?

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 63 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Justin's diagnosis

00:04:38 - SOOO much bowling puss

00:09:34 - Phil hates arena golf

00:12:52 - Women's flag football super bowl ad

00:14:54 - Markus's Dino of the Week (with a twist)

00:22:31 - Justin's journal: RIP the Ford Escape

00:27:51 - Don't buy a new car in America right now

00:33:48 - How Markus drives

00:38:59 - Phil's Phinancial Philanderings: Tariffs

00:42:58 - Justin and Markus have big "I know you are but what am I" energy

00:45:26 - Now is the time to fly

00:48:47 - Have you seen my dog?

00:52:22 - L riding with lane assist

00:55:18 - DO NOT order a Shirley Temple from Justin

01:01:42 - Phil actually liked joker 2

01:03:55 - Podcasting is basically hard labor for us

01:08:08 - Never let us open a business together

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 62 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - Justin just found out what Ivy League meant

00:01:55 - The edibles are winning

00:06:06 - Petition for Steak and Bl*wjob Day to be a nation holiday

00:09:25 - Trump's press secretary is younger than us...

00:11:43 - Gulf of America

00:14:59 - Please don't disappear us government

00:19:04 - Markus x'ed about the super bowl

00:21:42 - America doesn't own panama yet?

00:23:23 - Wheel of fortune needs to innovate

00:26:25 - Watching sci fi to prepare yourself for the future

00:30:30 - Justin was a bad boy in church this week

00:32:51 - Justin's Journal: Uncommon Objects (horror cut)

00:40:17 - Breaking a sweat trying not to go to the gym

00:44:41 - Playing Philbongos on Markus Island

00:47:49 - Markus's Dino of the Week

00:54:58 - The Michigan version of Lone Star Law

00:58:34 - exoticmeatmarket . com

01:01:34 - Moon conspiracies

01:07:36 - Kanye's super bowl commercial

01:11:04 - Phil's gonna get ripped

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

This is episode 61 of the WET Podcast.

TEJAS TONIC

Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order!

https://www.tejastonic.com/

SUNSET TICKETS

https://sunsetstripatx.com/

THE WET COMMANDMENTS

1) No Austin comedy

2) We don't hate women

2c) Don't say c*nt

3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive

4) Be funny

5) Have fun (respectfully)

_________________________

00:00:00 - We're just hangin' out

00:02:51 - Who smells the best?

00:04:24 - Whale Wars x Tom Ford

00:07:15 - Therapy Corner: Cologne and BMWs

00:12:02 - Ruining Phil's dream car

00:16:45 - They put a turbo on a tractor (video)

00:21:12 - Ostrich chariot racing (video)

00:24:28 - Dino of the Week

00:28:30 - Reacting to the new Jurassic Park Rebirth Trailer

00:33:31 - Crying to The Notebook alone in the top bunk (Justin's first breakup)

00:37:37 - Summarizing all the sad movies

00:40:51 - Beyoncé didn't deserve to win the Grammy

00:43:19 - Shakira's hips lied on their taxes

00:49:10 - Condoms for Gaza

00:52:33 - Trump's plan to take control of Gaza

00:57:37 - Baby German Markus was a first amendment activist

01:03:53 - Never fight in a basement

01:06:54 - McMAGA Trump Juice

01:10:52 - We snuck into Texas Groundhog day (Bee Cave Bob Armadillo Day)

_________________________

Follow the show:

https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027

https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/

https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast

Justin:

https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/

https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin

https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher

Markus:

https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/

Phillip:

https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/

WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy

Production:

Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass