Clarity on Fire

Can we all be super honest with ourselves about what we secretly wish would happen?

Namely, that the heavens would part and the answers to all of life's biggest questions (particularly, "What am I supposed to be doing?" and "Where do I go from here?" and "What's my passion?") would fall into your outstretched hands.

Don't feel bad. We STILL wish that was the way life worked.

On this episode of the Clarity on Fire podcast, we had a side chat about how to figure out what do with your life, particularly when you feel stuck and unclear and confused.

We covered:

• Why we're all so obsessed with figuring out our passion (even though that's not the best focal point), and what's a better starting point than "passion."
• Why we don't actually need a linear, logical career progression.
• How to warm up to the idea of your next move being for now, instead of forever.
• Why the most interesting people on Earth never really had a plan, and how to embrace life's uncertainty.
• How to tell if you're a "hummingbird" or a "jackhammer" (you're going to love this analogy!).
• How to take the pressure off of figuring out what to do next and actually have fun and enjoy your life.

FREE WORKSHOP ON 6/22/18

Are you kind of tired of yourself?

There's a certain kind of annoyed you can only get when you're fed up with yourself—for being stuck, for not having figured out what to do to move forward, and for being afraid of taking risks.

But at the same time, how are you supposed to get unstuck when you don't know HOW? You're caught between a rock and a hard place.

We feel you, and we're doing a FREE online workshop on Friday, June 22nd 1pm EST especially for you:

3 ways to get unstuck (in your career & life) in record time.

Think of us expert mechanics—we've seen almost every problem there is to see, and we've learned a lot about fixing them ALL over the years. We've also got our hands on the kind of tools and fuel you haven't had access to yet.

If you can't make it to this workshop live, that's OK! Anyone who registers will be sent a replay afterwards.

See you there!

LINKS

• Register for the free workshop on 6/22/18
• Leave comments on this episode here.
• Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Most kids view themselves as invincible. It's why they climb trees that are a bit too tall, or ride bikes way too fast, or otherwise put themselves in overly risky situations. Not me. I was an extremely cautious child.

I much preferred the safety of my own imagination over the wild, unpredictable real world. I would cringe when the neighborhood skateboarder tried tricks on his new ramp, or when my friends would suggest a horror movie at a sleepover.

Blame it on my sensitivity, or my old soul, or being an only child (until I was 13, at least) with too much alone time to think … but whatever the reason, my tolerance for risk and fear and the unknown was barely above zero. This showed up everywhere, including trying new foods.

A lot of kids are picky eaters, but I was pickier than most. And it lasted well beyond my childhood, too. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I assumed I didn't like all kinds of foods that I now LOVE (salmon, omelets, guacamole — what was I thinking??), when in reality I was just too afraid to try them.

At some point in my 20s, I realized how silly it was to be afraid of trying new foods. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? You have a bad taste in your mouth for a few seconds? In terms of risk-taking, those are pretty much the lowest stakes you can imagine.

When I asked myself why I was afraid of this, I didn't have a good answer. That's because I wasn't actually afraid of it anymore. It was just a holdover fear from my childhood that was now irrelevant. Because I'd lazily never bothered to question it, I was acting like the fear was just as strong as ever.

In this week's blog I (Kristen) am talking about how fears can become habits. I'll help you identify fears that you've outgrown (so you can let them go for good) and get over fears that are still active more quickly.

FREE WORKSHOP ON 6/22/18

Are you kind of tired of yourself?

There's a certain kind of annoyed you can only get when you're fed up with yourself — for being stuck, for not having figured out what to do to move forward, and for being afraid of taking risks.

But at the same time, how are you supposed to get unstuck when you don't know HOW? You're caught between a rock and a hard place.

We feel you, and we're doing a FREE online workshop on Friday, June 22nd, 1pm EST especially for you:

3 ways to get unstuck (in your career & life) in record time.

Think of us expert mechanics: We've seen almost every problem there is to see, and we've learned a lot about fixing them ALL over the years. We've also got our hands on the kind of tools and fuel you haven't had access to yet.

If you can't make it to this workshop live, that's OK! Anyone who registers will be sent a replay afterwards.

See you there!

LINKS

Register for the free workshop on 6/22/18

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

I'm getting kind of meta with this blog today because, at the time I'm writing this, I DO NOT feel like doing it. (Sorry to anyone who thought that every time I sit down to write I'm inspired and brimming with wisdom! This is real life, and I'm in a funk today.)

Blame it on lack of sleep and that time of the month, but I'm feeling grumpy and dull and lethargic. I wish I could wait to revisit this blog, but this is my only time this week to make it happen. And in a weird way, it actually aligns perfectly with what I'd already planned to write.

