Clarity on Fire

Do you remember that scene in E.T. when he (E.T., that is) shuffles out of a closet wearing a dress, high heels, a blonde wig, and a little bowler hat?

Yeah, I didn't really remember it either, until Rachel brought it up.

She was using that very vivid mental picture (you should really Google "E.T. in a wig" if you want a good laugh) to describe how she's always felt about dating—she's E.T. in a wig, and everyone else is a tan, gleaming contestant on the Bachelor.

Obviously this made me LOL. Not only because it's a hilarious analogy, but because from the outside, it's patently ridiculous. Of course she's not a weird alien, trying and failing miserably to perform a common human ritual (dating).

But as dubious as it sounds to me, it feels true to HER, and that's what impostor syndrome is all about—You're constantly afraid that you're going to be "found out" as the fraud you fear you "truly" are, regardless of how silly or illogical it seems on the outside.

In this Magic 8-Ball episode from July 2018, we dived in to impostor syndrome and how to overcome it. We covered…

• Where impostor syndrome comes from, and why it's so sneaky (hint: it's because everyone has it, but no one's willing to talk about it).
• Why high achievers and intelligent people are actually the MOST likely to suffer from it.
• Why impostor syndrome tends to go hand-in-hand with the feeling that something came "too easily" to us.
• How to tell if you're experiencing impostor syndrome, versus when you might ACTUALLY be an impostor.
• Plus, I coached Rachel on the fly about her impostor syndrome, and we got to the bottom of what's going on.

Leave a comment after you've listened to share your own experiences with impostor syndrome!

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

Bring your own butterbeer: Kristen interviews Rachel on her 30th birthday! (August 2018)

Side Chat: Are you copping out? Or letting yourself off the hook? (April 2020)

Magic 8-Ball: The grief of transitions (April 2020)

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Lately, we've had multiple clients approach us with the same exact question (which is how we know it's time to talk about it on the podcast!). It goes a little something like this:

"So, my intuition was convinced that this thing (job/relationship/what-have-you) was right for me. I felt a strong sense of knowing. But then … that thing didn't work out. What gives?? Was my intuition wrong? How do I know I can trust it if I feel strongly about something, then act on that guidance, only to be disappointed?"

The idea of trusting your intuition? Easy. The reality? Messy. So, in this month's brand-new Side Chat we're delving into what happens when your intuition leads you astray. We talked about …

• The difference between your intuition being "wrong" and your interpretation of it being incorrect.
• How we get tripped up by focusing too much on the end result, instead of paying attention to what's happening right now.
• Why it's possible for your intuition to be right about something in the past, and for that thing to not work out later on.
• Stories from us and a few of our clients and friends about when our intuition seemed wrong … but why it was ultimately right.

Leave a comment after you've listened to share a time when you thought your intuition was wrong! We'd love to hear.

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November 2018)

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (June 2019)

Bonus Book Club! E-Squared by Pam Grout (January 2020)

Side Chat: A mind-blowing, time-bending analogy (May 2020)

Side Chat: The dread of good things (June 2020)

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I tend to get wrapped up in my own thoughts. A lot. As in, I've gone on solo road trips and not even turned the radio on for hours. I'm very comfortable with silence.

Because of this, I've heard the same kinds of comments from people close to me for my whole life:

"You got really quiet all of a sudden. What's going on?" Or, "You have to tell me how you're feeling — I can't read your mind!" Or, usually in an argument, "Are you even hearing me? Say something already!"

The strange thing is, anyone who knows me well will tell you that I can be chatty. I used to bring report cards home from school with all A's and a little X-mark that said, "Talks to her friends too much in class."

And if you've ever listened to our podcast, I think it's pretty clear that talking — sometimes ad nauseam — about something I care deeply about is certainly not an issue of mine!

So what's going on? Why is it that I can be so talkative sometimes, and so quiet and pensive other times?

It took me a long time to figure this out (and a lot of seeing similar patterns in people I coach), but it turns out it has everything to do with how I process thoughts, feelings, and information.

Most people in my life — my closest friends, and most of my family members, too — are external processors. Me, on the other hand? I'm an internal processor.

In this week's Magic 8-Ball episode, I'm getting into both processing styles and helping you figure out which one you are so you can process everything that 2020 has brought up with a bit more ease.

Come leave a comment after you've listened to share which kind of processor you are!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Are you a tortoise or a hare? (October 2019)

How to tell, once and for all, if you're an introvert or an extrovert (February 2019)

Exploring the 16 personality types with Leslie McDaniel (August 2018)

Emotional constipation with Joanna Platt (April 2018)

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Rachel and I often encourage our clients to do informational interviews when they're trying to discern whether a certain career path will be a good fit for them. Why? Because nothing quite beats hearing real people's stories and getting honest feedback about the all questions you have (but maybe feel weird asking in a real interview).

Usually when I suggest this, though, my clients feel super resistant to the idea. And I get why — it's incredibly vulnerable to reach out to strangers and ask for help, guidance, feedback, or mentorship.

