On today’s show, Betsy shares how she’s used rest to help define what is right for her or wrong.
Listen in as you get new ideas of why rest is revolutionary.

transcript:

Betsy:
Welcome to the Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master coach, and creator of the Navigate method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go Live big. Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome. Welcome to the Art of Living Big.

Betsy:
If you’re new here. Hi. We’re excited you’re here. And if you’ve been here for a long time, I’m going to reference el. Kinds of old stuff, I think today. So today’s episode, I really wanted to talk to you about rest. This is something that has been coming up for me a lot over, I’m going to say, like, the past month, but when I look back, I think this transition or awareness or shift in how I’m thinking about rest really probably started about 18 months ago. You know, probably a lot like you.

Betsy:
I have always been really busy, and I think that I liked it. I think that that was just who I was and how I operated. In fact, I used to say this thing. I used to have this thing that I would say which would be like, I will outwork you. Like, I might not be the smartest, but I will outwork you. And I remember when I started my business back in 2012, I was like, I will outwork everybody. Like, I’m gonna get what it is I want because I will not stop. And I worked all the time.

Betsy:
I mean, I worked on weekends. I worked at evenings. I mean, I did anything that had to be done just to be able to say that I was doing everything that needed to be done. I remember years ago working for a company where I had a quota. Historically, in my career in corporate America, I always had a quota. And I remember it being really pretty early in the month and thinking I should go home. But I’m. But I don’t deserve to go home because I’m not at my quota.

Betsy:
And it was like, early in the month. Like, I specifically remember that. And, you know, I think that there are times in our lives where we’re really tired and we push through. Right. Have you ever done that where you’re like, I am. I’m exhausted. Like, I’m exhausted. Like, sort of like it’s a badge of honor.

Betsy:
I have done this. So I’m coming at this totally point of view of, like, I have lived this. I know this feel. I was trying to think back recently of, like, when did that begin for me? And I remember being in second grade and I was taking ballet class, and ballet class was on Saturday mornings. I remember it was with two of my very best girlfriends. And I really was excited to do it, but I wasn’t good at it. I was not. It was like a dance class.

Betsy:
We learned different kinds of dance, but it was ballet focused, I think. Oh, my God, I was terrible. I was so bad. And I remember what I really wanted was to be able to stay home and watch cartoons. Do you guys remember, like, Saturday morning was, like, the cartoon? Like, you couldn’t watch cartoons other times other than Saturday morning. But I remember feeling really proud of myself that I wasn’t just relaxing, like, in second grade. I remember being like, I’m going out and I’m doing something, like going to a dance class, that even though my friends are in it, I really don’t like it and I suck. So I think that this way of being has been ingrained in me.

Betsy:
And I say it that way really specifically because I don’t think this is how I was popped out. Like, I don’t think. And I’m gonna say something. You may choose to disagree, and I’m okay with that. I don’t think anybody comes out feeling like they’re supposed to be busy all the time. Babies nap. Babies aren’t constantly looking around like babies are napping constantly. Every time they get tired, they cry, and then they fall asleep.

Betsy:
And so I think there is something in our world that starts to teach us that this. This busyness, this. This way of being, of constantly having things on our plate and shuffling a lot of things around, that that is the thing that gives us a lot of value. And, you know, I have been doing my own work, and I’m not going to dive into all of this, but I will just reference it. And that is that we live in a capitalistic society and a patriarchal culture. And when I say patriarchy, I don’t mean against men. I don’t believe the patriarchy helps men, but it is a concept and a construct that defines how we operate within it. And the things that are celebrated in a capitalistic culture are very different from celebrated just in terms of you being a human being.

Betsy:
If you just were born, taken care of, but dropped off on an island somewhere, I don’t think you would believe you had to be busy all the time. I think it’s tied to our worth. And I think as women, especially in our culture, and I live in the United States, so I’m, you know, basing it off of my experience. I mean, all of this is My experience. But I try to learn other people’s experiences, too, around a lot of things, and I’m going to touch on that. But I think that we are taught that to be worthy, we have to be producing. And to be producing, we have to be busy. And to be busy is to not only be successful, but it’s also to be obedient.

