Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode we're answering questions from:

• Kali, who can't seem to stay focused and dedicated to her job, and wants to know how to find motivation when it seems chronically unavailable.
• Julia, who's struggling to break out of a career pigeonhole and wants advice about how to find a job in a totally different field (when you've got no experience and feel unqualified).
• Reilly, who's tired and offended from constantly being labeled "shy" and "quiet" by the people around her, and wants to know how to ignore it or let it go.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three ladies resonated with you, too.

Want to submit a question for our July episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/

MUDDLED AND CONFUSED?

Sometimes it's really hard to get out of your head and know how you actually feel. How can you figure out what you really want when you can't see anything clearly?

Advertisers say this about potential customers, but it applies just as much to everyday life: Confused people don't take action. They elect to stay put and do nothing.

So, if you've reached a point where you're tired of being stagnant and confused AND ... If you want individual attention, someone to hold you accountable, and the benefit of our substantial experience focused solely on you … all so that you can make more progress in a matter of months than you'd make in years on your own, then 1-on-1 coaching may be ideal for you.

Get clear on the details and reach out to us to talk about coaching here.

LINKS

How to apply for jobs you're not qualified for (article + free download)

Quiet by Susan Cain

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

As far as career coaches go, I'm pretty unconventional. As in, I don't care much about the things that "career experts" usually tend to obsess about.

I'm not interested in helping you write the perfect résumé or the most professional-sounding cover letter. (I'd much prefer that you reveal your humanity and personality throughout all phases of the application process, rather than sound like a highly skilled robot.)

I don't believe in "best practices" when it comes to job searching. (I don't care what worked for someone else. I care what's going to work — and feel good along the way — to YOU.)

I have zero interest in writing "listicles" about "The 5 smartest job search strategies" or "7 interview tips you NEED to know." (Yawn … aren't there enough of those online already? I'm not here to add to the overwhelm.)

But there is one aspect of traditional career advice that I can fully get on board with: the informational interview. Although I may not like them for the reasons you think…

In this week's blog I (Kristen) am sharing why I'm such a fan of informational interviews, plus how to get the most out of them.

LET'S ALL BREAK OUR PHONE ADDICTIONS, TOGETHER

Did you know that the average person thinks they're LESS addicted to their phone than everyone around them, even though the average person is actually touching their phone over 2,000 times a day? Yes, you read that right. TWO THOUSAND.

So, to help break us our phone addictions, we sat down with Kristen Kalp, a poet, writer, coach, empath, introvert, and most importantly, person-who-has-somehow-managed-to-only-be-on-her-phone-for-an-hour-per-day.

If you'd like to join the two of us in doing Kristen's 21-day email-based course all about breaking your phone habit, you can sign up here! It starts on June 11th.

Full disclosure, Kristen asked us if we'd like to be an affiliate of her program, and we said yes! So we may receive a portion of proceeds if you sign up for her course. But, in typical Krachel fashion, we only endorse things we personally love and are doing ourselves. This is one of those things!

LINKS

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/informational-interviews

Space: Kristen Kalp's 21-day email-based course about breaking your phone habit

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions

The first step of recovery is admitting you have a problem. And to be frank – We've got a problem. And we're pretty sure you do, too.

Did you know that one of the metrics that measures phone addiction is if you can go 5 or more hours without touching it? Can you even REMEMBER the last time you did that!? 'Cuz we can't. GULP.

Did you know that the average person thinks they're LESS addicted than everyone around them, even though the average person is actually touching their phone over 2,000 times a day? Yes, you read that right. TWO THOUSAND.

So, to help break us of our phone addictions we sat down with Kristen Kalp, a poet, writer, coach, empath, introvert, and most importantly, person-who-has-somehow-managed-to-only-be-on-her-phone-for-an-hour-per-day.

On this episode of the Clarity on Fire podcast we talk about:

• The uncomfortable facts and figures that prove that you, like pretty much everyone else you know (except maybe like, your 85-year-old grandparents) is addicted to your phone
• Why we compulsively reach for our phones 24/7, and what we're avoiding when we scroll
• Why you'll never be as creative, interesting, smart, well-rested, grounded, and at ease if you're always tied to your phone
• Why being addicted to your phone is 100% tied to feeling like you're "existing" rather than "living"
• Strategies to help you let go of your habit gradually, and how to handle the withdrawal when it inevitably sets in

If you'd like to join the two of us in doing Kristen's 21-day email-based course all about breaking your phone habit, you can sign up here! It starts on June 11th.

Full disclosure, Kristen asked us if we'd like to be an affiliate of her program, and we said yes! So we may receive a portion of proceeds if you sign up for her course. But, in typical Krachel fashion, we only endorse things we personally love and are doing ourselves. This is one of those things!

After you listen, come leave a comment to let us know just how addicted you are to your phone, and what you intend to do to break your habit.

MORE ABOUT KRISTEN KALP, IN HER OWN WORDS

My work advocates for the aliveness and fulfillment you'll only reach by rummaging around in the depths of your being and then being honest about what you find.

I'm here to help your life come into alignment with your deepest desires — especially if you're a bookworm, introvert, hermit, empath, or sensitive soul.

I offer practical-yet-soulful business direction in my books, help clear emotional residue and blocks through breathwork, and make space to usher in whole-life transformation through coaching. (And action. Lots and lots of action.)

LINKS

• Emotional Constipation with Joanna Platt
• Submit your question for the next episode of Dear Krachel: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz

I used to be a big fan of soap operas growing up.

No kidding, when I was 4 years old, I knew all of the characters and plot lines of Days of Our Lives. To this day, even though I haven't watched it in years, I could still tell you all about Hope and Bo and John and Marlena and the villainous Stefano.

I loved how ridiculous they were … people "died" on a regular basis, and just as quickly came back to life. Shocking pregnancies were par for the course. Dramatic cases of amnesia happened every other day. And no one ever worked! They just looked fabulous and had intense conversations over lunch.

And while I definitely wouldn't recommend modeling your life after most of those plot lines, there's something about the regular bouts of amnesia that's worth considering.

In this week's blog I'm talking about why our memories are sometimes the ONLY thing that keep us stuck, and why administering yourself a bout of selective amnesia might be the most productive thing you could ever do.

I originally wrote this blog nearly 3 years ago, but the topic has been coming up over and over again both for me and my clients lately, so I decided it was time to dive back in and update it with my latest thoughts!

NEED HELP FORGETTING YOUR OLD HABITS?

We get it. It's one thing to say, "Hey, what if you just forgot about all the times you failed and how often you've felt not good enough and hopeless?" It's quite another to actually change that pattern, especially on your own.

If you've reached a point where you're ready to stop hoping things will change and start knowing that they'll change AND ...

If you want individual attention, someone to hold you accountable, and the benefit of our substantial experience focused solely on you…all so that you can make more progress in a matter of months than you'd make in years on your own, then 1-on-1 coaching may be ideal for you.

Get clear on the details and reach out to us to talk about coaching here.

LINKS

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: www.clarityonfire.com/selective-amnesia

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/

As Samuel L. Jackson said in Jurassic Park: "Hold on to your butts."

He was talking about dinosaurs, but honestly, we're talking about something that a lot of people find equally as terrifying: How to let go of your compulsion to please everyone around you.

In preparation for this episode we both read The Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker, PhD., and OH MAN, there is a lot to get into.

If you're someone who feels impaired by the compulsion to put others' needs first, to never say "no," to strive endlessly for everyone's approval, and to try to make everyone else happy, all while being as NICE as possible and avoiding conflict like it's your job … strap yourself in and get ready to have your world rocked (in a GOOD WAY).

On this episode we talk about:

• How to recognize ALL the signs of people-pleasing, even the ones you aren't aware of
• Why people-pleasing is an addiction, and how you got the "disease" in the first place
• Why you struggle with saying "no," being rejected, and feeling guilty 24/7
• Why you're so burnt-out and quietly resentful of others
• How to let go of your need for approval and being "liked"
• How to get comfortable with conflict and confrontation
• How you can actually learn what YOU like and who YOU are (because the real you has been buried under trying to be everything for everyone else)

Come leave us a comment after you've listened and let us know if you've got the disease to please, and what you're going to do about it now!

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, YOU SHOULD ALSO LISTEN TO:

• Emotional Constipation with Joanna Platt
• Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones (How to tell if you're a highly sensitive person)
• You can't cure the human experience with Kyle Ramsvig

LINKS

• The Disease to Please book
• Submit your question for the next episode of Dear Krachel: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

If there's one line I've heard from just about every client I've coached over the years, it's this: "I really just want to help people."

Look, I get it. It's human nature (well, the good side of human nature, at least!) to want to help and support and lift up other people. Life would be pretty unfulfilling if you never felt like you were making a positive difference for other people.

Plus, it just feels good to help others. Who doesn't enjoy the warm, satisfied feeling they get after doing something nice for someone? But being a nice, helpful, giving person can very quickly go too far. And it's not pretty when it does.

Over-giving is a fast road to burnout. And not feeling appreciated for all the things you do for others, or not receiving the same kind of support that you're always giving, leads straight to resentment.

In this week's blog I (Kristen) am sharing how to balance your desire to help others with the tendency to over-give, so you can break the giving-burnout-resentment cycle once and for all.

CHECK BACK ON FRIDAY FOR MORE ON THIS TOPIC

If this resonated with you, you'll definitely want to tune in for our next podcast (coming out this Friday, May 18) about how to cure your people pleasing disease.

LINKS

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/the-giving-exhaustion-resentment-pattern-in-relationships/

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions

Ever felt like you're a ghost wandering the halls of your workplace? Sure, you're physically there, but the REAL YOU is nowhere to be found. You're mentally checked out, emotionally drained, and showing up as a watered-down, hollow version of yourself.

In this month's interview with a normal person, Kristen is chatting with Lana Jackson, who was all too familiar with that feeling. After years of feeling like a ghost of her real self, trapped by a boring, soul-sucking job, she decided it was time to get clear on what she *really* wanted out of her life and career. Now she's a budding entrepreneur and personal stylist helping women express themselves from the inside out. She shares the whole journey with us, in this interview.

On this episode we talk about:

• The heartache of feeling lost, directionless, and inauthentic
• The 3 questions Lana asked herself to figure out exactly what she wanted to do career-wise
• Lana's advice for staying sane while balancing a full-time job and a side hustle
• Why making time for silence is the most productive thing you can do
• Style tips for women who want to feel more empowered and confident (and just generally in life)

MORE ABOUT LANA

Lana Jackson is a wardrobe stylist and founder of Narrative Styling, an image consulting firm that helps women build versatile and effective wardrobes that work from day to night and every occasion in between. Lana believes that style can be used by women to take back their power, because the way you style yourself can give you power over the story you present to the world, and change the narrative of how you feel and how you want others to feel about you too.

Lana is passionate about teaching women how to simplify their dress routines, make the most of the clothing they have, and find clarity with a beautifully refined wardrobe – one that fits their lifestyle needs – allowing women to focus on the things that really matter, like their family, career, and other passions.

Use code NARRATIVE to get $100 off any service with Lana: https://www.narrativestyling.com

Or, for 20% off any service, follow Lana on Instagram and DM her with the code STYLEME: https://www.instagram.com/narrativestyle

Lana will be speaking at the Women Empower Expo in DC on Saturday, May 26, 2018. Buy tickets here: https://www.universe.com/events/women-empower-expo-washington-d-c-tickets-washington-81JYMF?ref=LANA

Links:

• The Blue Book, by Jim Branch
• Cleo Wade
• Lana's blog post about women and the future of the work economy
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz
• Interested in 1-on-1 coaching? Find out more here: http://clarityonfire.com/work-with-us/1-on-1-coaching

Ever felt like you’re a ghost wandering the halls of your workplace? Sure, you’re physically there, but the REAL YOU is nowhere to be found. You’re mentally checked out, emotionally drained, and showing up as a watered-down, hollow version of yourself.

In this month’s interview with a normal person, Kristen is chatting with Lana Jackson, who was all too familiar with that feeling. After years of feeling like a ghost of her real self, trapped by a boring, soul-sucking job, she decided it was time to get clear on what she *really* wanted out of her life and career. Now she’s a budding entrepreneur and personal stylist helping women express themselves from the inside out. She shares the whole journey with us, in this interview.

On this episode we talk about:

• The heartache of feeling lost, directionless, and inauthentic
• The 3 questions Lana asked herself to figure out exactly what she wanted to do career-wise
• Lana’s advice for staying sane while balancing a full-time job and a side hustle
• Why making time for silence is the most productive thing you can do
• Style tips for women who want to feel more empowered and confident (and just generally in life)

MORE ABOUT LANA

Lana Jackson is a wardrobe stylist and founder of Narrative Styling, an image consulting firm that helps women build versatile and effective wardrobes that work from day to night and every occasion in between. Lana believes that style can be used by women to take back their power, because the way you style yourself can give you power over the story you present to the world, and change the narrative of how you feel and how you want others to feel about you too.

Lana is passionate about teaching women how to simplify their dress routines, make the most of the clothing they have, and find clarity with a beautifully refined wardrobe – one that fits their lifestyle needs – allowing women to focus on the things that really matter, like their family, career, and other passions.

Use code NARRATIVE to get $100 off any service with Lana: https://www.narrativestyling.com

Or, for 20% off any service, follow Lana on Instagram and DM her with the code STYLEME: https://www.instagram.com/narrativestyle

Lana will be speaking at the Women Empower Expo in DC on Saturday, May 26, 2018. Buy tickets here: https://www.universe.com/events/women-empower-expo-washington-d-c-tickets-washington-81JYMF?ref=LANA

Links:

• The Blue Book, by Jim Branch
• Cleo Wade
• Lana’s blog post about women and the future of the work economy
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz
• Interested in 1-on-1 coaching? Find out more here: http://clarityonfire.com/work-with-us/1-on-1-coaching

OK, so you know that part in Back to the Future when Marty McFly gets on stage during the Enchantment Under the Sea dance? He straps on a guitar and starts playing so that his teenaged parents will dance, kiss, fall in love, and ensure that he eventually gets born.

Well, one of my favorite moments of that scene is when he loses himself for a few minutes in a crazy electric guitar riff of Chuck Berry's Johnny B. Goode. All the 1950s teens stop dancing and just stare at him, mouths slightly agape, before he comes to his senses and realizes they have never heard anyone play a guitar like that.

Marty awkwardly gets up and mumbles, "I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it." The joke lands because we, the audience, know how popular rock n' roll will become. But to a 1950s teenager, Marty just looks sort of insane.

I love this vignette because it's EXACTLY what happens to anybody who lives in a world that, in some way or another, isn't ready for them—they're misunderstood, labeled "crazy," ostracized, and made to feel "wrong."

In this week's blog I'm talking about what to do when you feel alone in the crowd— maybe you're the only one questioning the status quo, or wanting to live your life differently than the people around you, or you have ideas and desires that are misunderstood—and why that might make you the most sane one of all.

CHECK OUT OUR FREE E-BOOK

At the end of the episode you'll hear us mention one of our free e-books: WHAT IS THE POINT? A jolt of hope and practical advice for anyone going through an existential crisis. Find that, and the other 3 e-books here: http://clarityonfire.com/ebook-collections/

LINKS

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/not-broken/

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/

OK, so you know that part in Back to the Future when Marty McFly gets on stage during the Enchantment Under the Sea dance? He straps on a guitar and starts playing so that his teenaged parents will dance, kiss, fall in love, and ensure that he eventually gets born.

Well, one of my favorite moments of that scene is when he loses himself for a few minutes in a crazy electric guitar riff of Chuck Berry’s Johnny B. Goode. All the 1950s teens stop dancing and just stare at him, mouths slightly agape, before he comes to his senses and realizes they have never heard anyone play a guitar like that.

Marty awkwardly gets up and mumbles, “I guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it.” The joke lands because we, the audience, know how popular rock n’ roll will become. But to a 1950s teenager, Marty just looks sort of insane. 

I love this vignette because it’s EXACTLY what happens to anybody who lives in a world that, in some way or another, isn’t ready for them—they’re misunderstood, labeled “crazy,” ostracized, and made to feel “wrong.”

In this week’s blog I’m talking about what to do when you feel alone in the crowd— maybe you’re the only one questioning the status quo, or wanting to live your life differently than the people around you, or you have ideas and desires that are misunderstood—and why that might make you the most sane one of all.

CHECK OUT OUR FREE E-BOOK

At the end of the episode you’ll hear us mention one of our free e-books: WHAT IS THE POINT? A jolt of hope and practical advice for anyone going through an existential crisis. Find that, and the other 3 e-books here: http://clarityonfire.com/ebook-collections/

LINKS

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/not-broken/

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/