Clarity on Fire

If you're someone who's been wanting to flex your creativity muscle, but keeps feeling stuck — by lack of inspiration, or a fear of not being good enough, or the struggle to find time for creativity — this episode is for you.

Todd Searle is a creator by nature, and yet he kept finding himself in jobs where his creativity felt stifled. He's had dozens of ideas for businesses and creative projects over the years, but none of them seemed to work out the way he'd hoped. So he realized that if he was ever going to achieve his big dreams, he needed a new approach.

So he wrote and published a book! And not just any book — a book about creativity, where he interviewed successful entrepreneurs and creatives to get their insight into how he could turn his big dreams into reality.

And now he's sharing what he learned with us! In this week's interview with a normal person, Kristen & Todd got into…

• The difference between "Regretters" and "Dreamers," and Todd's experience in each category.
• Specific steps Todd took to overcome overwhelm, get his creative juices flowing, and reach his big goal of writing & publishing a book.
• His favorite tips about living a creative life, based on dozens of interviews he did with successful creators and entrepreneurs for his book.
• Proof that every one of us is creative, and how to reignite your creative spark if it feels like it's dulled over the years.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to share how Todd's wisdom resonated with you!

MORE ABOUT TODD SEARLE

Todd Searle has always wanted to start a business. He has worked in retail sales, consulting, government, cloud software, and is now a published author. Throughout his previous jobs, Todd knew something was missing: creativity. As an author and creator, he has faced an uphill battle transitioning some of his most inspired ideas into successful commercial ventures. In his book, 32 Regrets: A Guide to Reclaiming Creativity, Todd examines some of the most inspiring stories of successful entrepreneurship today. He hopes to encourage a greater understanding of the creative mind and its creative development so that others can unlock the secrets to unleashing their own curiosity. When he's not writing about creativity, Todd helps create content with other brands, and spends as much of his time outside as possible.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (June 2018)

Getting un-stuck from a beige existence with Nate Otto (July 2018)

Blog: How to tell if you should quit your job and work for yourself (April 2019)

Blog: Are you chasing the wrong dream? (January 2020)

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You know that uneasy feeling you get when you know you're doing something that's not good for you … but you keep doing it anyway?

Maybe you're staying in a job or a relationship that isn't really working, or you keep making excuses for why you don't have time to go to the gym. Whatever's causing you to be out-of-alignment, it gives you that awful, knot-in-your-stomach, uncomfortable-in-your-own-skin, shifty kind of feeling.

I've been feeling that way a bit lately.

As a coach who's trained to intuitively pick up on these inconsistencies in other people, it's particularly uncomfortable to get this feeling myself. I realized I haven't been the best at walking my own talk in one major way the past few months, so I'm outing myself in the name of getting back on track.

I'm forever telling my clients to pay less attention to what they don't want, and to focus more on what they do want. In other words, stop complaining about what's not working and start noticing and appreciating what is working.

Why? Because what you pay attention to has a huge impact on what you experience.

When I follow my own advice about this, my life starts to feel different — better, easier, lighter, more fun — almost immediately. In this week's throwback episode from 2018 (which feels more relevant than ever this year!), I'm sharing how this small shift in attention is changing things in a big way for me and my clients.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how this resonates with you!

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

Blog: How much joy are you letting go to waste? (May 2018)

Blog: The most efficient, productive, mood-enhancing thing ever (July 2018)

Side Chat: A tough love smackdown (August 2018)

Blog: How to feel more energized at work (& generally in life) (December 2019)

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

This month we answered questions from:

• Alexandra, who's noticing a pattern at work of being treated differently than her colleagues. When does feedback stop being constructive and start being toxic?
• Jess, who's been in a relationship with a great guy for 9 months, but every time things feel too good to be true she instigates drama. Why does she keep self-sabotaging, and how can she stop before she pushes him away for good?
• Bailey, who's starting a new job and is afraid her poor time management skills are going to cause her to fail. She's tried apps, planners, and all sorts of structures and systems. Nothing works! Is it possible to get better at managing time? Or is this just how she's wired?

