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It's episode 273 of the Bare Marriage podcast! We found that certain beliefs are correlated most with emotional immaturity--passive aggressiveness; outbursts of anger; emotional dysregulation. In our research for our book The Marriage You Want, we found that when couples believe the husband should  have the tie breaking vote, they score lower on maturity.

Is this because emotionally immature people are drawn to these beliefs? Or do these beliefs hamper maturity? Today we talk about why it's actually both, and what that means for our own personal responsibility.

THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT

• Order it on Amazon
• Other non-Amazon links! 
• Send your pre-order receipts to [email protected] to get our pre-order bonus!

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

THINGS MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST

• Download our healthy sexuality rubric and see how the bestselling marriage books fared!
• Check out our post on why complementarianism is linked to emotional immaturity and toxic church cultures

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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What if the "acts of service" love language is masking something else--the totally unequal division of labor that many couples have, and Gary Chapman ignores? Plus does the "physical touch" love language mask something wrong in the bedroom? ALL NEW BONUS STATS today! Some of them aren't even in the new book!

PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT

• Pre-Order on Amazon
• Get other links to Pre-Order
• Send in your preorder receipt to [email protected]

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

THINGS MENTIONED

• Our post about the study showing that the love languages are junk science

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us Fan Mail

PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT

• Pre-Order on Amazon
• Get other links to Pre-Order
• Send in your preorder receipt to [email protected]

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

And her FACEBOOK PAGE has been HACKED--so please join the new official one!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us Fan Mail

Prioritizing your marriage can be tough. How do we spend enough time together? Do we need more date nights? And MOMS—don’t forget to be a wife first and a mom second! But in all this talk, are we missing the bigger point? If we’re functioning as a team, doing life together, then affection will grow. But if you see your kids as threats to your marriage, or think you can connect with a date night when you haven’t been in the trenches together all week, you’re not going to feel close. A new way of thinking about prioritizing your relationship—without the GUILT! Based on new stats from The Marriage You Want!

PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT

• Pre-Order on Amazon
• Get other links to Pre-Order
• Send in your preorder receipt to [email protected]

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us Fan Mail

Ever tried to find a compromise when you’re having an argument—but even the compromise doesn’t seem fair? In today’s podcast we explain why—using what we call The Marriage Hierarchy of Needs. We talk about this in our new book The Marriage You Want! Basically, compromise only works if you both start off on equal footing. But if one of you is already doing more than their fair share, compromise just makes it even more unequal. So let’s talk about foundation vs. frills, how to overcome entitlement, and why unfairness can’t go on forever!

PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT

• Pre-Order on Amazon
• Get other links to Pre-Order
• Send in your preorder receipt to [email protected]

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us Fan Mail

What is the biggest key to a great marriage? Teamwork! Let’s talk about how teamwork is associated with all the good outcomes we want for marriage—better sex; feeling close; resolving conflict—everything! But complementarianism, on the other hand, is associated with all the bad outcomes. Good outcomes and bad outcomes tend to travel together—and complementarianism travels with the bad stuff! Hear about all our new data from our new book The Marriage You Want!

LINKS

PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT

• Pre-Order on Amazon
• Get other links to Pre-Order
• Send in your preorder receipt to [email protected]

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

THINGS MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST

• Reel from BrandonTalksMarriage
• Our reel on whether women want leaders or someone to take initiative
• The podcast that reel was based on (Marriage on the Rock)
• The Gospel Coalition reel about doing “risky” things
• The original podcast where Cynthia Westfall appeared

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us Fan Mail

In our research looking at marital and sexual satisfaction among evangelicals, we’ve found that over and over again our best-selling books, and our megachurch pastors, teach things that are shown to lead to worse outcomes. Why? What’s going on? In today’s podcast we share the faulty premise that is at the heart of evangelical marriage advice, and the four toxic teachings that flow from that false premise. But when we fix that first premise—then our advice can finally get healthy (and Jesus-centered!)

LINKS

• Pre-Order The Marriage You Want!
• Pre-Order on Amazon
• Get other links to Pre-Order
• Send in your preorder receipt to [email protected]

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

THINGS MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST

• Access our rubric scoring the various best-selling marriage and sex books 
• Our podcast talking about the problems with the “research” supporting Love & Respect 
• Our podcast with the issues with Marriage on the Rock 
• The Voddie Baucham clip 
• Our round up of the issues with the book The Excellent Wife 
• The Jimmy Evans clip 
• The Tim Keller clip 
• The Lisa and Francis Chan clip #1 
• The Lisa and Francis Chan clip #2 

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us Fan Mail

The idea that men need respect while women need love has been treated as gospel truth in the evangelical world. Best-sellers have been written based on it; it informs almost every marriage sermon. What if it’s not true? Using data from our marriage survey of 7000 people, we show how reality is very different—and what this means for how we should talk about marriage!

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS

• Pre-order The Marriage You Want! https://amzn.to/3YQfqMy
• Send your pre-order receipts to [email protected] to get our pre-order bonus and an invite to the launch team!

THINGS MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST

• Take our marriage survey yourself as a date night!
• Our synopsis of everything wrong with Love & Respect (with other posts and podcasts linked in the bottom)
• Our open letter to Focus on the Family
• Jonathan Pokluda clip
• Female Influencer clip #1
• Female influencer clip #2
• Josh and Jana Howerton
• Josh Howerton “Give him a crown”
• Steve Gaines’ sermon on respect

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us Fan Mail

So many of us got sucked into believing toxic stuff about marriage and sex in the evangelical church! But unless we figured out WHY we believed that, we’re likely to get suckered in again to toxic stuff—just DIFFERENT toxic stuff. So today, Rebecca and I are doing a postmortem, looking at what it is about church that leaves us vulnerable to believing things that are toxic and rather easy to see through. Let’s become critical thinkers, so we don’t get sucked in again!
 
TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS

• The Marriage You Want. You can preorder it here!
• Send your pre-order receipts to: [email protected] The preorder bonuses and invites to the launch team will be sent out next week.
• Check out our new plans for 2025, with links to all our social media channels
• The Great Sex Rescue--the Kindle sale is over but the paperback's on sale!
• Focus on the Family posts about Jane and John

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us Fan Mail

Our big announcement: We’re peer-reviewed! Our dataset for The Great Sex Rescue has now appeared in the November 2024 Sociology of Religion Journal. So let’s talk about what we found, but also ask: why are evangelicals so quick to dismiss science, but at the same time cling to bad interpretations of data if it suits their agenda? Can we become better critical thinkers?

COMING IN 2025

Pre-Order The Marriage You Want

Join our email list to be notified about the launch team

TO SUPPORT US

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS TO THINGS MENTIONED:

• Our journal article Sanctified Sexism
• The Great Sex Rescue (our book using this dataset)
• Lisa Bevere Reel with misinformation 
• Fact Checking her claims
• Shaunti Feldhahn claiming Christian researchers can’t be peer reviewed
• Podcast where we dissected one of Shaunti Feldhahn’s survey questions
• Dissecting another survey question
• The One Sheet of the problems with For Women Only
• Shaunti Feldhahn’s Statement about Us
• Our statement in response
• Analysis of Shaunti Feldhahn’s use of neuroscience research

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue 
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
•  The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
•  and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.