On todays episode Betsy talks about a big idea that could radically change the way you view everything in your life. Listen in and learn more about creating opportunities and miracles around every corner.

Transcript:

[00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow Adventure.

Hi everyone. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I have a couple thoughts. Well, I have a couple things I wanna tell you before we start and then I have some thoughts, things for you to think about as you kind of go throughout your week. So before I forget, did you know if, if you follow me on Instagram, then you know, but did you know that I started.

YouTube, I’ve had this YouTube channel. I, I’ll say that I’ve had a YouTube channel and what I’ve done historically, like years ago I used to do Facebook Lives and then I would put the Facebook Lives on the YouTube channel. So there was never any intention with it. It, [00:01:00] you know, there was never any. Real plan for a long time.

We had the podcasts automatically put out anyway. I just was like, I wanna do something on YouTube that feels more intentional and more meaningful. And so one of the things that I felt was a little bit of a missing link and also something that I really wanted to share was what’s happening inside the Navigate method.

You know, many of you are probably listening to me ’cause you found me on Instagram or you found the Navigate method and you hear me talk about all the things that I think about relationships and, and women and how we show up and how we’ve been encouraged to show up throughout our lives. And a shift, a really big shift that I think is happening right now in the world.

But. I never really talk about what’s going on behind the scenes, like what actually happens inside the Navigate method. Now, of course, I’m not gonna [00:02:00] talk about people’s individual stories of what happens, but there’s typically a theme or a thread. It’s so funny because we’ll do groups. We have a part of the program, it’s a, it’s a multifaceted program.

There’s a lot going on, but with the groups we meet every week. And there’s always a theme, like one person will say something and then somebody else will be like, oh my God, I wanted to bring that in. And someone else. And someone else. And we kind of joke that everybody’s married to the same person. Like how are we all having the same exact experiences?

Everyone in the group, so. With that, I really wanted to create a place where I could talk about some of those threads and be able to give you a little bit of insight as to what’s shifting for people and, and what happens and a new way to think about things. And so I decided that I was gonna do the podcast.

As you know, if you’ve been here for a while, I did the podcast every week for years and years and years now I do it every other week. And [00:03:00] now on those weeks we don’t have the podcast. There is the Navigate Chronicles, which is my YouTube show

so it’s like on the off week. So if you like this, you can get this kind of thing over there. I have it linked everywhere. If you follow me on Instagram, just go to my bio and click on the link. I send out an email with it every other week. If you’re on my email list, you’ll get that. But subscribe, it will alert you.

I suppose you could even go to YouTube and just put in my name and it would probably pop up with my channel. So I wanted to remind you of that and let you know about the YouTube channel.

I sent out an email this past week when the episode went live, which was like the first real episode. And. It was so hard to do. You know, I started doing the podcast every other week, several months ago with the intention of doing the YouTube, and I had a, well, first of all, I had a lot of technical difficulties.

This is gonna lead into what we’re gonna talk about, but I had a lot of technical difficulties, [00:04:00] like weird things where I was like, why is the universe trying to stop me or slow me down? And. E eventually, you know, I, I recorded, I mean I think it was like six times there. Either, either was an audio or the video screwed up, or, I mean, there was something always.

And so finally I got it locked in. We got the episode out. So it’s not the greatest in the world, but I’m doing it and it’ll get better and better. And just like when I listened to my old podcasts from years ago and die of cringey. However, I sound, you know, I’ll continue to get better and how cool that we can be beginners.

So join me over there. That’ll make me feel better if you come, if you come and visit. And then I also wanted to tell you a little update on my cat. So if you were here a couple episodes ago, I talked about how I got this cat, and if you haven’t listened to that episode, I, I, it’s, [00:05:00] it’s, it’s a, it may be an entertaining story for you, but I ended up, they gave me the wrong cat, so I had this strange cat under my bed for a day until I could get the cat that I had actually adopted.

I just wanna give you an update that I have not been a a cat person my whole life. Like I’ve always historically had dogs, you know, my daughter had a cat, but. It was her cat. I it, it has been a new adventure and it’s been an adventure getting used to not having something totally obsessed with you. Like dogs are right, but it’s also a lot less work.