The thing about being in a downward spiral (I've been riding this one for at least 5 days now) is that the lower you sink, the more real and believable all of your thoughts feel.

When I'm in this state, it's really easy to start thinking some pretty bleak stuff like: "You're looking gross right now" and "Nothing's ever going to work out for you" and "You'll never make enough money to do X" and on and on.

BUT, what's critically important is that at this point in my life, I know not to trust the things I think and feel when I'm in a spiral. I know that, eventually, the mood will lift and I'll see things in a MUCH more accurate light. I just need to wait it out.

But I didn't always realize that. In fact, there have been many times when I picked apart my entire life, thinking I had a serious problem (that didn't actually exist).

I think you might be able to relate. And given that I've talked to a couple clients recently about this very subject, I'm guessing we could all use a refresher. So, in this week's blog I'm delving in to how to tell the difference between a REAL problem and a bad spiral.

FREE WORKSHOP ON 6/22/18

Are you kind of tired of yourself?

There's a certain kind of annoyed you can only get when you're fed up with yourself—for being stuck, for not having figured out what to do to move forward, and for being afraid of taking risks.

But at the same time, how are you supposed to get unstuck when you don't know HOW? You're caught between a rock and a hard place.

We feel you, and we're doing a FREE online workshop on Friday, June 22nd 1pm EST especially for you:

3 ways to get unstuck (in your career & life) in record time.

Think of us expert mechanics—we've seen almost every problem there is to see, and we've learned a lot about fixing them ALL over the years. We've also got our hands on the kind of tools and fuel you haven't had access to yet.

If you can't make it to this workshop live, that's OK! Anyone who registers will be sent a replay afterwards.

See you there!

LINKS

Register for the free workshop on 6/22/18

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode we're answering questions from:

• Kali, who can't seem to stay focused and dedicated to her job, and wants to know how to find motivation when it seems chronically unavailable.
• Julia, who's struggling to break out of a career pigeonhole and wants advice about how to find a job in a totally different field (when you've got no experience and feel unqualified).
• Reilly, who's tired and offended from constantly being labeled "shy" and "quiet" by the people around her, and wants to know how to ignore it or let it go.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three ladies resonated with you, too.

Want to submit a question for our July episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/

MUDDLED AND CONFUSED?

Sometimes it's really hard to get out of your head and know how you actually feel. How can you figure out what you really want when you can't see anything clearly?

Advertisers say this about potential customers, but it applies just as much to everyday life: Confused people don't take action. They elect to stay put and do nothing.

So, if you've reached a point where you're tired of being stagnant and confused AND ... If you want individual attention, someone to hold you accountable, and the benefit of our substantial experience focused solely on you … all so that you can make more progress in a matter of months than you'd make in years on your own, then 1-on-1 coaching may be ideal for you.

Get clear on the details and reach out to us to talk about coaching here.

LINKS

How to apply for jobs you're not qualified for (article + free download)

Quiet by Susan Cain

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

As far as career coaches go, I'm pretty unconventional. As in, I don't care much about the things that "career experts" usually tend to obsess about.

I'm not interested in helping you write the perfect résumé or the most professional-sounding cover letter. (I'd much prefer that you reveal your humanity and personality throughout all phases of the application process, rather than sound like a highly skilled robot.)

I don't believe in "best practices" when it comes to job searching. (I don't care what worked for someone else. I care what's going to work — and feel good along the way — to YOU.)

I have zero interest in writing "listicles" about "The 5 smartest job search strategies" or "7 interview tips you NEED to know." (Yawn … aren't there enough of those online already? I'm not here to add to the overwhelm.)

But there is one aspect of traditional career advice that I can fully get on board with: the informational interview. Although I may not like them for the reasons you think…

In this week's blog I (Kristen) am sharing why I'm such a fan of informational interviews, plus how to get the most out of them.

LET'S ALL BREAK OUR PHONE ADDICTIONS, TOGETHER

Did you know that the average person thinks they're LESS addicted to their phone than everyone around them, even though the average person is actually touching their phone over 2,000 times a day? Yes, you read that right. TWO THOUSAND.

So, to help break us our phone addictions, we sat down with Kristen Kalp, a poet, writer, coach, empath, introvert, and most importantly, person-who-has-somehow-managed-to-only-be-on-her-phone-for-an-hour-per-day.

If you'd like to join the two of us in doing Kristen's 21-day email-based course all about breaking your phone habit, you can sign up here! It starts on June 11th.