Leave a comment after you've listened to share how our advice for these listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our October episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

Navigating a toxic workplace with Stacy Campesi (February 2019)

Side Chat: The 4 Attachment Styles (October 2019)

Magic 8-Ball: Masculine vs. Feminine Energy (March 2020)

Side Chat: The dread of good things (June 2020)

Side Chat: Overcoming impostor syndrome (July 2020)

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Amin Lakhani was born with a neuromuscular condition called Charcot-Marie-Tooth Syndrome (type 1b) which causes his muscles to atrophy over time. Growing up, his parents gave him a very specific message – "Amin, you won't be able to perform physical labor, so you have to study and work hard if you want to succeed in life."

So he did. He was a straight-A student, graduated from an Ivy League University, and landed his dream job at Microsoft. By all external metrics of success, he was killing it. But internally, he was desolate. He had few friends and had never been on a date. There had to be more to life, right?

When he finally mustered the courage to ask a girl out, the stars seemed to align because she said yes! But after their first (incredibly awkward) kiss, she said, "I'm sorry, I don't know how any woman could be attracted to a guy in a wheelchair." That was his absolute rock-bottom.

So, he hired a dating coach. Over years of investing in himself, he learned how to form meaningful connections. People started to describe him as charismatic, confident, and unforgettable. He made friends everywhere he went, and ended up going on dates with over 40 women, of all different backgrounds, ethnicities, and even ages (from 19 to over 50). He experienced incredible sexual intimacy, lasting relationships, love, and of course, heartbreak.

After realizing how much he had to share, he became a dating coach himself. And then one of his talks went viral on YouTube. The success was overwhelming! He was just a dude trying to find love, and sharing his successes and failures in the process. Suddenly millions of people around the world knew about him – but very few actually knew him. And he was just one thing to them – a dating coach with a disability.

That realization sent him down a dark, depressed path. But lately, he's found solace through comedy, which he now uses as a conduit to share his life and the lessons he's learned—dating and beyond.

We got to talk to Amin about:

• Having someone confirm your worst fear to your face.
• All of the limiting beliefs and inner critic messages he had to overcome in order to put himself out there in a meaningful way (and how you can, too).
• How eventually, he just got bored of his own insecurity, and how he broke free.
• His experiences with rejection, depression, success, and finding an outlet to express himself.

Leave a comment after you've listened to share which of the many truthbombs Amin dropped hit you hardest!

LAST DAY FOR GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING!

Today is the LAST day to enroll in Getting Over People Pleasing! Here are some quick details if you need them:

• You can pay in one or two installments.
• You can add on a single coaching session (something we don't normally offer) at checkout for a reduced rate!
• We officially get started on Monday, August 30th. But as soon as you enroll there's an intro lesson and multiple workbook assignments to get the ball rolling!
• The course will run for 4 weeks. We'll release one new lesson each week, and at the end of the course we'll host a live Zoom call to celebrate and wrap things up!
• There's going to be a private forum where participants can connect, shares their stories, and get their questions answered directly by us.
• You can probably expect to commit 2-ish hours a week to this course. A small part of that time will be watching videos, and the rest will be diving into workbook assignments, as well as sharing in the forum if you want to.
• You have forever access to this course! That means whenever we run it again, you can join in if you choose. You could also enroll now, but do the content at your own pace, if this month isn't a good time but you don't want to miss out.

Find out more and sign up here.

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Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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All of us know at least one blatant, dare we say egregious, people-pleaser. Maybe it's your mom, or your best friend, or your boss … or maybe it's you.

But we've noticed a pattern lately, and we think you need to be clued into it: Some of the worst offenders when it comes to people-pleasing don't realize they're people-pleasers!

In fact, we've had clients who vehemently denied being a people-pleaser — they insist they don't care what people think — only to be a bit shell-shocked after we demonstrated just how perfectly they fit the mold.

In this Magic 8-Ball episode we're sharing a classic from last summer—The 3 types of people pleasers (& why you might unknowingly be one). We talked about:

• Our definition of people-pleasing, so we're all on the same page.
• The 3 types of people-pleasers: One is obvious, two are far less conspicuous, but all are equally problematic.
• The first steps you should take, regardless of which type you are, to free yourself of this affliction.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know which type of people-pleaser you most identify with!

GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING: ENROLLMENT OPEN THROUGH FRIDAY!

Getting Over People Pleasing is open for enrollment through this Friday, August 28th!

• We're not setting a limit on the number of people who can enroll (BUT, if there start to be too many people we'll cap it, so enroll early if you can).
• You can pay in one or two installments.
• You can add on a single coaching session (something we don't normally offer) at checkout for a reduced rate!
• The last day to enroll is Friday, August 28th, and we officially get started on Monday, August 30th. But as soon as you enroll there's an intro lesson and multiple workbook assignments to get the ball rolling!
• The course will run for 4 weeks. We'll release one new lesson each week, and at the end of the course we'll host a live Zoom call to celebrate and wrap things up!
• There's going to be a private forum where participants can connect, shares their stories, and get their questions answered directly by us.
• You can probably expect to commit 2-ish hours a week to this course. A small part of that time will be watching videos, and the rest will be diving into workbook assignments, as well as sharing in the forum if you want to.
• You have forever access to this course! That means whenever we run it again, you can join in if you choose. You could also enroll now, but do the content at your own pace, if this month isn't a good time but you don't want to miss out.

Find out more and sign up here.

GET TEXTS FROM CLARITY ON FIRE!

Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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If you'd told me (Kristen) ten years ago that I'd be doing in infomercial FOR anger — as in, fully in support of and happily endorsing the expression of anger — I would've said you clearly have the wrong person.

You see, as a lifelong people pleaser with a huge aversion to conflict of all kind, I prided myself on rarely (if ever) getting angry. I'm embarrassed to admit I even got on my high horse about it, and I'd judge people who would (gasp) express their anger outwardly. Clearly they were just less evolved than me.

Yikes. How very wrong I was. I did feel anger (because I am, you know, human), but because I was so uncomfortable expressing it, it would leak out in gross, unhealthy ways (in my case, obnoxious passive aggressiveness).

So over the years, I've changed my tune. I still don't love anger — mine, or anyone else's — but I clearly see its value and have learned healthy ways to express it.

In this month's brand-new Side Chat, we're making a case for why it's OK (necessary, even!) to feel angry, along with healthy ways to let it out, complete with demonstrations! We got into…

• Why most of us (especially people pleasers) are so uncomfortable with anger.
• What anger is really about, and the important messages it can give us.
• Specific ways you can express your anger — and we don't stop at explanations … we show you how! We LITERALLY screamed and ranted and stomped our feet.
• Why it's important to get comfortable with your own anger, before you express it to others.

Leave a comment after you've listened to share your favorite method for releasing anger. We're always open to new ways of processing emotions!

GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING IS BACK! ENROLLMENT OPENS TODAY

Learning to express anger (and ALL your feelings) in a healthy way is only one facet of what we teach you in ourcourse, Getting Over People Pleasing, which is open for enrollment TODAY through Friday, August 28th!