So I feel like the trade off there is really good.

So, all right. So I wanted to talk with you today. I have, this will be a little bit of a shorter episode, but I wanted to talk with you about this idea that things are gonna go differently than you want them to, and when they [00:06:00] do, how do you deal with it? So when things don’t go the way you want, what do you do?

How do you respond? What’s your reaction? What is it that you are thinking now if you are new here? I wanna kind of give a frame around this conversation. So when we experience our world, it really is our world. It’s not the world, it’s our world. And what I mean by that is everybody is experiencing something just a little bit different.

It may be a lot different. It may be a little bit different, but it all depends on what your brain thinks. Is really important. And so your brain, your unconscious mind is scanning constantly for information that it is taking in from your nervous system. And it is putting that through a set of filters.

And the filters are gonna be things like what you believe and it’s really like what your [00:07:00] parents taught you was true, right? What, what your values are. Also what your deepest identity is, what you think about yourself and who you are. And so all of these things kind of come together and they create a filter and so your reality is yours.

This is how come inside the Navigate method, we talk a lot about understanding our own reality and. How to understand our partner’s reality so that we can find that overlap, right? We can find that consistency and we can talk in ways that help each other actually understand what kind of reality we’re trying to communicate about.

Right? So this is not a small thing. This is a huge thing, and I think when people get this wrong, it leads to a lot of suffering. So. We have our own reality, and that is giving us our version of the world and how we see it. And this is how come, you know, we have people that you’re [00:08:00] like, how? How do they not see that this is wrong?

Right? Something happens in the world and you’re like, how do people think that’s okay? That’s not okay. It’s because it’s your reality. Their reality is different. Now, I’m gonna take a wild leap that’s going to make you unhappy, but I want to just say it for the. The fact of this conversation. Okay, what if there’s no right or wrong, but there just is.

Now right off you may think like, I know there’s things happening in the world right now that are wrong. I will agree with you because we probably have a similar frame. Okay? Our reality probably overlaps, but the truth is that it’s not the thing that’s wrong. It’s that. Our thinking about it is what makes it wrong.

I’m gonna give you a totally different example, so just hang with me. There was a interview that I saw years ago. [00:09:00] With Dr. Wayne Dyer and he talked about how he was doing a speech. If you’re inside the Navigate method, you’ve heard me say this, but he was doing a speech on nine 11, right on the actual nine 11 and on the days that he would give a speech, he wouldn’t watch the news.

That was part of his locking in and you know, keeping out any. Outside noise. He wouldn’t watch any media. He would just get in a really good feeling place, show up and do his speech. And when he got there at the event to do the speech, he’s like, everybody was so upset, he couldn’t figure out what was going on.

And then somebody told him backstage, it’s, this thing happened. This is what happened. It’s terrible. It’s terrible. We can all agree. It’s terrible. Right? But what Dr. Dyer said was. I didn’t know about it, and so I didn’t feel bad. So it’s not that it was terrible, it’s that my processing of it is what made it [00:10:00] terrible.

It’s my view, my lens, and I’m looking at it and that’s what’s making it terrible. He was like, I didn’t have a terrible morning. I wasn’t worried. I didn’t know anything was wrong. Then when I found out what was wrong. Is when I felt bad because then I placed all this meaning on it. Right? And I think that that’s a, it, it, that can be a hard concept, right?

’cause you’re like, some things are just wrong. And, and I get it and I want for this conversation just to open up to say maybe life is neutral and what makes things right or wrong is our view of it. Okay? So life is happening. So with all of that said. What do we do when things don’t work out the way that we want?

And one of the things that I think is really important is to understand anytime something doesn’t go the way you, you like or you want, is to [00:11:00] recognize that the reason that you wanted it to go a certain way is because you thought that was gonna make you happy. You thought, if this thing works out, if this marriage works out, if this job interview works out, if this conversation with my kid works out, if I pick up the, the great coffee, like this is gonna make me happy, and then I get home and I brew the coffee and it’s crappy, then I’m really disappointed.

Right? Then I’m like, this didn’t work. This is bad. We label it right? So. In our world, and it’s really normal, but we begin to label things good or bad. It goes in one of those buckets and typically the good bucket is gonna be the thing that you think is gonna make you happy. So when it doesn’t happen, then you’re left with a whole bunch of stuff going on.