Full disclosure, Kristen asked us if we'd like to be an affiliate of her program, and we said yes! So we may receive a portion of proceeds if you sign up for her course. But, in typical Krachel fashion, we only endorse things we personally love and are doing ourselves. This is one of those things!

LINKS

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/informational-interviews

Space: Kristen Kalp's 21-day email-based course about breaking your phone habit

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions

The first step of recovery is admitting you have a problem. And to be frank – We've got a problem. And we're pretty sure you do, too.

Did you know that one of the metrics that measures phone addiction is if you can go 5 or more hours without touching it? Can you even REMEMBER the last time you did that!? 'Cuz we can't. GULP.

Did you know that the average person thinks they're LESS addicted than everyone around them, even though the average person is actually touching their phone over 2,000 times a day? Yes, you read that right. TWO THOUSAND.

So, to help break us of our phone addictions we sat down with Kristen Kalp, a poet, writer, coach, empath, introvert, and most importantly, person-who-has-somehow-managed-to-only-be-on-her-phone-for-an-hour-per-day.

On this episode of the Clarity on Fire podcast we talk about:

• The uncomfortable facts and figures that prove that you, like pretty much everyone else you know (except maybe like, your 85-year-old grandparents) is addicted to your phone
• Why we compulsively reach for our phones 24/7, and what we're avoiding when we scroll
• Why you'll never be as creative, interesting, smart, well-rested, grounded, and at ease if you're always tied to your phone
• Why being addicted to your phone is 100% tied to feeling like you're "existing" rather than "living"
• Strategies to help you let go of your habit gradually, and how to handle the withdrawal when it inevitably sets in

If you'd like to join the two of us in doing Kristen's 21-day email-based course all about breaking your phone habit, you can sign up here! It starts on June 11th.

Full disclosure, Kristen asked us if we'd like to be an affiliate of her program, and we said yes! So we may receive a portion of proceeds if you sign up for her course. But, in typical Krachel fashion, we only endorse things we personally love and are doing ourselves. This is one of those things!

After you listen, come leave a comment to let us know just how addicted you are to your phone, and what you intend to do to break your habit.

MORE ABOUT KRISTEN KALP, IN HER OWN WORDS

My work advocates for the aliveness and fulfillment you'll only reach by rummaging around in the depths of your being and then being honest about what you find.

I'm here to help your life come into alignment with your deepest desires — especially if you're a bookworm, introvert, hermit, empath, or sensitive soul.

I offer practical-yet-soulful business direction in my books, help clear emotional residue and blocks through breathwork, and make space to usher in whole-life transformation through coaching. (And action. Lots and lots of action.)

LINKS

• Emotional Constipation with Joanna Platt
• Submit your question for the next episode of Dear Krachel: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz

I used to be a big fan of soap operas growing up.

No kidding, when I was 4 years old, I knew all of the characters and plot lines of Days of Our Lives. To this day, even though I haven't watched it in years, I could still tell you all about Hope and Bo and John and Marlena and the villainous Stefano.

I loved how ridiculous they were … people "died" on a regular basis, and just as quickly came back to life. Shocking pregnancies were par for the course. Dramatic cases of amnesia happened every other day. And no one ever worked! They just looked fabulous and had intense conversations over lunch.

And while I definitely wouldn't recommend modeling your life after most of those plot lines, there's something about the regular bouts of amnesia that's worth considering.

In this week's blog I'm talking about why our memories are sometimes the ONLY thing that keep us stuck, and why administering yourself a bout of selective amnesia might be the most productive thing you could ever do.

I originally wrote this blog nearly 3 years ago, but the topic has been coming up over and over again both for me and my clients lately, so I decided it was time to dive back in and update it with my latest thoughts!

NEED HELP FORGETTING YOUR OLD HABITS?

We get it. It's one thing to say, "Hey, what if you just forgot about all the times you failed and how often you've felt not good enough and hopeless?" It's quite another to actually change that pattern, especially on your own.

If you've reached a point where you're ready to stop hoping things will change and start knowing that they'll change AND ...

If you want individual attention, someone to hold you accountable, and the benefit of our substantial experience focused solely on you…all so that you can make more progress in a matter of months than you'd make in years on your own, then 1-on-1 coaching may be ideal for you.

Get clear on the details and reach out to us to talk about coaching here.

LINKS

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: www.clarityonfire.com/selective-amnesia

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/

As Samuel L. Jackson said in Jurassic Park: "Hold on to your butts."

He was talking about dinosaurs, but honestly, we're talking about something that a lot of people find equally as terrifying: How to let go of your compulsion to please everyone around you.

