What exactly is validation? Dr. Fleck defines it as communication that demonstrates you are mindful, understand, and empathize with another person's experience, thereby accepting it as valid.

 

In this illuminating conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck, author the book Validation, we explore the powerful concept of validation and how it can transform your relationship with your child. Dr. Fleck is a licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and Adjunct Clinical Instructor at Stanford University.

 

After the conversation with Dr. Fleck, I provide my own perspective on the third part of her book. While I found the first two parts on validation techniques extremely valuable and immediately applicable, I share some concerns about using validation as a tool for changing children's behavior. I explore the ethical considerations of consent-based relationships with children and offer an alternative approach focused on understanding needs rather than modifying behavior. The conversation gives you an overview of the very useful validation framework, while the conclusion honors my commitment to respectful, needs-based parenting approaches that maintain children's autonomy and inner experience.

 

Questions this episode will answer

 

What you'll learn in this episode

 

Whether you're dealing with tantrums, big emotions, difficult conversations, or just want to build a stronger connection with your child, the validation techniques shared in this episode provide a foundation for healthier relationships and emotional well-being.

 

Validation: how the skill set that revolutionized psychology will transform your relationships, increase your influence, and change your life (Affiliate link)

 

00:57 Introducing today’s episode and guest speaker

04:06 Definition of validation by Dr. Caroline Fleck

04:38 Importance of validation in our relationships

08:27 The idea that facts are debatable, you have fundamentally uprooted the basis for determining validity

14:44 How does validating other people helps us?

16:48 The role of validating our kid’s feelings in some kinds of situations

20:07 Gender differences in terms of ability to validate and willingness to learn about validating

23:48 Invalidation is one of the single greatest contributors to mental health problems that we often know

27:02 It is possible to develop a self-validation wherein you progress the skills to validate yourself

28:38 The validation ladder has eight skills that map to one or more of those qualities

31:57 How does Dr. Fleck relate “attending” into one of the mindfulness skills

33:56 The other important qualities to attending in non-verbal which is a very critical way of communicating

36:02 Copying is also one of the two important skills that are located at the bottom of the validation ladder

46:23 Equalizing is the idea that anyone in your shoes would always do the same thing

47:48 Proposing is sharing an idea about what you think the other person is thinking or feeling based I what they’ve said in the conversation

54:34 Validating the other person’s worth by demonstrating that you put their experience by sharing

56:09 Dr. Caroline Fleck summarizes the discussion

58:44 Jen’s thought about the third part that focuses on behavioral change and why she took a different approach

01:02:09 DBT is a behaviorist-based approach which serves an important purpose in clinical settings where adults have specifically sought help for behaviors that are causing them distress.

01:08:58 Wrapping up the discussion

 

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