Elise Austen felt just as resistant about trying informational interviews, but once she committed to it, she got better results than she could have hoped for. Not only did get she lots of clarity on what career track she wanted, but she ended up with some great friends and mentors who have gone above and beyond to support her.

How did she do it?? That's what I'm here to ask her in this week's interview with a normal person. We got into…

• How having her plans completely derailed by the pandemic ended up motivating her to get more intentional about her next career moves.
• How hard it was for her to hit send on that first message, and how she overcame the awkwardness.
• Her brilliant strategy for getting over being too attached to results.
• A breakdown of how many people she reached out to and how many of those actually turned into helpful connections.
• How to make asking for informational interviews feel like a win-win, instead of a selfish ask.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to share how this conversation resonated with you!

MORE ABOUT Elise Austen

Elise Austen is currently an assistant based in Chicago, navigating her 30s and trying to find the next step in her career. Three months ago, she decided to jump into the unknown by booking a one-way flight to Europe ... but, she had to change course when the world threw her a curveball. Now, she's using this forced pause to reevaluate her choices and get more intentional.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, THEN YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Blog: Why you should get down with informational interviews (May 2018) Rejection Therapy with Alex Grodnik (June 2019) Finding a dream job after years of searching with Teanca Shephard (September 2018)

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

If you squint a little, the theme of this month ended up being "deal breakers"—in friendships, at work, and in romantic relationships. We answered questions from:

• Haley, who's feeling hurt that she's the one who always initiates communication with her friends. How can she ask for more balance in her friendships (and is there a bigger red flag here)?
• Worth More or Want More, who just hit the 6-month mark at her first "real" job. She's BARELY breaking even after paying for rent, groceries, and bills, and wants to ask for a 5% raise when she hits her 1-year mark. Is this a crazy ask? And what should she do if they turn her down?
• Claire, who was recently dating a guy who she didn't align with on some important issues, one being that he's homophobic and she's queer. She wants to know what issues count as deal breakers in romantic relationships, and is it unreasonable to expect total agreement?

Leave a comment after you've listened to share how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our August episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

How to negotiate anything (even if you're a people pleaser) with Devon Smiley (May 2019)

Rejection therapy with Alex Grodnik (June 2019)

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A while back I was catching up with one of my very first clients-turned-friends. (Random aside: This is one of the things I love about coaching. You get to connect with really cool people who often end up becoming lifelong buddies.)

In our conversation she mentioned that an off-the-cuff (and definitely not super serious) analogy I'd made had actually really helped her to see life differently. So much so that she still thinks about it to this day.

(This story involves references to horses and aliens … so don't say I didn't warn ya.)

Rae, my friend and former client, originally came to me for some relationship coaching. Even though you'd think that talking about relationships is completely different than coaching around your career or passion in life … it's really not.

You take your beliefs, triggers and deep fears with you everywhere you go and into anything that you do. What prevents someone from having a healthy relationship is often the exact thing that's getting in the way of having an awesome career.

Anyway, Rae was struggling to let go of something (particularly, a relationship with a guy) that was no longer healthy for her. I'm sure you can relate, in one way or another—you know intellectually that you'd be better off moving on (from the relationship, the friendship, the job, whatever)—but you still feel tied to it because it's all you know.

I sent her an email to help her see things differently, and it changed everything for her. In this week's Magic 8-Ball episode, I'm bringing back this classic blog from 5 years ago.

Come leave a comment after you've listened to share how this one flipped your perspective!

LAST DAY FOR 1-ON-1 COACHING ENROLLMENT!

Today, Tuesday, June 30th is the LAST day to consider signing up for 1:1 coaching!

A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We're taking on about 15, max 20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• Our last coaching enrollment of the year will probably be in October. If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list, and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief call with you!

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We all know how good it feels to get rid of actual stuff — clothes that are out of style, clutter that's taking up space in your closet, décor that belongs in another decade.

We'd argue it feels just as good, if not better, to get rid of your metaphorical crap — the beliefs that weigh you down, the assumptions that you inherited from someone else, and the fears that are no longer relevant to the times we're living in now.

So, in that spirit, we're back with another special episode of Burn This. Every once in a while, we're going to go through some of our collective intangible garbage and give you, and all of us, permission to throw it in the burn pile!

Today we're burning the idea that emotions need to be labeled. We go into…

• How anger, sadness, frustration, even joy isn't good or bad, ever.
• The unintended consequences that result when you unconsciously believe an emotion, especially a difficult one, is "bad."
• The emotions you might be most uncomfortable with, and therefore most likely to label incorrectly, according to your Enneagram type.
• How to retrain your brain to think of emotions in a neutral way.

Come leave a comment after you've listened to share how you've been guilty of labeling emotions!

1-ON-1 COACHING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT!

The doors are open for new coaching clients now through this coming Tuesday, June 30th!

A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15, max 20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• Our last coaching enrollment of the year will probably be in October. If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list, and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief call with you!

