About Progress

After 15 years of marriage, I was reflecting on the conflict between my husband Brad and I, and it's not what you might expect. Our problem was a lack of conflict due to our people pleasing tendencies. With awareness, time, and work, we learned to face our fears and get good at conflict. Today's eye-opening interview taught me another word for this: negotiation, and it's not just reserved for business and law.

Though he is a lawyer, my conversation with Kwame Christian is not what you might expect from one. He shares his own story as a recovering people pleaser and how he navigates relationships now. Kwame has really practical tips, such as using his compassionate curiosity framework, that you can implement right now. Plus, he advocates for having a strong relationship with yourself, including questions you can ask to make valuable improvements.

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Often at the beginning of a new year we are bombarded with the messaging that we need to change our bodies in a very specific way. I want to dive into that a little bit today, but know that this is not an episode about loving or accepting our bodies. I am being very honest about my current struggles as I'm heavily pregnant and just getting older. And I don't necessarily have a magic recipe for dealing with this, but I do have a mantra that I tell myself that settles my thoughts just enough: BODIES CHANGE.

In this bite-sized episode I'm sharing some more vulnerable thoughts so that you realize that you don't have to feel so alone. You don't have to carry the weight of the pressures you're facing anymore. My hope is that in sharing what works for me, maybe the same simple touchstone will help you connect back to yourself when you need to. 

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The "Do Something List" is the one thing that really started this all - the blog, the podcast, the community, and everything else. Several years ago, and six months before I turned 30, I had an idea to create a sort of bucket list. I have spoken about this time in our lives before, and share more in the episode, but it was truly a time where I just did not feel like myself. From the outside, I had everything I wanted, but on the inside I felt like a shell of myself. Pursuing that first list helped me find me, and I have made one every year since.

In this episode I'll walk you through exactly how to create your own Do Something List, and you can get the DSL training that I reference to follow along with me. I'll explain what it is NOT (no goals! no shoulds!) and what it IS. The most important thing to remember is that this list will not be something that you fear, it will be something that feels fulfilling and grows with you in your current season. You'll hear me go through the whole process as I create my own 2023 list, with steps to support you if this is your first time or fifth time doing this. 

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I had the idea to start sharing "progress principles" based on things that I was struggling with personally, and that my coaching clients were struggling with, as well. Today I want to come back to something that you will be familiar with if you've been a long-time listener, and that's the all-or-nothing trap. I don't like to encourage any extremes here, but can it really work to do things in the middle? I say yes! And it starts with courage.

In this bite-sized episode I have three tips that will give you the permission, and gentle nudge, to have courage when it comes to your personal growth. I hope you take that courage and lean into it to do something (not all or nothing!) with what you've learned today.

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Last year I had the opportunity to interview a returning favorite, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, and her sister Carolyn Bever, which produced two of the most thought-provoking episodes of that year. We discussed how to parent your perfectionistic child in part one and part two of that interview. During that conversation the idea of self-expansion was brought up, and I knew we would need a whole future episode to deep dive that topic.

Today is that day. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins me to explain what it is, and why self-expansion will improve every area of your life, including relationships (her major area of expertise!) She offers unique insight as a therapist that will help you ask yourself the tough questions and see what type of self-expansion is possible in your season. Tune in and learn how your pursuit of growth in this way is one of the kindest things you can do for your relationship with your self, and with others.

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This monthly series features an episode sharing my recent highs and lows, how my habits are going, a Do Something List update, plus what I'm loving lately and my commitments for the upcoming month. I hope this glimpse into my life, my family, my work, and my own self development encourages you in your own journey.

Around here the goal is never perfection, just to keep trying, even if in very simple ways. I think you'll see that with all of the big changes going on for me, taking the smallest of steps has helped to keep me afloat and feeling like myself. As always, I encourage you to get messy, too!

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Before you dive head first into a list of goals or resolutions for the new year, I want you to do something first. Get clear about your values. In this episode I will teach you why that matters, down to the impact it can have on your smallest day-to-day decisions. And for those of you asking, "What even are my values?" I created the Ultimate Values Exercise, a thorough, yet approachable, place to start. (And here's the 15 minute online quiz I mentioned.)

Tune in to hear four truths about values, my top five values, and an extremely vulnerable story related to one of them: leadership. It's a voice memo I recorded during a low point with the podcast, one that I never intended to ever air. I'm sharing it now to illustrate how knowing my values, and clinging to them, kept me going during a lot of self doubt. I hope you feel inspired and equipped to begin living a more value driven life that is truly fulfilling, meaningful, and clear.

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In this month's edition of "Dear Progressor," you'll hear from members of this community who called in and answered my prompt to share their did something lists. I based this on the idea that we need to look back in order to better look forward - in this case to a new year!

This episode is really fun because it's not just a laundry list of goals and achievements. We get to hear a lot of fun things! And I kick it off with 3 things on my own did something list. These women share things ranging from the word that describes their past year, the old hobbies they got back into, returning to their education and even book publishing! I hope this inspires you to create your own Did Something List so you can see all that you really did accomplish over this past year and go confidently into 2023.

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I feel pretty in tune with the rhythms of this community, so I tried to predict what topics we (including me) would need as the year ends and a new one begins. I find that many of us have heightened expectations, yet lowered faculties from all of our demands, and that can lead to some anxiety. Today I'm talking with licensed therapist Kimberley Quinlan, an expert on anxiety disorders in her practice and on her podcast, My Anxiety Toolkit. This is her second time on the podcast, you can listen to the first interview here.

Kimberley breaks down several safety behaviors that you may be engaging in, and the way she describes perfectionism as one of them is spot on. Her advice for approaching the new year is to know your values instead of set goals, and be very compassionate to yourself. We both offer our personal experiences related to the topic, she shares some research on procrastination, and then ends with a challenge for you to put pen to paper and set yourself up for success as we move into 2023!

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Managing life is about managing your expectations, and that can be a tough truth to learn. But I want to caution against high expectations that are too high, and also low expectations that are too low. The word switch I want to offer is to use the word WISE. And that will make your expectations subjective, because what is wise for you may be unwise for another and vice versa.

I'm linking two episodes on limitations, one deep and one practical, because wise expectations can be about accepting limitations, too. I myself am about to enter a new season, having a newborn again after five years, and will need to really manage many of my expectations. In this episode I'm sharing my wise expectations about this upcoming time. As you approach your own shifts, or even just a busy end of the year, how can you manage your expectations more wisely?

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