Clarity on Fire

Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived most of my life with only one foot in this realm. The other foot has been exploring Hogwarts, or on a stroll with Lizzie at Longbourn, or running away from white walkers (and TOWARD Jon Snow, if you know what I mean).

I’ve spent nearly three decades being mildly annoyed that real life gets in the way of fantasy. To me, fiction and art and music often feel more REAL and TRUE than the monotony of everyday life, with its bills and laundry and mountains of responsibilities.

Could you make a case that maybe this is a PROBLEM? That I’m trying to escape reality and live in a perpetual state of denial? You probably could. But hey, I’m still paying my bills, and my laundry gets done, and I’m not shirking my responsibilities. So cut me SOME slack.

Thankfully, I’ve found a way to weave creativity into my daily life. I’m not just absorbing other people’s creativity—in the form of books, movies, TV, music, and art—I’ve also built a business that’s fueled by my own creative inspiration (in the form of blogs and podcasts, mostly).

But I get that a lot of people don’t have that kind of seamless integration.

I was talking to one of my clients, Gwen, about this recently. She was feeling guilty about wanting to pursue writing—something she finds really fun and inspiring—because it’s not “practical.”

It got me thinking about how warped our definition of “creativity” is, and how many weird “rules” we silently follow about what we’re “allowed” to pursue, creatively.

In this week’s blog I’m (Rachel) talking about why you should never feel guilty about doing what you love (be it writing, Netflix, or anything else), and what the REAL definition of creativity is.

FREE WORKSHOP ON 4/27/18

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review by TODAY, Tuesday, April 24, then we’d love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we’re doing about Passion Profiles this Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We’ll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can’t make it live.

LINKS

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz 

Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/secret-life-purpose/

Submit a question for the next episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly podcast advice column: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/

Do you ever feel a little bit crazy? Like you're alone in a crowd of people who don't FEEL things as deeply as you do? Maybe sometimes you find yourself wondering, "Am I broken? Why is life so much easier for these people?" If so, you're likely a Highly Sensitive Person.

Being highly sensitive is an awesome gift. It means you're probably extra creative, intuitive, and capable of being deeply moved by the small things in life. But here's the problem—we don't live in a world that places a high value on those things. So what do we do when the world wants to tell us we're broken? That the very traits that make us awesome are also what people believe need fixing?

On this episode we talk about:

• How to tell if you're a Highly Sensitive Person (we run through a list of attributes and give you guidance on where to take a self-assessment)
• Why the most highly sensitive people are always the most genius artists and creatives, too
• Why HSPs are VERY likely to get diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and other disorders
• How to let yourself feel all the things without shutting down or going crazy
• The most critical things you can do to protect and take care of yourself so that you can have the best of both worlds—getting to be sensitive without feeling crazy, anxious, or overwhelmed

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we'd love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we're doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We'll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can't make it live.

• Take the Passion Profile Quiz
• Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]
• Elaine Aron's tests for sensitivity
• Submit your question for the May episode of Dear Krachel

Do you ever feel a little bit crazy? Like you’re alone in a crowd of people who don’t FEEL things as deeply as you do? Maybe sometimes you find yourself wondering, “Am I broken? Why is life so much easier for these people?” If so, you’re likely a Highly Sensitive Person.

Being highly sensitive is an awesome gift. It means you’re probably extra creative, intuitive, and capable of being deeply moved by the small things in life. But here’s the problem—we don’t live in a world that places a high value on those things. So what do we do when the world wants to tell us we’re broken? That the very traits that make us awesome are also what people believe need fixing?

On this episode we talk about:

• How to tell if you’re a Highly Sensitive Person (we run through a list of attributes and give you guidance on where to take a self-assessment)
• Why the most highly sensitive people are always the most genius artists and creatives, too
• Why HSPs are VERY likely to get diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and other disorders
• How to let yourself feel all the things without shutting down or going crazy
• The most critical things you can do to protect and take care of yourself so that you can have the best of both worlds—getting to be sensitive without feeling crazy, anxious, or overwhelmed

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we’d love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we’re doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We’ll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can’t make it live.

• Take the Passion Profile Quiz
• Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]
• Elaine Aron’s tests for sensitivity
• Submit your question for the May episode of Dear Krachel 

You know how it goes … you see someone's incredible vacation photos on social media, while you watch the rain pour down outside your tiny office window (or, worse, as you stare at the windowless grey walls of your cube).

