Clarity on Fire

Do you remember that scene in E.T. when he (E.T., that is) shuffles out of a closet wearing a dress, high heels, a blonde wig, and a little bowler hat? Do you remember that scene in E.T. when he (E.T., that is) shuffles out of a closet wearing a dress, high heels, a blonde wig, and a little bowler hat?

Yeah, I didn't really remember it either, until Rachel brought it up on this week's podcast.

She was using that very vivid mental picture (you should really Google "E.T. in a wig" if you want to laugh) to describe how she's always felt about dating—she's E.T. in a wig, and everyone else is a tan, gleaming contestant on the Bachelor.

Obviously this made me LOL. Not only because it's a hilarious analogy, but because from the outside, it's patently ridiculous. Of course she's not a weird alien, trying and failing miserably to perform a common human ritual (dating).

But as dubious as it sounds to me, it feels true to HER, and that's what impostor syndrome is all about—You're constantly afraid that you're going to be "found out" as the fraud you fear you "truly" are, regardless of how silly or illogical it seems on the outside.

In this episode of the podcast, we dived in to impostor syndrome and how to overcome it. We covered…

• Where impostor syndrome comes from, and why it's so sneaky (hint, it's because everyone has it, but no one's willing to talk about it).
• Why high achievers and intelligent people are actually the MOST likely to suffer from it.
• Why impostor syndrome tends to go hand-in-hand with the feeling that something came "too easily" to us.
• How to tell if you're experiencing impostor syndrome, versus when you might ACTUALLY be an impostor.
• Plus, I coached Rachel on the fly about her impostor syndrome, and we got to the bottom of what's going on.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS ON YOUR OWN

As you'll become very clear on after hearing this episode, the roots of impostor syndrome run deep. And they can be hard to completely eradicate on your own. After all, the fears and old, sticky beliefs that make you feel like a fraud are often things you're not fully conscious of.

The whole point of coaching is to help you become conscious of things you didn't know were there, but have been sabotaging you nonetheless. If you'd like some expert help with letting go of that old crap once and for all (while being able to relax into a process that's worked for thousands of other people), 1-on-1 coaching may be the perfect fit for you right now.

Want to get more info and set up a time to talk to us about the possibility? Check out our 1-on-1 coaching page here, and click "Let's talk about it."

LINKS

• Leave comments on this episode here
• Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Most of you know by now that my six-year-old black lab, Scarlett, is having a boring summer.

She tore a muscle in her back leg a few months ago, and since then she's been going to physical therapy and slowly getting back to normal. But it's going to be a while until she's cleared to run and swim and jump—all the things she'd rather be doing, basically. For now, all she's allowed to do is walk.

This shouldn't be a big deal because most dogs love walks. But not mine. Even in colder weather she's not much of a fan (Walking just for the sake of it? With no other goal in mind? That's insanely dull. And on 97 degree days? That's tantamount to torture).

Which leaves me in a pickle. She's got to exercise so that she doesn't go stir-crazy. But when I take her out, she'll only walk for 10 minutes and then turn around. Or she'll lay prone on the path and refuse to move. Or she'll roll over and play dead.

And trust me. There is NO WAY to get a 70-pound animal to do what you want if they refuse. I've tried dragging, pushing, bribing, and cajoling. There's no amount of force that works on this dog.

So, I've had to outsmart her. I've taken to enlisting friends to walk with me, when I can ("pack walks" are magically entertaining compared to just me, it turns out). I pick random locations in my area and drive there to let her explore a new place. Sometimes we walk home and I have to go back and get the car later.

This battle with her has been a really good example of something I've tried to master for a long time, but clearly I'm still learning—the path of least resistance works SO much better than force.

So, on this week's blog I'm talking about the ways in which we make life harder than it needs to be, and why doing the "easy" thing is far more productive (and not at all lazy).

LIKED THIS? THEN YOU'LL ALSO LOVE …

Side Chat: How to work like a woman (in a world that doesn't want you to)

Why watching Netflix is my secret life purpose

Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones (how to tell if you're a highly sensitive person)

LINKS

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

If you've been feeling trapped, stuck, and directionless in your life and career, it can feel like you're living life in beige, when all you really want is to be living in vibrant color.

Nate Otto has been fighting the beige for years.

In this month's interview with a normal person, Kristen chats with Nate about how he finally broke through a colorless existence and started to find his place in the world. Nate is a brilliant, creative, innovative thinker who suppressed his inner inquisitive nature and vibrant spirit for much of his life before deciding enough was enough.

