Infidelity often brings forth feelings of guilt and shame, but it shouldn’t lead you to believe you’re a bad person. You don’t have to convince yourself that cheating is good — but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing, either. So how can you minimize feelings of guilt and shame and move towards self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-love?

In order to shift your relationship with guilt and shame, you have to be willing to endure these feelings when they arise. Instead of trying to avoid these feelings or make them go away, Dr. Marie Murphy suggests you ride out the sensations. It takes practice to embrace the discomfort, but consciously experiencing guilt and shame without reacting is vital for self-acceptance. It allows you to recognize the negative thoughts floating through your mind, get out of the shame spiral, and work towards change that you’ll feel good about in the long term.

In this episode of Your Secret is Safe With Me, Dr. Marie Murphy discusses strategies for dealing with guilt and shame. She shares why guilt and shame aren’t motivators of sustainable positive change, the three steps for managing these negative feelings, and how to shift internalized beliefs so you can make room for self-love and acceptance.