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In this Mindset Monday, I’m calling out the most common, most immature move men make after they finally start doing the bare minimum: demanding their spouse regulate perfectly while they’re still paying off a decade of damage. You don’t get to rack up the emotional debt and then complain about the interest rate. You don’t get to wreck the foundation and then cry about dust.

We’ll talk about why spouses can’t “just flip the switch” (stress, hypervigilance, betrayal trauma, nervous system conditioning), what actual leadership looks like in repair, and when it does become fair to have mutual accountability conversations (hint: not 30 days in). Tough for the guys. Validating for spouses. Necessary for anyone who actually wants their marriage back.

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