Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

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Check your six, mommy! In this absolutely unhinged episode of Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina suit up in tactical vests and announce a bold new YMH initiative: total-life preparedness. From flashlight stances to 10-second doorway scans, the leaders of the Mommy Militia learn how to navigate a world full of lurking threats, fire, danger, and of course… clowns. Shout out to Jason Fabus for the amazing sax intro (IG: @jasonfabus).

Tom and Christina show off an impressive array of emergency gear (machetes, trauma shears, MRE pizza with 5,000 calories, brass knuckles, and a foldable murder-credit-card), before the two dive into more safety guy Larry Betz safety lessons, some prime examples of black romance, horny James Joyce letters, trench foot, some horrible or hilarious clips, some TikTok's, and then addressing the loss of a truly stacked inspiration.

Stay safe. Stay ready. And never walk into a Chili’s without scanning the exits first.

Your Mom’s House Ep. 840

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:00:12 - Farts & Safety

00:06:44 - Opening Clip: Restaurant Scan

00:16:40 - Clip: Safety Shaun

00:18:59 - More Safety Tips & The Perfect Neighbor

00:30:54 - Clip: Misgendered Meltdown

00:35:11 - Clip: Talk To The Butt

00:37:08 - James Joyce Love Letters

00:41:31 - Clip: Big Gay Clowns

00:43:59 - Madonna

00:47:03 - Clip: Headbutt Self Defense

00:48:46 - Horrible Or Hilarious

00:54:15 - Clip: Isolation Year

00:57:41 - RIP Mary Magdalene

00:59:16 - Clip: Pastor's Cool Advice For Women

01:04:38 - Fedsmoker Jr

01:09:05 - TikToks

01:19:38 - Final Safety Tips

01:22:01 - Closing Song - "She Got Tits" by Joseph and John Juarez

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This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom Segura and Christina P are firing on all cylinders as chaos reigns from start to finish. Christine boldly reclaims her glasses identity (sparking a surprisingly heated household debate), questionable gift choices come under scrutiny, and the internet once again proves it was the greatest mistake.

From rage-filled rants about fake followers and bots, to disturbingly confident accountants, fetish podcasters breaking down their very specific preferences, and viral videos featuring hornets, skateboarding trauma, and shower-time courting rituals, this episode will make you cry m, my baby!

Tim and Christine also check out more content from their new favorite survivalist, chime in on a Italian man's scam with his dead mother, and go off about people walking among us who aren't as sane as they seem. Add in fart economics, tactical vests for children, holiday gifting advice, and a deep dive into what really makes something “gay,” and you’ve got a classic YMH rollercoaster. Buckle up, Mommy!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 839

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:03:58 - Opening Clip: Fireside Chat

00:07:19 - Clowning Around A Pazsitzky Effect

00:17:00 - Prepared Not Paranoid

00:28:40 - Lipstick Plug

00:30:16 - Bitches Love A Strong Jawline

00:34:39 - Clip: Fart Fetish Confession

00:39:20 - Clip: Domino's Fart Pizza

00:43:18 - Horrible Or Hilarious

00:49:34 - MMA Domination

00:51:43 - Hitler Won An Election

00:58:19 - Italian Mom Scam + Plain Clothes Psycho

01:05:38 - Meghan Markle's Salmonella Thanksgiving

01:08:35 - Crack Is Whack

01:14:40 - A Really Cool Story

01:19:38 - TikToks

01:33:49 - Closing Song - "SooWoo" by Josh Del

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SPONSORS:

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This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina roast bland Thanksgiving food, obsess over an Olympian-level dad at the kiddie pool, fall in love with a furious celibate called GoogleDaddy, and spiral about a paranoid flashlight guy while trying to de-fatten their cat. Plus the main mommies get emotional about Tom’s new Netflix special, check out some more clips from FedSmoker Jr, learn about defending yourself from "clowns", and shop tactical belts for Christmas. Dreamboat Dad: if you're out there, leave a comment for Tom!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 838

