Becoming UnDone®

Toby Brooks is a speaker, author, professor and student who interviews guests who have achieved success by taking risks and growing. Every third episode is dedicated to his own reflections, and this week, he is running behind in his plan to deliver a Word of the Third on Wednesdays. He has been using the Done app on his phone to help him keep track of his habits and this past summer, he completed the challenge of doing 75 hard.

The speaker completed the 75 Hard challenge, an intense program that lasts 75 days and has strict requirements. They now use the Done app to keep up the good habits they developed during 75 Hard, but without the guilt or punishment of having to start over if they are not perfect. They also gained a love of reading after reading David Goggins' first book and were motivated to sign up for a 10K race. However, they pushed themselves too far and ended up injured. The speaker has now found the balance between being tough and being wise.

In this conversation, the speaker is discussing the new book by David Goggins, and how it has resonated with him. He then talks about his own life story, which is vastly different from Goggins. His parents got married when they were 18, and his father worked hard in a coal mine to provide a safe and stable life for his family. While his father was working, the speaker felt resentment towards the coal mine, and wished he could have had his father around more. His father was simply doing his best to provide him with the life he never had as a child. He then talks about how his father inspired him to find something he enjoyed and go all in, and how he eventually ended up working nights, weekends, holidays and birthdays, until he came home exhausted one day and saw his daughter walk for the first time. This realization made him understand the importance of being present for his family.

The speaker reflects on how his father missed out on his first day of school due to having to work, and how this has caused the speaker to be overly cautious in providing his own children with everything they need. He reflects on how he gave up on his dream of becoming an NFL athletic trainer and chose to move his family to Florida for a season of Arena Football, which was a great decision. He reflects on the words of Goggins about how effort should be the priority instead of enjoyment and how his parents taught him the value of effort more than anyone else. The speaker concludes by talking about the modern snow day, where due to the pandemic, there is no such thing as a true day off anymore.

Timestamps

0:00:19

Word of the Third: Reflections on Purpose, Life, and Growth with Toby Brooks

0:01:42

Reflection on Completing the 75 Hard Challenge and the Impact of Reading David Goggins' Books

0:03:36

Reflection on David Goggins' "Discipline of Discipline" and Its Impact on My Life

0:07:43

"The Value of Effort: Reflections on Growing Up and Working Hard"

0:09:10

"Opportunity: A Reflection on Growth and Resilience"

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Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

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Some corners of the internet can be scary places. Social media in particular can be rough, with self-proclaimed experts on every virtual corner at the ready to tear us down, be critical, and just generally tell us why we don’t stack up.

However, bright spots exist, and hope remains. Take for instance Canadian Jonica Bullock. An interior designer by training and experience, she is in the midst of a major life transition to coaching and personal training, as years of hard work and experienced earned through relentless dedication not only changed her life, it changed the lives of those around her.

While Jonica never intentionally set out to inspire her corner of the world, that’s what happened as she steadily became the face of the FitBod workout app’s Facebook group—not to mention the curator of the page’s “Flex Friday” and an instrument of hope and light who provides genuine, heartfelt encouragement to others who are also on the path of their fitness journey. The work eventually led to her being asked to regularly contribute to a new podcast that helps tell the stories of one of the most encouraging social media communities ever.

It hasn’t been an easy climb for her, though. Overcoming the shame, stigma, and unhealthy habits of an eating disorder that first showed itself during her teens, her condition got better for a season, then reemerged like an angry monster in her early 30s. Jonica will forever be grateful  for the persistence of a concerned physician and the family and friends who supported her. Through lengthy, deliberate, and difficult work to heal and a steady resolve to learn and live through healthy habits, she discovered her voice and found her power…with that power being at an all-time high thanks to a disciplined approach to healthy fueling and serious work in the gym. And with her healing, she also discovered that she has a true gift for helping others navigate similar paths.   

Hear Jonica tell her story of overcoming disordered eating, her road to recovery, and her current efforts to help others find success in Episode 20: INSPIRE.     

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Growing up in Germany, Sabine Ehgoetz learned early on what it meant never to be enough. Raised by a physically and emotionally abusive mother who made her believe she wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough and simply not loveable the way she was, she soon internalized these messages. Despite evidence to the contrary – a master’s degree in political science in her late 20s, modelling jobs, and a successful career as an editor, her self-doubt manifested in eating disorders and often blind, harmful ambition.

Despite her constant drive and commitment to overcome the generational curse passed down through her mother and heal in order to earn the right to become a mother herself, despite years of therapy and personal development, she found herself in a toxic and abusive marriage – repeating the unhealthy patterns and dynamics she had associated with what love should feel like.
 
