EP084- I love this super honest conversation with a fellow recovering soul, and you will, too! She is living a full life and wearing a lot of hats... and she has A LOT of kids .  Here's a quick bio to introduce you to today's guest, Emily Lynn Paulson:

Emily Lynn Paulson is the author of Highlight Real: Finding Honesty & Recovery Beyond the Filtered Life. Emily is an entrepreneur, certified professional recovery coach, She Recovers Designated Coach, and a member of the long-term recovery community. Formally trained as a chemist and a teacher, she rose to success in the top tiers of a skincare company, where she gained her voice and a platform for sobriety and healing.   Sober since January 2, 2017, her recovery path is focused on ruthless honesty, grace, and self love. She is passionate about connecting women with resources for recovery from trauma, eating disorders, and substance abuse, and believes that sharing our truth with each other is the best resource of all. Emily lives in Seattle with her husband and their five children.

And let me tell you, this bio doesn't even touch the surface! We have a candid and honest conversation about the 'wine mommy' culture and the ins and outs of navigating a marriage when one spouse gets sober and the other doesn't. The same challenges many of us face on a daily basis, all the hats we wear, and how do we make it all fit together??

And you know I love talking to another Coach because we know firsthand the importance of stepping into the fear and challenging ourselves to commit and invest in getting the best outcome, and the best version of ourselves.

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Find Emily: www.emilylynnpaulson.com

 

We all know how awkward it can feel going into a party or celebration where people don’t necessarily know you are sober and you aren’t shouting it from the rooftops. You can feel a little out of place when your family and friends are drinking and you feel like the spotlight is on you and your glass of ice water.

This can make you feel super anxious- I know, I’ve been there.

But here’s the thing- regardless of what anyone else is doing, you are your responsibility, and I am my responsibility and if we go into these situations with our eyes open and strategies in place, we will make it out safe and sound… and sober.

If you do nothing, then you are making a choice to not protect your sobriety- think about that for a minute. This is your opportunity, right now, to make a decision to stay sober and to have a simple plan that will make that a lot easier before you ever walk in the door of a challenging situation.

Remember what we talked about in the ‘Is Relapse a Choice’ episode- if you don’t make a choice and take steps to protect your sobriety, then you are making a choice to protect your option to drink.

And drinking is your decision to make- make a decision right now that you aren’t drinking, no matter what- no matter how awkward or uncomfortable you may feel, no matter how high your anxiety gets, no matter how much someone is bugging you- NONE of those are reasons to drink. Just make the decision right now.

Are you with me? Let’s do this together, it’s simple, no one else has to know you’ve planned ahead, and we can sail through this without any drama.

Okay? Okay!

Now let’s dive into this episode about staying sober during the holidays!!

Most of us struggle with family stuff, especially during the holidays-  trying to manage finances, which house do we go to first, who’s cooking, cleaning, and traveling. It’s a lot to think about and worry about.

As addicted people there is a general difficulty coping with emotions. It is at the core of why we drink and/or use drugs and that ability to cope is the thing we work the hardest to develop to maintain our sobriety.

People get tripped up here- they think they are going to stop drinking and that’s the battle. But no. The battle is learning how to cope with feelings and discomfort- that’s what recovery is.

Feelings are overwhelming. They say whatever age we begin drinking and/or using drugs regularly is the age we stop maturing. The thought behind this is, we stop developing coping skills. Instead, our main coping mechanism becomes drinking and drugs. When you’re angry, you turn to your substance. When anxious, you turn to your substance. If you get your feelings hurt, are sad, lonely, or fearful of the future you turn to our substance.

Difficult conversation you don’t want to have? Substance. Important event you are super nervous about? Substance.

Unfortunately, substance masks the feelings but it does not solve the problem. And this is the issue with relapse. It’s not so much that you want to drink or be drunk, what you want is to stop feeling whatever feeling you are having, because you don’t know how to cope with it. You use the drink to numb that feeling so it isn’t so confusing and overwhelming.

But guess what? Numbing the feeling doesn’t get you farther along in the process, it’s just avoidance. And the problems and discomfort are just sitting there waiting for you with open arms when your hangover wears off.

The key, is to identify whatever you are feeling, and work on that!

Ask yourself what you are really feeling in that moment- are you anxious, are you mad, are your feelings hurt, are you in financial fear or job fear or relationship fear- are you bored? Put a label on what is actually happening,

 

EP082- When it comes to your life, I know you want to live with confidence as the sober and best version of yourself. In order to do that you need a community of support.

Not only to support you in your recovery, but to walk with you along the way.

In my early recovery I had my 'crew'. We did everything together as sober friends- we supported one another in making good, healthy choices, we built a strong foundation to support a long-lasting sober life, and we had FUN! Recovery doesn't have to be hard. There are a few key things you have to do and in this episode I talk with one of my original crew about our early sobriety and some of the most important pieces of a strong and powerful recovery lifestyle.

The problem is, you may think you can do it on your own. Then you relapse and are filled with anxiety, feeling out of control, and angry at yourself. It feels wrong that you can't get a handle on this, and it is.

You don't have to do it alone, or figure it out alone, and you shouldn't. It took me some time to find my 'crew' but it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Having that camaraderie and having people to laugh with, to share the journey and rebuild life with- it's invaluable.

You deserve to live an incredible life.

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EP081- Are you ready for a fresh start? You want your recovery to be different this time, you want it to work, you are tired of spinning your wheels and ending up back at square one.

Been there.

It can be so hard to figure out where to start, and it feels overwhelming.

Let's break it down into investing. How much time are you investing? Energy? Commitment?

Investing isn't always about money. It's about how much of yourself are you putting in to get the result you want? Are you making your recovery a priority? Are you carving out a piece of time each day to do the activities that keep you strong and motivated, or are you putting it off, saying you'll do it later, never getting to it, then wondering how you ended up hungover again?

Would you rather invest big in your self and your life and get the result you want, or continue doing the same things while your addiction gets worse? Sounds like a no-brainer.

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EP080- Are you wondering if you will ever get all the good stuff sobriety supposedly has to offer? We all wonder that.

Meet Andrew Lassise, entrepreneur and host of the Self-Made & Sober Podcast. This guy was forced into treatment by the judge after a DUI, and decided that, just to prove everyone wrong, he was going to follow every suggestion from his probation officer, his sponsor, and the leader of his halfway house. He was so convinced it wouldn't work that he committed himself 150%, went to the meetings, did the work, and miraculously ended up sober with a life he loved. Crazy how that happens

One of my favorite parts of this conversation is when Andrew breaks down his very profound theory of the "Life Sucky-Ness Meter", and I know you will love it, too.

Enjoy this convo on entrepreneurship and sobriety, how the two intertwine as if they were meant to be together, and how life ranks higher on the "Life Sucky-Ness Meter" as a recovering person. AND... catch me on Andrew's podcast coming out 11/8/19! I'll post it in the Facebook group so if you aren't a member yet, get your buns over there and join! Link below

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EP079-

For me, drinking was survival. It was not fun anymore. I hated it. I felt like its hostage, and I despised it. And at the same time, I knew I couldn’t survive without it.

When I was living that life, I didn’t have a choice. Alcohol had me brainwashed, and the bear was fully in control.

And you don’t have to drink the same quantity as me to get to that place. It doesn’t take a ton of alcohol to hijack your brain and I know you know that because you lived it, too.

But here’s the catch- once we have some time without alcohol, that physical withdrawal is over, the mental fog starts to clear a little bit, and if you are doing some intentional, purposeful work to be a sober person, that bear is starting to lose control. He’s losing his grip on you and you are making your own choices now.

Once you get a few weeks, a few months- you have made the choice a million times to not take a drink- so you know you’re capable.

You have also made a million other choices like seeking out podcasts, going to meetings, reading books, getting a Coach- you are making choices every day. And this is where I get confused when people say they ‘hope’ they don’t relapse. Why ‘hope’? You don’t ‘hope’, you DECIDE.

The truth is, when you are trying to control something, it’s because you’ve already lost control. And that is the crux of alcoholism and addiction. It’s not how much you drink or how often you drink, it’s the loss of control when you drink.

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EP078- A LIVE coaching call on Addiction Unlimited Podcast! Robert reached out to me on Instagram (@addictionunlimited) and was asking me some questions about staying sober.

It made me think, this would be a great opportunity for me to listen, and hear what people are really struggling with in early sobriety. So I asked him if he would be willing to record a live coaching call with me as a podcast episode.

Robert was 36 days sober when we recorded this call and he had some great questions about sobriety and recovery.

This call was not scripted or prompted in any way- I told him he could ask me anything, and he did.

To keep the conversation going, join us in the Facebook group- it's totally private and there's a ton of support for sobriety from 1 day to a million.

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EP77- If we’re 100% honest- if you don’t have a plan, if you don’t take action and do something to support your recovery, then you aren’t feeling great, right? What would it feel like to continue NOT having a plan, and wake up six months from now in exactly the same place- hungover again, feeling terrible, hating life.

I know that moment all too well.

My sponsor said to me once, “I want you to think about holding a hula hoop”,

“Okay”, I said.

“What all fits inside your hula hoop”?

And I was like, what the hell is this dude talking about? And I looked at him and said, “Me”.

To which he responded, “Exactly. And that’s everything you have control of. So if it doesn’t fit inside your hula hoop, leave it alone”!

It was a moment that was equally frustrating and life-changing all at the same time, lol. But I love to think about it in those super simple terms. If it doesn’t fit in my hula hoop, I can’t control it and I don’t need to expend a lot of time and energy TRYING to control it.

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EP76  If you get stuck thinking you have too many obstacles to overcome in sobriety, you're going to love this story.

Mark is living proof that almost anything is possible. Overcoming all the odds; child abuse, abandonment, adoption, drugs and alcohol, prison... to become a highly educated professional bringing value and hope to the world of addiction recovery and entrepreneurship.

These are the stories I live for and this interview with Mark is second to none.

Get ready to have your perspective changed and be prepared to sit in gratitude the rest of the day because, compared to this, we've all got it easy.

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EP75- When you feel bad or feel down and you think nothing is working- that doesn’t mean it’s not working.

I want you to think about your sobriety and imagine it as an actual bank account- and, at the beginning, because you haven’t made any deposits, it’s totally empty.

When you make enough deposits, the interest starts to grow and you can live off the interest a bit because it’s built up. But here’s where you make a mistake- you make a few deposits, you feel like you have really deposited a lot so you start to make withdrawals- you skip meetings, you meet those friends at a bar instead of spending time with your family or sober friends.

Your sobriety and recovery will always be a direct result of the deposits you make in your sober bank. Your recovery never lies- and the strength of your recovery is always a direct reflection of the deposits you are making.

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