Become A Calm Mama

Your teenager pulling away from you is normal, and it’s a sign their brain is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. In the teen years, your child’s job is to build an identity outside your family, and their brain is wired to care far more about social safety than physical safety or future success.

Your job is to stay calm, be available but not needy, listen without fixing, and hold clear rules without lectures. The way you handle these years is what sets up a good relationship with your young adult later.

You’ll Learn:

• Why your teen cares more about their friends than their grades (and why that’s developmentally right on track)
• Why your teen shuts down after school, and how to give them the decompression time they need
• How to listen to your teen’s problems without rescuing, fixing, or falling apart
• Why adolescence is like making a cake

Parenting teens is so, so hard. But as a mom who is now on the other side, with young adult children I have a really good relationship with, I can tell you that a lot of what makes that relationship work now came from choices I made during the teen years.

In today’s episode, I’ll help you understand what’s happening in your teen’s brain so you can give them the support they need and stay connected, even as you let go of control.

Read the full show notes here.

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Related Episodes:

• The Parenting Teens Playlist on Spotify - A curated list of Become A Calm Mama’s teen-focused episodes
• Episode 32: Adolescence & Identity
• Episode 84: Better Conversations with Teens & Tweens
• Episode 86: The Adolescent Brain

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

The simplest way to calm down your day is to decide in advance when each everyday task happens, cut down the number of choices your family has to make, and give your kids your full attention at the hardest transitions: wake-up, drop-off, pickup, and bedtime.

In my house, that looked like easy ready-made breakfasts, no screens on school mornings, a small drawer of favorite clothes, lunchboxes on the counter right after school, the dishwasher run every single night, one sport at a time, and the same 5 to 8 dinners on repeat.

In this episode, I’m sharing some of my own tried-and-true routines and rhythms for simplifying your daily life. This is not a to-do list or the way it's "supposed" to be done. It's how I created our daily routines, why I made those choices, and how they helped me establish a peaceful and easy rhythm for our home.

You’ll Learn:

• Three key times of day when your kid needs your full attention
• Why it’s okay to let yourself off the hook sometimes (and ideas of what to let go of)
• How to adjust these rhythms to work for you and your family

Your days will look different than mine did, and you definitely don’t need to use every tip I share here. I do hope you’ll get some ideas for how to structure your days and simplify your life. Start with one or two favorites, and take it from there!

Read the full show notes here.

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Related Episodes:

• Episode 2.34: Stress-Free Mornings With Kids: The 3-Step Easy Morning Routine
• Episode 2.35: Bedtime Routine Falling Apart? Here's How to Set (and Hold) Bedtime Limits
• Episode 2.36: Screen Time Battles? Here's How to Set Effective Screen Time Limits
• Episode 2.37: Homework Struggles Solved: Afternoon Routines and Limits That Motivate Kids
• Episode 2.38: How to Get Kids to Do Chores Without Nagging (Age-by-Age Guide)
• Episode 2.39: Peaceful Meals: How to Get Your Kids to Behave at the Dinner Table (Without Yelling)

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

There are two simple concepts that solve almost every dinnertime struggle. The first is the Division of Responsibility in Feeding - giving the right responsibilities to the right people (hint: it’s not your job to make sure your kid cleans their plate). The second is using the Limit Setting Formula to set clear limits that turn mealtime chaos into a routine your kid can actually learn from.

Dinner doesn’t have to be so dramatic. Today, I’ll help you create a dinner routine that gives less chaos and more peace, connection, joy, and ease.

You’ll Learn:

• Common mistakes that parents make at dinner (and what to do instead)
• How to deal with picky eating, using the Division of Responsibility in Feeding
• What to do about the mealtime behaviors that are driving you nuts
• Example limits and scripts for common dinnertime problems
• When to get professional help for your picky eater

Read the full show notes here.

