ask a sub

This week, we cover all the basics of dating and finding kinky people to play with. First, Lina covers the FAQs of dating app profiles – what to do if you're looking for your ideal Dom(me), how to signal to people that you're kinky without screaming "I'M A SUB" (but also totally cool to do this too), and how to connect from there. Next, Lina offers tools and criteria to navigate how to safely transition from apps to IRL to explore your kinks. And finally, Lina serves up some radical advice while covering the dilemma of getting you someone who can do both – aka, be your Dom(me) but also be a compatible partner outside of a scene.

This episode is brought to you by Pure App, the shameless, sex-positive place to date! Visit https://puredating.app.link/jklrkuzrFlb for your dating needs!

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit yours by emailing a voice memo to [email protected] - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Still thirsty for community? Join us on the Ask a Sub Patreon and have access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter!

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann |

Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad

Art by Kayleigh Denner

CW for the Episode: Assault–please skip to 16:14 to go straight to question 2.

Lina starts this week's episode by talking about how trauma informs Kink and BDSM, and the healing aspect that can come along with it. But big spoiler alert, there is no magical cure for trauma. And that's okay! In fact, your trauma doesn't need to even be involved with your Kinkiness at all if you so choose. Next up, Lina covers what loneliness can look like in BDSM and the self-shaming tendencies we have towards figuring out our roles and desires–and provides validation in having likes and dislikes and how to address those needs as submissives. And finally, hear Lina wax on the poetics of Cucking and what it can bring to the Kinky table, especially as a potential bridge between monogamy and non. And what to do about that lil thing called jealousy and how best to address it in moving towards threesomes, cucking, and/or ENM together.

Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity: https://bookshop.org/a/14567/9780060753641

Ethical Slut: https://bookshop.org/a/14567/9780399579660

Dan Savage: https://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2020/01/14/42559563/savage-love

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit yours by emailing a voice memo to [email protected] - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Still thirsty for community? Join us on the Ask a Sub Patreon and have access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

Get 20% off Lina's Conscious Kink course with code PODCAST at checkout https://www.askasub.com/conscious-kink

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter!

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann |

Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad

Art by Kayleigh Denner

CW for the Episode: CNC–please skip to 13:50 to go straight to question 2.

This week, Lina breaks down Consensual Non-Consent – what it is, where the fantasy comes from, and how to safely proceed in play while still feeling seen and taken care of. Her secret?Starting slow. Lina then pivots to BDSM collaring, how it has changed over time, what it means now, and what it signifies to you and your dynamic. Over at Ask a Sub HQ, we personally love collars so strap in for your options and permission to do whatever kind of collaring works for and empowers you. And finally, Lina addresses the dilemma of a 24/7 sub in an ethically non-monogamous relationship who wants to maintain their protocols and stay true to their Dom's wishes, but also meet the needs of their other partners.

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit yours by emailing a voice memo to [email protected] - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Still thirsty for community? Join us on the Ask a Sub Patreon and have access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

Get 20% off Lina's Conscious Kink course with code PODCAST at checkout https://www.askasub.com/conscious-kink

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter!

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann |

Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad

Art by Kayleigh Denner

This week on the table of sub wisdom is something a lot of subs historically have a past with – people pleasing. There is no magic solution, but Lina does her best to unpack it like the classic algebra problems that we definitely don't miss from highschool (but can we all agree that sexy problem-solving would have made the class a whole lot more fun?) Like what if "X" was monogamy and "Y" was kink–how do we get to "Z"?? And how about if "X" is people pleasing, and "Z" is being a Good sub, what is the value of "Y?" Okay, maybe too far but Lina still gets to the bottom of why people pleasing isn't healthy and how to try to shut it down, stay authentic to yourself, and go on to live your happy submissive life. And finally, Lina discusses what to do if you experience shaming from your friends and/or family about your kinky ways (no algebra here, we promise, just straight facts and support).

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit yours by emailing a voice memo to [email protected] - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Still thirsty for community? Join us on the Ask a Sub Patreon and have access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

Get 20% off Lina's Conscious Kink course with code PODCAST at checkout https://www.askasub.com/conscious-kink

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter!

