Conversations from the Heart

#19 - But If I Tell You No, Will I Still Matter to You?


Listen Later

Domination System Programming is very good at teaching us that our value lies in our ability to meet the needs of others.

To the extent that I make you feel good, I'm a pleasure to be around.

When I'm willing to override my own needs for rest or play and work instead, I am rewarded by being called "dedicated" or "motivated".

If I work hard at meeting your needs and put my needs last, I'm a "loving" and "giving" person.

It can be an absolute revelation when we realize we are not here to be used as a tool for others to meet their needs.  Instead, as we discuss on this week's podcast, we are here to be subjective, sovereign human beings who are learning how to be in interdependent relationship with one another.    

Show notes:
(1:33) Saying no feels scary but I don't want to be used.  What do I do?
(5:40)How do I reveal myself without upsetting someone else?
(12:30)An example of a soft way to say "No"
(19:15) The difference between calibrating language and surviving someone's negative judgments of us
(23:25)I want the connection to another, but I need to impose a boundary.  What should I say?
(26:26)Sometimes I lie to avoid others because it feels easier.  How can I up level that strategy?
(36:00)My Ex needs help.  Do I have to be the one to help him?
(42:15) How idealizing others can dehumanize them
(45:25) In Domination Cultures, the word "respect" is often code for "obedient"
(46:15) We are not here to be objects to be used by other people
(48:15) Tell me more about Domination  Cultures
(49:52) How can I navigate a strained situation with more lightness?
(59:12) Outro

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

  • Join the School of Human Connection
  • Hop on one of our live calls
  • Check out my YouTube page
...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Conversations from the HeartBy Yvette Erasmus

  • 5
  • 5
  • 5
  • 5
  • 5

5

45 ratings


More shows like Conversations from the Heart

View all
The One You Feed by Eric Zimmer

The One You Feed

2,551 Listeners

Happier with Gretchen Rubin by Gretchen Rubin / The Onward Project

Happier with Gretchen Rubin

12,898 Listeners

Good Life Project by Jonathan Fields / Acast

Good Life Project

3,290 Listeners

Sounds True: Insights at the Edge by Tami Simon

Sounds True: Insights at the Edge

1,841 Listeners

10% Happier with Dan Harris by 10% Happier

10% Happier with Dan Harris

12,713 Listeners

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

2,504 Listeners

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel by Esther Perel Global Media

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

14,907 Listeners

The Mark Groves Podcast by Mark Groves

The Mark Groves Podcast

4,725 Listeners

On Purpose with Jay Shetty by iHeartPodcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

27,445 Listeners

Kelly Corrigan Wonders by Kelly Corrigan

Kelly Corrigan Wonders

3,347 Listeners

The Gathering Room Podcast by Martha Beck

The Gathering Room Podcast

675 Listeners

We Can Do Hard Things by Treat Media and Glennon Doyle

We Can Do Hard Things

41,563 Listeners

Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen by Elise Loehnen

Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

1,092 Listeners

The Mel Robbins Podcast by Mel Robbins

The Mel Robbins Podcast

19,771 Listeners

The Jefferson Fisher Podcast by Civility Media

The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

8,397 Listeners