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Related Episodes & Resources:

• Episode 66: Peaceful Dinners & Picky Eaters
• Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter
• Episode 2.34: Stress-Free Mornings With Kids: The 3-Step Easy Morning Routine
• Episode 2.35: Bedtime Routine Falling Apart? Here's How to Set (and Hold) Bedtime Limits
• Episode 2.36: Screen Time Battles? Here's How to Set Effective Screen Time Limits
• Episode 2.37: Homework Struggles Solved: Afternoon Routines and Limits That Motivate Kids
• Episode 2.38: How to Get Kids to Do Chores Without Nagging (Age-by-Age Guide)

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

The fastest way to get kids to actually do chores is to stop reminding and start using a limit: "You're welcome to [the next thing] as long as [the chore is done]."

Pick one or two age-appropriate chores at a time, connect each one to something that already happens next in your child's day (e.g. a snack, screen time, homework, going outside) and follow through calmly and consistently.

In this episode, I’ll show you how to get your kid to do chores and how to build a habit that they can internalize so that doing their chores becomes automatic.

I’m sharing an age-by-age breakdown of what's reasonable to expect from your kid, five common mistakes that keep chores from sticking, and exactly how to use the Limit Setting Formula so you're not nagging, bribing, or quietly doing everything yourself.

You’ll Learn:

• The benefits of chores for kids (and for you)
• Age-appropriate expectations for chores
• Common mistakes families make with chores, and how to avoid them
• How to create a chore routine that actually works so you can stop reminding and nagging

Read the full show notes here.

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Related Episodes:

• Episode 151: Giving Allowance to Teach Financial Literacy
• Episode 2.34: Stress-Free Mornings With Kids: The 3-Step Easy Morning Routine
• Episode 2.35: Bedtime Routine Falling Apart? Here's How to Set (and Hold) Bedtime Limits
• Episode 2.36: Screen Time Battles? Here's How to Set Effective Screen Time Limits
• Episode 2.37: Homework Struggles Solved: Afternoon Routines and Limits That Motivate Kids

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Homework fights almost never come down to laziness or defiance. They come down to five specific causes - exhaustion, procrastination, perfectionism, low motivation, and disorganization - and each one has its own reason behind it and its own fix.

The two tools that solve nearly all of them are the Connection Tool (for the in-the-moment big feeling) and the Limit Setting Formula for building a routine. In this episode, I’ll walk you through what’s actually going on with each behavior, and exactly what to say and do about it.

You’ll Learn:

• Why rewards and sticker charts don’t actually motivate kids in the long term.
• Why procrastination, perfectionism, low motivation, and disorganization are emotional and structural issues, not character flaws (and why this is even more true for kids with ADHD)
• How to use the Connection Tool in the moment your kid is stalling or melting down
• How to run a Coaching Conversation for repeat patterns like perfectionism
• Real examples of homework limits you can use tonight

Read the full blog post here.

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Related Episodes:

• Episode 2.34: Stress-Free Mornings With Kids: The 3-Step Easy Morning Routine
• Episode 2.35: Bedtime Routine Falling Apart? Here's How to Set (and Hold) Bedtime Limits
• Episode 2.36: Screen Time Battles? Here's How to Set Effective Screen Time Limits

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Screen time battles usually come down to one thing: you don't have a plan, so you're making the same exhausting decision over and over, in the moment, while your kid is asking (again).

The fix is to decide your rules in advance - which devices, what content, when, and for how long - based on what your kid actually needs rather than an arbitrary time limit. Then, use the Limit Setting Formula to communicate the plan: tell your kid what they can have, and the condition they need to meet to get it. Hold the limit, even through the meltdown that follows.

Between the frustration that you're dealing with constant requests and decisions, confusion, and conflicting information, it’s no wonder you’re overwhelmed. There’s a lot of mental and emotional stuff going on - and it’s just one small piece of parenting.

Today, I’m sharing best practices and how to create a tech plan for your own family.

You’ll Learn:

• The 4 tech decisions you need to make
• When to allow screens (and why school days are the easiest thing to make a blanket rule)
• A simple, logical way to determine how much screen time your kid gets
• What to do when your kid melts down or won't turn it off
• How to create your family’s tech and screen time plan

Read the full blog post here.

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Related Episodes:

• Episode 129: Screen Free Mindset
• Episode 67: Screen Time Strategies

Free Resources:

Common Sense Media

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Bedtime routines usually fall apart for one of two reasons: There's no real structure, or there is a routine but it collapses the moment your kid pushes back.