As hard and frightening as breaking free from this marriage was, by now alone in Canada and single mother of barely 3-year-old twins, it was equally liberating and empowering. Having lost everything, Sabine set out to continue her journey of overcoming and becoming the strongest and best version of herself, driven by the purpose of loving herself the way she always longed to loved, being the mother she always wanted and empowering other women to be at their best so they could do their best.

Competitive bodybuilding spoke to her ambitious nature, forever driven to get better, be better, be “enough”, but by the time she entered the sport, she has already done most of her healing work and was able to do so from a place of self-love, with a healthy body image and a healthy relationship with food. Bodybuilding for her has always been about much more about mental growth than physical growth – it has become her tool to consequently step outside her comfort zone, face any limiting beliefs she has left and to inspire other women to go after their dreams, no matter their obstacles and circumstances.

Today, with a successful career in marketing and in pursuit of earning her pro card as a bikini competitor in the IFBB, she passionately shares the strength and healing she found on her own journey through her own business as a mindset advocate and fitness and empowerment coaches, helping others navigate their own paths towards radical self-acceptance and boundless self-love.

Hear Sabine tell her story of early wounds and eventual healing, persistent doubts and hard-earned confidence in Episode 19: FLEX.    

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

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This week, we were fortunate enough to have not one but TWO guests who have made their mark in the performing arts. For Dave Holmes, a four-year stint as an MTV VJ has turned into a successful career as an actor, comedian, author, and most recently podcaster. If you haven’t listened to his 10-part Waiting For Impact show on Exactly Right Media, you are missing out. It is informative, entertaining, and actually was a critical part of my motivation to do THIS show.

My second guest, Jonathan Fruge is a world class performer who has taken stages and captivated audiences around the world in productions including choir, musical theatre, and vocal performance. He overcame tremendous adversity—most recently from the pandemic that shut down his show for months and resulted in him being furloughed and forced to make ends meet picking up a job at a supermarket. 

What stood out to me in talking with both of these wonderful guests was that they were careful to not ascribe blame to anyone or anything as they described their less-than-ideal situations. For Dave, he was even so bold as to specifically point out that his obstacles were almost exclusively of his creation. And for Jonathan, while 2020 certainly proved to be the most difficult year of his life, he recognized that it served an important purpose of putting him back on the right track in his relationship with God and redirecting him toward building his faith again.

To me, this unabashed and unapologetic ownership of the bad without completely piling on and destroying themselves with negative self-talk was inspiring. Far too often for me, I have either side-stepped my role and looked for the person of the circumstance I could blame for my poor outcome OR I took the martyr’s role of taking responsibility while also verbally abusing myself in the process.

There is a fine line between expecting our decisions and behaviors to be sound and demanding perfection. If we can’t seem to muster any grace for ourselves, we become victims of our own abuse. The gashes on our backs and the scars in our minds remain long after, and it was us cracking the whip the whole time.

I’m learning that try as I might, I simply cannot be perfect. At best, I can usually approach “pretty good.” Admitting that and giving myself some credit for the effort is an important step, because if I expect perfection, then I will absolutely be disappointed in myself. And when I am disappointed in myself, it isn’t hard to just throw my hands up in disgust and quit.

I expect best effort. I expect commitment. Those are attainable and those are possible. But perfection? Not going to happen.

Likewise, for both Dave and Jonathan, their “undones” went beyond self. Dave went from an unhealthy butt of jokes late in his career at MTV in the early 200s to a competitive triathlete, marathoner, and crossfitter today. Jonathan’s goals for the future involve sending his two beautiful daughters to college and also seeing them come to Christ before they leave home. This model of self-care and others-centered compassion is a powerful reminder to me to do what I need to do—imperfectly as it may be—to become the best version of me I can while also loving and serving my family audaciously in the process. I’ve failed more times than I can count. But the process of Becoming UnDone isn’t about the knockdown. It’s about the get up.    

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

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Finding our way in life can oftentimes be a difficult thing to do. Somewhere mixed between our passion, our opportunities, our skillset, and our purpose is what author and speaker Ryan Leak characterizes as our “Sweet Spot.” Oh sure, maybe you inherited a massive business from your family and you’re good at running it so it hits on the opportunity and skillset part of the equation. But if it isn’t something you’re passionate about and it doesn’t align with your purpose, it will always feel somewhat unfulfilling.

The challenge for most of us is that—when considering our futures and our jobs, at least—it can be so difficult to adequately know whether or not something will provide that magical alignment where what we love, what we have a chance to do, what we are good at, and the purpose we feel in our soul is ours to fulfill can all align.

Making things even harder still, some careers are particularly difficult to find your way into, with sports and the performing arts chief among them.

For Lubbock, Texas native Jonathan Fruge, singing and performing wasn’t necessarily the dream early on, but it was always there. Through time and practice, it became clear that he had the passion and the skill to make it his work, but jobs in the performing arts aren’t exactly plentiful in the dusty plains of West Texas. With time and trials and an ever-present love for the power of music, he made a career of it and found success, resulting in opportunities to perform on stages around the globe.

