Convey an authentic understanding of someone's circumstances and you'll have fast-tracked your way toward a deeper connection and instant trust. The question is, how do you use the knowledge you've accumulated about your past clients to make your potential clients think you're a superhero?

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You’ve got some of your systems documented.

You’ve followed the rules in our systems course. You've got the daily office opening process covered. The light switch goes on, the coffee heats up, and the copier starts to whirr.

At this point, many lawyers get inspired.

They keep running with systems. They document processes to greet office visitors, manage documents, handle callers and prospects, and work the computers. Court filings are handled with a well-established procedure.

Systems keep a business running while you’re at the courthouse, vacationing, or hanging out with me at a workshop in Las Vegas or New York (hint: next May – keep it on the down low).

Systems really paid off for me years ago when I checked into the hospital for surgery and then stayed home for nearly two months.

If you're an advanced systems thinker, you've gone even further.

You've extended your systems into your legal work. You've created internal guides for witness preparation, client management, direct and cross-examination, and writing briefs, opening statements and closing arguments.

You've spent a long time learning all of these skills and you've documented your tips, techniques, and tactics for the rest of your team.

But wait - there's more.

Yes, you can do more.

You can use systems to eliminate some of your biggest problems.

I break down when I don't have a system to follow

My biggest problems have always been rooted in my team.

Well, that's not the right way to put it.

My biggest problems have always been rooted in the way my team reacts to me.

When I get caught in the moment and fail to follow my systems, I do many things I later regret. I do what I do and it gets ugly and embarrassing.

I ignore team members after delegating and hope for the best.

I get overly involved and drive them crazy with micromanagement.

I resist their good ideas for change.

I feel compelled to prove to them how smart I am.

I think I'm "adding value" when I'm undermining their confidence.

I fail to acknowledge when they do something amazing.

I catch them when they screw up.

I don't listen.

I don't say thank you enough.

I hold a grudge, fail to apologize, and get distracted when I should focus on what they're saying.

I'm the leader. I'm the troublemaker. I'm at the root of whatever happens in my organization. I wish I had someone to blame.

My breakdown destroys culture

When things go badly, they spiral downward in a vicious cycle.

It's easy to be subtly destructive. When we’re under pressure and feel stressed, we tend to feed our team negativity.

They get the job done, but without engagement, energy, or effectiveness.

Systems can solve this problem.

Systems that deal with our people are more even more useful than the systems we use to manage our technology, finances, and marketing.

People systems eliminate many of the mistakes managers like me make on daily basis. They create a positive culture and eliminate the friction that impedes our progress.

This is how we reverse that negative, vicious cycle of bad behavior.

Our people are important. When human resources aren't managed effectively, we get poor results from the technology, finance, and marketing systems. The people systems support everything else.

I can easily see much of what we do as part of a system. I can easily connect the dots between turning on the lights in the morning, doing the legal work, and closing the file of a happy client.

But I find it much more difficult to see the connection between my hiring process, ongoing employee feedback, firm culture, and our financial results. Those dots are harder to connect.

People systems create culture

Hiring, training, supervising, giving feedback, working out people problems, providing leadership and guidance…

It’s hard to get excited about systems…

Knowing why you want something is what drives you to work for it.

Your "why" energizes you, sustains you, and pushes you forward when things are awful.

There might be a lot of positive reasons to want whatever you want from your business.

Maybe you want to correct an injustice, make life better for someone, or protect the rights of others.

Maybe you want a secure future for your children or yourself.

Maybe you want to use the profits to start a children’s hospital to care for kids in the developing world. I had a client who built a business for that very reason.

But you could just as easily have a negative reason to want whatever you want from your business. Negativity is surprisingly energizing for some people.

Maybe you want to crush the lawyer who fired you ten years ago.

Maybe you want to leave him with nothing when you corner his market (I know lawyers who are all about revenge.)

It could be anything. It could be greed, or hate, or fear. Negativity fuels a lot of people, though most keep it to themselves.

I'm here to help you succeed, but your “why” doesn’t matter to me. That’s your private business. But it should matter to you. A lot.

If it doesn’t matter to you, then you’re unlikely to succeed. You need a reason to be passionate about what you do.

Your “why” will be fuel in the tough moments when you need to reignite your engine.

You need to keep that “why” in your mind when…

* The client screams "Whose side are you on?"

* The judge tells you it'll be "one minute" for three hours.

* The client's mother accuses you of misleading the client about her chances.

* The staff member quits an hour before the brief is due.

* The other lawyer claims you lied.

* Payroll is about to come out of your account, but you’re short.

* You lose a document in a spontaneous computer reboot.

* Your spouse complains you should be more "present" in conversations.

* You’re on vacation (what’s that?), but stuck on client phone calls.

* You're months into a down, difficult, awful period with no end in sight.

Yep, sometimes you really need to remind yourself of "why" this is important to you.

It's quick & easy: Vision + plan + persistence

First, we start with a vision. We figure out what we want.

Then we step back and create a plan. Now we know the steps to get to what we want.

Then we execute. We’re persistent, day after day, relentlessly checking off tasks and plodding closer to the vision.