Betsy:
And I think there is a perspective on. I’m going to say on girl. I grew up a girl, so this is my perspective. But on girls specifically. To be busy, to be taking care of things, to be doing the dishes and tidying the house. And I always knew when I was young that I was going to grow up and have a job. I knew I was going to go to college. My father worked at the university, and we talked about going to college all the time.

Betsy:
So I knew that I was gonna have a career. And I also knew that I would probably get married and have kids. I knew that I was gonna probably take care of a house and probably own a house someday. Like, those are things I expected. But what I didn’t expect was really how exhausting trying to do all of that would be. And then, you know, you’re also supposed to stay in shape and have friends and hobbies. So over the last, I’m gonna say, 18 months, maybe two years, I have been really looking at myself and my life and how dang busy I am and how tired I am. Like, how really, really tired I am.

Betsy:
Tired not only of having to do all of those things, having to take care of everything in the house and having to work and having to. You know, I had a kid who now is 23, and she’s really doing great. If you’ve been here a long time, she’s doing so good. So good. But she struggled for a long time. And so my parenting wasn’t just parenting a typical kid. It was parenting a kid with severe mental health issues that was in and out of the hospital all the time and going to doctor’s appointments multiple times a week. So I was, like, juggling a lot of things.

Betsy:
And when I look back and over the last. I’m gonna say 18 months again, I have been looking back, and I’m like, have I rested? Like, have I done hardly a thing for myself? I think this is where my obsession with the beach came. You know, I do love the beach, but I have found over the past few years, I also really love the mountains, and I also just really love nature. And I also really love things in a city, like going to the theater. And doing those kinds of things. But the beach was the only place I was allowed to rest. I think my obsession with the beach came from the idea, unconscious belief or knowledge that the only place that I could really just sit, just sit, not be meditating. You know, I’ve been a big meditator, but it’s because it accomplished something.

Betsy:
It was still a doing, but I could just sit by the ocean, watch. And that was acceptable. Now, I want to point out that nobody was telling me per se. Nobody was saying, you should be busy. You know, nobody was making me get up and do things. But there was a lot to do, you know, in my life. There was a lot to do and, you know, to kind of gloss over this. And I think if you’re a woman listening, you’ll get this.

Betsy:
But, like, I had to pick up after a lot of people. I had to make sure everything was okay for a lot of people. I had to, like, fix everything in the house and coordinate things and adapt to deliveries and contractors or whatever. Like all those things was. It was so overwhelming. Now, as I’m saying all this, I don’t think I’m alone. I think if you’re listening, you’ve probably experienced this or are currently experiencing it. And, you know, I have people message me often, very often, and say, can you do an episode on, like, how to know what you want if you don’t know what you want? Like, just for goals, just for dreams.

Betsy:
And I am going to do an episode on that. But I also want to say the things that you want and the dreams that you have become a lot clearer when you’re. When you have a moment to rest. Like, how could you possibly know what you want if you’re so busy doing other things? There’s no time for dreaming. There’s no time for just space, like empty space to just expand and discover new things. And if you think about it again, I’m going to go back to this, like, patriarchal culture. I’m going to say they. But again, I’m not talking about men.

Betsy:
I’m just saying they. The they I’m talking about is the. Is the patriarchy. It is a system, okay? So the patriarchy, they don’t want you to rest. They don’t want you to rest because then you might have time to dream about something different. Then you might have time to really discover who you are. Then you might have time to sit and be recharged and have energy. But if you’re too tired or if you’re hungry because you’re constantly on a diet because you’re trying to fit the mold, you can’t do all the things that you could be capable of doing.

Betsy:
And so over the last 18 months, I’ve started to realize that maybe I could move towards what I wanted in a different way. I almost wanted to say quicker, but I don’t think the speed or the. I don’t think the speed has anything to do with it. Although it could be faster, but I think with the clarity. You know, we hear a lot about, like, manifesting, which. I’m a big fan. I’m a big fan, and I say that kind of jokingly because we just. Manifesting presents the idea that we’re only creating something good and that there is a path to manifesting.

