Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What strategies can parents and caregivers implement in their homes to help reduce the risk that their children may be sexually abused? Learn practical parenting tools from this conversation with Dr. Eliana Gil, the founder of the Gil Institute for Trauma Recovery and Education. She specializes in the assessment and treatment of trauma in children, especially those who have been sexually abused.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why should adoptive and foster parents and relative caregivers learn about the risks for sexual abuse of children in our community and how to prevent it?
• How can parents or caregivers tell the difference between normal childhood curiosity and behaviors that may signal a problem?
• What are some warning signs that might give parents or caregivers a clue to dig deeper into problematic behaviors they observe?
• If a child is showing some of these concerning behaviors, what are some practical and supportive ways caregivers can respond?
• Why is it preventative for parents and caregivers to use correct anatomical terms with kids?
• Can you offer a few practical suggestions for parents and caregivers to get more comfortable with correct terminology, if they find this an obstacle to equipping and educating their kids?
• What signs should parents and caregivers be on the lookout for – things that may suggest a child has been abused?
  • 5 categories: fear/anxiety, depression, sexual acting out, attachment
  • Emphasize that no single sign proves abuse but patterns and context matter.
• If a caregiver suspects abuse, what steps should they take?
• What is the parents’ or caregiver’s role once they have reported to the proper authorities?
• What are some everyday preventative practices families can put in place to keep kids safe while also allowing them to grow in healthy ways?
  • Protective, not paranoid
  • Open communication in the home
  • Supervision by safe adults
  • Safe boundaries in the home
  • Teaching consent and respect
  • Modeling healthy relationships
• Any last words of advice for adoptive parents, foster parents, or relative caregivers about protecting their kids from sexual abuse?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: My husband and I are in the process of adopting a waiting child internationally. This is our first adoption and we will soon be waiting to be matched with a child. I teach in higher education and my schedule is coordinated about nine months out. I am working with my supervisors to try and make sure my schedule for the next year is flexible to account for uncertain adoption timing. It has been so difficult to try and navigate this with my job, especially because my institution has very limited options for paid parental leave. 

I'm wondering if you have any insight into how to discuss a few of my questions with my employer:

1. How to manage unpredictable adoption timelines that may require mid-semester leave on minimal notice,
2. Explaining the necessity of time off work to bond with our new child, without the physical recovery needs that traditional birth includes, and 
3. That while teaching online is an option, balancing teaching online with international travel and a critical bonding period is very daunting. 

If you have any insight into how to discuss these topics with my employer, or any additional details I should be considering, I would love to hear your thoughts. I should say that my supervisors are very supportive and excited for my family, and they are open to creative solutions. These are just uncharted waters at my institution. I love listening to your podcast every week and my husband and I have learned so much from you all while we've been on our adoption journey!

Resources:

• How Can I Get Paid Leave for My Adoption?
• The Movement Project: Relationship & Parental Recognition: State Family Leave Laws 
• Center for Parental Leave Leadership

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Resilience is more than just bouncing back from a challenge. Join us for a conversation about building resilience in ourselves and our kids, understanding coping tools, and caring well for ourselves while raising kids who may have significant gaps in their resilience. We talk with Kathleen Harnish McKune and her sister, Karen Dickson from Remarkably Resilient, Inc., a non-profit organization committed to partnering to empower healing from trauma. 

In this episode, we cover:

• How do you define resilience? What does it look like in real life, not just in theory?
• What are resilience cups? Why do we need a full cup?
• How can parents and caregivers fill their cups while raising kids impacted by trauma, prenatal exposure, etc?
• What are your “5 Rs” of resilience?