• We're not setting a limit on the number of people who can enroll (BUT, if there start to be too many people we'll cap it, so enroll early if you can).
• You can pay in one or two installments.
• You can add on a single coaching session (something we don't normally offer) at checkout for a reduced rate!
• The last day to enroll is Friday, August 28th, and we officially get started on Monday, August 30th. But as soon as you enroll there's an intro lesson and multiple workbook assignments to get the ball rolling!
• The course will run for 4 weeks. We'll release one new lesson each week, and at the end of the course we'll host a live Zoom call to celebrate and wrap things up!
• There's going to be a private forum where participants can connect, shares their stories, and get their questions answered directly by us.
• You can probably expect to commit 2-ish hours a week to this course. A small part of that time will be watching videos, and the rest will be diving into workbook assignments, as well as sharing in the forum if you want to.
• You have forever access to this course! That means whenever we run it again, you can join in if you choose. You could also enroll now, but do the content at your own pace, if this month isn't a good time but you don't want to miss out.

Find out more and sign up here.

GET TEXTS FROM CLARITY ON FIRE!

Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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A trend we've noticed with almost every people-pleaser we've coached (or anyone who cares too much about what others think) is that they have a really hard time knowing who they are and what they want.

It makes sense. When you've spent your whole life looking outward—"What will make these people happy?" "Who do I need to be to be liked, loved and accepted?"—Then there's no space to go inward and consider who you are and what you want. And sadly, often you've been actively discouraged from asking those questions at all. You're told it's "selfish."

You can probably relate, and so can Rachael Tomasello. In this month's brand-new interview with a normal person, Rachel and Rachael got into…

• How Rachael spent a decade in a career that wasn't aligned with her because it was what she was "supposed" to do.
• How she had to seriously tone down her natural personality and interests around her family, for fear of being judged and rejected.
• The challenges that popped up when she made a 180 pivot in her career toward something way more suited to her.
• Her guidance about how to take feedback, and whose opinions about you and your work matter (and whose don't).
• How she got comfortable with the idea of allowing herself to scare people, if necessary!

There is SO much to relate to in this one. Leave a comment after you've listened to share what resonated with you most!

GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING IS COMING BACK!

Caring too much about what other people think is one of the TOP reasons people struggle to know who they are or what they want out of life. Before you can find direction, it helps to get to the root of one of your deepest blocks!

Our course, Getting Over People Pleasing, will be open for enrollment from Friday, August 21 to Friday, August 28!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. If we offer it again, it won't be for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts. We officially get started on Monday, August 31.
• There will be a private forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, resilient, and most importantly—CLEAR.

Join the VIP list so you don't miss the announcement when it's open!

GET TEXTS FROM CLARITY ON FIRE!

Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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Terece Hahn had it all — the job she'd always dreamed of, a 6-figure income, a loving husband, the ability to travel and buy a home and do all the things she loved.

And yet, she was miserable.

Her job was making her burnt out, anxious, depressed, and totally unsure of herself. Her confidence took a nosedive, and she started questioning everything in her life.

So what do you do when your dream job turns into a nightmare?

Terece used that experience as a catalyst to go on a deep inner journey of figuring out who she is, what really matters to her, and what she wants most out of life. And now, two years later, she feels like a completely different — and much happier — person.

For this week's Magic 8 Ball throwback episode, we're re-airing a normal person interview we did back in 2018. Listen in to hear Kristen ask Terece about:

• Her story about feeling lost and directionless after leaving school and getting a "real job."
• How she built back up her confidence after it hit an all-time low.
• The huge perspective shift that helped her quiet her inner critic voice and start liking herself more than she ever thought was possible.
• How perfectionism used to run her life, and how she's finally starting to let it go.
• Ways in which she's started speaking up for herself and being her own best advocate.
• The challenges of setting (and actually sticking to) boundaries when you're a people pleaser … as well as the freedom that exists on the other side.
• Why people pleasers flock to helping professions and quickly get burnt out.
• How changing your life can be simpler than you think if you start small.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Terece's story resonates with you!