Betsy:
And if you don’t know how to do the path, you don’t know how to do it. But we all know how to do it. You’re constantly creating your reality all the time. You might not be aware of it. You might not have labeled it manifesting. It might not be giving you what you want, but we’re constantly creating what it is that we want by the things that we’re focused on. And so. And there’s science with your unconscious mind.

Betsy:
I mean, I could dive into all that. I’m sure I have in many episodes. But think about it. If you’re too tired, you’re gonna be. I’m using air quotes. Manifesting whatever is the, like, default, easiest path of least resistance. You know, when you get in bed at night, if you’ve been going, you know, balls to the wall all day, like, you’re not gonna be. You’re not going to be dreaming about your future when you get in bed.

Betsy:
You’re just going to be like, oh, my God, I can barely. Like, I’m. I’m. I mean, there have been times I’ve gotten in bed and I felt like I was, like, vibrating because I’m just like. So I’ve been working all day, moving constantly. And so over the past year or so, I have been really thinking about my life and what is it that would feel really good for me? And I think that takes a level of slowing down, you know? Over the past six months, I’ve had tremendous changes in my life. And I think that me being able to just have a moment to say, like, how do I want this interaction to feel? How do I want this next two hours of my day to feel? I’m going to go to the grocery store, but how do I want it to feel? And you know the weird thing Is that I also was a big meditator. I also was a sit on the thinking couch.

Betsy:
I have been like that for years. But again, I want to point out, that was a doing, and that’s not bad. I still want to be that. So what’s the difference then between the meditating doing and what I’m actually talking about? So what I have been leaning into is disengaging from the idea that everything is up to me. I accepted that everything was up to me and I did everything. And maybe you’re like that too. And I have thought, and I believe I was probably right was that if I didn’t do it, then it wouldn’t get done. And so if it was important to me to have it done, then I better get busy and do it.

Betsy:
Like I said, I’ve shifted this thought and over the past six, eight months have really tried to create space in my life so that I don’t have to be doing anything. I don’t have to be doing anything. I can lay around, okay? I have laid around before. And then if I hear somebody come home, I would jump up because I’m supposed to be busy. Nobody told me this. Keep this in mind. Nobody said, betsy, you should be busy. It is just what I learned and accepted.

Betsy:
That my worth was coming from that place. That my worth was based on my productivity, right? That my worth was based on my output. That, you know, I was good if I got good grades, I was good if I worked out every day, I was good if I had a clean house, I was good if I was successful in my work. Like, those are the things that made me good. And I have deconstructed this to a place and there’s more deconstruction to go, but to a place where I don’t associate those two things. If you’ve been here a while, you remember last summer, I got a custom hypnosis to work on some things around challenges I had around people that were saying things to me on the Internet. Which I gotta tell you, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, but that feels very silly to me now. I don’t care what anybody says to me on the Internet.

Betsy:
But it was debilitating. So there was something there, but it was touching on that. Are you good? When I had this hypnosis, a lot of things shifted for me, but it made me recognize that I was worthy. Now, keep in mind, the doing is what I thought made me worthy. But it shifted me to say and to believe I am worthy simply because I decided to Come here. And by come here, I mean have this physical experience. I believe that we’re souls here having a physical experience. So all the.

Betsy:
All the things, I don’t have to do anything to be worthy. Now, are there actions that have to be taken to get the thing that I want? Yeah, absolutely. That’s what moves things forward, is action. But I don’t have to do actions that completely deplete me. I don’t have to be like a walking zombie. I don’t have to take care of everybody else and everybody else’s emotions and everybody else’s experience. I don’t have to be the one in charge of every single thing that happens. I don’t have to be busy all the time.

Betsy:
I can sit, I can rest, I can relax. And none of that impacts my worth. You know, my dad was a farmer. When I was growing up, we didn’t live on a farm. He worked at the university, but he grew up on a farm. So the mentality, you know, the farmer mentality, like, you get up early, you get going. And so I’m sure that was a component of it. But I don’t live on a farm.

Betsy:
I just want to sit and relax. And I realized that that’s actually something that I really wanted to do. If you have followed along on the podcast for a long time or if you’ve gone back and listened to old episodes before COVID you probably heard me say, I don’t watch tv. I never watch tv. Now, I’m still very careful about what I watch because I’m really influenced by. By what I’m seeing. But that was my thinking of, I don’t watch TV because I’m better than that. Like, if I’m being honest.

Betsy:
And again, you know, if you’ve been. If you’re new here, I hope you’ll stay and you’ll learn that I am constantly saying, I am on this journey with you. Like, I am learning and changing and evolving. There have been times where I have listened back to an old episode. Like, somebody messaged me and said, oh, my God, I loved episode whatever. It was 76 or whatever. And I think, what episode was that? And I’ll go back just to listen for a minute. And besides the fact that it’s hard for me to listen to myself, I think, like, oh, wow, I’m so different from that.

Betsy:
You know, I’ve been doing this show for almost eight years. So if you can imagine anytime, like, if you went back and listened to your self eight years ago, you’d be like, wow. But that’s one of the things that I noticed is this like idea that I don’t watch tv. I don’t think at the time I thought I’m better than everybody because I don’t watch tv. But that was the vibe. When I listen to it now, I’m like, oh. What I was really saying was I’m really busy. I’m really busy.

Betsy:
I don’t have time for such frivolous things like rest. And now I’m like, okay, I do have time. So let’s talk about this just a little bit in terms of what I mean by rest right now. I believe that there are times where we want to hustle. Like, I love a good hustle. I love when I get focused. I’m recording this right now on a Friday. I come to a community.

Betsy:
What do I want to call it? Like, it’s a. It’s like a work space, but it’s really a membership. Like it’s like a giant coffee shop you have to be a member of. And they have these little booths that you can rent. So here I am in a little booth recording. But I got here really early this morning. Like I think I left my place at like 7:30 in the morning. So like, it felt like getting going and like I wasn’t lally gagging.

Betsy:
I gotta. I’m gonna spend some time thinking about that word too, how I feel about lollygagging. Because maybe lollygagging isn’t a bad thing. But I wasn’t spending time wasting away. I was getting going. It felt good though. That’s what I wanted to do. So I believe there are times where we’re hustling, where we’re hustling and where we’re busy and where it feels creative and good and we are energized by it.

Betsy:
Years ago on the Internet, there was this whole like hustle culture that was really being promoted, you know, boss, babe thing and like, hustle, hustle, hustle. Go after what you want. So the grind, it was around the time of CrossFit gyms becoming really popular and, you know, pushing yourself beyond your limits. And I do think there’s a time for that. I also think there’s a time to not do that. And I think the problem is that we punish ourselves when we are not doing that. But it’s not the time. You know, there’s summer and there’s fall and there’s winter and there’s spring and the springtime, metaphorically the summertime is where I feel more like a hustle and Every day I have to assess what’s today.

Betsy:
Is it winter, is it spring? How do I feel? What kind of output do I have or do I want to have? And so I wonder if that idea, that hustle culture has created even more of a moving in the point of I’ve got to keep going right in our minds. We see it online all the time, so it’s like being reinforced constantly. You’ve heard me talk about that Cecilia that I watch on YouTube. I have found her content to be so soothing. But she lives in Svalbard, which is this little island north of Norway. It’s in the Arctic. And so she gets six months of total darkness and then six months of daylight. And I’ve watched a lot of her.

Betsy:
Her youtubes. I like to have them on in the background, like, as I’m doing other things around the house. It’s calming. She has a lot of really pretty visuals of northern lights and just a totally different culture because she’s in the snow and all of the things that that means. And what I notice with her is she talks about how the times where it’s dark all the time. She’s sleepier, she wants to sleep in, she wants to go to bed really early, she takes naps. It’s the ebb and flow of life. You know, plants aren’t constantly growing and pushing seedlings through the ground.

Betsy:
No. There’s a time where all the leaves fall off and it just rests and is dormant. Like that’s how it’s supposed to be. And so how this has started to look for me is me really assessing and having a level of awareness first, a forgiveness. Like, I don’t have to be busy. And I forgive myself for thinking that I did. And I do believe that that hypnosis that I did was just so, so helpful. And if you weren’t here for that episode, I did an episode on it, but I hired a hypnotherapist to do like a guided meditation.