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00:00:00 - Intro

00:03:37 - Tommy's Buns & Tina's Sticks

00:07:42 - Tom's New Special

00:11:20 - Opening Clip: Aloha Daddy

00:21:31 - Thanksgiving Gaycation

00:38:01 - Stay Safe Out There

00:48:46 - Shopping For Self-Defense Toys

00:55:05 - More From FedSmoker Jr

01:01:16 - Shoutout To MGM & Chef Jose Andres

01:04:32 - The Cat Feeder Conundrum

01:07:24 - Body Fat Percentage

01:18:55 - Wrap Up

01:19:21 - Closing Song - "Fed Smoker Rides Eternal" by Reverend John Wheeler

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Tom will be touring in Tacoma, Washington at the Emerald Queen Casino, and after that, Oakland, California, at the Paramount Theatre November 30th. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour

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What's up, Chomos?!? It's a super-sized episode as Tom and Christina spiral into complete chaos as they announce Tom’s brand new Italian bakery opening in Austin, debate the official hierarchy of Small Fat, Mid Fat & Super Fat, and revisit one of YMH’s greatest Cool Guys — the meth dude who “came in 4 strokes.” The mommies also break down a billionaire who lost over $300 million gambling, roast Bezos and Zuckerberg’s glow-ups, and discuss why every CEO is suddenly shredded. Plus: fat pets, fart mics, autistic rant guy, and the saddest cat breastfeeding story ever told.

Your Mom’s House Ep. 837

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:00:46 - A Taste Of IT-Ly

00:05:40 - Opening Chaos & Classic Cool Guy Musings

00:10:55 - What Type Of Fat Are You?

00:19:51 - Clip: Rant On Autism

00:22:26 - Clip: The Drooling Gambler

00:29:47 - Clip: Fat Love

00:35:53 - Fat Pets

00:44:49 - Clip: Ex Liked My Farts

00:46:12 - Fit CEO's

00:54:51 - Tommy Lasorda

00:58:31 - Clip: Dressed Up

01:00:57 - Horrible Or Hilarious

01:04:18 - Indian Hospitals

01:08:08 - TikToks

01:14:09 - Closing Song - "Principal Coffee" by Chydah Sneeze

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Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour.

SPONSORS:

- Go to https://Helixsleep.com/YMH for 27% Off Sitewide.

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It’s almost Jeans-giving, and Tom Segura & Christina P are feeling thankful for historical revisionism, meth-fueled prophets, and the sweet smell of 1700s body odor. The Main Mommies kick things off with a totally factual retelling of Thanksgiving, then dive into life (and death) before antibiotics — when losing a tooth could mean losing your brain.

Tom unveils his plan to hit 3% body fat “just to feel something”, Christina confesses her papier-mâché addiction, and they dissect the seeming reincarnation of everyone’s favorite tweaked out double agent asking cops, “What’s your serial number?”

Add in J. Lo’s silent treatment to her bus driver, a Barbie with diabetes, and a guy who physically can’t eat a pickle — and you’ve got a classic hour and some change of unhinged YMH magic.

Your Mom’s House Ep. 836

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:00:45 - A Stinky History Lesson

00:08:06 - Opening Clip: What's Your Serial Number?

00:15:49 - FedSmoker Jr

00:20:46 - A Quick Lipshits Plug

00:21:46 - Clip: Cool Neighbor Lady

00:25:48 - Tom’s 3% Body Fat Plan

00:32:15 - Vial & Disgusting Fat Guy

00:38:25 - Christine's Craft Hoarding Intervention

00:43:33 - Piss Break & Diabetes Barbie

00:47:28 - Jennifer Lopez

00:58:35 - Clip: Master Of Clits

01:02:13 - Clip: Afraid Of Pickles

01:06:42 - Horrible Or Hilarious

01:12:15 - Clip: Ryan Wants To Be Recognized

01:13:12 - Wyatt Buhl

01:18:00 - Closing Song -"White Girl (With A Fat Ass)" by Odd-Track Numbers

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Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour.

SPONSORS:

- Tear. Pour. Live More. Go to http://LIQUIDIV.COM and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout.

