Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Does your child struggle with anger, and do you struggle with how to help them? Tune in to our discussion today with Jessica Sinarski, a certified adoption therapist and author of the picture books Riley the Brave and Your Magic Backpack series. She also serves on the editorial board for The Journal of Child and Adolescent Trauma.

In this episode, we cover:

• All kids get angry, in fact, all people get angry, so how do we know if our kid has bigger issues with anger management?
• Why do kids who have experienced trauma often struggle with anger?
• Does it matter the type of trauma: abuse, neglect, adoption?
• Does the prenatal environment that is not ideal (maternal stress, alcohol or drug exposure, poor nutrition) impact a child’s or youth’s emotional regulation?
• Why do kids seem to overreact—big feelings for what feels like a small issue?
• What are some typical triggers that elicit big responses?
• Steps for managing natural feelings of anger. 
  • Name with few words.
  • Working our way back to calm. Co-regulate back to calm. Suggest a break, model deep breath, let’s stop and think, etc.
  • Give a chance to re-do. Fixing the thing that they broke.
  • Read books about regulating emotions.
  • Lots of physical activity.
• Steps for maintaining connections with big angry feelings. 
  • Compassion for yourself. It feels hard because it is hard. They have a lot to be angry about.
  • PACE-playful, acceptance, curious, empathy (from Daniel Hughes)
• What do you mean by upstairs and downstairs brains? (from Dan Seigel)
• How do we help our kids understand why they are reacting the way they do and how to handle their feelings better?

Resources:

• Brave Brains
• Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi (ages 0-6)
• My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss (ages 0-6)
• Ravi’s Roar by Tom Percival
• Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang
• Gorilla’s Muscles
• The Riley the Brave series (including Riley the Brave’s Big Feelings Activity Book)
• Hello, Anger (age 7-13)
• Samantha Snowden’s Anger Management Workbook for Kids (age 7-13)
• Your Amazing Brain: The Epic Illustrated Guide (age 8+)
• “Unpacking Anger” (blog post with additional recommended

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: My husband and I are starting the adoption process, and so I recently reached out to Human Resources at my place of employment and learned that I do not qualify for short-term disability (STD), so I am not eligible for any type of paid time off when baby eventually comes. Are there any advocacy groups working on getting something similar to short-term disability for adoptive parents, where at least some portion of their salary is paid during the leave? I mean, there is research out there on the importance of bonding and attachment for the future health of children!

Resources:

• Dave Thomas Foundation's Adoption-Friendly Workplace program
• 5 Ways Leaders Can Support Adoptive Parents (Article)
• Movement Advancement Project - State Family Leave Laws
• Creating a Family Online Support Group

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Does your teen seem overly concerned about how they look? Do they seem to overeat or restrict their food intake without worrying about the consequences? This interview with Dr. Charlotte Markey will help. Dr. Markey is a professor of psychology and chair of the Health Sciences Department at Rutgers University, and a research scientist who has published over 100 scholarly articles and chapters about mental health issues. She has been conducting research on eating behavior and body image for over 25 years. She is the author of The Body Image Book for Girls, Being You: The Body Image Book for Boys, and most recently, Adultish: The Body Image Book for Life.

In this episode, we cover:

• What do you include when you speak of body image?
• I think of it now more about weight, but wouldn’t it include having straight teeth, fewer pimples, and a cute haircut?
• Have young people always struggled with body image, or is this something new to our modern times?
• When should parents begin to worry that a teen’s concern over body image is becoming too much?
• My 17-year-old is beginning to gain quite a bit of weight, and her doctor is concerned. She doesn’t seem to be worried about it, but I am worried that she is establishing bad habits. We eat “normal,” relatively healthy food at home and have some “treats,” but not a huge amount, so she’s not gaining weight from what she is eating at home. She is driving now and stops frequently to eat fast food and then doesn’t eat much of what we serve for our meals. She also buys a lot of chips, sodas, and cookies and eats them in her room all evening. This is beginning to feel like disordered eating to me. 
• Parents worry that if they say anything, they are drawing attention and casting too much emphasis on weight.
• I have a 16-year-old girl who is very aware of her weight. I think some degree of that is normal, but I see that she is adding more exercise to her routine even though she has always been active in sports. I also see that she is eating less and less at our meals, but then she eats an entire pint of ice cream. She loves clothes and is very pleased when she drops a size. Should I be worried?
• What is intuitive eating?
• Are the body image issues for boys different than for girls?
• What teens are at the greatest risk of developing an eating disorder?
• Are youth who have experienced trauma or food insecurity at greater risk?
• Are teens with ADHD at greater risk for eating disorders, especially overeating? 
• What protective factors should we add to our kids' lives when we see them struggling?
• Where do you go first for help when your teen is in trouble?
• The impact of GLP-1 medications such as Ozempic and Wegovy on body image of teens.
• What are the impacts of social media and mainstream media on body image

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: I just became a foster parent of a 14-year-old girl. She came with a cell phone paid for by her prior foster family. I told them I wanted to take over payments. I also want to sit down with her periodically and spontaneously and ask her to show me what she’s been doing on her phone while I show her what I do on my phone. I hope she will realize she can tell me anything and that I won’t hide things from her. Is this a good idea? How should I approach it? Do you think it will build trust, or will she resent it?

