Tim’s list of rules is so long it could be its own constitution. No chicken for dinner, no post-it notes, no jeans with hands in the pockets, and definitely no Birkenstocks midweek. He bans hot cross buns in public, toast in bed, and anyone turning up to work with wet hair unless it’s from laps. Food rules are brutal too — no tomatoes for dinner, no cheese with fish (unless it’s tuna or lobster mornay), and no full meals at 4:45pm. The team reckon it should be written on a scroll at this point because “Bitchy Tim’s Rules” just keep multiplying.

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