MORE EPISODES ABOUT THE ENNEAGRAM

Bonus Book Club! The Wisdom of the Enneagram (Part 1) (August 2019)

Bonus Book Club! The Wisdom of the Enneagram (Part 2) (August 2019)

Side Chat: Enneagram Soul Child Theory (February 2020)

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One of my clients, Haley, had a doozy of a 2019.

In April she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant with her second child. It felt like a joyful permission slip—she'd been feeling the urge to quit her corporate job since her first daughter was born two years before, but hadn't been able to justify that decision.

By early May she'd given her two weeks' notice, and by Memorial Day she was a full-time stay-at-home mom.

And then, in late June, Haley's beloved Great-Aunt Mimi passed away … and left Haley her house. (If you need proof that things can change quickly, let Haley be your example!)

Haley and her husband decided to keep the house, renovate it, and move in after the new baby was born. She told me, "Aunt Mimi had been on the decline for a while. The last time I saw her before she died, I got to tell her that I was pregnant. She was so happy for us. I sort of wonder if that gave her some peace and allowed her to let go. I think she would have loved us making her house our new home."

But as divine as the timing was, that didn't stop Haley from having a near-breakdown over going through SO many transitions at once. It was at that point that she reached out for some coaching. She was struggling to process her new life, and also feeling guilty about the fact that she was struggling to process it all (classic, right?).

After all, women who inherit houses and are blessed with babies and get to quit their jobs don't have problems, right?

Come leave a comment after you've listened to share how Haley's story landed with you!

1-ON-1 COACHING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT!

The doors are open for new coaching clients now through next Tuesday, June 30th!

A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15, max 20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• Our last coaching enrollment of the year will probably be in October. If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list, and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief call with you!

LINKS

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As much as we all think we want to be happy— "I'll be happy when I get my dream job!" or "I'll be happy when I have a relationship"—humans aren't actually very good at happiness.

As long as the happiness remains an idea in our mind, it's safe to linger on. But when happiness because a reality, all of a sudden, we start to trip over ourselves. We wait for the other shoe to drop. We fret about losing the thing that's made us happy.

Can we never win?? Why do we do that to ourselves? You'd think if we'd finally managed to get somewhere good, we'd marinate in it for a while instead of immediately finding something else to have anxiety about.

In this month's brand-new side chat, we're talking about the dread of good things; AKA, upper limit problems. We got into…

• How to identify if you're having an upper limit problem, and the difference between that and a plain old problem.
• How to break through an upper limit problem.
• The story of what we've both been going through in the past year, and all of the upper limit problems we've met along the way (including how Rachel almost barfed when she found out she was buying a house).

Come leave a comment to share some of your upper limit problems with us!

1-ON-1 COACHING IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT AGAIN!

The doors are open for new coaching clients now through Tuesday, June 30th!

A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15, max 20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• Our last coaching enrollment of the year will probably be in October. If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list, and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're ready to talk about the possibility of coaching, fill out the form on this page and we'll schedule a brief call with you!

LINKS

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Ever felt like you're a ghost wandering the halls of your workplace? Sure, you're physically there, but the REAL YOU is nowhere to be found. You're mentally checked out, emotionally drained, and showing up as a watered-down, hollow version of yourself.

In this Magic 8-Ball episode, we're bringing back someone who was all too familiar with that feeling: Lana Jackson, who was Kristen's first-ever interview with a normal person back in May 2018.

After years of feeling like a ghost of her real self, trapped by a boring, soul-sucking job, she decided it was time to get clear on what she *really* wanted out of her life and career. Now she's a budding entrepreneur and personal stylist helping women express themselves from the inside out. She shares the whole journey with us, in this interview.

On this episode we talk about:

• The heartache of feeling lost, directionless, and inauthentic
• The 3 questions Lana asked herself to figure out exactly what she wanted to do career-wise
• Lana's advice for staying sane while balancing a full-time job and a side hustle
• Why making time for silence is the most productive thing you can do
• Style tips for women who want to feel more empowered and confident (and just generally in life)

After you've listened leave us a comment to share how Lana's wisdom resonated with you!

MORE ABOUT LANA

The Storied Life (TSL) is a lifestyle media and e-commerce site that provides an exclusive, behind-the-story look into luxury and adjacent brands in fashion, beauty, food, and culture. TSL's editorial articles and interviews feature a tight curation of brands that values storytelling, craftsmanship, design, and creativity. TSL is co-founded by Lana Jackson and her sister Jilene, whose culturally curious, story-driven, and fashion-forward voice seeks to restore the humanity in retail.

Lana Jackson is an experienced wardrobe stylist, with three degrees in Fashion Design, Product Development, and Art History. Lana is committed to supporting women-owned enterprises as she is a mid-stage investor in woman-owned media brand Darling and former fashion contributor for Verily Magazine. While building The Storied Life, she successfully launched and maintained her personal styling and image consulting firm, Narrative Personal Styling. She currently resides in Washington, D.C.

THINGS LANA MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

The Blue Book by Jim Branch

Cleo Wade

Lana's blog post about women and the future of the work economy

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment this Friday, June 19 (and will go through Tuesday, June 30)! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15, max 20 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• Our last coaching enrollment of the year will probably be in October. If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

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