Or you hear about an old friend who just got an amazing promotion at a company you'd kill to work at. Or your coworker gushes about how sweet her husband was for surprising her with concert tickets for their one-year anniversary, while you haven't even been on a date in months. The envy starts to creep in, and you're left feeling annoyed, resentful, deflated, or just plain sad.

The worst part of jealousy is the self-judgment and shame that often comes along with it. Many of my clients, after embarrassedly sharing a situation where they felt envious, will say things like, "I have to plaster on a smile and fake excitement, even though I feel like the jealousy is strangling me. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy for that person??"

I'm guilty of this, too — both feeling jealous and judging myself for it. Thankfully, in the past few years I've completely reframed how I feel about jealousy and I stopped feeling guilty and ashamed of it.

In my first podcast edition of our blog, I'm (Kristen) talking about how I now actually LOVE when I get jealous because I believe it's one of the very best tools for figuring out what you're passionate about, making authentic decisions, and getting over analysis paralysis.

This blog was originally published in December of 2016, but I brought it back for our podcast launch because it's something I remind myself and my clients of often, so I figured you might benefit from the same reminder.

FREE WORKSHOP ON 4/27/18

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we'd love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we're doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We'll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can't make it live.

LINKS

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/why-i-love-jealousy

Submit a question for the May episode of Dear Krachel (our monthly advice column): http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions

You know how it goes … you see someone’s incredible vacation photos on social media, while you watch the rain pour down outside your tiny office window (or, worse, as you stare at the windowless grey walls of your cube).

Or you hear about an old friend who just got an amazing promotion at a company you’d kill to work at. Or your coworker gushes about how sweet her husband was for surprising her with concert tickets for their one-year anniversary, while you haven’t even been on a date in months. The envy starts to creep in, and you’re left feeling annoyed, resentful, deflated, or just plain sad.

The worst part of jealousy is the self-judgment and shame that often comes along with it. Many of my clients, after embarrassedly sharing a situation where they felt envious, will say things like, “I have to plaster on a smile and fake excitement, even though I feel like the jealousy is strangling me. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy for that person??”

I’m guilty of this, too — both feeling jealous and judging myself for it. Thankfully, in the past few years I’ve completely reframed how I feel about jealousy and I stopped feeling guilty and ashamed of it.

In my first podcast edition of our blog, I’m (Kristen) talking about how I now actually LOVE when I get jealous because I believe it’s one of the very best tools for figuring out what you’re passionate about, making authentic decisions, and getting over analysis paralysis.

This blog was originally published in December of 2016, but I brought it back for our podcast launch because it’s something I remind myself and my clients of often, so I figured you might benefit from the same reminder.

FREE WORKSHOP ON 4/27/18

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we’d love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we’re doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We’ll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can’t make it live.

LINKS

Take the Passion Profile Quiz: www.clarityonfire.com/quiz

Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here:  http://clarityonfire.com/why-i-love-jealousy

Submit a question for the May episode of Dear Krachel (our monthly advice column): http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions

I believe that every person is actually two people: The person you really are (deep down, on the inside, where you think no one can see). And the person you think you should be in order to be liked, loved, and accepted.

Glennon Doyle (who wrote one of my favorite books of 2016, and maybe my favorite memoir ever, "Love Warrior") calls that second person "the representative."

Your representative is a version of you that's sent into the world in your place. It's a blander, less authentic person who stands in for you when it doesn't feel safe to expose the REAL you. Your representative is the one who …

• Plasters on a fake smile, when you'd rather be anywhere else than the meeting you're sitting in.
• Doesn't speak up, even when you've got an opinion, for fear of being judged.
• Knows exactly what to say to keep being liked and praised.
• Keeps you jumping through hoops, constantly trying to prove your worth.
• Has a bunch of acquaintances, but very few real connections.

Most of us have been sending out representatives for so long that we can't remember NOT having one. They spring to life for almost all of us at a VERY early age. And every time a representative is born, it ALWAYS emanates from the same deep fear:

Who you really are is not good enough.

In this inaugural blog reading, I'm (Rachel) talking about how to let go of your representative, and actually be accepted for who you are. This blog was originally published in October of 2016. I brought it back for our podcast launch because it touches on the themes of connect and belonging—things that kept coming up in our other episodes.

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we'd love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we're doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We'll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can't make it live.