Betsy:
Right. If you’ve ever done a guided meditation. I know a lot of people that reach out to me are so afraid of hypnosis, but there’s nothing. It’s not regression. We’re not doing anything that there’s nothing that’s going to harm you. It’s a guided meditation, but guided with a purpose. That is what a hypnosis, just a general regular hypnosis is. It’s to get you in a super relaxed state so that you let your guard down and you believe the things that are positive that are being told to you.

Betsy:
And so I hired somebody to specifically help me with this, with a problem that I was having. So I think that there is an evaluation that had to happen of, how do I feel? Like, how does my body feel? How does my energy feel? Just, like, how do I feel? Not I should get up. Some mornings, I’m like, I should probably, if I was participating in that patriarchy. But I’m no longer participating. So what does this version of me do? I’m participating now in the matriarchy, and she wallows in the happiness of just laying around for a minute, getting acclimated to my body. I’ll do a body scan a lot in the mornings or even at night, but where I’ll just lay on my back, Savasana, I think they call it in yoga. And I’ll feel, where are my toes? Where are my feet and my heels and my calves and my kneecaps? Like, can I feel everything? And I’ll scan all the way up my body, and then I’ll feel like, okay, now I know where my body is, and I’m ready to go. Something I noticed earlier this week was that when I was doing this body scan, which I have been doing now for months, I noticed when I got to my hips, it felt like a long time to get to my heart, where I did the scan back and forth.

Betsy:
I went back down. I went all the way back down on my knees, actually, and then I came back up. Once I hit my hips, there was this long space until I got to my heart, and I realized that I was, I’m gonna say, skipping from my upper thigh to my heart. That whole section of my body, I had just dissociated from. Like, I didn’t feel it. I didn’t notice that I didn’t feel it until I did feel it. But that comes from slowing down, right? That’s where my root chakra is. Like, I had felt unrooted for a long, long time, and that started to come back, and I could sense it now.

Betsy:
Why is it important that I sense it? Well, because I think anytime that I understand and I connect to myself and the vessel that I’m in, I’m better able to make decisions for myself. I’m better able to know what it is that I really want. I’m better able to dream. I’m better able to know what kind of life I want to have and creative and choose what’s right for me. One of the other things that I have found to be so helpful in this season is to be really honest with people. In my life to the point of being okay. If it sounds ridiculous or if they don’t understand, I will tell you that the women in my life seem to really understand. I’m going to give you an example of what I mean.

Betsy:
So I may make plans for dinner. I made plans with a friend for dinner yesterday. And earlier in the week. We made plans to go out yesterday. I had some coaching at night one night this week. And then I went to a group dinner, which I’ll tell you about. And so by the time the day came for us to get together, I felt really depleted. My body was showing me I was depleted because I had a huge headache and I don’t get headaches.

Betsy:
And so I drank a lot of water. I sat, I took some Tylenol. Didn’t get rid of the headache. So I was like, there is something else. How many times do you get a headache and then you’re like, I have to push through. Unless it’s a migraine, you could just keep going. But I sat on the couch and I just sat. Like, I didn’t look at my phone.

Betsy:
I wasn’t scrolling. I just was like. It was quiet and silence and I took a big, deep breath and I thought, what does my body want right now? I wanted to see my friend. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see her, but more I wanted to just sit. I wanted to not have something to do. I even thought, what if I just have her come here and then we could just like, order doordash or something. But even that felt like too much. I moved into an apartment and I’m on the fourth floor and I’d have to go down and meet all of it.

Betsy:
I just was like, I don’t want that. And so I messaged her and I told her, this is how I’m feeling. And she was like, oh, girl, I don’t care. We’ll do another time. No problem. And thank God, those are the kinds of people that I surround myself with. But having to get really in touch with what I want and being fearless in sharing that. But I do think when we share it from a place of not like a, hey, I’m so, so, so sorry I can’t meet you.

Betsy:
Like, I really want to, but, you know, or blaming it on something else or, you know, outright lying about why, I just was like, I have a huge headache. I think my body’s telling me to slow down. I need some space. Is that okay? So being able to do that, I think came from a place of really Understanding where I was. And I don’t even know if I could have really done that in the same way, even, like, eight months ago. I think that has been an evolution as I have been working on this and deconstructing this and figuring out, you know, maybe why, the reasons, like, maybe the thing that I believe. This is always the thing I’m about to say, may make you itch, but I’m gonna just offer it as a thought. And this is something we really, really work on deeply inside the navigate method.

