Alonement

On the show this week I have Lorraine Candy, one of the most influential people on the UK’s magazine industry and formerly editor-in-chief at Cosmopolitan, ELLE & latterly Sunday Times Style. Lorraine is also the host of the Postcards from Midlife podcast, and author of new book, Mum, What’s Wrong With You – a funny, practical manual for anyone raising teenage girls. I found this conversation so refreshing – Lorraine is full of helpful advice about looking after yourself and living your most grounded, authentic life. We discuss: 

• The joys of cold water swimming
• How alone time underpins self-awareness
• The ‘distraction’ problem inherent in the wellness industry
• How tuning in with your individual energy levels can have a game-changing effect on your work output
• The relationship between hormonal changes and mental health
• & much more 

Lorraine Candy's book, 'Mum, What's Wrong With You?': 101 Things Only Mothers of Teenage Girls Know, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@lorrainecandy

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@LorraineCandy

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Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, my worker bees! So let's face it, the perfect office probably doesn't exist – but if it did, it would be the brainchild of Alex Soojung Kim Pang, PHD, a Silicon Valley consultant and a futurist who has spent the last two decades researching the nature of people, work and technology. Alex totally transformed how I think about the 'work-life balance' – we spoke about the need to instead create a sense of 'harmony' in your working day, instead (which also takes into account how much solo/social time you need as an individual). He proved a fascinating guest – we chatted about:

• Getting the right balance of social interaction and focussed solitude at work
• The relationship between 'rest' and being alone
• How to find a greater degree of purpose and 'flow' in our working days
• The need to create a distraction-free office environment post-pandemic
• Whether the terms ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’ are useful – or not
• Why we need to bring back the communal office lunchtime

& more!

Happy listening.

Alex Soojung-Kim Pang’s book, Rest, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@askpang

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@askpang

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Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’re backkkkkkk, gang! For episode uno of Season 5, I have been GRACED by the presence of comedian/author/generally awesome human Bella Younger. Formerly known as her alter-ego Deliciously Stella (yup, the one taking the p– out of the dodgier side of the wellness industry for years), Bella has officially killed off her one-time alias and written a brand new book to mark it. Our conversation proved equal parts funny and deep – we chat about the dark consequences that becoming an influencer (albeit an accidental, parody one) with 150K followers posed for Bella's mental health; the nature of online versus offline identity; and how to find true, satisfying connection with other people. We also speak about both being natural extroverts who spent a lot of our lives avoiding any time alone as a result, plus why being an influencer was by some distance the loneliest time of Bella’s life. 

Homework:

Bella Younger’s book, The Accidental Influencer, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

We also discuss Meg Mason’s beautiful novel, Sorrow & Bliss.

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@DeliciouslyStella

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Contact: [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My third and final guest for this miniseries is Rekesh Chauhan, an award-winning British-Indian pianist and composer, who over the pandemic channelled his musical talent into producing two short films to raise awareness around mental and emotional health issues. The second – Feel So Alone – released to coincide with this year's Loneliness Awareness Week, spotlights the effects of loneliness on young people, and signposts the organisations that can offer help. During this conversation, Rekesh and I discuss his work as a musician, the link between being alone and creativity, and how connecting with a passion or purpose can help you reduce feelings of loneliness.

SOCIALS

You can find Rekesh on Instagram at @rekeshchauhan.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode’s guest is Sunday Times bestselling author Cheryl Rickman. Cheryl’s latest book, Navigating Loneliness: How To Connect With Yourself and Others, is an insightful, comprehensive handbook to finding the balance between solitude and loneliness – through cultivating the most meaningful, fulfilling relationships possible with yourself and others. 

Cheryl is a woman after my own heart – as you might suspect from the title of her book, her anti-loneliness toolkit is just as much about time alone as it is time with others. 

This was such a fascinating and refreshing conversation. Cheryl talks inspirationally about the purpose of reframing loneliness, not as something to be scared of or to stigmatise, but actually as a useful evolutionary signal that points us towards making positive changes in our lives. 

Cheryl also shares her personal experience of loneliness – how she learnt to love time alone as an only child, but her relationship with it changed when she lost her mother as a teenager – and she had to develop stronger, more meaningful connections elsewhere.

I’m so grateful for Cheryl’s nuggets of wisdom – and I’m sure you’ll find a lot of practical takeaway in what she has to say. Happy listening! 

SOCIALS

You can find Cheryl on Instagram at @wellbeingauthor and Twitter at @writeruk.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to a 3-part miniseries of Alonement produced for Loneliness Awareness Week in collaboration with the Marmalade Trust.

My first guest is Alex Holmes, an author, podcaster and mental health educator. On his podcast, Time To Talk, Alex interviews his guests about mental health, masculinity, identity and emotional education. His book of the same name, Time To Talk: How Men Think About Love, Belonging and Connection, came out earlier this year. Alex reached out to me a couple of months ago on Instagram to say hello, ahead of a panel event we’ll be doing together at a literary festival later this year. Unbeknown to him, I was putting together the line-up for this mini-series – and I jumped at the chance to have him on.

I was so grateful to have this conversation with Alex, who proved so generous in every sense – generous with his time for coming on and generous with his honesty and vulnerability in what he shares. First up, we talk about his own experience of growing up feeling lonely – despite being part of a loving family – and how he came to terms with this. Later on, we discuss how owning your imperfections, far from alienating you, can actually become a force for connection. That’s a lot of other good stuff in there too. But, in a nutshell, have a listen – and I hope you enjoy. 

