Clarity on Fire

All of us have either been the person who, even if they know it's happening, can't stop dating carbon copies of the same person over and over again; OR we've been the friend watching it happen, wanting to beat our head (and our friend's head) against the wall.

And if that doesn't resonate, maybe you've been the person who keeps seeking praise and validation from a boss who's stingy with compliments, or maybe you've been the person who really wants to get close to people but runs away as soon as things get too vulnerable.

How you show up in relationships — romantic, platonic, professional, familial — is VERY much influenced by your attachment style.

There are 4 styles, and only one of them is healthy. And none of us have just one style (sooo … do the math — that means we've all got at least some unhealthy relationship patterns).

In this side chat from October 2019, we're getting into some Psych 101 and breaking down:

• Each of the 4 attachment styles: What they mean and where they came from.
• Why attachment theory explains SO much about your unhealthy relationship patterns.
• Why some people just can't stop being codependent, while others can't help being avoidant (and why some people are, oddly enough, both).
• How to start breaking the cycle of your attachment style and become healthy in all of your relationships.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know what your attachment style is and how this episode is helping you think about your patterns differently!

LOVED THIS? LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT!

Dear Krachel: What counts as a "deal breaker" in relationships? (July 2020)

The magic of thinking like a happily single woman with Shani Silver (April 2020)

Contagious Love with Carla Romo (November 2019)

Conscious break-ups & brave conversations with normal person Marina (January 2019)

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There's a reason that the Hero's Journey is a circle—the hero or heroine can only appreciate how much they've grown and changed when they go back to the beginning. Everything at home is as they left it, but yet it feels incredibly different … because they are different.

In the last four years, Brit Kolo quit a job, started a business, evolved that business into something new, lost her faith in that business, got a new job, quit it after 3 months, and came back to her business with renewed hope and energy. A heroine's journey for sure!

There's a reason Brit is one of our favorite people, and this conversation showcases it. You're going to love how deep and empowering this one is. Listen in as Rachel and Brit talk about…

• What precipitated Brit, a Firestarter if ever there was one, deciding to throw her hands up in surrender and be open to literally anything that happened next … including setting her business aside for a new job.
• How she followed her intuition and pursued what felt aligned every step of the way, which meant walking away from that new job after only 3 months.
• How she dealt with the opinions and disappointment of the people in her personal and professional life after making such a life-altering decision.
• The difference between selfish and self-sustaining choices, and how to make decisions that serve you without being wracked by guilt.

We'd love to hear how this powerhouse of a conversation inspires you, so come share in the comments!

MORE ABOUT BRIT

Brit Kolo is the Creator of the Marketing Personality Type™ Framework at MarketingPersonalities.com and the Host of the Marketing Personalities Podcast. Through her framework, designed to match you with your best marketing strategy based on your Myers-Briggs Personality Type, she's here to shake up your approach to marketing and inspire you to grow your business in a feel-good way. Meet Brit and get ready to go deep, find your true self, and grow that business of yours WITHOUT feeling fake and salesy at MarketingPersonalities.com.

LOVED THIS? LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT!

A true fan asks us deep, probing questions with Brit Kolo (April 2019)

Magic 8-Ball: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (March 2020)

Bonus Book Club! Untamed by Glennon Doyle (May 2020)

Side Chat: What happens when your intuition is wrong? (June 2020)

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Have you noticed that surfers tend to have nice abs even though they're not trying to? They're just out there doing what they love, and abs are the happy byproduct.

Meanwhile, you might be in the gym, cursing your ab-less torso on what feels like your millionth rep of sit-ups.

When you boil it down, there are always two approaches to getting what you want: Head-on, or sideways. The head-on approach is how must of us naturally assume success and achievement work. It's direct and rooted in cause and effect. "I do this, I get that."

In today's brand-new Side Chat, we're talking about the sideways approach to getting what you want. It's counterintuitive (or maybe just purely intuitive) and indirect. We got into…

• How we might all be falsely correlating effort with success.
• Why doing what feels good is usually the best way to get what you want, even if it's completely unrelated to your goal.
• Examples of how we're coming at goals indirectly right now.
• How this idea ties into "no more expectations for 2020."

We'd love to hear what you're going to come at sideways, starting now. Come share in the comments!

LAST DAY OF 1:1 COACHING ENROLLMENT!

Today, Friday the 16th, is the LAST day we're accepting sign-up forms for new clients! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15 people in this new wave, but some of those spots are already spoken for!
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• You have the option of 2 or 6 months of coaching, though we'll prioritize people who want to do 6 months.
• This is our last coaching enrollment of the year! If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

Check out the details and fill out the form on this page, and we'll talk to you soon!

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Here's a metaphor for you:

You're a tree. You've got lots of branches — career, romance, friends, family, hobbies, health — but one root system.

If your "career" branch is feeling lackluster, does it really make sense to spend a lot of time pruning, clipping, and sprucing just that branch? Isn't it likely that if one branch is withering, all of the branches might be affected? And in that case, why not direct your attention to the (brace yourself for a pun) root of the matter?