Betsy:
But maybe the thing that you think isn’t even yours. Like, maybe the thing that you think that you have thought your whole entire life and that you’ve lived your life by and that you’ve reacted to and that you’ve made decisions by. Maybe it’s not even yours. Like, maybe you don’t even believe that. Maybe if you were really being you, you would be acting totally different, behaving different, having different activations, triggers. Like, maybe it’s not even you. And I think there’s something really powerful to it being you. I have a small group that I work with every week called Voyager.

Betsy:
And in that group this month, we have been focused on authenticity and how to really be authentic. And how do you know when you’re not being. And if you are busy, so busy to the point where you don’t know what is up, you don’t know if you’re being authentic in a lot of. In a lot of cases. And so being able to have really good boundaries to be able to say no, but to be honest about it. My hope is that if I’m really honest about it, the. The women that I share that with, they’ll be really. They’ll go, oh, I want to be really honest about that too.

Betsy:
It’s not bad to say I need some rest. It’s not bad. I remember when I first moved into my apartment. So I’ve been in my apartment a month now, and I remember sitting on the couch like that. Maybe that, like, first night, I was really settled, and I sat for a minute, and I was just looking at everything. I really love my place. It feels so good. It’s so me and perfect.

Betsy:
And I remember sitting there and just observing. Like, it was so quiet, there was nobody around. I was like, this is like, I’m just going to sit. And I sat for, like, 20 minutes, maybe even 30, because I remember being like, oh, my God, how long have I been sitting here? But just allowing my nervous system to decompress, just allowing myself to actually be you. Know to be instead of do felt really powerful. It felt powerful to just sit. So doing my body scans, having boundaries, being able to say no, being able to be really honest and super open and knowing that the right people will come to me and the wrong people will fall away, and noticing when that conditioning comes up that says I have to be really busy in order to be worthy. Now I know that I’m.

Betsy:
I can get everything that I desire. And you have to be quiet and slow and rest enough to know what you desire. But I get to have that simply because I chose to come here and have this experience. I have to do some work, of course, but I also have to listen to my body. And that season will come. There’ll be a hustle, there’ll be a rest. There’ll be a hustle and a rest. And sometimes that happens within one hour.

Betsy:
Sometimes it’s a day, and sometimes it could be weeks where I am in one or the other. This week, I started feeling really good. I mentioned I’ve been in my apartment for a week. I started feeling so good. I was like, I’m back like myself. But over the past three weeks, I was resting all the time. I was really just exhausted, mentally fatigued, emotionally fatigued, physically. I’d moved.

Betsy:
I mean, it was just a lot. I had that drama sell in my house, like, so the rest. So now for me, resting looks like a couple different things. It looks like just sitting. Like, sometimes I just sit. I’m not meditating. I’m not trying to be productive. Even in my rest, I’m not trying to be productive.

Betsy:
I’m just sitting. I’ll get my little espresso. One of the things that I really love is in my apartment, I set up. They had like, a desk area off the kitchen. You know how some places have those? And I set up a whole coffee bar. And I have an espresso machine, a really, really fancy espresso machine that I love. And a special, like, really good bean grinder. I have a subscription to Coffee Delivery from Custom Specialty Roasters.

Betsy:
And I get specialty roasts every month delivered. And I grind the beans in the morning. And I’m so present, I’m not looking at my phone. Sometimes I will put on music, but it’s yacht rock. You know what I mean? I am smelling the beans and roast, grinding the. I’m not roasting the coffee. I’m grinding the roasted coffee. I’m making my espresso shot.

Betsy:
I have had so much fun figuring out how to pull the perfect shot. I am putting it in these. The cutest little cups with the cutest little cup. Saucer. Holder. Cup holder. Saucer. It’s a saucer, I guess a cup and saucer.

