My guest this week is Anita Bhagwandas, an award winning beauty director, and more recently the author of Ugly: Giving Us Back Our Beauty Standards, a book that examines the damaging impact of narrow beauty ideals and serves as a brilliant manifesto towards a more inclusive attitude. The book explores the importance of practising self care on your own terms, not what the beauty industry tells you - something Anita knows a lot about after 15 years in the industry. Anita also lives alone in London, like me, and we discuss the creative joys of cooking for one, getting to plan a week that perfectly balances quiet night doing laundry with going out to gigs with friends - something Anita loves – plus an honest discussion of why getting flaked on can affect you much harder when you’re single or live alone.

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device.

Takeaways

• Alone time preferences can vary from person to person, and it is important to find a balance that works for you.
• Self-care is not about buying things or following trends; it is about understanding what truly nourishes and rejuvenates you.
• The commodification of self-care has led to a misconception that it requires expensive products or activities, when in reality, it can be as simple as taking a few minutes for yourself.
• It is important to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs to others, especially when it comes to making plans and canceling.
• Cooking for oneself can be an act of self-care, and it is important to challenge the notion that it is not worth it to cook for one person.
• Don't just follow beauty trends or societal expectations, choose makeup and beauty routines that bring you joy and creativity.
• Alone time can be an escape from beauty standards and an opportunity to embrace your natural self.
• Choose what beauty work brings you joy and let go of the tasks that feel tedious or unnecessary.
• Journaling and checking in with yourself can be a valuable practice for self-reflection and self-care.

Chapters

00:00

Introduction and Speed Friending

02:14

Being Good at Time Alone

03:10

Introverts and Only Children

05:39

Alone Time During the Pandemic

08:05

Journalist Mode in Social Situations

11:12

Solo Hobbies

15:31

Changing Relationship with Alone Time

18:04

The Myth of Self-Care

27:57

Counteracting Myths Around Self-Care

32:30

Navigating External Reinforcement of Self-Care

35:08

Overcoming Only-Me-ism in Cooking

36:45

The Joy of Cooking and Makeup

38:20

The Danger of Makeup as a Tool to Hide

39:17

Rediscovering the Joy and Creativity of Makeup

40:30

The Solo Process of Makeup and Self-Criticism

41:35

Cooking for Yourself vs. Cooking for Others

43:58

Escaping Beauty Standards in Alone Time

44:49

Choosing What Beauty Work to Enjoy

47:25

Picking and Choosing What Makes You Feel Good

48:21

Alonement: Journalling and Checking In with Yourself

49:36

The Joy of Writing in a Nice Notebook

You can follow Anita Bhagwandas' Substack at anitabhagwandas.substack.com, and mine at francescaspecter.substack.com

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