Conversations from the Heart

#83 - Making Peace with Being the Villain in Someone Else's Story


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Have you ever been cast as the "villain" in someone else's story?  Perhaps you're seen as the one who got it wrong, didn't do enough, or failed to meet expectations?

Today, we explore what it means to hold our ground in relationships without getting defensive, to listen without justifying, and to accept that sometimes, people need to see us as the problem while they process their own pain.

In today's conversation, Jill's daughter just sent her a long list of parenting grievances.  How can she respond with love and understanding without falling into the trap of proving herself?

And, Jaya keeps finding herself in relationships where she feels small. How does she break the cycle of submission, reclaim her voice, and recognize when a dynamic isn't worth staying in?

Together we'll explore:

✨ Why defensiveness keeps us stuck—and what to do instead  

✨ How to recognize the real need behind someone’s anger or blame  

✨ The difference between explaining and connecting  

✨ How to trust your own voice, even when someone else tries to rewrite the narrative  

✨ When to stay, when to engage, and when to let go  

Show Notes:

  • 1:01 Opening comments
  • 3:43 My daughter wrote me an angry text and I'm not sure how to best respond.
  • 20:55 The healing is not in litigating the past, but happens in the present.
  • 27:04 My pattern in relationships is to collapse.  How can I be more assertive?
  • 30:47 The key to asking for what we want
  • 41:28 Healing requires a regulated nervous system
  • 49:23 Closing thoughts

If you've ever felt misunderstood, unfairly judged, or struggled to maintain connection while standing in your truth, this episode is for you.

Join me Aug. 14th for my Truth Over Comfort Mini-Workshop. This is a game changer if you're longing for a way to show up authentically especially around people who might not understand. We'll discuss helpful strategies designed to facilitate your next sticky conversation.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Get 20% off your annual NVC Library subscription using the code YVETTENVCLIBRARY at checkout at: https://nvcacademy.com/registration/signup/nvc-library

Here are more ways to connect with me:

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Conversations from the HeartBy Yvette Erasmus

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