When your partner is using substances year after year and you don't see change, you may end up wondering, "Why am I staying?"

A listener wrote in that she wondered about staying with her husband, who struggles with alcohol but hasn't responded to her efforts to practice CRAFT thus far. Would leaving him constitute "natural consequences?"

Isabel Cooney and Kayla Solomon examine this important question. Kayla, an IMAGO couples therapist, explains the dynamic of pursuer vs. avoider—which are you with your Loved One?

Partner CRAFT is a podcast series by Allies in Recovery⁠ that focuses on applying the CRAFT method with a romantic partner (or ex-partner) struggling with addiction. Co-hosts Kayla Solomon (psychotherapist, IMAGO counselor, and Allies in Recovery group facilitator) and Isabel Cooney (Allies in Recovery team member and ex-partner of a loved one with addiction) discuss the unique challenges of using CRAFT in these relationships—and how it can transform them. 

A membership at Allies in Recovery gives you unlimited access to: 
✔ Step-by-step CRAFT training tailored for families and partners 
✔ Support groups and a community that understands 
✔ A Q&A blog with expert guidance 
✔ And much more! 

Visit Allies in Recovery to learn about our membership options, read our blog posts, meet our team, and much more! 

The original CRAFT is outcome-driven and behavioral-based, aimed at getting people into treatment. Allies has made it more connection- and relationship-oriented, focused on listening and communication. The same skill set Allies focuses on — validating, not arguing, not giving advice or challenging someone's reality or perception — often works with someone dealing with mental health challenges. Creating that space helps that person feel calm and heard.

At Allies in Recovery, we train, guide, and support families using the CRAFT method—an evidence-based approach that helps families shift the dynamic with a loved one struggling with addiction and often mental health struggles. Self-care is a cornerstone of this process, but for many, it’s something we have to learn from scratch. 

A membership at Allies in Recovery gives you unlimited access to: 
✔ Step-by-step CRAFT training through our online learning platform 
✔ Support groups and a community that understands what you're going through 
✔ A Q&A blog with expert guidance 
✔ And much more! 

Visit Allies in Recovery to start your new path towards healing addiction in your family.  

What happens to the 30 percent who, in the traditional, research-based CRAFT model, don't make it to treatment in 12 weeks? The Allies in Recovery version — "applied" CRAFT — goes beyond the 12-week version and focuses on change, not just going to treatment. We discuss where you can begin the process, and how you can lead by modelling. Long-term change is the goal.

At Allies in Recovery, we train, guide, and support families using the CRAFT method—an evidence-based approach that helps families shift the dynamic with a loved one struggling with addiction. Self-care is a cornerstone of this process, but for many, it’s something we have to learn from scratch. 

A membership at Allies in Recovery gives you unlimited access to: 
✔ Step-by-step CRAFT training through our online learning platform 
✔ Support groups and a community that understands what you're going through 
✔ A Q&A blog with expert guidance 
✔ And much more! 

Visit Allies in Recovery to start your new path towards healing addiction in your family.  

What do these terms mean? Should we use them? And are they disparaging? "Dry drunk" comes from Alcoholics Anonymous, and refers to someone who's abstinent, but may not obviously be doing more than remaining abstinent. And "manipulation" is often in the eye of the beholder. CRAFT can help take the judgment out of it and help you get to know your process, and make choices on how you feel, what you need, and the boundaries you can live with.

Allies in Recovery provides training and ongoing support for families ready to move forward and create real change in their loved one's addiction. We offer practical tools, expert guidance, and a compassionate community to support you every step of the way. 

Visit Allies in Recovery to learn about our membership options, read our blog posts, meet our team, and much more! 

How do you work with anxiety so it's of service to you? Sometimes, anxiety is information akin to intuition, a sign that maybe you need to set up a boundary. At the same time, the only completely accurate fact in moments of anxiety is that you don't know. Part of the work we need to do is getting comfortable with and coping with not-knowing.