And that’s really what I want to talk about is all this stuff that’s going on. I [00:12:00] have a belief and you can believe differently, but I wanna share my belief, and this is how come when I start the podcast so many times, I say, welcome fellow adventurers. So I have a belief that we are spiritual beings. We have come here into this physical experience to experience life.

To experience the highs and the lows, to have a really wide range of all of the emotions. I think one of the saddest things that happens is when people really limit their emotions, right? They have something traumatic happen and then they go, I never wanna feel that again. And so I’m gonna really limit and bring things in and I’m never gonna get disappointed ’cause I’m never gonna get excited and I’m just gonna live in this kind of meh.

And then they get older and I think they get sick of meh. And they wanna live, you know? And so when I say fellow adventurers, that’s what I mean. We’re here having this adventure. And [00:13:00] if that’s true, then shouldn’t we feel all the things? Shouldn’t it be okay to feel something really bad or something really disappointing, or something really great, or something that’s a lot of love or something that is going a different way than you wanted?

So I have this belief that we came here to have all these emotions and that this is just an adventure. And so I wanna offer you the thought that if things don’t go the way you want, then maybe it’s opening you up for a different adventure. Maybe it is a way for you to experience an up or a down that you didn’t expect, and it might not be a down.

It may be things don’t go your way, and then you have this amazing thing that happens and then all of a sudden you get this experience that you never even dreamed of. I think that we limit ourselves so much in terms of [00:14:00] experiences and miracles and amazing things that can happen because we try and reign in our emotion because we don’t wanna feel something uncomfortable.

So what do you do when things don’t go the way you want? Do you constrict? Do you push against it? Is it the kind of thing where you’re like, no, no, no, no, no, I don’t want this to happen. Or can you start to train yourself to relax into it? That your thought process could be, well, this adventure I didn’t expect.

I wonder what could happen from here. Do you see how that can shift so many things? Not only because of what I said at the very beginning, that your experience, it’s your reality and your brain is funneling through information and showing you things that it thinks is important. And if you are allowing [00:15:00] instead of constricting.

Your unconscious mind is gonna show you way more opportunity. It’s gonna show you way more options, way more excitement, way more ups and downs, all of it. But we’re here to have that experience. And so maybe when we constrict, when we go, oh, this isn’t going the way I want now. I’m not going to be happy.

Maybe that’s not true. So maybe everything that you’ve thought about, things going right or wrong, good or bad, maybe it’s not even true. And if you can open up yourself to the possibility that it’s not even true, then you can start to imagine what could be instead. How does it get better than what I had?

I think we have this idea that when we don’t get what we want, it’s going wrong, right? We’re not getting what we want. And so that is wrong, that’s bad. [00:16:00] That’s now heading down a path I don’t want. But what if that’s totally false? What if you don’t get what you want? It’s because you’re going on adventure or a path that’s even better. So when you can accept what is a couple things happen. You limit your suffering. You know, we get this idea, I want this thing now I’m not gonna have it. Oh no, now I’m sad and I’m creating my own suffering, right? Because think about what Dr. Dyer said. Nine 11 happened, but I wasn’t upset because I didn’t know so, so.

I can open up to what could be. I’m not suffering anymore. I’m not creating my own suffering. Now I’m on an adventure. And now I can say, well, I wonder what it will bring from here when we can do this. I think we really [00:17:00] start living way more in the flow. I think we become overall a lot happier, right? A lot more what some people may say aligned, right?

’cause we’re not. So constricted. We’re not so stressed. We probably don’t feel as much tension in our body. Our nervous systems aren’t as activated or alert when we can, and this is simply a thought process. So I, I want you to recognize that that may have felt like a huge jump. Like if something goes wrong, I, I’m not gonna be all of a sudden like in the flow and being like, oh, great, I’m done.

This is, I’m down for whatever happens like, and. That really can happen quickly. We have been told this, what I believe is a lie, that change has to take a long time. Right? We, we have to. Work at things for a long time. We have to struggle and and really figure things out. My point is that change happens. When your thoughts [00:18:00] begin to shift, when you can see a totally new way of doing things, and that comes from a lot of different ways of thinking being introduced, right? That comes from listening to podcasts like this or other ones that you probably love, like that change in that shift.