It seems like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised by how many people are busy trying to perfect one branch of their tree without doing any of the deeper work needed to help the whole system thrive.

So instead of a new blog, and to highlight the fact that we're taking on new coaching clients until this Friday (info below!), in today's Magic-8 Ball episode (originally from October of last year) we're expanding on this metaphor by getting into why career coaching has almost nothing to do with your career.

We're talking about…

• Why a new job is never the solution to your misery (even when you're convinced it is).
• The baggage you keep carting with you through every career transition (instead of learning how to let it go).
• Signs you've been focused on the wrong solutions to your dissatisfaction, and how to turn your attention to what actually works.
• Becoming the kind of person who's a match to their ideal career situation — someone who can not only get (or create) their dream job, but actually thrive in it.

This is the best, clearest episode we've ever published about our coaching philosophy. We shared some behind-the-scenes details about what it's like to work with us 1-on-1, and how our approach differs from other kinds of coaching, career counseling, and therapy.

If you're curious about exactly what it's like to be coached, and why it works so well, this is a must-listen!

1:1 COACHING ENROLLMENT IS OPEN NOW!

We're accepting sign-up forms for new clients through Friday, October 16! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15 people in this new wave, but some of those spots are already spoken for!
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• You have the option of 2 or 6 months of coaching, though we'll prioritize people who want to do 6 months.
• This is our last coaching enrollment of the year! If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

Check out the details and fill out the form on this page, and we'll talk to you soon!

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Today's episode was going to be a new normal person interview, but our normal person wasn't feeling well at the last minute (no expectations, right?), so we're pushing that episode back until later this month and giving you a bonus side chat today, instead!

Since we were planning on talking to our normal person about something big she abruptly quit, we thought it would be fun to continue with that theme and share all the things that we have abruptly quit over the years.

We're getting the time that…

• Rachel left the prestigious university she attended as a freshman
• Kristen joined the corps of cadets at her college, only to drop out 6 weeks later
• Rachel, a straight-A student to her core, shrugged her shoulders and flunked a community college course
• Kristen quit a job after 5 weeks
• …and more illuminating and embarrassing stories!

Turns out your life doesn't have to be a logical, measured straight line. You can be a bit of a hot mess and still end up where you're supposed to be.

And of course, we'd love to hear what you've quit over the years. Come share in the comments!

1:1 COACHING ENROLLMENT IS OPEN NOW!

We're accepting sign-up forms for new clients through Friday, October 16! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15 people in this new wave, but some of those spots are already spoken for!
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• You have the option of 2 or 6 months of coaching, though we'll prioritize people who want to do 6 months.
• This is our last coaching enrollment of the year! If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

Check out the details and fill out the form on this page, and we'll talk to you soon!

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I may have grown up watching my brother play football and seeing college and NFL games on TV every weekend for months on end, but 95% of it didn't sink in. I'd always rather be reading a book. Sorry, family!

But you know what I do love? Friday Night Lights. You don't have to love football to be heart-eyes for Matt Saracen and Tim Riggins, and to want to model your entire romantic relationship off of Coach and Tami Taylor (are Kristen and I the platonic Coach and Tami?? Discuss). It's a near-perfect show that pulls at your heartstrings and makes you believe in the underdog.

And maybe it's because it's fall, and therefore football season, or maybe it's because we've only got a few months left in what's been a wild year (to say the least), but to me it feels like we're collectively the underdog right now—it's the fourth quarter, time is ticking, and it would be easy to give up.

This is when Coach Taylor would remind us: "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose."

As in, play your heart out, kid. Be big and bold and brave because as long as you're doing it for the love of the game, there's no such thing as a loss.

And naturally, because it's TV, they'd turn it around and win. And you'd cheer and cry, because you're only human (and also a bit of a sucker).

Life isn't Friday Night Lights, but because Kristen and I are still coaches (albeit not of the football variety), I feel compelled to remind you: 2020 is still anyone's game. A lot can change in a couple months … haven't we learned that already this year?

What you decide to do with the rest of the year is up to you. But there's still time to leave it all on the field—to be big and bold and brave. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Consider today's special episode of the podcast a team huddle. Bring it in, because we're giving you a much-needed pep talk!

And if you need a (life) coach in the fourth quarter (of the year), then read on.

1:1 COACHING ENROLLMENT IS OPEN NOW!

We're accepting sign-ups forms for new clients starting today, Tuesday, October 6 through Friday, October 16! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• You have the option of 2 or 6 months of coaching, though we'll prioritize people who want to do 6 months.
• This is our last coaching enrollment of the year! If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

Check out the details and fill out the form on this page, and we'll talk to you soon!

