Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One's Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness

How do you address conflict? The Allies' team discusses several important de-escalation techniques to use when you're faced with an emerging conflict. 

Dominique tells the story of a dad who sees his son's truck at a saloon. Not wanting the son to drive home intoxicated, dad uses an extra key to drive the truck home, parking it a block away. The son returns home intoxicated, ranting about his "stolen truck."  Dad stays silent while the son calls the police. They arrive and the intoxicated son rages. Dad tells police (but not the son) where the truck is.

A listener says this whole scenario about dad parking truck away seems passive-aggressive, and asks what purpose was served. Was an enraged son the ultimate goal, so the police would arrest him?  Why did the father take no steps to alleviate his son's anxiety and anger? Wouldn't the CRAFT method say that when the son came home, he should see the truck in the driveway and get a brief explanation from dad on why it was there? Wouldn't the next day, when the son was sober and both parties more calm, be the time to discuss?

A continued discussion of families and treatment. Part one examined how the family can affect treatment and  vice-versa. Part two looks at the overall idea: taking care of yourself and observing your own boundaries, while asking how you might best add to treatment.

Laurie, Dominique, and Kayla discuss ideas about families and treatment, focusing particularly on how the family can affect treatment -- and vice-versa -- in part one of this two-part episode.

A continued discussion of the CRAFT model in romantic relationships. In part 2, our hosts talk about practicing and using the tools of CRAFT in difficult moments to address not you  loved one's substance use, but the relationship-affecting behavior that happens with substance use.

How does the CRAFT model work in romantic relationships? In part one, our hosts say our job as loved ones is to get our  own needs met. First, we must figure out those needs and what we can do to meet them, then ask for help from our loved ones in specific, measurable ways.

What are the challenges of releasing yourself from feeling responsible for your loved one's behavior, as their parent or family member? This involves recognizing yourself as your own person, and allowing them the respect and dignity of having their own process.

Our hosts discuss the individual nature of the  term "recovery." They look at recovery as an evolution involving growth,  change, finding meaning, and finding ease. They say the best plan is to  respect people's processes, plant seeds when you can, and stay  interested in how your loved one defines the process for themselves.

A look at CRAFT as the beginning of  treatment – as connection, openness, curiosity, and modeling change. Our hosts advocate focusing not on what your loved one does, but on case management, on researching available options to present when the time is  right. That leaves you free to work on changing the dynamic and going for connection.

Guest Dr. Carl Erik Fisher talks about the historical context of addiction and approaches to treatment, the subject of his new book, The Urge.