Betsy:
And then I go and sit in my special chair and I open the blinds and I can see the sunrise. And I just am. I am just being. I have been listening to podcasts, but not always ones that are teaching me something. Sometimes I do, but if it feels good, I don’t have to be productive in my podcast listening. Although I will tell you one podcast I have really loved. It’s called Diabolical Lies. Do you remember the guy that was on the Chiefs? He is on the Chiefs that did that graduation speech and said that there’s a diabolical lie that women have been told that they have to work and really they need to just set their lives aside and be moms.

Betsy:
There’s nothing wrong with being a mom, but I think there’s space to be a lot of things. And he said it was a diabolical lie. And so they break down the patriarchy and capitalism. And I have really learned a lot. I have a subscription to their podcast, so I pay to hear the extended versions. I think it’s like five bucks a month, and it’s really just so worth it. So I’m learning things, but in a way that feels it’s fun. I am reading, but I’m reading books that have no purpose other than to entertain me.

Betsy:
I’m watching tv, the thing that I used to brag that I don’t do. I have been watching Severance. If you haven’t watched that, it’s just so fun. The new season of White Lotus started, and I really loved the other seasons, so taking time to be able to just enjoy myself. Like, I’m allowed to just lay around and enjoy myself again. I want to reiterate that nobody told me explicitly that I could not do that before. Nobody sat me down and said, you’re not allowed to sit and enjoy yourself. It was just what I picked up unconsciously from the world around me and the way that I felt deserving and worthy.

Betsy:
And so this feels like a really big shift. And again, like I said, it’s really like the past, like 18 months, but probably. Probably eight months, much more intensely that I have been going through this. I’m just sitting. Sitting in the stillness and really, actually enjoying that. I’m actually planning days where I don’t have anything to do typically. Like, if there was a weekend, I’d be like, okay, well, this would be a chance for me to catch up on a lot of work? No, I get to have nothing on my calendar. I have a girlfriend that reached out to me and she’s in town and I really want to see her.

Betsy:
And she offered to get together in the afternoon. And I just. I didn’t want to schedule anything. So I asked, is it okay if I get back to you that day? I have been through a lot in the last eight months, and I have moved and sold a house. And like I said, that was all so chaotic. I need to be able to see what season I’m in on any given day, and I won’t know until that day comes. On Wednesday night, I went to a dinner. It’s a dinner where you go and you meet five other people that you’ve never met.

Betsy:
I did it last year, and I think I probably talked about it, but it’s called time left. And you just sign up. It’s like a membership. And then they pair you with five different people at a new restaurant every Wednesday night. And it’s kind of late. It’s 7pm I eat dinner at 4:30. But I was like, I want to meet new people and I want to get out. And it’s my thing that I can go and do now.

Betsy:
I committed, and so I did go because I committed, but I felt like it was gonna be a thing that I could do that could be just for joy. Does that make sense? Like, just the. The intention, the goal was just to have joy, just to experience it and have fun. You know, this is not about just laying around, and it’s not about not being productive, and it’s not about not having goals or being successful, because I love all of those things. This is about reclaiming your right to exist without constant output. When we rest, we resist a culture that values doing over being. And your rest can be revolutionary. You know, I remember years ago, my aunt and uncle live in Maine, and my uncle got me eating clams when I was young.

Betsy:
And there’s this thing about clams. If they don’t open up, when you heat them a little bit, then you throw them back, they’ll make you sick. So it becomes apparent which ones are the ones that are okay to eat and which ones aren’t. But the ones that do open, those are the ones that are really yummy. And so I’m trying to surround myself with people and things and ideas that make me open up with ideas and people and things that show up who make me feel good even when the heat rises. So don’t hesitate to let go of what remains closed up. That’s to be thrown away. It will make you sick.

Betsy:
Throw away what makes you feel unlike yourself, the things that don’t nourish your soul. But you won’t be able to distinguish what those things are if you remain utterly exhausted. And that, I think, is how to live a big life. Thank you so much for being here with me. This was kind of a long one. It was fun. I love you so much and if this spoke to you, please share it with a friend or share it on social media. It’s important to me and I love it when you do that or when you leave me a review.

Betsy:
So thank you, thank you and I will see you next time. Thanks for joining me on the Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram, Etsy Paik, and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape.

Betsy:
Until next time. Keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.