Resources:

• Managing Technology & Screens (Resource page)
• Welcoming an Older Child to Your Home (Resource page)
• Raising Foster Children (Resource page)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

If you are considering domestic infant adoption, you need to listen to this show to better understand the possibility that the expectant mom may change her mind. Our guest is adoption attorney, Lila Bradley, who has practiced law relating to adoption and child welfare law for the past 20 years.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Distinction between failed match and adoption dissolution or sometimes known as disruption.
• What is the “typical” process for domestic infant adoption whether the adoptive parents are using an adoption agency or an adoption attorney?
• When do the adoptive parents legally become the baby’s parents?
• When can a mom change her mind and decide to parent the baby?
• Keep in mind that what prospective adoptive parents see as a “failure” very well may be seen as a “success” by the biological parents.
• Creating a Family resource: Failed Adoption Matches: How Common? How Costly? How to Survive
• What are some signs that an adoption match may fail and the mom will decide to parent?
• When is the most common time for a mom to change her mind and decide to parent?
• Does it matter what stage of pregnancy the match was made?
• How often do biological moms change their mind about placing their baby for adoption?
• Do adoptive parents lose money if the adoption match fails?
• Suggestions on how adoptive parents can cope when an adoption match falls apart?
• Do adoption matches with foster children disrupt? 
• Do adoption matches in international adoption disrupt?
• Do adoptions disrupt after finalization?

Resources: 

• Failed Adoption Matches: How Common? How Costly? How to Survive 
• State laws on when expectant parents can change their mind about relinquishing their child for adoption. 
• Children's Bureau

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: I’m a foster-to-adopt mom. I have 3 children. Two have already been adopted, and we are in the process of adopting one. My oldest son, who is 5 years old and turning 6 in Aug, had parental visits, but they were terminated when the parental rights were terminated, and he no longer sees them. It's been a year since the last visit. My daughter never had visits and doesn’t see her bio family, but I send the family a twice-a-year email with photos and updates. My current foster child, who is 4 years old, has once-a-week phone calls with his mom, who is in prison. My 5-year-old son is really struggling with seeing his younger brother getting phone calls with his bio Mom since he no longer sees his bio parents, and it’s hard for him to understand why his brother talks to his mom, but he does not. Each one of my child's stories is very different, but my oldest one notices the differences and doesn't understand why they're in the same family but have different relationships with past foster families and biological parents. How do I navigate this as he gets older?

Resources:

• Working with Birth Parent's for the Child's Best Interest
  • 5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
  • Open Adoption and the Holidays
• Foster Youth Voices
• Sibling Relationships

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Does your child have a disability or have some label? If so, you need to listen to this interview with Dr. Deborah Winking, an educational psychologist and a special education teacher. She is the author of Capable: A Story of Triumph for Children the World Has Judges as “Different” and Raising Capable Kids. She is the mother of four, including one adopted child and one child with a neurological disorder.

In this episode, we cover:
Many of our kids have hidden disabilities caused by trauma. These disabilities can look like so many different things, including behavior problems.

You say these 12 habits are to change yourself, not your child. Why?

• Habit 1: Believe that effort creates ability
• Habit 3: Set a vision of capability with your child and adjust it over time
• Habit 6: Send capable messages: Use words and act in ways that let your child know that you think they are capable
• Habit 8: Challenge your child in ways that regularly take them (and you) outside your comfort zone.
• Habit 10: Allow your child to make choices and experience the consequences of those choices
• Habit 11: celebrate your child’s persistence to build a narrative of strength 

Order your copy of Raising Capable Kids & use code: Capable20 for a 20% discount and free shipping.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: I was just asked to take on a Spanish-speaking teen with a baby. Do you have any resources to address fostering a teenager with a language barrier, as well as supporting her in developing adult skills and independence? She comes with a complicated history involving immigrating here on her own. 

Resources:

• Welcome an Older Child to Your Home (Resource)
• Former Foster Youth Voices (Resource)
• Helping a Child Heal from Trauma (Resource)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

What do teachers understand about adoption? What are the misperceptions? We talk with two researchers on this topic: Dr. Hal Grotevant, the Rudd Family Foundation Chair in Psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, and Dr. Abbie Goldberg, a Professor of Psychology and current Director of Women’s & Gender Studies at Clark University.

In this episode, we cover:

• How knowledgeable were teachers in understanding the impact of trauma?
• How knowledgeable were teachers in understanding the impact of attachment?
• How knowledgeable were teachers in understanding the impact of adoption?
• How knowledgeable were teachers in understanding the impact of prenatal exposure?
• Was there a perception that adopted kids were “troubled”?
• What did they know about open adoption?
• How accepting were teachers to the idea of modifying assignments to reflect diverse families, including those formed by adoption?
• Do teachers know whether kids are adopted? Do they need to know? Do they feel comfortable asking for this information?
• Did teachers present lessons that included the diversity that adoption represents?
• Does teacher training, either formal or in-service, often include information on adoption?
• What can parents do to help their child’s teacher be more adoption-aware or adoption-sensitive?
• Where can listeners get more information on your research?
  • The “Teachers and Adopted Children” Survey and the Factsheet for Teacher can be found here.

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: We have applied to adopt a baby. We’re more or less being told that if we don’t agree to an open adoption, we’ll never get chosen by a birth mom. But, I really don’t want an open adoption. I think kids need just one mom and dad and opening up our family to others will just be confusing for everyone. But, I’m afraid that we’ll never get chosen if I say this.

Resources:

• Open Adoption (Resource page)
• Listening to Adoptee Voices
• Understanding the Birth Parents' Experience

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building