Tom and Christina are back in the Studio Jeans for another week of really wild finds and the discovery of a possible heir to the FedSmoker crown. Before that, Christina launches her new winter makeup drop (“Cuts You Up”) and the Jeans reminisce about classic reality TV — from Wife Swap’s “God Warrior” meltdown to Ice Cube’s bizarre early-2000s race-swap experiment on FX.

They then dive deep into constipation talk (suppositories vs. laxatives), hospital horror stories, and whether couples who don’t fart in front of each other are living a lie. Tom reveals his new fear of contact lenses, Christina roasts his glasses, and finally both spiral into laughter over the reincarnation of a YMH legend on a college campus. What’s Up There Chomo?

Your Mom’s House Ep. 835

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:01:54 - Wife Swap God Warrior

00:09:45 - Opening Clip: No Poop For You

00:12:25 - Good Old Fashioned Brown Talk

00:21:19 - Race Swap Reality Show

00:28:24 - Apartheid Museum

00:31:16 - Clip: Gas Station Photographer

00:35:17 - Dad Eyes

00:40:31 - A New FedSmoker?

00:52:22 - Crazy American Melts Down On Boat

00:56:11 - Christina's Curations

01:08:41 - Wrap Up

01:09:48 - Closing Song - "Vocal Fry Jam" by Gaping Dad

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Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour.

SPONSORS:

- Head to https://Mood.com and use code YOURMOM to find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover YOUR perfect mood.

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- Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/YMH. Application times may vary. Rates may vary.

Happy Hallow Jeans! Welcome to a very spooky and very fashionable episode of Your Mom’s House! 🎃 This week, Tom Segura and Christina P get into the Halloween spirit—well, Christina does—by showing up as Karl Lagerfeld, complete with fingerless gloves and antisocial energy, while Tom is dressed as a Tom Segura who totally forgets his costume. The jeans dive into Karl’s insane quotes, fashion snobbery, and hatred of sweatpants, before somehow landing on Florida’s trashiest white people, Santa-denying parents, and why Jewish holidays can’t compete with Christmas.

Then, the Hamburglar aka Ryan Sickler joins the show to talk about his new stand-up special Live and Alive, why his brow lift left him without a Halloween costume, and how bullying might actually build character. Plus, the Main Mommies also show Ryan some horrible or hilarious clips and everything insane they've been watching this week. ROBBLE ROBBLE!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 834

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:04:57 - Opening Clip: Ryan Needs Some Action

00:06:28 - Halloween On Christmas

00:14:14 - Florida Trash

00:22:50 - Fart Eyes Responds

00:25:40 - Some Gay Stuff

00:34:37 - Clip: Exploding Horny Dude

00:37:48 - Bert

00:40:59 - The Hamburglar Roasts Karl Lagerfeld

00:47:17 - Pudding Unc

00:54:08 - Clip: One Eyed Lady

00:56:12 - Clip: Picky Eater

01:02:09 - Sickler's New Special

01:07:28 - Horrible Or Hilarious

01:22:31 - I'm Ryan

01:27:07 - Cafe Bich Nga

01:30:22 - Lars Van Trier Loves H Dog

01:32:18 - Austin's Poop Problem

01:41:38 - Clip: Earl Changes

01:47:19 - Closing Song - "Fuk Me Tonite" by Matt Mercer

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Tom's traveling across Texas, Amarillo on Nov. 1st, then Lubbock on Nov. 2nd and El Paso on Nov. 6th. Make sure to get your tickets at ⁠https://tomsegura.com/tour

Tom Segura and Christina P. welcome world-renowned mentalist Oz Pearlman to Your Mom’s House! Oz stuns the crew with mind-blowing mental tricks, wild psychological insights, and a peek behind the curtain of how he reads people. From guessing Tom’s childhood crush to revealing impossible inside jokes, Oz leaves everyone speechless. Plus, Tom and Christina talk Killarney drunks, pickup artist “Mystery,” and the weirdest viral videos on the internet.

