Struggling with a boyfriend’s past isn’t fun.

Letting go of intrusive thoughts about your boyfriend’s past, and overcoming retroactive jealousy is a massive topic (I’ve built a website, wrote a book, and designed an entire online course around it).

There’s a lot for me to get into, here.

But in the early stages of overcoming retroactive jealousy, if you wonder how to deal with your bf’s past, then you would do well to keep the following principles in mind.

**Video transcript below**

Of course, accepting these principles is easier said than done, but I believe it is essential for your healing and as a first step toward overcoming retroactive jealousy for good.

1.) Your boyfriend’s past made him who he is today.

Before you groan, hear me out:

If any aspect of your boyfriend’s past was different, he would be a completely different human being.

Pause and consider that for a moment.

And what’s more: if your boyfriend was a different human being, you might not be attracted to him at all.

I’m serious.

To a certain extent, we are all a compilation of our past experiences, good and bad. We are all informed and influenced by our past experiences. Before saying  “my boyfriend’s past makes me sick”, think about yours, is it perfect?

And thus, if we generally like who we are today, and others seem to like us as well, we should be grateful for those experiences, good and bad.

This does not mean we should repeat our mistakes and indiscretions from our past–but merely, to look at them as teachers.

Some teachers are harsh but fair. Others are cruel, yet effective. Although the way they convey messages might leave something to be desired, they still taught us something. Often, something very important.

Many of the darker episodes from your past–or your boyfriend’s past–can be viewed the same way.

There may be certain elements of your boyfriend’s past which you don’t like. But as long as your boyfriend’s values and your values don’t contradict each other, what are you really worrying about here?

Retroactive jealousy is usually based on insecurity. Take a long look in the mirror the next time you have the instinct to go snooping into your boyfriend’s past.

2.) When we date someone, we take the good with the bad.

Same with your boyfriend’s past. Maybe the answer to “How to deal with your bf’s past?” is not to deal at all. 

This is an idea I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.

Because I’m a straight guy, and it would be a bit odd to write about my “boyfriend’s past,” let’s pretend I’m struggling with my girlfriend’s past–or present, for that matter.

Let’s say I’m threatened by my girlfriend’s sexy exes.

Let’s say one of them is a bodybuilding multi-millionaire with three yachts in his backyard. Let’s say another is an Academy Award winning actor who tends to attract women like moths to a flame.

And let’s also say that my girlfriend is funny, gregarious, outgoing, independent-minded, warm, and loving.