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann |

Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad

Art by Kayleigh Denner

This week, Lina takes on Society at Large! Hear her thoughts on how to navigate the social stigma around BDSM culture – especially turning those "oh, that's not normal" comments into something more expansive and inclusive. Lina then digs into those shamey sub drop feels that society and culture have reinforced in our spongy brains and how to retrain your thoughts and be gentle with yourself in those moments. She's also serving up a hot take on countering toxic positivity, especially in the sex-positive sodia media landscape. And finally, Lina reveals her secret of How to D/s Quietly! (Just kidding, there is no secret). Really though–cohabitating with adults and having a dynamic may seem tricky, but Lina gives her advice on how best go about this because spoiler alert, most people have sex and no matter what, you're probably going to hear it–dynamic or not!

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit yours by emailing a voice memo to [email protected] - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Still thirsty for community? Join us on the Ask a Sub Patreon and have access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

Get 10% off your first order at Momotaro Apotheca with code "SUBPODCAST" - www.momotaroapotheca.com

Get 20% off Lina's Conscious Kink course with code PODCAST at checkout https://www.askasub.com/conscious-kink

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter!

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann |

Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad

Art by Kayleigh Denner

This week, Lina goes straight into what it feels like to find a new Dom(me)–what it means to navigate the feels of frenzy and swooning, and is it possible to balance leaning in and not overextending yourself? (Spoiler alert: it is!) She also covers the basics of subspace, the power and security of Safe Words, what nonverbal Safe Words can look like in practice, and why the word "No" is so intense and scary sometimes. And finally, Lina yells from the top of the BDSM mountain that there is 👏🏻not👏🏻a👏🏻top👏🏻shortage! Kissing some frogs is just part of the process and that's okay!

Your Brain On BDSM (Vice)

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit yours by emailing a voice memo to [email protected] - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Still thirsty for community? Join us on the Ask a Sub Patreon and have access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

Get 50% off your first month of Isabella Frappier's Eros Workshop Membership with code ASKASUBEROS at https://isabella-frappier.teachable.com/p/eros-workshops-membership

Get 20% off Lina's Conscious Kink course with code PODCAST at checkout https://www.askasub.com/conscious-kink

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter!

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann |

Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad

Art by Kayleigh Denner

On this week's episode, Lina tackles the foundational questions of who are Dom(me)s? What do they get out of D/s, and how does trauma play into everything? What about Fake Doms? What are they and how does one *not* be a Fake Dom–especially on dating apps? And finally, Lina addresses the age old question: can you be a feminist *and* a submissive? 💖

Let us be the part of society that tells you your kinks are okay, your wants are valid and they can be so, so much fun!

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit yours by emailing a voice memo to [email protected] - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Still thirsty for community? Join us on the Ask a Sub Patreon and have access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

Get 20% off Lina's Conscious Kink course with code PODCAST at checkout https://www.askasub.com/conscious-kink

To learn more about the Armie Hammer Sitch–

https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/armie-hammer-cannibal-jokes-hide-abuse-allegations

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter!

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann |

Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad

In today's episode Lina goes in deep on what aftercare is and how to incorporate it with all kinds of people and all kinds of sex. She also covers some ways to build and structure a dynamic from scratch – in particular punishment, funishment, and the glory of being a Brat. Finally, Lina discusses the spectrum between vanilla and kink relationships and how to adapt and grow within those rainbow shades of intimacy 💖

Let's be the part of society that tells you your kinks are okay, your wants are valid and they can be so, so much fun!

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit yours over at www.askasub.com/podcast - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Still thirsty for community? Join us on the Ask a Sub Patreon and have access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter!

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann

| Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad

​​Ready to demystify kink and head out into the world? In this episode, Lina talks about her own history with submission and how she decided 24/7 lifestyle D/s was for her. What do you do if you know you're kinky but not sure what comes next? What about that important thing called aftercare? Lina goes over the basics, the nuances of orgasm control, and also how to enter the dating world as a third looking for respectful, fulfilling and fun play. 💖

Let us be the part of society that tells you your kinks are okay, your wants are valid and they can be so, so much fun!

Have a question about BDSM, sex, dating, relationships, Dom/sub dynamics, and anything else you'd like to ask Lina? Submit your q's at www.askasub.com/podcast - there is no question too bizarre or too basic!

Get 10% off your first order at Momotaro Apotheca with code "SUBPODCAST" - www.momotaroapotheca.com

Still thirsty for community? Join us on Patreon and get access to the most wholesome and kinky discord community! Check it out over at www.patreon.com/askasub

You can follow Lina over at @askasub on both Instagram and Twitter

Make sure to subscribe, drop us a 5-star rating, and tell all your filthy friends about the show!

Host, Producer - Lina Dune | Producer, Editor - Stella Hartmann | Producer, Research - Caroline Stephens | Music - Dan Molad Artwork - Kayleigh Denner