Commands and threats might get short-term compliance, but they don't actually teach anything. The fix is the Limit Setting Formula: tell your kid what they can have or do, and under what condition. Then hold it (even through the meltdown that follows).

And when bedtime runs long because of a meltdown or stalling, follow up the next day with restitution or a natural consequence for the time and energy it cost you.

If your family is struggling with bedtime, it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you or your kid. It means that you're missing a parenting skill or need some more information. Some of parenting is intuitive, but there are also a lot of skills that you have to build along the way.

You’ll Learn:

• The 2 totally solvable problems that are making bedtime chaotic
• Why commands and threats backfire at bedtime (and what to do instead)
• How to use the Limit Setting Formula to set a bedtime limit
• What to do (and not do) right after you state the limit
• How to follow up the next day with consequences and restitution

In this episode, I’ll show you how to build a bedtime routine that actually feels doable and how to use clear limits and consequences when bedtime goes sideways. Over time, your child will internalize this new routine, so you can stop repeating, reminding, and yelling every night.

Read the full show notes here.

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Related Episodes:

• Episode 65: Sleep Struggles: Helping Kids Master Self-Soothing Skills
• Episode 5: Rethinking Consequences
• Episode 4: Setting Limits That Work

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

The three most important things you can do when you want easier mornings with kids are to create a to-do list, be honest about how much time you need to get it all done, and build out a simple timeline for your family to follow each day.

Today on the podcast, I’m talking about the part of the day that trips up almost every family - the morning. I’ll walk you through my morning routine roadmap, a simple 3-step system to help you build mornings that actually get your kids out the door on time without stress.

You’ll Learn:

• My simple 3-step system for smoother mornings with kids
• How to create your own morning routine roadmap
• Why being on time isn’t the most important thing
• A sample morning routine and timeline
• 5 tips for less stressful school mornings

If you want less chaotic, more organized mornings, you’re in the right place!

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Resources:

• Free Guide: Easy Mornings with Kids
• Episode 192: The 5 Things: Easy Routines for Kids
• Episode 191: Eyeballs: A Simple Parenting Tool for Instant Connection
• Episode 190: Make Mornings Better with the Gentle Handoff

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Before you jump into back-to-school schedules, rules, and to-do lists, I want you to set your goals and intentions for this school year. Because focusing on your mindset is what actually determines how this year will feel and how it all will go.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The back-to-school step you might be missing that makes a huge difference in how your year goes
• Why mindset needs to come before logistics
• Examples of thoughts you can use to feel the way you want to feel
• The types of goals every family should set at the start of a new year

If you don't decide on purpose how you want this school year to feel, the year will just happen to you. Instead of steering the ship, you’ll be reacting. But taking this 20 minutes with me to get clear on what you actually want will pay off all year long.

Read the full show notes here.

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Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

The truth is, meltdowns, mood swings, sibling squabbles, and up-and-down social feelings are all completely normal during the first week of school. Back to school is a transition, and it isn’t always a smooth one.

The week starts out pretty great. Your kid is excited, they have a good first day, and then within a few days they start falling apart over a granola bar or refusing to get in the car or suddenly saying they hate their teacher.

And you're thinking, “Wait, what happened? Weren't we doing okay? What has changed?”

Nothing has gone wrong. This is just what the first week of school looks like.

You’ll Learn:

• 5 things to expect during the first week of school
• 2 tools to help you get through back-to-school mornings and meltdowns
• Why I don’t want you to deliver consequences in the morning
• How to get through the back-to-school transition without losing your mind

I'm walking you through what to expect, the top five challenges families face during back-to-school, and two tools that will help you get through the mornings and the meltdowns.

Read the full show notes here.

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Related Episodes:

• Episode 2.12: The CALM Break | Stop Yelling With This 4-Step Parenting Tool
• Episode 190: Make Mornings Better with the Gentle Handoff
• Episode 191: Eyeballs: A Simple Parenting Tool for Instant Connection

Free Resource:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Toolkit!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes