If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what to make of not being invited to a function or hang out, this episode is for you. Being left out can hurt and make it easy to assume ill intentions, writing them off as mean or inconsiderate. But before we start cutting people off, taking a moment to try to understand the bigger picture might help manage these feelings and unveil actions that can help move friendships forward. Friendship expert and coach Danielle Bayard Jackson recently shared a TikTok on the subject that now has over 1 million views, and on today’s episode, dove deeper into each potential situation. 

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While there are certainly times people exclude others intentionally out of spite, rudeness or jealousy (not okay!), there are other reasons to consider as well. The hope is that hearing this list doesn’t discourage but instead offers a bit of perspective to consider while navigating and growing our female friendships. To help liberate yourself from frustration about not being invited, let’s skip the part of vilifying the person who didn’t do the inviting. The defensiveness, negativity and self-victimization will not mend the hurt feelings and only prolong the questioning of the integrity of the friendship itself.

Remain Curious Try to remain curious and open about the 10 (possible) reasons, and take this as an opportunity to become a better friend, and person. To get one’s mind right about these situations, engage meaningfully and critically with each reason. If some don’t apply, that’s okay. And if some do, receive the idea holistically and be honest and gentle with yourself and the women in your friendship groups as the reflection process unfolds. 

The Bigger Picture Having a better understanding of the bigger picture will help lead to better outcomes and actionable ideas. These situations can often feel like a personal attack, leading to extreme reactions and maybe even regrettable words exchanged amongst friends. This is not only uncomfortable for the offender, but can create an even more unstable feeling within the friendship.

Each (possible) reason is important to consider, and may apply to past and present moments that friendships have experienced. And still, communication trumps all. Your official friendship coach, Danielle Bayard Jackson provides context for these moments of uncertainty, and gives some reflective homework to help strengthen personal relationships and female friendships. Daneille reiterates, “We can’t make our needs met if we don’t make our desires known. Don’t underestimate the need to communicate your needs”.