Links:

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]

Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/tired-of-pretending/

Glennon Doyle's book, Love Warrior

Women didn't have the right to vote in America until 1920. We couldn't apply for a credit card on our own, without the permission of a father or husband, until 1974. And in 2018, we're STILL waiting for a guarantee of equal pay. We've come a long way, but there's a lot further to go.

When women entered the workforce en masse in the first half of the 20th century, the system had already been built in a way that suits people who are masculine—but not necessarily people who are wired in a feminine way. And having to fit into that system is taking a HUGE toll on us. It's a quiet way that we're still struggling for equality, and it's about time we started talking about it.

On this episode we talk about:

• Why "equality" doesn't mean having to become masculine in order to succeed in your career
• What "masculine" and "feminine" actually mean (we guarantee you've got some misconceptions on this one)
• Why you might be struggling with burn-out, fatigue, and overwhelm
• How to go after freedom and flexibility, even if you feel trapped in a rigid environment
• How to embrace your intuition and emotions in a workplace that doesn't encourage you to
• How you can get more done, in less time, and still feel rested and energized

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we'd love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we're doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We'll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can't make it live.

• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: clarityonfire.com/quiz
• Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]

Making friends in college was easy. How could you NOT, when you're in a bubble with people your own age that you have so much in common with? But eventually that bubble bursts. We enter the "real world" and find that it's HARD to make authentic, genuine connections as an adult. We live in a world that's as connected as we've ever been, while simultaneously feeling as lonely and DISCONNECTED as we've ever felt.

Neither of us are great at making friends (introvert problems), so for our inaugural interview with an expert we brought on one of our favorite extroverts and certified coaches, Carolyn Birsky, to help us get to the root of how to find your tribe—be they friends, colleagues, or ANYONE we want to build a meaningful, fulfilling relationship with.

On this episode we talk about:

• Why letting your guard down and being vulnerable is the prerequisite to finding your tribe
• How to ask someone on a "friend date"
• How to stay connected with friends when you start to drift apart
• When to "break up" with a friend, and when to try harder
• Where to go to find likeminded people and strategies for staying in touch once you've met a potential tribe member
• How to navigate your way around the awkwardness of networking and small talk

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we'd love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we're doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We'll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can't make it live.

• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: clarityonfire.com/quiz
• Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]
• Rachel's Blog: "For the love of God, stop asking people, 'So what do you do?'"
• Carolyn's Blog: "Making friends as an adult"

Welcome to the inaugural episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode we're answering questions from:

• Jen, who wants to find a mentor in a field where women (and particularly women of color) are scarce.
• Matt, who's taking the road less traveled and is wondering how to find life satisfaction outside of a career.
• Eryn, who's questioning how important "career direction" really is, and why there's so much pressure to be a "girl boss."
• Saska, who's been through a whirlwind year of loss and upheaval in her life, and want's to know why we're all so obsessed with "change for the sake of change."

Want to submit a question for our May episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we'd love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we're doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We'll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can't make it live.

• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: clarityonfire.com/quiz
• Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]
• Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel: http://clarityonfire.com/podcast-questions/
• Rachel's Blog: "Confession: I have no desire to be a #girlboss"

When Kyle Ramsvig was a teenager she found out that nearly all of the girls in the senior class of her small, private high school were either in therapy or on anti-depressants—all of them had thought they were broken, but none of them were talking about it with each other because they were ashamed.

In this inaugural interview with a "normal person," Rachel talks to Kyle (one of her clients) about why we're so afraid of our feelings and how to live a happy, fulfilled life in a world that often makes us feel wrong for being human.

We talked about:

• Why millennials being told that they're "special" may have backfired
• How almost everything you feel is normal, and why none of it makes you a freak
• How you can experience all that life has to offer—the high-highs, low-lows, and the vast amounts of mediocrity in between—and be happier than you've ever been
• Why so many of us pour ourselves into trying to find an identity through our careers, why that never works, and what actually DOES work instead
• How to be content with life even when you don't have a "title" or ton of career direction

If you enjoy any of our current episodes and decide to subscribe, rate, and review before Tuesday, April 24, then we'd love to invite you to a FREE online workshop and Q&A session we're doing about Passion Profiles on Friday, April 27 at 1pm Eastern.

To get access, take a screenshot of your review and email it to us at [email protected]. We'll send you a link to register for the workshop! There WILL be a replay for those of you who register but can't make it live.

• Take the Passion Profile Quiz: clarityonfire.com/quiz
• Send us screenshots of your review at: [email protected]
• Rachel's Blog: "For the love of God, stop asking people, 'So what do you do?'"