MORE ABOUT TERECE

My name is Terece Hahn. Professionally, I am an Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner, and I hold a Doctor of Nurse Practice (DNP) diploma. I am at the highest level of my education in my profession, and I achieved this about as early as a person can achieve this level of education. Making 6 figures as a new graduate, married to an amazing man, being able to travel, and afford things that I have always wanted should've meant happiness and success. Emphasis on SHOULD. I was the person that had it all and was miserable. I knew there was more to life than this, but did not know how to get there. I had been banking that once I started my new career, making the money I did, that I would be happy. Jump to the desperate Google search of "What do I want to be when I grow up?" Which lead me to the Passion Profile Quiz, then to Clarity on Fire 1:1 coaching with Kristen Walker, where I rediscovered who I was, what my values are, and why the HELL I was so miserable.

I am a normal person who, without the help from Kristen and Rachel's business and podcasts, would have had to dredge for many years to accomplish the self confidence, love, and belief in myself that I didn't even know existed. My journey is in the beginning stages of its existence, but you can't unlearn what you have learned; there is no going back. It is like a small fire was lit, and with each day that I cultivate it, with self-care, naps, being kind to myself, and understanding my values, I am able to slowly stoke that fire to burn more brightly every day.

GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING IS COMING BACK!

Caring too much about what other people think is one of the TOP reasons people struggle to know who they are or what they want out of life. Before you can find direction, it helps to get to the root of one of your deepest blocks!

Our course, Getting Over People Pleasing, will be open for enrollment on Friday, August 21!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. If we offer it again, it won't be for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a private forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing … and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, resilient, and most importantly — CLEAR.

Join the VIP list for first dibs on some special treats when enrollment opens.

GET TEXTS FROM CLARITY ON FIRE!

Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

LINKS

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

This month we answered questions from:

• Dallying Dumper, who knows she needs to break up with her boyfriend, but can't justify it yet because next month is the anniversary of his dad's passing. What kind of person breaks up with someone when they're in a bad state … and what kind of person doesn't?
• Katie, who's had fun opening herself up to signs and guidance from the Unvierse, but is struggling with a new challenge: How do you know which signs are important and which ones don't really matter?

We also share an update from one of last month's questions—Claire, the queer woman with the homophobic ex-boyfriend, is back to let us know what she's doing with our advice.

Leave a comment after you've listened to share how our advice for these listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our September episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING IS COMING BACK!

Caring too much about what other people think is one of the TOP reasons people struggle to know who they are or what they want out of life. Before you can find direction, it helps to get to the root of one of your deepest blocks!

Our course, Getting Over People Pleasing, will be open for enrollment on Friday, August 21!

• This course will NOT be available 24/7. If we offer it again, it won't be for another year.
• It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
• There will be a private forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
• This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
• Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
• This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
• By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, resilient, and most importantly—CLEAR.

Join the VIP list for first dibs on some special treats when enrollment opens.

GET TEXTS FROM CLARITY ON FIRE!

Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

LINKS

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Calling all fellow bookworms, library nerds, and general lovers of literature — it's time for another book club episode of the podcast!

Whenever there are five Fridays in a month, we devote the extra Friday to a book that we can't get enough of. In this episode, we're diving into the New York Times bestseller I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown.

The blurb on Amazon says it best: "From a leading voice on racial justice, an eye-opening account of growing up Black, Christian, and female that exposes how white America's love affair with 'diversity' so often falls short of its ideals."

This book is simultaneously the shortest of any we've read on the podcast, and the one that produced the most pages of notes! There's depth, wisdom, and challenge that will transform you in every page.

We talked about…

• Austin's lonely experience growing up between two worlds: "Too Black for the white kids and too white for the Black kids."
• How the sometimes subtle, sometimes overt racism experienced from childhood to adulthood erodes mental and emotional health.
• What "nice white people" get wrong about seeking diversity, justice, and reconciliation.
• Why anger is a powerful tool for justice and change—not something to be feared within yourself or others.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know which of the many truth bombs from this book resonated with you most.

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Want to get weekly texts from us? Sign up here, OR … text your first name followed by your email address (Example: Hermione [email protected]) to 703-783-3223.

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