Alonement

My guest this week, Oliver Burkeman, may be many things – but he's not a productivity expert. Thankfully, the former Guardian columnist rejects both the societal obsession with productivity hacking and the idea of being an expert (he'd much prefer to be regarded as a work in progress tackling the problems he personally struggles with through his work, he tells me on this episode). While Oliver makes no lofty claims about his wisdom, I'm going to do it for him. The bestselling author of Four Thousand Weeks – a provocative title when you find out it refers to the average human lifespan – and other personal development books such as Addicted To Busy is a soothing balm to anyone who finds themselves chronically trying to do everything, and feeling inadequate in the process. During this episode, we discuss the value of taking time for yourself within a busy, people-focused life; the unexpected overlap between an obsession with productivity and spending time alone; and we also talk about why coworking spaces are the absolute best for alone togetherness.

You can order Oliver Burkeman's book, Four Thousand Weeks, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

@OliverBurkeman

*

Instagram:

 *

@ChezSpecter

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

She’s famous for her 60-second videos, yet I was lucky enough to have a full 60 MINUTES interviewing this week’s guest, the wonderful Dr Julie Smith. She’s the clinical psychologist, online educator and ‘TikTok therapist’ who has been looking after the emotional health of her 3 and a half million (!) followers over the past three years through her light-hearted yet information-filled videos, which break down complex psychological concepts with the help of dance, handy props and lip-syncing. Yup, you can learn and have fun, kids! Once I'd stopped shamelessly gushing over Julie – oh you bet I cut that bit out – we had a fabulous discussion about everything from creating an actual IRL self-soothing box (which I will immediately be off to do after uploading this episode) to the emotional education that comes from watching Jim Carrey films. 

You can order Dr Julie Smith's book, Why Has No One Told Me This Before?, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

@Dr_Julie_Smith

*

Instagram:

 *

@ChezSpecter

@drjulie

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As far as being 'alone' goes, my guest Erling Kagge has experienced the extreme end of the spectrum. The first man to ever complete the Three Poles challenge (that's Mount Everest, the North Pole and the South Pole) on foot, Erling once spent 50 days alone, without radio contact, during his solo South Pole expedition in 1992 – a feat which saw him featured on the cover of Time magazine the following year. While it's impossible not to be awed by Erling's achievements, this podcast has always – at its core – celebrated those more moderate, everyday form of aloneness accessible to us all. Which is why the next part of this famous Polar explorer's career is so fascinating: he went on to write books with beautifully-simple, inclusive titles, Walking: One Step At A Time and Silence: In The Age Of Noise, which offer a guide, based on Erling's unique vantage point, of how we can access the stillness and solitude inside our own minds through simple everyday practices. 'After having travelled to hundreds of countries,' he tells me, 'My interpretation is the universe in your own mind – your body, your soul – is just as mysterious and huge as the universe stretching out to the stars and the planets'.

We discuss, among other things:

• Why Erling found living in London lonelier than 50 days & nights alone in the South Pole
• How being a Polar explorer can affect your relationships
• The relationship between time alone and fulfilling your life's potential
• How being close to nature helps you to be present

You can order Erling Kagge's book, Silence In The Age Of Noise, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

*

Instagram:

 *

@ChezSpecter

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For Radhika Sanghani, author of the brilliant new novel 30 Things I Love About Myself, time alone holds an important significance as the space where she’s learnt the true meaning of self-love. Her book even includes an aspirational, alonement-loving heroine… and what could be better? Appearing as my first guest on this season of the podcast, Radhika brings an infectious, empowering energy and a whole smorgasbord of wise insights, from the relevance of her spirituality for her alone time to how she’s ‘proved herself’ to herself through solo travel: ‘I can tick that off my “being brave” list!’. 

We also discuss: 

• Why talking to yourself gets a bad rep (but is perfectly normal, we hope!)
• How to rewire your inner monologue
• Whether self love is fixed, or requires constant maintenance 
• Dating yourself, and why it matters

Happy listening. With thanks to our sponsor, Flash Pack, a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

You can order Radhika Sanghani’s book, 30 Things I Love About Myself, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

*

@RadhikaSanghani

*

Instagram:

@ChezSpecter

*

@RadhikaSanghani

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can you believe we’ve reached season finale time *already*? No, me neither, to be honest… but we’re out with a bang! Natasha Lunn, the author of Sunday Times bestseller and one of 2021’s most talked-about non-fiction titles, Conversations on Love, is my marvellous final guest for season five of the podcast. 

Natasha’s debut book, Conversations On Love, is inspired by her bimonthly newsletter of the same name. Over the past four years, she’s interviewed leading psychotherapists, writers & thought leaders, from Alain de Botton, Dolly Alderton, Esther Perel and Philippa Perry, on the subject of love, in all its forms.

We discuss, among other things, the relationship between solitude and loving other people; why we shouldn’t make false divisions between ‘single people’ and ‘coupled up people’; the process of ‘enmeshment’ and how it can affect a relationships; how friendships have ‘phases’, just like romantic relationships; myriad forms of loneliness; and so much more.

Natasha is a wise and thoughtful interviewee – and this was a very special conversation to end the season with.

