Changing our default patterns in relationships takes intention and effort.  Whether we're wanting to act differently with loved ones at home or with strangers in public, relational transformation starts by turning inward and working with ourselves, first.

In this week's conversation we discuss:

• 1.01  Find information on my upcoming offerings:  Deep Dive into Narcissism and Shame  and winter retreat Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• 3:16  "My usual MO would be to run .." I want to experience myself in a new way, what can I do? 
• 5:56  How do we establish shared reality with others?
• 9:47  The quickest way to kill generosity.
• 11:53  Finding courage to ask the hard questions I usually avoid asking.
• 14:49  A tip when dealing with avoidant attachment patterns.
• 19:36  Why demands don't work.
• 22:13  Meeting needs vs  caring about needs.
• 25:25  The biggest gift we can give one another.
• 26:24  Responding to a child's unpleasant behavior with nonviolence.
• 33:33  Connecting with a parent to discuss their child's behavior
• 38:20  How to approach "feeling dismissed and invalidated"

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's episode explores themes of belonging, and the human need we all share for community.

We explore:

• 1:59  I don't feel like I belong anywhere
• 5:50  Rising into grandiosity or sinking into shame
• 7:19  Belonging to Yourself
• 12:05  The role of reverence
• 14:03  How do I handle passive aggressive comments?
• 25:20  We're either repeating or transforming a dynamic
• 26:43  Make the implicit explicit
• 34:28  My friend takes a long time to text me back and it hurts my feelings

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's episode is an investigation into working things through in relationship:  with our extended family, our mothers, our daughters, and ourselves.

We explore:

• 1:18  The dynamics I see in my nieces and nephews repeat the dynamics between my siblings and I get triggered.  How can I help myself and them?
• 4:12  How to ground observations in micro moments
• 13:11  I wanted care and I didn't receive it.  How can I talk about this with no accusations?
• 31:05  A script for sharing what you're needing now
• 34:00  How do I tell my daughter I long for more acceptance from her?
• 49:00  How can I support myself as I continue to grow into who I am?

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's caller is looking for scripts that can help her call out some discriminatory dynamics at work. 

She asks:  "I am facing new challenges in my work environment. More specifically, I am noticing weird racial dynamics ( for example, staff of colour all scheduled for night shift, and day shift exclusively (no exceptions) staffed by white staff. I have also heard rumours of ‘racially hostile behaviour’ from colleagues and supervisors. For context, I am black/African. I also just notice gossipy, 2-faced behaviour. And all of this makes me feel unsafe. I want to do something about it but I feel so much fear. Any ideas?"  

 Listen along as we discuss:

• 6:57  The upside of anger and how to work with it skillfully 
• 7:47  The importance of knowing what you WANT to say 
• 11:10  "Why is this happening?"
• 13:04  "I'm scared I'll get fired"
• 21:09  Addressing issues from the power-under position

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's a common - if painful - dynamic:  we want to share our pain with another in the hopes of receiving empathy, but their best move is to try and fix our pain by finding fault with something we've said or done.

It is so hurtful to be blamed for our own pain.  

In this week's episode, a caller asks a universally applicable question:  "What can I do when I share my pain with my spouse and he blames me for it?"

Highlights include:

• 2:50  If all I get is blame, why should I even try to have the conversation?
• 7:03  How to ground a discussion in a micro moment
• 10:03 Scripts that help "waking up" feel pleasurable and not painful
• 12:05 Doing the inner work necessary for successful conversations
• 15:15  A script for getting to "Yes"
• 22:54  "I'm not trying to change you."
• 24:24  The role of our defensive system

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It can be so difficult to know what to say next.  Whether you need to have a personal or professional conversation, sometimes finding the words are hard.

In this week's podcast, we script out four different conversations for four different scenarios.  We discuss:

• 1:06  "Please tell me you love me, dad."
• 8:54  "I'm sorry, but you're fired."
• 15:47  "I want to stay.  Do you want that, too?"
• 29:16  "Dear child, this is my boundary."

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

What do you do when you discover that a friend or loved one sees something in a polar opposite way to how you're seeing it?  

Are you able to stay in a place of grounded, open curiosity, or do you find yourself getting worked up and activated, wanting to change their minds? 

It can be very challenging to connect with loved ones when our belief systems don't match, or when our worldviews are colliding. 

On this week's podcast, we tackle the hard work of connecting - with friends, with family - around hot button issues.

We discuss:

• 1:37  How can I connect with my parents who don't support my choices?
• 13:55  My best friend and I clash over Palestine
• 33:23  An NVC celebration regarding Human 101
• 39:27  Moving past the past

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

As we run through our everyday lives, we'll inevitably bump up against other humans who might be less resourced than we are.  

Catching others as they're having a bad day can provide us stellar opportunities to increase our own empathy, and we don't even have to say a word.

On this week's episode, we delve into ways to manage our own nervous systems amidst the triggered nervous systems of others, including:

• 4:24  How can someone be verbally aggressive and still profess love?
• 12:59  What yelling does, and doesn't do
• 16:54  How can NVC help me when I feel frozen?
• 24:06  How can capacity building help me field someone else's triggered reactions?
• 30:13  How can I get better at holding my own needs along with someone else's?
• 37:37  The 2 part practice for fielding someone else's triggered response

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Do you ever worry that empathy is getting in the way?  

In this week's episode, one caller worried that empathizing with his mother in law's fear of having cancer was actually making her anxiety worse, and not better.  

On this call one of the things we discuss is anxiety, and some of the tips we can use when trying to empathize with someone who's feeling anxious.

• 1:51  My friend is dismissive when I try to talk about my body.
• 15:24  Our bodies have often been used as tools of oppression.
• 17:34  I'm confused, and you get defensive when I ask questions.
• 35:56  Dad, is your offer to pay for college still open?
• 41:45  Is empathy increasing the anxiety?
• 46:57  How can I stay grounded in myself when I'm falling for you?

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's only human to want the traditional NVC formula to solve all our connection problems.

However, what the traditional observation, feelings, needs and request paradigm often does best is help us sort our own stuff out internally, first.  After we use it to get our own stuff straight, then we can experiment with the best way to connect with those around us.

Want to experience this with a real life example?  Here's what we discuss on this week's episode:

• 3:31  When identifying feelings and needs is internal - not external - work
• 9:37  Getting wrongness out of the picture
• 13:40  A script for moving forward

If you're looking for a high caliber small group where you can deepen your practice and really live into the principles of compassion, non-violence and relational presence, apply for The Mentorship Circle, which will begin November 2nd. It will be three hours every month of advanced teaching, deep discussion, and practical integration. Learn more here.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus