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By YMH Studios
4.7
2278822,788 ratings
The podcast currently has 349 episodes available.
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SPONSORS: Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com! Start your free trial at https://SHOPIFY.COM/bears For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears for your free online visit. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://Betterhelp.com/BEARS. Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. https://babbel.com/BEARS for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Bert officially entering the Guinness Book of World Records for The Machine, possibly the most performed signature story in comedy history, and immediately spiral into the comedy record arms race: Shane Gillis' 77,000-person show, Nate Bargatze's 2 million tickets, the Dane Cook vs. Dave Chappelle longest-set war, and Bert's plan to lock 75,000 paid "hostages" inside Raymond James Stadium and perform for ten straight hours. Then the Bears respond to Stavros Halkias calling out comics who fly private, and explain why he's absolutely right: nobody gets funnier on a private jet. From there, Bert declares Busboys, the new Theo Von and David Spade movie, the greatest piece of art he's ever seen, and Tom finally watches The Odyssey, only for Bert to officially turn on it over the Travis Scott cameo. Plus: Gaddafi's all-female Amazonian Guard, plane-crash hypotheticals, Chimp Empire is the best reality show ever made, Mick Jagger on fame, and why the Bears are grateful they got famous late. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 336 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:18 - Comedians Getting Guinness Records 00:07:24 - The Attendance Record Arms Race 00:18:09 - Stavvy Says Private Jets Don't Make You Funnier 00:24:25 - Lunch Pail Phonies & Staying Honest 00:35:39 - Busboys Is A Secret Masterpiece 00:41:55 - Tom Finally Saw The Odyssey 01:03:45 - Por Osos At Frenchies & MacDill 01:07:29 - The Sexiest Military & Plane Crash Hypotheticals 01:12:08 - Chimp Empire 01:15:26 - Leanne's Birthday & The Black Crowes 01:20:28 - Mick Jagger On Fame 01:24:18 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: https://dkng.co/bears New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get $200 in rewards within 21 days, includes all markets. For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to https://netsuite.ai/bears. Visit https://Betterhelp.com/BEARS. Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com, with code cave. Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave and surprise surprise, Bert opens with a confession: he wishes he'd never quit drinking. What follows is a full inventory of the modern male brain, the online pastor Tom watches every morning to get inspired, why 17-year-olds have no business being nostalgic for anything, the exact moment each of them gave up on playing pro sports, and why comedians never seem to get that same reality check. The guys break down Bert's Whoop addiction and the blood clot that started it, get talked into a completely fictional performance-enhancing stack for a 5K, fall in love with bull riding legend JB Mauney, pitch the worst sponsorship idea in podcast history, and watch a food delivery driver take on the entire Barstool office. Then it's cringe cancellation, sobriety influencers, 4:23 a.m. morning routine guys, and a long, very funny argument about which movie stars are actually men and which ones just look at themselves in the mirror. Plus Bert's new fragrance obsession, the colognes of Napoleon, Elvis and JFK, Sebastian Maniscalco's four seasonal robes, Joe Rogan's splits, Billy Bob Thornton at the CMAs, and a big announcement about the future of the show. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 337 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:17 - The Jewish Joke Bert Can't Tell On Stage 00:04:26 - Pastor Manning 00:09:09 - Period Sex Confessions & Giving Up On Sports 00:21:50 - Nobody Quits Comedy Or Drinking 00:31:31 - Whoop Obsession, The Blood Clot, & Tren 00:37:09 - JB Mauney & The PBR 00:44:27 - Motorcycles & The 12 O'clock Boys Sponsorship 00:46:56 - The Barstool Helmet Fight 00:52:58 - Fighting Women 00:56:13 - Cringe Cancellation 01:01:35 - Tom's Pep Talk & Bert's Therapy 01:05:05 - Sobriety Influencers & Morning Routine Guys 01:09:04 - Cringey Actors vs. Real Men 01:19:33 - Bert's Fragrance Obsession 01:30:00 - Drakkar Noir Nostalgia 01:36:49 - Sebastian Maniscalco Is A Study 01:40:04 - Bert Meets Billy Bob At The CMAs 01:44:26 - 2 Bears Is Going Back To Weekly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com Shopify: Turns out you don’t need a real job. Build your own business with a free trial at http://shopify.com/bears Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get one hundred fifty in rewards within 14 days, includes all markets. Over at https://dkng.co/bears. For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at http://Mengotomars.com. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave after eight weeks apart, and they open with a full review of The Odyssey, Lupita Nyong'o as Helen of Troy, Matt Damon's rogue Boston accent, and why Jon Bernthal is Hollywood's most legendary napper. From there, Bert unveils his billionaire rebrand (Sabah shoes, LBJ Stetsons, and the top five shoes billionaires wear this fall) before getting real about sobriety, anxiety attacks, and self-diagnosing 12 terminal illnesses in a single month. The Bears also spiral into the movies that blindsided them, Primal Fear, The Sixth Sense, Memento, Fight Club, and why the DIY hits like Obsession prove Hollywood is in another pivot moment. Plus: Project Hail Mary vs. the 15-hour audiobook, Bert's theory that this is the funniest (and most jacked) generation of comics ever, college football weight-room PRs, Jason Kelce showing up for a 9 AM bench session, and a meet & greet at MacDill Air Force Base August 14. If you missed the Bears, this one's for you. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 335 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800 GAMBLER, 1-800 MY RESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Fifty dollars in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for fourteen days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:26 - The Bears Review The Odyssey 00:10:34 - Bears At MacDill Air Force Base 00:11:15 - Project Hail Mary & Bert's Cute Shoes 00:23:37 - Bert's Drinking Again 00:33:36 - Obsession & The New Hollywood Pivot 00:39:00 - The Best Twist Movies Ever 00:52:33 - Everyone's Got Abs 00:56:02 - College Weight Room Energy 01:00:44 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com Visit https://ethos.com/BEARS Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://shipstation.com, with code cave. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to https://NetSuite.AI/BEARS. Head to Factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer compare their two very different eras of being fat, Tom's custom-made fat guy shirts, hard visceral fat vs. soft fat, and why losing weight made everyone think Tom got lip injections. Bert's sober documentary binge takes them from Patient Zero "Gay Tom" spreading AIDS across the Air Canada route map to Concorde pricing scams. Tom also reveals the fattest thing he's ever seen Bert do: ten appetizers, four entrées, and twenty doubles in Tallahassee. Bert also retells Bill Hader's retelling of Henry Rollins meeting David Lee Roth, and his daughter's instantly legendary Boston Tea Party take. Then things get real: a midlife crisis YouTube video sends Bert and LeeAnn into a "sell everything and get five apartments in five cities" fantasy, LeeAnn gets brutally honest about when she was happiest, and Tom breaks down the difference between happy and content. Plus: Hulk Hogan inflating Andre the Giant's weight, Julian's belt reaction to the Michael Jackson movie, Whoop resting heart rate brags, Craig Robinson's dunk, and the great first sweat vs. last sweat debate. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 334 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:52 - Fat Tommy Vs Skinny Tom 00:09:16 - Patient Zero, Polio, & The Concorde 00:19:38 - The Fattest Thing Tom Ever Saw Bert Do 00:23:55 - Bill Hader, David Lee Roth & Boston Tea Party 00:32:21 - Hulk Hogan, Macho Man & LeeAnn Off Leash 00:36:37 - Five Apartments In Five Cities 00:46:12 - Bert's Midlife Crisis Theory 00:54:34 - "You're Not Hitting The Notes, Mike" 00:57:05 - Whoop Brags & Craig Robinson Dunking 01:02:36 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com! For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears Start your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer spiral through Bert's newest crisis: figuring out which musicians would actually like him. After Lou Reed tells him off mid-treadmill (entirely inside Bert's head), Bert starts deleting Jane's Addiction and Radiohead from his library, relives Shane Gillis walking out of a Wilco concert after five seconds, and learns his most-played song of all time is "Higher" by Creed. From there, the Bears get into Tom's tour of Kid Rock's 20,000-square-foot, two-bedroom replica White House and meeting Jimmy John from Jimmy John's, a deep dive on Subway Takes and why Bert believes celebrity hot takes are all fake, the viral "white people shouldn't sit on stoops in Bed-Stuy" debate, and a deeply satisfying story of a first-class line cutter getting humbled in front of Viola Davis. Bert also opens up about the final days of his five-and-a-half-month sobriety run, including the recovery books, journaling on planes, and why his first drink back is happening at his daughter Georgia's University of Oregon graduation before going scorched earth on the dad who posted his 4-year-old breaking a rope swing "world record" in Moab. Plus: the MyPillow guy, the thumb-to-arm gut health test, Garth Brooks friendship fantasies, and why Moby would hate them both. If you missed this show, this one's for you. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 333 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:11 - Lou Reed Talks Shit to Bert on the Treadmill 00:04:27 - Kurt Vile, Bob Dylan, & Shane Gillis Walking Out on Wilco 00:16:15 - Deleting Every Musician Who Wouldn't Like Bert 00:25:00 - Kid Rock's Replica White House & Jimmy John From Jimmy John's 00:28:51 - MyPillow, Workout Underwear & Sleeping Naked 00:31:11 - Subway Takes & J.Lo's Rented Hot Take 00:41:01 - White People on Stoops 00:43:47 - Airport Line Cutters 00:50:09 - Bert's Last Week of Sobriety 01:01:21 - The 4-Year-Old Moab Rope Swing Rant 01:13:03 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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