Doesn’t have to take you 10 years to be like, oh my gosh. I have always been really worried when things didn’t work out the way I wanted. And I’ve been in a lot of suffering and I’ve been worried about things and thinking about things and like worrying things were gonna go wrong and, and, and wouldn’t it take a long time to undo that?

Okay. So now you’ve, you kind of got your mind around that, but now you’re thinking. What about really bad things though, Betsy? Because bad things happen. You know, my kid gets sick. My, my best friend dies. Like my, like bad things do happen and I’m gonna label ’em as [00:19:00] bad, bad things can happen. You know, when I was in high school, my, my mom died in a car accident when I was at school one day, it would I change that?

Like, would I love to have my mom around? Heck yeah. I never got to text her. We didn’t even have cell phones then. You know, like I, I’ve wonder about all these things. She didn’t go to my high school graduation, my college graduation. Like I didn’t get to experience so many things. My first apartment, buying my first house, I mean, a million things bad.

Right, right. Sure. And it also led to some of the. Purpose in my life, some of the greatest things that have happened to me happened to me because my mind was shifted by that experience because I chose to grow. Right. And you’ve had things like this too, where you’ve chose to grow when things have gone, air quotes bad, so Absolutely.

Would my life be totally [00:20:00] different? My life would absolutely be totally different. You wouldn’t be listening to this for sure. Right. If my mom had. Not died that day. Absolutely. But I don’t label it as bad. It’s, it is, and I suffered a long time, but I don’t suffer about it anymore. It’s, I’ve really changed the way that I think about it now.

Did my suffering go away? Did my suffering evaporate? Did my, does it mean my suffering never needed to exist? No. I think we have processes. We’re humans. But remember, I believe we came here to have this experience, this adventure, and so I want to have all the emotion. I wanna deeply grieve my mom. When my dog died four years ago, deeply grieved.

I wanted to, I wanted to feel how bad that was because that. Showed me how much love there was. There wasn’t a good or a bad. The [00:21:00] grief wasn’t labeled as bad to me. Now, I don’t have this all figured out. I’m not trying to sound like I have everything figured out, but I do think that maybe there’s a thought here that will click something in you, right?

Maybe you’ve been. Partway here or had thoughts about this, about what do you do when things don’t go the way that you want? And maybe this will give you another way to see things to say maybe. I get to have all the emotion. All of that is totally normal. Please don’t think you need to have no emotion. I, I like having all the emotion.

That’s part of the, this whole experience having tears and having joy and laughing. All of that is part of it. But when you accept what is, is the only way that you can grieve what isn’t right, that you can decide that you’re gonna lean in to What else could be possible from here?[00:22:00]

You know, I have a really cool relationship with my mom. Now, she’s not in the physical, but I don’t believe that she’s very far away. I got to create a new relationship with her in a different way. Do I miss her physical form? Yeah, absolutely. But I got to create something new. Something else came from that that I never would have had or I would’ve had when I was much older.

So when we grip really tight, we stop the flow and the dance of what we’re here to do and experience. So if you start to think of instead of disappointment. There can be discovery, right? What else is here for me? Instead of attachment, it’s gotta go the way I want it to go. It can be flow. You get to pick, and that’s really what I wanna say.

Life isn’t about controlling everything that’s in your path. It doesn’t work that way. I wish it did. I would [00:23:00] map it all out. You know? I would be so organized. I would have a whole map of how this was all gonna go, but that’s just not real life. And so expanding your capacity to move with life’s current events, that is really what shifts you into a place where you can feel aligned and you can feel like that is how you live a big life.

So I hope this gives you a little bit of a different way to look at maybe some of the challenges that you have going on in your life right now. Maybe where you’re constricting instead of flowing, and maybe reframe what it is that you do when things don’t go the way that you want. All right. Thanks so much for being here with me this week.

I will see you next week on YouTube. Then I’ll see you back here on the podcast the following week. Thanks so much for being here. I love you so much. I’ll see you guys next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of [00:24:00] Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger.

Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.