Then Covid 19 hit.

Perhaps no industry was as decimated by the global lockdowns as the live entertainment business, and Jonathan found himself at a crossroads. With a beautiful young family to support and flickering professional dreams an uncertainty, he did what he needed to do for a season and put those dreams on hold. And while the future still remains unwritten for the talented and hilarious Tenor from Texas, one thing is certain: he was born to inspire.

Hear Jonathan tell his story of overcoming fear and adversity while entertaining audiences around the world in Episode 17: SING. 

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Becoming UnDone was born from the collision of four ideas in my mind, not the least of which was the Dave Holmes podcast Waiting for Impact..

And fittingly, the guest I absolutely KNEW I had to get on the show, the guy whose work had inspired the idea to begin with, was the absolutely perfect example of resilience on his own path to victory. 

I did my research and learned all I could about Dave Holmes.

I discovered that after MTV, he’d gone on to become an actor and an author. he’d written and published a book, Party of One, in 2016. I immediately ordered it. When it arrived, I plowed through it in a couple of days, struck by just how in many ways he and I are so dissimilar in many ways. Yet so alike in so many others. 

I listened to Waiting for Impact in its entirety another four times. With each listen, I was less focused on being entertained and more focused on reverse engineering a show that could be so true to the research and journalistic integrity of telling the story in True Crime fashion, yet also be so wildly fun and entertaining. 

If podcasting was the house I intended to build, then Waiting for Impact was the blueprint I intended to follow.

In the show, Dave acknowledges his own journey, failing out of college at Holy Cross as he battled depression and addiction. He’d been publicly outed as one of the only gay students at the conservative Catholic school. In his own words, he managed to pull out of the emotional nose dive of his “shame spiral,” clawed his way back in, and ultimately graduated with a degree in advertising. 

Taking a series soulless jobs in New York followed. On a whim that would forever change his life, he worked up the courage to take a shot at MTV’s reality contest Wanna Be a VJ. He finished runner-up out of a veritable sea of contestants, just missing the offer of a dream job. But he’d impressed network execs along the way enough to land his dream gig as a VJ anyway. 

A smoker and drinker who had been criticized in his MTV days for being overweight eventually become an avid Crossfitter and competitive triathlete. Through later experiences as an actor, author, and Editor at Large of Esquire, Dave has been open, honest, and vulnerable in sharing both his struggles and his triumphs on his path to a life of both success and significance.

It seemed as though for every yin of disappointment, Dave had discovered and embraced a yang of accomplishment. 

If ANYONE knew what it meant to go from falling apart to falling into place, it was Dave. 

He had done so countless times. And in countless ways.

Enjoy Dave share his story of getting kicked out of college before clawing his way back in, rolling out of bed at 4 am to change his life forever, and his current plans to continue to grow as a burgeoning podcaster and new media mogul on Episode 16: IMPACT with Dave Holmes.

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It is Word to the 3rd Wins-Day: my mid-week reflections on purpose, life, and growth. I’m Toby Brooks, and I am a speaker, author, professor, and forever student. Each week on Becoming UnDone, I bring you guests who have dared bravely, risked mightily, and grown relentlessly—high achievers who have transformed from falling apart to falling into place. But every third episode, it’s my turn to reflect, refine, and reprocess—on Word to the 3rd Wins-Day.

As you may be able to tell, my voice is not cooperating and I’m a bit under the weather. If the past few years have taught us anything, maybe distance yourself a bit from your airpods or speakers just in case I’m contagious.

I don’t think what I HAVE is spreading, but it seems like word of the show IS, which makes me giddy. It has been yet another great week for me, and although this marks only the fifth Word to the 3rd, I thought it was time for a bit of fine-tuning and tweaking of the brand. I like the idea of a recurring mid-week show where we get to go back and examine what our most recent guests have taught us. At the same time, it’s also a chance for me to tell some stories from MY past or from stuff I’m learning that I think might be helpful for your growth journey. That said, Wed-nes-day seemed like as good a day as any, but I figured let’s spell it like we say it—and also celebrate the victories together on a Wins-day.

This week, I had a great time interviewing both new connection author Steve Safranek and my long-time friend Branda Anderson. Both played Division I sports and both shared a new twist on what had started to emerge as a trend of lost identity following the end of competitive athletics. Namely, the identity shift that occurs when sports are eventually over.

For Steve, as a walk-on on the Nebraska football team, he quickly realized that he was out over his skis a bit when he arrived on campus as a linebacker who was getting out run, out lifted, and generally overmatched by defensive backs and wideouts. It was a rude awakening, but he took it in stride and enjoyed the moment. For Steve, he said the realization that he was never going have any shot of playing at the next level, which really took hold in his mind two or three years into the program, was actually liberating. It allowed him to let go of sport gradually and without the pain we’ve heard from other guests whose careers ended more abruptly.

