When presented with the prospect of dismantling their lives by ending their marriage, people may become dismayed. What happens when your affair partner doesn’t leave their marriage — but you do?

It can be easy to downgrade your value and blame your partner’s actions on the explanation that you’re deeply and fatally flawed. When someone makes a choice, Dr. Marie Murphy says you can’t manage what other people do, you can only manage your decisions about how to respond to them. You have the power to recognize and make the best of the situation — and the ability to recognize your romantic future is not determined by the fate of your affair.

In this episode of Your Secret is Safe With Me, Dr. Marie Murphy talks about how to decide what you want your romantic future to look like, even without your affair partner. Dr. Murphy explains what happens when your affair partner does not leave their marriage, why you need to get clear about your wants in a relationship, and the importance of recognizing that your affair partner’s decisions do not indicate a flaw with yourself.