At Last She Said It

"Differentiation of self is being a unique individual while maintaining connection with people you love," explains Dr. Julie Hanks. "We've been trained, particularly as women, to be enmeshed—to feel other people's pain for them. And that does no one any good. It doesn't help them, and it doesn't help us." On Episode 239, Dr. Hanks joins Cynthia and Susan for a conversation about enmeshment. It has been a core theme in her 30 years of practice as a therapist in Utah, working with families in which "the boundaries are not clear at all and everything's everyone's business." So why are some Latter-day Saints prone to focusing too much on the lives and choices of their children or other family members? Does our church have teachings that actually promote family enmeshment?

"With always wanting to do the right things, take care of people, and people please, this set me up perfectly to be an all-in member. Doing the formula. Hustling! I was married in the temple to a returned missionary, had 4 children, and did everything I could to be a good, righteous LDS woman," explains Lindsie Cornia. Those lines might be the beginning of a million stories in our church, but if there's one thing to be learned from ALSSI, it's that every woman's path is unique and evolving. So what happened next? In Episode 238, Susan and Cynthia have a conversation with Lindsie about all of it: where she started, where she's been, how it's going, what she knows—or doesn't—and how she looks at things now.

"There's no roadmap for how to do partnership in patriarchy, at least within our little Mormon frame of reference," explains Christine Pagano. "Patriarchy believes that men's time is finite—there's only 24 hrs—while women's time is infinite. It's unlimited. [...] Moms are carrying the load of domestic labor, invisible labor, emotional labor, and relational labor at much higher rates than their male partners." But it's not just at home: Within our church organization, women "are tasked with immense emotional, spiritual, and relational labor without equal voice, recognition, or authority. Improving the experience of LDS women means addressing both the invisible burdens they carry and the structural imbalance that keeps those burdens unacknowledged." In Episode 237, Christine joins Cynthia and Susan for a conversation about bringing the invisible work of women to light so that it can be shared more equitably.

It seems Latter-day Saints most often speak about resurrection in the literal sense: the reuniting of spirit and body. Jesus rising from the tomb holds promise for us after our own inevitable physical death. But as Richard Rohr says, "Literalism is invariably the lowest and least level of meaning." So what else can we take from this concept? Actually, the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about renewal! In Episode 236, Cynthia and Susan explore resurrection. It's a conversation not about what happens after we die, but about the possibility of experiencing transformation in our lives here and now.

"In all my angst about if I would marry and if I would have children and if I would have a career, I did not fully consider how the ideals in this proclamation from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints reflected a certain moment in white, middle-class America's economic history," writes Natalie Brown. Most Latter-day Saints have absorbed a lifetime of talks and lessons centered around an "ideal" family model in which a father goes to work and a mother stays at home with the children. This arrangement is no longer economically possible for many American families, and the disconnect between Church teachings and members' lived experience can have many consequences. In Episode 235, Susan and Cynthia are joined by Natalie to explore the collision of realities that have changed with teachings that haven't. How might our church adapt to better serve members caught in the middle?

We asked, you answered! In Bonus Episode 234, more women from the ALSSI community share their stories in response to the question: What triggered your faith journey?

"Deconstruction doesn't just happen to lazy learners," says Jen Dille. "It's often the most true-blue Mormons and the people who are all in who have this experience." In episode 233, Jen joins Susan and Cynthia for a conversation about her personal journey. It's a story of old wheels coming off, and the new ones taking their place. "I dream of a time where we can each just have our own experience, and be okay with that, not be scared or threatened by it," she explains. "If we could find other ways to be LDS and still come together, that's the dream."

Diana Butler Bass wrote, "To belong is to be, for belonging is ultimately a question of identity: Who am I?" For many Latter-day Saint women, a place where they can just "be"—whoever and wherever they are right now—feels elusive. That's what the ALSSI project aims to create: a community where women can speak honestly about the complexity of their church life and/or faith journey, feel seen and validated in their experience, and find support. Episode 232 explores ideas about spiritual sanctuary. What does it mean to create it for ourselves? And how can we provide it for others?

What triggered your faith journey? In this short bonus episode, more women from the ALSSI community share their answers!

"I can take as long as I need on the edge of the chasm of the unknown," writes Jody England Hansen. "I can experience the terror of moving into the future for however long I feel it. I can turn again to the past if I choose to deal with that pain. I can create my future, choosing to step forward on a path that I might not see until I am in the next moment, the next place I step." In Episode 230, Jody joins Cynthia and Susan to discuss approaching whatever's next in our lives with active hope and love. She reminds us to "create reasons to create." This is a conversation about mercy, grace, forgiveness, and our power to face the tragic gap and walk forward anyway.