He decided to stop complaining, get curious, seek support, and make changes. He shares his whole journey with us, in this interview.

On this episode we talk about:

• Why so many of us get stuck in complacency, and the dangers of not questioning the status quo.
• How it feels to be too colorful for your workplace (& life in general), and the heartbreak of not belonging.
• Why complaining is the first step toward change, and how to turn your complaining into action.
• The value of seeking support, instead of always trying to go it alone.
• The stages Nate went through to go from feeling trapped and lost to empowered and directed, and the positive changes he's made as a result.

MORE ABOUT NATE

Nate is a fellow human who loves. — He lives in Seattle, is very tall, and often spends time teaching machines to be polite. He is also often found doing his rendition of the slowly waking up dance.

Like most people, he's felt short and tall, happy and depressed, gay and straight, fat and thin, sick and healthy, old and young, tired and awake, popular and bullied, rich and poor, light and dark, and a good number of vague things in between.

He leaves you with one of his favorite quotes: "What is to give light must endure burning." - Viktor Frankl

LINKS

• Leave comments on this episode here.
• Michael Hyatt's Focus Planner
• The book Captivate, by Vanessa Van Edwards
• Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz

As some of you may know, my grandpa passed away a few weeks ago. Sitting in his memorial service, surrounded by the people he loved the most, hearing the minister and family members reminisce about my grandpa and his life, I had an intense moment of clarity.

All the memories that were shared about my grandpa that day centered around who he was as a person.

There were stories about his extreme generosity, his humor, his steady positivity, his hardworking spirit, his dedication to his family, his beliefs, values, and convictions. People remembered him for his quick smile, his bear hugs, his unexpected gifts, his commitment to his church, his love of golf and car racing, and the way he started every conversation with a family member with, "Hello, I love you."

Only one line of his eulogy mentioned his career as a salesman. That's it. And this was a man who loved working! He got a huge sense of purpose and pride from his career and its ability to provide for his family. Yet, in the end, that was the least talked about aspect of who he was.

Viewed in that light, it's wild to think of how much time and energy we all spend focusing on what we DO for a living, when in the end all that really matters is who we chose to BE in our lives.

Want to shift your focus to what really matters? You're going to want to try this exercise that I'm sharing in this week's blog…

WANT HELP WITH THIS?

Figuring out who you want to be in the world — and then actually sticking to it — can feel like a huge undertaking all on your own.

You don't get extra points in life for going it alone and not asking for help … all you get is more angst, confusion, pressure, and loneliness.

So if you'd like some support in becoming the person you want to be in life, that's a huge part of what we do in 1-on-1 coaching. If you're considering working with us, now is a great time!

Check out our 1-on-1 coaching page and get on our calendar to chat about it, here.

LINKS

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here

Rachel's blog: For the love of god, stop asking people, "So, what do you do?"

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode we're answering questions from:

• Sharon, who realized that she feels threatened by opinionated women because she's insecure about her own self-expression, and wants to know how to get comfortable using her voice.
• Robert, who's torn about whether he should break up with his on-and-off boyfriend of 6 years and date other people, or stay committed.
• Grace, who's been living at home and applying to jobs for a really long time, and is tired of nothing working out for her. She knows she's in a rut and needs a way out, but can't figure out how to make that happen.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three people resonated with you, too.

Want to submit a question for our August episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

MUDDLED AND CONFUSED?

Sometimes it's really hard to get out of your head and know how you actually feel. How can you figure out what you really want when you can't see anything clearly?

Advertisers say this about potential customers, but it applies just as much to everyday life: Confused people don't take action. They elect to stay put and do nothing.

So, if you've reached a point where you're tired of being stagnant and confused, AND... If you want individual attention, someone to hold you accountable, and the benefit of our substantial experience focused solely on you … all so that you can make more progress in a matter of months than you'd make in years on your own, then 1-on-1 coaching may be ideal for you.

Get clear on the details and reach out to us to talk about coaching here.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Something's been coming up lately that's clearly resonating with a LOT of people. It boiled over during a workshop Kristen and I were doing a while back.

During a Q&A someone asked a question that, all of a sudden, prompted other people to chime in with variations of, "OMG, it's not just me?!"

The issue? It went something like, "How do you 'break up' with toxic people?"

The person who shared her story said that she'd been trying to distance herself from a group of friends that were always making her feel bad about herself, never "got her," and were actively harassing her over email (yikes).