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

This month we answered questions from:

• Margot, who's into our idea of having no expectations for the rest of 2020, but suspects she's overthinking it. She has a few big things she wants to make decisions about … but is having no expectations an excuse for procrastination and laziness?
• Happily Childless, who is tired of feeling like a second-class citizen for not having (or wanting to have kids). She doesn't want to keep working long hours or holidays because people with kids aren't available! How can she make her employers and friends see that a child-free person's life and time are just as valuable?
• Rose, who is frustrated by the one-sided conversations with her husband. He supports her love of personal growth, but he doesn't easily reciprocate when she wants him to open up. Is it possible to get him to open and up and share more so she can feel more connected to him?

Leave a comment after you've listened to share how our advice for these listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our November episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again on Tuesday, October 6! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• This is our last coaching enrollment of the year! If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

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In times like these, it can be especially hard to tune into your intuition and receive guidance. Fear and uncertainty create a LOT of noise, both internally and externally! And, ironically, it's exactly when we're most afraid and unsure that we most need to be able to receive wisdom and inspiration.

Back in April we started doing regular "Message from the Universe" episodes to help get us through the pandemic. While we stopped doing them regularly a few months ago, we promised they'd be back at random, probably when you most needed a little encouragement!

So, if you're having a hard time getting calm, quieting your mind, and tuning in lately (understandable, if so!), we hope this message will give you an extra boost of guidance today.

We pulled 3 cards from each of two different oracle decks. One or both has a message for you!

Click here to see the cards, as well as read the description of each!

After you listen, come leave a comment to share how the message landed with you.

MORE ABOUT TODAY'S READINGS

We used two decks today: The Enchanted Map by Collette Baron Reid and the classic Rider-Waite Tarot cards.

The Tarot card descriptions were written by the fabulous Madeleine Joan! Madeleine is a Tarot card reader, intuitive, and astrologist with well over 20 years of experience. We recommend that you:

Check out her site and a book a private reading with her Visit her YouTube channel Follow her on Instagram Join her Patreon

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again on Tuesday, October 6! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• This is our last coaching enrollment of the year! If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

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A while back, I happened upon a quote as I was scrolling through Instagram that felt like a benevolent smack in the face (if there is such a thing):

"The true joy of life is being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." –George Bernard Shaw

I mean, DAMN. That's some deep wisdom and a sick burn rolled into one!

I immediately took a screenshot and told Kristen that we MUST talk about this quote on the podcast.

So, on this Magic 8-ball episode originally from August 2018, we're breaking down this mic-drop moment by George Bernard Shaw and getting into…

• Why your purpose doesn't need to be impressive or seem purposeful to anyone else.
• How you can be fulfilled without needing to feel like the most significant person in the room.
• Why it's critical for you to question the common definition of concepts like "success," "enough," and "impact."
• Why living a thoroughly good life is about taking small, daily risks, rather than big, flashy ones.
• How to let go of feeling like a victim to your circumstances (and get off the endless loop of complaining).

After you listen, come leave a comment about this episode! We'd love to hear how this quote, and our breakdown, is resonating with you.

Also, we'll be sitting down tomorrow to record the October episode of Dear Krachel. So, if you've got a burning question that you'd like us to tackle, come ask us here. We're game to answer just about anything!

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again on Tuesday, October 6! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• This is our last coaching enrollment of the year! If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

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Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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Where were you on New Year's Eve 2019? Or, more to the point, what were you thinking about and planning on for the new year (and decade) ahead?

Because we're pretty sure you didn't plan on … whatever 2020 turned out to be, globally or personally. And it ain't over yet.

If there's a lesson to be taken from the supreme weirdness of this year, it might be the futility of trying to predict what's going to happen. That sounds depressing, but we don't mean it like that.

In this month's brand-new Side Chat, we're challenging you all to something we've decided to do (and have encouraged all of our clients to do, too): Set aside LITERALLY ALL of your expectations for the rest of the year.

Your financial situation? No expectations! Your relationship status? No expectations! Your moving plans? No expectations! Your career goals? No expectations!

We made a good case for why you should get on board. We talked about …

• What counts as an "expectation," and what doesn't.
• Why having NO preconceived notion of what's "supposed" to happen almost always opens up space for something better than you could have imagined.
• Examples of things we, and our clients, are going to stop expecting for the rest of the year.
• How to handle the fear and vulnerability of letting go of your expectations.

Leave a comment after you've listened to share what expectations you're letting go of for the rest of this year!

SERIOUS ABOUT SOME 1-ON-1 COACHING?

One-on-one coaching will be open for enrollment again on Tuesday, October 6! A few pointers to keep in mind:

• We'll be taking on about 15 people in this new wave.
• This is for people interested in getting started ASAP (within the next 4-6 weeks).
• You don't have to know for sure that you want to move ahead with coaching. You just have to be serious enough about it to want to have a conversation.
• This is our last coaching enrollment of the year! If you're not ready now, or you've found us in-between "official" enrollment periods, then you can add your name to the wait list and we'll contact you if and when we have an availability.

If you're seriously considering coaching, check out this page for all the details so you know what to expect!

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Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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