Raising Elite Competitors

Benched?! How To Help Your Daughter Regain Her Confidence


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Being “benched” or not getting the playing time athletes desire isn’t fun. 

However, it’s bound to happen at some point in an athlete’s career. Usually the response to getting benched is negative and can easily cut a player’s confidence if she doesn’t have strategies to use when she finds herself on the sidelines. 

Fortunately, there are some simple ways that athletes can regain their confidence in this tough situation. 

In this episode, I'll go over what your athlete can do!

Focus on Breath + Thoughts

If an athlete is being pulled from a game (for reasons other than normal rotation or to give her a break), there are likely some emotions happening. Maybe frustration from the coach or athlete herself. There could be confusion. Maybe the team is losing and the energy is funky. 

This is the perfect time to get back to two things that will ground and center the athlete from being carried away: Breath and Thoughts. 

We'll dig in on both of these in the episode.

Stay Engaged On The Bench

Experts agree that the majority of communication is nonverbal. 

Meaning our body language and our facial expressions are communicating more than our words, especially when we get benched. 

Follow the flow of the game, be ready to give information to your position group or the person who went in for you, high five and encourage your teammates, and make sure that you are still contributing to your team through your energy and knowledge (remember, you don’t have to be on the court/field to do this!)

You also never know when your coach needs you to go back in, so be ready and prepared mentally and physically! 

Ask For Feedback

If your coach didn’t give you a reason for pulling you out of the game (and it wasn’t obvious to you), schedule a time when you can meet with her/him and seek some feedback. 

This could be a good time to clarify your role on the team as well if that seems to be a little fuzzy (remember - not all roles include starting/playing all the time). 

In the episode, I'll give you some things to keep in mind when asking for feedback.

Bonus: Parents - Encourage Your Athlete to Reflect and Seek Feedback 

Parents, one of the most powerful things you can do when your daughter is in this position is to direct her to focus on her own improvement. 

Have her complete a post-competition reflection to get honest with herself and take ownership over how she can improve. 

If she is still puzzled and confused as to why she was benched, encourage her to talk to the coach. 

In short, being benched isn’t fun. But, just like everything in life, our athletes get to choose how they respond. With these strategies, they can use their situation as an opportunity to grow! 

Helpful Links:

  • Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
  • Download the free resources we've created for you
  •  Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes by leaving a rating and review. It's THE BEST way to help our podcast be seen and heard! Thank you!

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Raising Elite CompetitorsBy Coach Bre

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