While hopefully most of you aren't being actively harassed, I think it's VERY worth addressing right now, don't you? Because I know a lot of you have been there when it comes to funky or downright toxic relationships (be they platonic, familial, or anything else).

And even if you're blessed with non-toxic friendships, I bet you'd like to know how to handle generally difficult people, yes? On today's blog I'm sharing 5 steps to break up with toxic people, with as little guilt as possible.

LIKED THIS? THEN YOU'LL ALSO LOVE …

Kristen's blog about how to find your tribe

Our podcast episode about finding your tribe and growing a network with Carolyn Birsky

The giving-burnout-resentment cycle in relationships

STRUGGLING TO DO THIS ON YOUR OWN?

Toxic connections are just one thing that weigh a person down. We're often barraged on all sides by crap that keeps us feeling heavy, stuck, and incapable of being who we really are.

Letting go of that crap (in a way that's sustainable and permanent) is a big part of what we do in 1-on-1 coaching. If you're considering working with us, now is a great time!

Check out our 1-on-1 coaching page and get on our calendar to chat about it, here.

LINKS

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Where are all of our bookworms/nerds/fellow Ravenclaws at??

We figure you guys are probably just as obsessed with reading as we are, which is why we've got a special BONUS podcast episode for you this week—a book-club-style conversation about one of our very favorite non-fiction books, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert!

If we were to create a Life Syllabus, this book would be on the reading list FOR SURE. It's one of those rare books that doesn't just put a slightly new spin on stuff you've heard over and over again, but makes you see SO many facets of life (and especially creativity) through a completely new lens.

We each pulled a few of our favorite parts to talk about, including:

• What the REAL definition of creativity is, and why most of us are totally wrong about it
• Why being "good" at something is overrated (and irrelevant)
• How to not get caught up in other people's feedback (negative AND positive) about the work you create
• Why perfectionism is nothing to brag about (and is actually just fear wrapped in a fancy package)
• The shit sandwich! One of our favorite analogies for deciding if something is worth pursuing
• How to release the pressure of needing the thing you're passionate about to pay the bills

Come leave us a comment after you've listened and let us know what YOUR favorite part of Big Magic is, and if you haven't read it yet, what resonated most from this conversation!

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN TO:

• Side Chat: How to figure out what to do with your life
• You can't cure the human experience with Kyle Ramsvig
• Blog: Why watching Netflix is my secret life purpose

LINKS

• Leave a comment on this episode
• Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
• Submit your question for the next episode of Dear Krachel
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz

I should probably out myself, first and foremost, as a huge school nerd. When other kids used to dread the first day of school after a long summer break, I was secretly excited.

In elementary school, I used to assign myself summer "homework assignments" — books to read, short stories to write, that kind of thing. (Yep, total nerd here.)

I was so disappointed when college was over that within a couple of years after graduating, I applied for grad school four separate times … not because going back to school was the right next step for me (which is why I ultimately turned it down every time), but because I didn't want to feel like my education was over.

I was so good at learning when I was in school (if you could make a profitable career out of just being a student, I totally would've done that), but I didn't know how to continue that into the "real world."

All of that is to say, it's probably no wonder that I love this week's topic so much.

GET $50 OFF THE PASSION PROFILE SHORT COURSE THIS WEEK!

Last week was crazy for me and Rachel—we both had a lot going on personally that made it hard for us to focus and be present for the current promotion we're running on the Passion Profile Short Course.

Today was supposed to be the deadline for you to get $50 off the PPSC, but in the wake of our recent life chaos, we're extending the deadline! So now, we're offering the PPSC for $199 (instead of the usual $249) through this FRIDAY, JUNE 29TH. Use code JUNE during checkout for $50 off! Need more details? Check out the full PPSC page to see whether this is right for you. We hope to see some of you in there!

LINKS

Sign up for the PPSC and redeem your $50 code JUNE

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

It doesn't matter your age, gender, race, or body type – 99.9% of us know what it's like to feel ashamed of how we look or uncomfortable in our body, in one way or another.

A lot of us fall into a trap of believing that when our outer appearance is EXACTLY how we've envisioned, THEN we'll finally get to be happy, successful, rich, and snag a hot significant other to boot. (Logically, we know this doesn't work. But that doesn't stop us from doing it anyway).

When you're fixated on trying to force your body into submission, you're not really living. It's almost impossible to find true enjoyment in anything you do. And that's no way to spend your life.

So to help us break the cycle and get to the root of our insecurities we sat down with Nina Blagojevic, a coach who helps people release guilt and shame so that they can (finally) feel at home in their bodies.