The vision + plan + persistence approach sounds simple. That's because, intellectually, it is simple.

There's not much to running a business when you break it down. People have a problem, you know how to solve that problem, they buy your solution. You keep doing it and they keep coming back.

But it's hard to see the simplicity when you’re mired in the day-to-day.

Emotions come into play. People get messy. Mistakes are made. We underestimate challenges. We overestimate our capacity.

The simplicity gets lost in the moment.

What should have been easy gets incredibly hard

Bad things happen.

We get lost in marketing plans we didn't fully understand with budgets we didn't anticipate.

We run short of cash when we hire more people than we need.

We build a great team and then someone crucial abandons us.

We have to fire someone we like who has betrayed our trust.

We can’t sleep, our stomach churns, and we feel awful. Family priorities interfere with the practice. Life gets in the way.

It's easy to lose sight of the “why” when we can'...

Knowing why you want something is what drives you to work for it.

Your "why" energizes you, sustains you, and pushes you forward when things are awful.

There might be a lot of positive reasons to want whatever you want from your business.

Maybe you want to correct an injustice, make life better for someone, or protect the rights of others.

Maybe you want a secure future for your children or yourself.

Maybe you want to use the profits to start a children’s hospital to care for kids in the developing world. I had a client who built a business for that very reason.

But you could just as easily have a negative reason to want whatever you want from your business. Negativity is surprisingly energizing for some people.

Maybe you want to crush the lawyer who fired you ten years ago.

Maybe you want to leave him with nothing when you corner his market (I know lawyers who are all about revenge.)

It could be anything. It could be greed, or hate, or fear. Negativity fuels a lot of people, though most keep it to themselves.

I'm here to help you succeed, but your “why” doesn’t matter to me. That’s your private business. But it should matter to you. A lot.

If it doesn’t matter to you, then you’re unlikely to succeed. You need a reason to be passionate about what you do.

Your “why” will be fuel in the tough moments when you need to reignite your engine.

You need to keep that “why” in your mind when…

The client screams "Whose side are you on?"

The judge tells you it'll be "one minute" for three hours.

The client's mother accuses you of misleading the client about her chances.

The staff member quits an hour before the brief is due.

The other lawyer claims you lied.

Payroll is about to come out of your account, but you’re short.

You lose a document in a spontaneous computer reboot.

Your spouse complains you should be more "present" in conversations.

You’re on vacation (what’s that?), but stuck on client phone calls.

You're months into a down, difficult, awful period with no end in sight.

Yep, sometimes you really need to remind yourself of "why" this is important to you.

It's quick & easy: Vision + plan + persistence

First, we start with a vision. We figure out what we want.

Then we step back and create a plan. Now we know the steps to get to what we want.

Then we execute. We’re persistent, day after day, relentlessly checking off tasks and plodding closer to the vision.

The vision + plan + persistence approach sounds simple. That's because, intellectually, it is simple.

There's not much to running a business when you break it down. People have a problem, you know how to solve that problem, they buy your solution. You keep doing it and they keep coming back.

But it's hard to see the simplicity when you’re mired in the day-to-day.

Emotions come into play. People get messy. Mistakes are made. We underestimate challenges. We overestimate our capacity.

The simplicity gets lost in the moment.

What should have been easy gets incredibly hard

Bad things happen.

We get lost in marketing plans we didn't fully understand with budgets we didn't anticipate.

We run short of cash when we hire more people than we need.

We build a great team and then someone crucial abandons us.

We have to fire someone we like who has betrayed our trust.

We can’t sleep, our stomach churns, and we feel awful. Family priorities interfere with the practice. Life gets in the way.

It's easy to lose sight of the “why” when we can't see past the crisis of the moment. Deadlines loom. Getting help proves more challenging than we expected. Clients demand things we never promised and can't deliver.

How did it go from vision + plan + persistence to this mess? How did it go from simple and clear to complicated and murky?

Why are we doing this to ourselves?

Here's how to be …

Traditional incentive systems assume that the promise of more money increases motivation. Spoiler alert: this assumption is mostly wrong. Your associates have unique desires. Create a fluid, incentive system that accommodates individual wants. Motivation and faster firm progression will follow.

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When my wife and I were in Egypt, a friend had us meet her son in Cairo. He was traveling through at the same time, so we had a beer at the Ritz-Carlton.

He’d been in the country for a number of weeks, with plans to leave for Jordan soon. We had just arrived (from Jordan, coincidentally).

His mother assumed we would be useful to one another. She thought we could swap stories and advice.

My friend’s son is a law student. He is also smart, good looking, articulate, sensitive, and young, so the law was pretty much the only thing we had in common. I liked him anyway.

He talked about art and history and life philosophies. I made fart jokes.

He has some great stories, but he travels differently from us. He’s a student with a budget. We’re old and our budget is bigger.

He’s athletic and fit. We’re lazy (well, I shouldn't speak for Lisa) and less fit.

He enjoys meeting people in hostels. We usually avoid people by staying in fancy hotels.

