In this episode, Jaya brings forward a challenge that many of us can relate to - leaving conversations feeling undermined or devalued.  She struggles with how to maintain her power and self-worth when people dismiss, invalidate, or fail to recognize her contributions.  Her core questions include:

1. How do I keep my power when dealing with people who undermine or devalue me?
2. What language can I use to defend myself?
3. How do I navigate situations where I freeze in response to subtle invalidation?
4. Why do some people always take a contrarian point of view, and how can I respond?
5. How do I handle accusations of being selfish when I set boundaries or withdraw?

Key Takeaways for Listeners

• Shift Your Perspective - Stop seeing these moments as something being done to you and instead as data about the other person's patterns and needs.
• Break the Victim Cycle - Seeing yourself as prey in a predator-prey dynamic keeps you in freeze mode.  Recognizing others' behaviors as their habitual strategies helps reclaim your power.
• Practice Self-Connection - Instead of seeking validation from someone who won't provide it, turn inward and self-attune:  What am I feeling?  What do I need?
• Ask for What You Want - If someone is dismissing your feelings, redirect the conversation by explicitly asking them to focus on your experience rather than rationalizing the other person's behavior.
• Recognize Their Needs - Many people default to giving advice or taking a contrarian stance as a way of meeting their own needs - to feel helpful, competent, or insightful.  Seeing this can help depersonalize their behavior.
• Exit With Grace - If someone is Monopolizing the conversation or invalidating you, set a boundary:  "I just realized I need to get going."  No justification is needed.
• Selfishness vs. Self-Connection - True self-care benefits everyone.  When you act from self-connection rather than obligation, you model healthy relational dynamics.

We Discuss: 

• 1:01 Opening thoughts
• 3:05 I feel undermined and I freeze.  How can I reframe this?
• 12:17 They're not "doing something to me".  They're providing data about themselves.
• 14:28 Asking for what you want as a strategy out of the educating
• 20:51 What can I say if I don't want to listen anymore?
• 28:27 What can I say when someone accuses me of being selfish?
• 31:04 Closing Thoughts

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

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