Affairs can be intoxicating, but they can also leave you feeling confused and ashamed once the excitement wears off. So, why do people cheat, and what makes an affair difficult to end? And, once you’ve been caught in your lie, how can you salvage your relationship?

A lot of the answers for why we do what we do can be traced back to the chemicals flooding our brains. Much like being under the influence of a drug, our chemical response to a new or elicit relationship can make it difficult to see things clearly—and it can take time for the reality of a situation to fully set in. However, according to Dr. Tammy Nelson, even if you’ve cheated, you still have plenty of choices for how to move forward. As she suggests, there are ways to rebuild your relationship in the aftermath of an affair, but you may need to start with a whole new foundation.

Join Dr. Marie Murphy in this episode of Your Secret is Safe With Me as she sits down with Sex and Relationship Expert, Dr. Tammy Nelson. Together, they discuss why affairs are often so exciting, the brain chemicals that influence how we interpret new relationships, and the importance of revisiting your monogamy contract after someone cheats. Plus, Dr. Nelson offers scientific insight into why people lie and provides advice on what to do if you’re the one cheating. Stay tuned.