In preparation for this episode we both read The Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker, PhD., and OH MAN, there is a lot to get into.

If you're someone who feels impaired by the compulsion to put others' needs first, to never say "no," to strive endlessly for everyone's approval, and to try to make everyone else happy, all while being as NICE as possible and avoiding conflict like it's your job … strap yourself in and get ready to have your world rocked (in a GOOD WAY).

On this episode we talk about:

• How to recognize ALL the signs of people-pleasing, even the ones you aren't aware of
• Why people-pleasing is an addiction, and how you got the "disease" in the first place
• Why you struggle with saying "no," being rejected, and feeling guilty 24/7
• Why you're so burnt-out and quietly resentful of others
• How to let go of your need for approval and being "liked"
• How to get comfortable with conflict and confrontation
• How you can actually learn what YOU like and who YOU are (because the real you has been buried under trying to be everything for everyone else)

Come leave us a comment after you've listened and let us know if you've got the disease to please, and what you're going to do about it now!

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN TO:

• Emotional Constipation with Joanna Platt
• Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones (How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person)
• You can't cure the human experience with Kyle Ramsvig

LINKS

• The Disease to Please book
• Submit your question for the next episode of Dear Krachel: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

If there's one line I've heard from just about every client I've coached over the years, it's this: "I really just want to help people."

Look, I get it. It's human nature (well, the good side of human nature, at least!) to want to help and support and lift up other people. Life would be pretty unfulfilling if you never felt like you were making a positive difference for other people.

Plus, it just feels good to help others. Who doesn't enjoy the warm, satisfied feeling they get after doing something nice for someone? But being a nice, helpful, giving person can very quickly go too far. And it's not pretty when it does.

Over-giving is a fast road to burnout. And not feeling appreciated for all the things you do for others, or not receiving the same kind of support that you're always giving, leads straight to resentment.

In this week's blog I (Kristen) am sharing how to balance your desire to help others with the tendency to over-give, so you can break the giving-burnout-resentment cycle once and for all.

CHECK BACK ON FRIDAY FOR MORE ON THIS TOPIC

If this resonated with you, you'll definitely want to tune in for our next podcast (coming out this Friday, May 18) about how to cure your people pleasing disease.

LINKS

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/the-giving-exhaustion-resentment-pattern-in-relationships/

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions

Ever felt like you're a ghost wandering the halls of your workplace? Sure, you're physically there, but the REAL YOU is nowhere to be found. You're mentally checked out, emotionally drained, and showing up as a watered-down, hollow version of yourself.

In this month's interview with a normal person, Kristen is chatting with Lana Jackson, who was all too familiar with that feeling. After years of feeling like a ghost of her real self, trapped by a boring, soul-sucking job, she decided it was time to get clear on what she *really* wanted out of her life and career. Now she's a budding entrepreneur and personal stylist helping women express themselves from the inside out. She shares the whole journey with us, in this interview.

On this episode we talk about:

• The heartache of feeling lost, directionless, and inauthentic
• The 3 questions Lana asked herself to figure out exactly what she wanted to do career-wise
• Lana's advice for staying sane while balancing a full-time job and a side hustle
• Why making time for silence is the most productive thing you can do
• Style tips for women who want to feel more empowered and confident (and just generally in life)

MORE ABOUT LANA

Lana Jackson is a wardrobe stylist and founder of Narrative Styling, an image consulting firm that helps women build versatile and effective wardrobes that work from day to night and every occasion in between. Lana believes that style can be used by women to take back their power, because the way you style yourself can give you power over the story you present to the world, and change the narrative of how you feel and how you want others to feel about you too.

Lana is passionate about teaching women how to simplify their dress routines, make the most of the clothing they have, and find clarity with a beautifully refined wardrobe – one that fits their lifestyle needs – allowing women to focus on the things that really matter, like their family, career, and other passions.

Use code NARRATIVE to get $100 off any service with Lana: https://www.narrativestyling.com

Or, for 20% off any service, follow Lana on Instagram and DM her with the code STYLEME: https://www.instagram.com/narrativestyle

Lana will be speaking at the Women Empower Expo in DC on Saturday, May 26, 2018. Buy tickets here: https://www.universe.com/events/women-empower-expo-washington-d-c-tickets-washington-81JYMF?ref=LANA

Links:

• The Blue Book, by Jim Branch
• Cleo Wade
• Lana's blog post about women and the future of the work economy
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz
• Interested in 1-on-1 coaching? Find out more here: http://clarityonfire.com/work-with-us/1-on-1-coaching