Most relationships don’t end in one dramatic explosion; they slowly erode in all the tiny moments we stay quiet. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with author, psychotherapist, and relationship expert Colette Jane Fehr to talk about the real cost of silence in marriage, divorce, and dating after divorce. Drawing from her new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love, Colette shares how her own divorce pushed her back to graduate school and into couples therapy work, where she’s spent years watching how communication, emotional intelligence, and self-advocacy can either nurture connection or quietly destroy it.

Together, Olivia and Colette unpack why avoiding hard conversations is the number one relationship killer, and how emotional disconnection—not just big fights—often leads to divorce. Colette breaks down her “bad communication report card” (distancing, defensiveness, dismissiveness, and fixing), explains why so many emotionally intelligent women stop speaking up when their partner reacts poorly, and offers a powerful reframe: your responsibility is to use your voice, no matter how someone responds. They also explore dating after divorce, the green flag of emotional responsiveness, and how learning to name your emotional needs and ask for reassurance can transform relationships of all kinds.

This conversation is both tender and deeply practical. Colette reminds listeners that divorce can be a profound season of personal growth, especially for women taught to stay small and selfless. She shares how to practice self-advocacy in tiny, doable steps, what to look for in a responsive partner, and why the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. If you’re navigating divorce, rethinking your relationships, or learning to self-nurture after years of self-silencing, this episode will give you hope, language, and a roadmap to create the emotionally connected love you actually deserve.

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