SOCIALS

You can find Alex on Instagram at @byalexholmes.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s season finale time! And, might I add, what a banger to conclude with: my interviewee this week is Dr Emma Hepburn a.k.a @thepsychologymum. Emma quickly became one of my all-time favourites interviewees within minutes of starting this recording. She is that magical combination of grounded, honest and astonishingly wise. One moment she’s your relatable close friend, the next she’s throwing out brilliant nuggets of wisdom that make you pause for thought.

For those who aren’t already familiar with her work, Emma is an NHS clinical psychologist known for producing beautiful illustrations that demystify mental health concepts for the masses. Her Instagram page, @thepsychologymum, has over 100,000 followers, and has proved a welcome balm for those struggling during lockdown (so...pretty much all of us then!). She’s also the author of A Toolkit for Modern Life, which is out now in hardback. 

I couldn’t think of a better way to end this season, and I know you’re going to fall in love with Emma like I did. Happy listening – and I’ll see you soon for season four.

Here’s some of what you can expect from the episode:

• 5:00 The significance of keeping boundaries between your professional and personal identity
• 9:30 Why we all need to build a mental health toolkit
• 12:25 ‘Effect anchoring’ - the process of predicting future feelings based on how we already feel – i.e. If we’re feeling lousy we think we’ll always feel lousy – and how we can counteracting it by holding on to ‘pockets of hope’
• 11:45 The difference between aloneness from choice vs. loneliness when you don’t choose it
• 18:00 Why getting into the state of ‘flow’ improves your mental health
• 20:00 Emma shares that doing illustrations is one of her own mental health coping strategies
• 27:30 ‘We’re never going to reach Happyland – it doesn’t exist.’
• 30:30 How lockdown has restricted our capacity for human connection
• 32:30 What causes loneliness in young people?
• 35:00 How talking about loneliness can make us feel less lonely
• 42:00 The significance of alone time for Emma – and why it’s a ‘luxury’
• 45:00 Tips for parents who want to spend more time alone
• 47:00 How alone time helps Emma dream up her illustrations
• 48:30 How to know when you need solitude or social time?
• 51:00 How to gain greater awareness in your life – and why you need a ‘Ta-da’ list

Emma Hepburn’s book, A Toolkit For Modern Life, discussed in this episode, is available to order now.

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My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

Social media

Instagram: @alonementofficial @chezspecter @thepsychologymum

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @@EmmaNeuropsych

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And now, the end is near… It’s the penultimate episode of the season, and my guest is Dr Remi Adekoya. I was fascinated to find out, through Remi’s work, that a third of British people will be mixed race by the end of the century. His brilliant new book, Biracial Britain: A Different Way Of Looking At Race, brings together stories of biracial British people from all ages and mixed-race backgrounds, together with Remi’s own experiences and expert academic research in racial and ethnic identity. 

During this episode, Remi tells me about his experience growing up Polish-Nigeria (and growing up in both Poland and Nigeria. He tells me his biracial identity has essentially become a superpower, offering him multiple vantage points to navigate the world. But it can also be a source of loneliness, where you struggle to be accepted within racial communities, and question who you are and where you belong. This was an incredibly eye-opening interview – which will not only resonate with those who are mixed-race, but anyone who’s ever questioned where they fit as an individual with a certain community (so, just about everyone). I hope you get as much from this interview as I did. 

Remi’s book, Biracial Britain: A Different Way Of Looking At Race, discussed in this episode, is available to order now. 

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My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone & Absolutely Own It, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers. 

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SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: @alonementofficial @chezspecter 

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @RemiAdekoya1

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Meet the woman who makes sobriety cool: this week’s guest is Millie Gooch, founder of the Sober Girl Society. Millie gave up drinking alcohol in 2018, and never looked back. I’m all about glamorising a good cause (hello – positive alone time!) and this is exactly what Millie does with her platform, showing that a sober life is not a lesser life: it can often by much the opposite. During this conversation, we talk about how quitting alcohol allowed Millie to learn to process her emotions, and to pursue hobbies and interests alone – particularly during those hangover-free mornings. Millie also speaks openly about the crippling effects of hangaxiety (part of the reason she gave up alcohol in the first place) and the initial loneliness that can come with being the ‘odd one out’ that doesn’t drink. I found this to be such a valuable chat and I can bet you will too – whatever your relationship with alcohol. Millie Gooch’s book, The Sober Girl Handbook, discussed in this episode, is available to order now.

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My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

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Instagram: @alonementofficial @chezspecter @milliegooch @sobergirlsociety

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @milliegooch

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's MAGIC Magid! This week’s guest, former Lord Mayor of Sheffield Magid Magid – often referred to as Magic Magid – is the first politician to appear on the show, and what a joy it was to speak with him. Magid is an absolute powerhouse: arriving in the UK at the age of four as a Somali refugee, he went on to become Sheffield’s youngest ever Mayor, taking up the role in 2018 at the age of 28, and also the first Muslim person to hold the position. He later went on to be a Member of the European Parliament in 2019 ahead of the UK leaving the EU. To add yet another accolade to this list – Magid was named as one of TIME Magazine’s top 100 global rising stars of 2019. During our conversation, we discuss how taking part in a month-long drug trial saved him from a period of intense loneliness, to the power of the internet to forge connections with strangers during a pandemic. We also discuss the value of prayer for Magid, who says praying five times a day – as part of his Muslim faith – helps to facilitate his alonement. I hope you’ll find this conversation just as surprising and inspiring as I did.

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Magid Magid's book, The Art of Disruption: A Manifesto For Real Change, is out now – order it on Amazon today.

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My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order now on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

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Social media

Instagram: @alonementofficial @chezspecter @magicmagid

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @MagicMagid

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.