Tata for now, friends. Remember you can always get in touch via Twitter (@ChezSpecter) and Instagram (@ChezSpecter/@alonementofficial) – and of course, if you’ve loved this season, I’d love it if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts to share what you thought. See you next season!

Natasha’s book, Conversations On Love, is out now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

*

@natashalunn

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

*

@ChezSpecter

*

@natashachloelunn

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week I’m talking to Michael James Wong, the founder of global mindfulness collective Just Breathe. Earlier this year, he launched a brilliant meditation app of the same name. He is committed to bringing mindfulness to people around the world – whether that’s through in-person events which in the past have attracted over 1,000 participants, or through being connected online. He’s also just about the calmest person I’ve ever spoken to. His latest book, Senzaruru: Small Steps and Gentle Wisdom to Heal the World, really speaks to Michael’s ‘less is more’ philosophy. In this conversation we discuss the value of bringing the quiet, stillness and calm of mindfulness to our alone time – even if that’s just 10 minutes a day. We also discuss the idea of ‘inaction skills’ – which is basically a skillset around doing nothing, and just sitting with our thoughts. Enjoy listening – wherever you are – and I hope you reap the benefits of taking this for yourself.

Homework:

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

You can download Michael’s meditation app, Just Breathe, on iOS and Google Play.

Social links:

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

*

@ChezSpecter

*

@michaeljameswong

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Divorcing your husband, travelling the world alone, getting back together with an ex & having a baby might sound like a lot to go through in a year, but this week's guest, journalist, columnist & author Kate Wills, did it all. In this episode, we discuss her first book, A Trip of One's Own, a solo travel memoir written on the other side of the pandemic about Kate's divorce in her early thirties after less than a year of marriage, the travels she took in the aftermath to escape and find her feet again, and her fairly major life changes since (moving in with her partner and having a baby in lockdown).

Kate writes beautifully about her life and love of solo travel – and her book was amazing for escapism during lockdown!. A quote from this podcast that particularly resonated with me: 'On a solo adventure, you welcome it all: the good and the bad. In everyday life, it’s so easy to avoid your feelings – with distractions, with your phone – but when you're solo travelling, that’s actually how you get the really rich and meaningful experiences: when things go wrong and when you end up really outside your comfort zone.'

In this episode, we also cover:

• What Kate learnt from getting divorced in her early thirties
• Why solo travel changes when you’re newly single
• The myth of the ‘perfect life timeline’
• How Kate & her partner Guy schedule in their alonement
• The unique loneliness of early parenthood

Intrigued? Have a listen!

Homework:

Kate Wills' book, A Trip of One's Own, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

*

@katewills

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

*

@ChezSpecter

*

@katewillswrites

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’m honoured to introduce this week’s guest, Mo Gawdat – an author, speaker, serial entrepreneur, former chief business officer at Google X and one of the most innovative thinkers I’ve ever come across.

‘I only allow my brain two different types of thought: a useful thought, or a joyful thought, or it shuts up’ – this quote from the podcast is typical of Mo’s logical approach to his inner world. While we discuss familiar topics like meditation, journaling and solitude in this topic, Mo’s perspective is particularly refreshing in the sense that he goes back to Square One, and forms an original opinion on each of these practices rather than simply following the approach that others have taken before him. It’s this compelling combination of a sharp engineering mind, combined with childlike curiosity, emotional intelligence and a good deal of humour and wit that makes Mo so special – and I think you’ll know what I mean when you listen to this episode.

Key topics include:

• Mo’s fascinating ‘half-monk’ concept

• The value of ‘being’ as well as ‘doing’

• Why Mo loves to form connections with baristas

• How Mo’s late son Ali inspired his happiness concept

• The dark side of journaling: how it can lead to ruminating on unhelpful thoughts, and what to do to counteract this

Mo Gawdat's latest book, Scary Smart, is available to buy now. His book, Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path To Joy, is also available to buy.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

*

@MGawdat

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

*

@ChezSpecter

*

@mo_gawdat

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Emma John is an award winning journalist and author. Her most recent book, Self-Contained, is a memoir which chronicles what it’s like to enter your 40s without having been in a serious long-term relationship. It’s a book that celebrates the fullness of single life – the highs and lows.

Our conversation is an unapologetic, unflinching look at the single experience, with a particular emphasis on how hobbies, interests and platonic relationships, as long as shorter-term romantic ones, can become centre stage – filling the space a relationship might otherwise. 

We also discuss:

• What it means to be ‘self-contained’
• The difficulty of trying to write a narrative as a single woman (Who hasn’t met someone at the end/without a happy ending) - What is my narrative arc- without the happy ending? 
• The one constant in your life is you
• The myth that it’s only OK to be single if you’re living a hedonistic, free lifestyle
• Why solo travel isn’t really solitary – especially if you’re in South Carolina
• Why following your passion can be a brilliant reason for doing things alone
• Why your life starts right now – not when you meet your ‘Other Half’

Emma John’s book, Self Contained, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

*  

@ChezSpecter

*

@em_john

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

*

@ChezSpecter

*

@emmajohnauthor

*

Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.