Likewise, Branda Anderson had a painful and honest conversation with her coach following her junior year where she was informed she wasn’t going to see much of the floor as a senior. While it hurt to hear in the moment, it gave Branda a chance to really drink in the team experience and understand that her role was to help prepare her teammates for battle rather than to equip herself week in and week out. As a result, she spent less time bitter and angry that basketball was ending on someone else’s terms and instead focused on being the best she could be in her assigned role.

These stories got me thinking about how I have been feeling in this season of my life. Try as I might to secure opportunities to grow as a leader, and administrator, and a speaker, things just haven’t seemed to break free just yet. I’m confident that they will eventually, but in the meantime it has been humbling to get passed over for promotions and to fail to get much traction when I’ve applied for jobs that I thought might be well-suited to my skills and experience. 

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Any high-functioning team typically has a number of people playing their role to the best of their ability. Whether a Broadway cast, a team of entrepreneurs for a new startup, or a sports team, most groups of people have a few stars, some up-and-comers, and a number of role players. When everyone understands their unique contribution to the shared success, then the unit can fire on all cylinders.

Eagle River, Alaska native Branda Anderson never had aspirations of playing in the WNBA or even dominating the paint in college when she first started playing basketball in middle school. However, her growing skills and tireless work ethic eventually led to a storied high school career, capturing four total team state championships (one in basketball and three more in track), a state championship in shot put, and All-State and State Tournament Team honors in basketball. Such opened opportunities to continue pursuing her athletic aspirations in college, and she found herself on full scholarship at Division 1 Southern Illinois University in Carbondale shortly after.

But things would not be so easy. A full 5-day journey from home and finding herself buried deep on the bench, she had a decision to make: quit altogether, go somewhere else, or be the best she could be at the role she’d been given. While it proved challenging, she stayed the course and finished her career as a respected and valued member of the team.

In the years that followed, she’s balanced ministry service, teaching, coaching, and graduate school. And after nearly 20 years in the high school classroom, she recently made the decision to switch to a new role Teaching and Learning Specialist at the Holocaust Center for Humanity in Seattle, Washington while she works toward a PhD in Holocaust and Genocide Studies.

Hear her tell her story of resilience, hard work, and being a servant leader before it was trendy and cool in episode 15: SWITCH 

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Life can take us on some unexpected journeys, and there’s little doubt that Omaha, Nebraska’s Steve Safranek has seen his share of twists and turns on his path forward. From his days dreaming of gridiron glory, to years spent working in retail management, to a quick detour in the snack food industry while—of all things—getting his fitness and wellness business off the ground, it has been a rewarding and meaningful climb. But along the way, he realized that he'd learned so much from coaches, teammates, colleagues, and coworkers that he finally decided it was time to also add “author” to his bio. Releasing his book, the Sh!t No One Wants to Hear: How to Accept and Embrace the Uncomfortable Truth in Our Lives  in 2022, he also made a dramatic shift from his career path of nearly 20 years in retail and sales to fitness, wellness, and development as a yoga instructor and owner of a fitness studio. Hear Steve share how he ended up a Cornhusker, how he simultaneously became a health-conscious vegan while working for Frito Lay, and how the former linebacker traded his shoulder pads for a yoga mat in 

Episode 13: NAMASTE with Steve Safranek! 

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This week, I had the opportunity to interview a couple of highly decorated former athletes, with former pro basketball player Josh Washington in episode 10: REBORN, and former pro football player and Winter Olympian Johnny Quinn in episode 11: PUSH. Both shared their stories of overcoming incredible challenges, adversities, and doubt to ultimately navigate through to victory. What jumped out to me was their common themes of identity and faith.

For Josh, early success on the basketball court helped him avoid bullying and unwanted attention that a stutter likely would have brought. He went all in on his hoop dreams, ultimately receiving countless awards and honors as an athlete before being offered more than two dozen scholarships to prestigious college programs across the country.

For Johnny, it was a similar journey in terms of success in competition, but dramatically different in terms of opportunity. With just one Division 1 offer coming through at the last minute before signing day, he headed to college with something to prove.

For both, sport naturally grew as an extension of who they were as people. Josh Washington the basketball player and Johnny Quinn the football player were badges they both wore with pride.

But as they say, pride cometh before the fall.

But what I absolutely love about both Josh Washington and Johnny Quinn is that they made it through. A personal, professional, and spiritual wasteland awaits all of us when that thing we used to define ourselves is taken…or even given…at the end of a season in our life. It is human nature to try and bandage those wounds as best we can, pick up the pieces, and press on. 

What about you? Do you find yourself in that wilderness now, reaching for purpose? Or maybe you’ve already managed to walk through it, living to tell someone else about how you survived. I’d love to hear about it. 

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.