In this episode we talked about:

• How Nina went from feeling completely disconnected from her body to having the confidence to pose nude for an artist.
• Why our obsession with dieting, exercise, and making our bodies look a certain way has everything to do with a need for control.
• Why that need for body-control is a red herring for something deeper and more internal.
• How Nina let go of her need to go to the gym, and how she reframed her idea of what it means to diet and exercise.
• Why you don't need to find every aspect of yourself beautiful (and still love yourself, at the same time).
• How to tell if you're "out of body" – a lot of us have totally severed the connection between our minds and bodies. We talk about the signs, and how to reestablish that connection.

This sounds like a super heavy episode, but in typical fashion it's a lot lighter and more fun that you'd expect! Nina is a great friend with a fantastic take on a very loaded issue. We think you're going to feel a LOT of relief after listening to this one.

GET $50 OFF THE PPSC BETWEEN NOW AND 6/26/18

For a limited time the Passion Profile Short Course — our 5-ish hour, totally online, go-at-your-own-pace program that helps you find your career direction in as little as 1 day — is even more affordable than usual!

Between now and Tuesday, June 26th, you can get the PPSC for $199 instead of $249. Use code JUNE during checkout.

Need more details? Check out the full PPSC page to see whether this is right for you.

LINKS

• Sign up for the PPSC here.
• Leave comments on this episode here.
• Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz

I'm 22 and sitting in one of many orientation sessions for my first full-time job out of college. The training instructor, a really nice guy who I'll refer to as Marty, was having us watch a video about coming to work with a positive, can-do attitude.

The video was about people who tossed fish for a living. And weirdly, it wasn't the first time I'd seen it. I remember watching it in my high school English class when I was a freshman, too. In short, it's about the hardworking people employed at the famous Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle.

Their job is cold, wet, long, and not to mention, smelly. It's also a job done in front of an audience, given the hundreds of tourists who pass through every day.

There's every reason that you'd have a less-than-stellar attitude about a fish-hauling job, but that's the point of this video — they don't. They're all happy and cheerful, and they've created a fun spectacle of tossing fish from place to place as they work. The way they do their job has become part of the attraction of the market.

Anyway, this training video is produced by some company that clearly wanted to create an experience for students, new hires, and anyone else who might need an inspiring lesson about their attitude.

So at the end, everyone gets a plush stuffed fish to remind them of the moral of the story. As Marty handed us our fish (this would be my second stuffed fish, though who knows where the high school fish ended up), he said:

"I keep my fish on my desk at all times, to remind me that you can always choose to be positive and happy at work!" Bless Marty's heart. He was (and I'm sure continues to be) such a sweet guy. But let's be honest … that damned fish wasn't going to convince me to be happy in this new job.

What I'd started to fear during my orientation, and what became clear very quickly once I started my new job, was that I wasn't like everyone else. I didn't like my job, and I never did. From day one I was unengaged and faking all of my energy and enthusiasm. And the thought I kept thinking was this:

"Is there something wrong with ME? Or is there something wrong with this job?"

It took me YEARS to figure out why I wasn't happy at that job (or any job that came after). And now, I want to share with you what I wish Marty would have known during my orientation all those years ago.

GET $50 OFF THE PASSION PROFILE SHORT COURSE THIS WEEK!

Between now and Tuesday, June 26th, we're offering the PPSC for $199 instead of the usual $249. Use code JUNE during checkout for $50 off! Need more details? Check out the full PPSC page to see whether this is right for you. Remember, you have until June 26th to take advantage of this special price. After that, the course goes back to its normal rate. We hope to see some of you in there!

FREE WORKSHOP ON 6/22/18

Are you kind of tired of yourself?

There's a certain kind of annoyed you can only get when you're fed up with yourself—for being stuck, for not having figured out what to do to move forward, and for being afraid of taking risks.

But at the same time, how are you supposed to get unstuck when you don't know HOW? You're caught between a rock and a hard place.

We feel you, and we're doing a FREE online workshop on Friday, June 22nd 1pm EST especially for you:

3 ways to get unstuck (in your career & life) in record time.

Think of us expert mechanics—we've seen almost every problem there is to see, and we've learned a lot about fixing them ALL over the years. We've also got our hands on the kind of tools and fuel you haven't had access to yet.

If you can't make it to this workshop live, that's OK! Anyone who registers will be sent a replay afterwards.

See you there!

LINKS

Sign up for the PPSC and redeem your $50 code JUNE

Register for the free workshop on 6/22/18

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column

Take the Passion Profile Quiz