We’re each traveling in our own style. He likes his method; Lisa and I enjoy ours. I don’t think either of us would swap places. He’s having fun traveling his way. We’re having fun our way.

We had some destination-specific tips for one another, but neither was a great source of advice. Our lifestyles were just too different.

Nevertheless, Advice is Important

Advice is valuable. It often saves us wasted time and effort.

That's especially true when it comes to running and growing our practices.

It’s important to ask for advice. Lots of advice. You can always choose to ignore it.

Unfortunately, lawyers hesitate to ask for advice when it comes to the practice of law.

We fear that asking for help makes us appear ignorant, weak or clueless. But that isn’t the reality.

Asking for advice has the opposite effect. It makes us seem likable, approachable, and strong.

People (lawyers especially) love giving advice. When someone listens to their opinions, nods appropriately, and thanks them appreciatively, they glow. The advisor leaves the conversation thinking highly of the advisee.

Asking for advice is win/win. You get potentially valuable insights to add to your pool of information. They get an attentive, admiring audience.

We all think that we're really smart, so when people ask us what we think, we assume they're geniuses for realizing our intelligence. You can use this to your advantage if you think of advice as a kind of tactical flattery.

However, be cognizant of the source of the advice.

My law student friend had good input, but his way of approaching the world limits his usefulness for our type of travel. I'm sure he felt the same way about our advice.

Get help from those in a position to give it. Choose carefully.

“Never ask advice of someone with whom you wouldn’t want to trade places.” That's what Darren Hardy said in his book, The Compound Effect.

That's good advice.

Would you trade places with your junior associate colleague? Would you trade places with a struggling lawyer? Would you trade places with the placement director at the law school?

So before you act on someone’s advice, think hard about whether you’d swap places with that person.

I've got single friends who ask their single friends for advice on finding a marriage partner. Bad plan.

I've got married friends who ask their single friends for advice on marriage. Another bad plan.

I've watched struggling lawyers ask other struggling lawyers for advice on growing their law practices. A really, really bad plan.

You get the idea.

You might remember the story from several years ago about a blogger who used a series of trades to swap a paperclip for a house. Make sure you're the one who ends up with the house, not the paperclip.

Why Do We Ask the Wrong People?

Sometimes we know we're asking someone who doesn't know the answer. We don't really want the…

Persistence is only as valuable as the destination. Sometimes, it's not the path toward a goal, but the end itself that was our mistake. Give yourself permission to quit.

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It’s magical to feel understood.

The people who understand us become influential figures in our lives.

We assume the people who understand us know the way forward. When someone tells our story (making it clear they know us well), we follow their advice.

That’s why, when we read a diet book and realize the author knows our pain, understands our frustration, and appreciates our struggle, we believe that she also knows the solution to our weight problem.

The author told our story so we bought the solution.

Knowing the problem means you know the solution

Like I said, we believe that people who can articulate our problem also know the solution.

That's what happens when we read a money management book and get the eerie sense that the author has been listening to our internal dialogue, secretly monitoring our credit card accounts, and noting our fears, doubts, and anxieties.

The author must, therefore, know the solution to our money problem. The next thing you know we're paying for everything in cash, counting money into separate envelopes, or snowballing our debt.

The author told us our story and we accepted the solution.

It happens when we read a business book, too. We get the sense the author must have been a fly on the wall during the last conversation with our office manager. He understands our inability to hold others accountable and our frustration over the lack of clients.

Certainly the author knows a better way to run our business.

If they understand us (and our problems) so well, they surely know the way out, right?

Unfortunately, just because someone knows our problem, it doesn’t mean they know the solution--but that doesn't really matter.

Knowing the problem (even if they can articulate it well) only means they know the problem, not necessarily the solution. We know this logically.

But most of us don’t let logic get in the way. We want to be understood. We want it so much that when it happens, we bestow upon that person all the answers, no matter how irrational that sounds.

This is how it happens

When someone understands us (even via a book, article, or website), we feel known. Our existence is validated.

Most importantly, we belong. We feel accepted. We feel like there might be a solution to our problem.

By understanding us (and demonstrating their insight), they empower us. We’re no longer the only one struggling with the problem.

We get excited about attempting a solution. We become energized to take on the challenge. We start to trust that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

The person who understands us becomes the person we trust to help. We start to believe they couldn’t possibly understand our problem this well unless they also know the solution.

So when we come out of the darkness of feeling misunderstood and alone, we believe we’ve found our guide, our guru, and our path to bigger and better things.

How to help others feel understood

Do your clients feel understood so well that they assume you must have their solution?

Do you bring that feeling to your potential clients? Does it happen when they visit your website? Does it happen when you speak at the Rotary club? Does it happen in one-to-one meetings, and at consultations?

Do you tell your clients' story in a way that makes them feel understood?

Chances are you already know your clients’ story. But you may feel that it’s their job to tell the story and your job to provide the solution.

They have questions, you have answers, right?

You don't want to waste their time retelling their story. That's why most lawyers' websites, for example, are all about solutions, answers, and action plans.

That approach would be helpful if they were ready for answers. But they don't yet trust you enough to believe your solutions.

Here's how to help your clients feel understood…

1.…

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