I cringe every time I hear someone ask a victim of covert narcissism why they are still there or why they haven’t left. It’s an okay question in the right circumstances. But it is a crushing question in the wrong situation. 

In the wrong conversation, this becomes victim blaming.

You aren’t strong enough to stand up for yourself.

You don’t love yourself enough.

You chose this so that’s on you.

If you decide to stay, I can’t help you.

These statements and these attitudes are so painful to someone who is already living in an incredibly painful situation. Making them feel worse is not going to help. When I am in a coaching situation and someone tells me that they really want to stay. I understand this, because so did I. So let’s talk about it.

For those who have left, that was an incredibly tough decision to make. But I want you to understand that for those who stay, this is an equally tough decision to make. To everyone listening who has chosen to stay in their marriage with a covert narcissist, I want you to know this: you are not alone. Your choice to stay is not a measure of your strength or worth. It is simply the path you are on right now, and there is no shame in that.

Continue to take care of yourself. Protect your peace. And remember, you have the power to revisit this decision whenever you feel the need. Life is a journey, and you are walking it with courage every single day.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

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