Allies in Recovery provides training and ongoing support for families ready to move forward and create real change in their loved one's addiction. We offer practical tools, expert guidance, and a compassionate community to support you every step of the way. 

Visit Allies in Recovery to learn about our membership options, read our blog posts, meet our team, and much more! 

Approach the question of capability with awareness and connection. Look at your own awareness of what they're capable of or struggling with. You may be doing too much, leaving you unaware of what they can truly do. Do mini-experiments when they want to do things, and collect data. Help them have an opportunity to succeed or fail. Foster connection by not being critical or having huge expectations. We look at simple ways you can help your Loved One increase their own awareness.

A membership at Allies in Recovery provides: 
✔ A structured online platform to learn CRAFT skills step by step 
✔ Support groups and a community that truly understands 
✔ A Q&A blog with expert advice 
✔ And much more! 

Start today—visit Allies in Recovery to begin creating change in your family.  

Our hosts speak with Dr. Julie McCarthy, Associate Psychologist at McLean Hospital and Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School.

Dr. McCarthy has received funding from the National Institute of Mental Health, National Institute on Drug Abuse, Harvard Medical School, and philanthropic support. Her research aims to identify biopsychosocial treatment targets and develop and evaluate interventions for individuals and families, such as Community Reinforcement and Family Training for Early Psychosis and substance use. She is a CRAFT-certified therapist, supervisor, and trainer. Dr. McCarthy uses a multimodal telehealth approach to better understand and address barriers to care and promote recovery initiatives informed by people with lived experience through community-engaged research.

At Allies in Recovery, we train, guide, and support families using the CRAFT method—an evidence-based approach that helps families shift the dynamic with a loved one struggling with addiction. Self-care is a cornerstone of this process, but for many, it’s something we have to learn from scratch. 

A membership at Allies in Recovery gives you unlimited access to: 
✔ Step-by-step CRAFT training through our online learning platform 
✔ Support groups and a community that understands what you're going through 
✔ A Q&A blog with expert guidance 
✔ And much more! 

Visit Allies in Recovery to start your new path towards healing addiction in your family.  

Celebrate the small victories, so they become bigger and multiply. Take yourself out of the story so your Loved One can write their own. Trust that they can function on some level. They have the skills they use to navigate the difficult world of substance use, and those skills just need to be translated to a different lifestyle.

At Allies in Recovery, we train, guide, and support families using the CRAFT method—an evidence-based approach that helps families shift the dynamic with a loved one struggling with addiction. Self-care is a cornerstone of this process, but for many, it’s something we have to learn from scratch. 

A membership at Allies in Recovery gives you unlimited access to: 
✔ Step-by-step CRAFT training through our online learning platform 
✔ Support groups and a community that understands what you're going through 
✔ A Q&A blog with expert guidance 
✔ And much more! 

Visit Allies in Recovery to start your new path towards healing addiction in your family.  

Taking a deliberate break to do nothing is about clearing a space, removing internal clutter and distraction. You can often gain new insight and power to make choices in that space. It's about taking care of yourself, replenishing and healing, and coming up with better ideas than your more anxious or panicked self can.

Allies in Recovery provides training and ongoing support for families ready to move forward and create real change in their loved one's addiction. We offer practical tools, expert guidance, and a compassionate community to support you every step of the way. 

Visit Allies in Recovery to learn about our membership options, read our blog posts, meet our team, and much more! 

What does it mean to CRAFT? Why do slowing things down and positive reinforcement help your Loved One with substance use and/or mental health struggles to move forward? How does CRAFT guide us to bring compassion, not judgment to the situation? When we think we see laziness or avoidance, is it possible we may be looking at depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem?

Allies in Recovery provides training and ongoing support for families ready to move forward and create real change in their loved one's addiction. We offer practical tools, expert guidance, and a compassionate community to support you every step of the way. 

Visit Allies in Recovery to learn about our membership options, read our blog posts, meet our team, and much more!