Your Mom’s House Ep. 833

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00:00:00 - Intro

00:04:04 - Opening Clip: Master Of Redneck Accents

00:10:07 - Sham From Killarney

00:17:39 - Clip: No Neck

00:20:16 - Clip: Coochie Confrontation

00:23:03 - Mystery Is Back

00:35:32 - Oz Pearlman Is Here To Blow Our Minds

00:41:07 - Show N Tell

00:46:35 - Ryan Gets Got

00:54:18 - How'd You Get A Job Here?

01:03:16 - Entertaining Steven Spielberg & Other Heroes

01:12:42 - Christine's Turn

01:19:29 - Enny Hates This

01:22:38 - Birthday Money Trick

01:27:07 - Wrap Up

01:29:23 - Closing Song - "It's A Surprise" by DJ Wet Nut Sack

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Tom's coming to Hanover, Maryland on the 19th as well as all over Indiana Oct. 23th - 26th. Make sure to get your tickets at https://TomSegura.com/Tour

SPONSORS:

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New Customers Bet $5 Get $300 in Bonus Bets If Your Bet Wins. The Crown Is Yours! Sign up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. #DKPartner

Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM.

Hey, Jeans! Tim’s off at rehab for an eating disorder (allegedly), so Christina welcomes certified Soul Mommy and Not Today Pal co-host Rob Iler to hold down the fort. They dive head-first into the single life, dating red flags, and the thriving world of inmate dating apps — complete with reviews of real prison profiles. Rob reveals his “type,” Christina confesses her John Goodman fantasy, and together they somehow connect it all to asthma, cigarettes, and childhood trauma. If you're in the mood for farts, felons, and philosophy this week, you've come to the right place!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 832

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00:00:00 - Intro

00:03:53 - Opening Clip: Fat Women Are Broke Dudes

00:08:26 - You're The One For Me Fatty

00:15:16 - Idaho Prison Inmate Dating Game

00:22:06 - Wolly Willy Babe

00:27:41 - Here For Good Time, Not Long Time

00:32:27 - Chain Smoking Grandparents

00:40:21 - Traveling Girls

00:45:48 - Happy Tom, Gross Rob

00:53:06 - Clip: Horse Milk

00:54:39 - Big Cheese Guy

00:58:49 - Learning Things From TikTok

01:05:55 - Poo Poo Pee Pee Dealbreakers + Rob's Pazsitzky Effect

01:14:28 - Christina's Curations

01:24:07 - More TikToks

01:40:45 - Closing Song -"Booty Opens Up" by Buttstin

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New Jersey and and New York Tom's coming to you Oct. 15th, 17th and 18th. Make sure to get your tickets at https://TomSegura.com/Tour

SPONSORS:

- Tear. Pour. Live More. Go to http://LIQUID-IV.COM and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout.

- Head to https://Mood.com and use code YOURMOM to find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover YOUR perfect mood.

Welcome back to the Mommy Dome! Tom Segura and Christina P are bleeding with laughter this week—literally. From syncing up their “cycles” to debating who actually looks at their own turds, the mommydom gets raw, messy, and very YMH. Christina shares her discovery that she might be a femboy thanks to TikTok, the two lose it over a Vietnamese café, and a drunk casino regular goes viral for swearing revenge on Encore at 10:30 in the morning. Things get even wilder with a Miami tax-prep guru who doubles as a bizarre influencer, a heated dental update with a hygiene showdown where Tom insists he “knows gums,” and Christina’s revelation about her biggest fear of turning into an emotional vampire. It's bloody good time this week at Your Mom’s House!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 831

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:05:33 - Opening Clip: Cafe Bich Nga

00:13:41 - A History Lesson

00:21:16 - Boston Gambler

00:27:20 - Cool Accountant

00:33:33 - Clip: Catching Poops

00:37:05 - Clip: Happy Birthday Fatty

00:37:29 - DENTAL UPDATE

00:43:36 - Horrible Or Hilarious

00:51:11 - The Person You're Afraid Of Becoming

00:58:32 - Clip: Rollercoaster Barf

00:58:56 - Clip: Road Rage Cabron

01:03:46 - TikToks

01:18:09 - Closing Song -"Alpha Advice" by WavKingz

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