1. Regulation
2. Relationships
3. Response
4. Recovery
5. Reflection

• What are some typical challenges – or symptoms – we might see in a child whose resilience is undeveloped or lacking? 
• When a child is struggling with challenging behaviors that show some gaps in their resilience, how can parents/caregivers practically implement these 5 Rs in the moment?
• What are the coping tools you’ve identified to help people implement resilience-building strategies – the 4 Cs: 

1. Calm
2. Care
3. Courage
4. Connect 

• Strengthening resilience at the individual level ripples out to families, communities, and beyond. What gives you hope as you do this work?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: We are currently going through our home study to adopt from foster care, and I'm wondering if it is too early to look at photo listings? I have been looking at photo listings for a long time, but now, when I read the bios, it feels real, and I get slightly attached. I'm curious if you think this is setting myself up for disappointment.

Resources:

• Adoptions in the US – Our Annual Update
• Adoption Comparison Charts
• Foster Care Adoption
• Dealing with a Long Wait While Adopting
• The Impact of Fostering and Adoption on Kids Already in the Family

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What is human trafficking? Is your child at increased risk of being trafficked? Listen to this conversation with guests Dr. Yolanda Montgomery, a nurse, advocate, and the founder of Zoë Ministries, a nonprofit established in 2012 to combat human trafficking in Delaware and beyond, and Sara Poore, the Executive Director of the Delaware Anti-Trafficking Action Council (DATAC), leading statewide efforts to prevent human trafficking, support survivors, and strengthen community partnerships.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What is human trafficking, and how does it show up in the lives of children and teens in the U.S.?
• Why might children who have experienced foster care, adoption, or relative caregiving be at higher risk for trafficking?
• What role do things like running away, online activity, or mental health play in increasing risk?
• Are there particular ages or developmental stages when children are most at risk?
• What systemic factors—such as placement instability or a lack of adult oversight—contribute to vulnerability?
• What signs or red flags should caregivers be watching for in their children or teens?
• How does trafficking often begin for vulnerable youth?
• What should a caregiver do if they suspect trafficking or exploitation?
• If a child discloses trafficking or exploitation, what should a caregiver’s first response be?
• What kinds of services or professionals should a caregiver seek out to help a child recover from trafficking or exploitation?
• What are some preventative actions parents and caregivers can build into their homes and relationships with their kids?
• What can caregivers be sensitive to at home, things that may contribute to increasing risk factors for our kids who are more vulnerable to these risks? (
• What conversations should caregivers be having regularly with their tweens or teens about trafficking risks?
• What resources, hotlines, or support networks should every caregiver have saved in their phones, or know about?
• In addition to being the one safe, stable, nurturing adult in a child’s life, what other practical protective factors can parents and caregivers incorporate into their home’s daily rhythms?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: We very recently brought home our second child through domestic infant adoption. We feel very fortunate, and our son is developing well; we are also settling into the new routine.  We matched with our Son's birth mother through a local agency, and unfortunately, she decided that she did not want to meet us. She gave no information about the biological father.  We know she was caucasian, but honestly, it is unclear whether our son is entirely caucasian or not. The pediatrician said it was a mystery, and he may be caucasian with a darker complexion, or biracial, some amount of Hispanic, black, or any other heritage. We want to do everything in our power to be informed, acknowledge, and celebrate any ethnic background that is presented, but short of doing a DNA ancestry service on a baby that is a few weeks old, I don't really know where to begin- I'd appreciate any guidance you have. 

Resources:

• Raising a Transracial or Multicultural Child
• Adoptee Voices
• Ethical Issues in Genetic Testing in Adoption
• Genetic Testing and Genealogy for Adoptees
• Genetic Testing for Adoptees – Is It Worth It?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Do you worry about the impacts that screen time, social media, or gaming have on your tween and teens' mental health? We spoke to Brittany Anderson, an author, certified play and narrative intelligence practitioner, and the founder of Renala, which helps families become creative, vision-driven leaders—beginning at home.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What are the most common concerns that parents and caregivers have about their tween or teen’s tech use?
• Are those concerns more about the amount of time kids spend on devices, the content they’re seeking out, or the content they stumble upon?
• What are the differences in concerns between parents of pre-teens/tweens (11–13) and older teens (16–18)?
• What does current research say about how much screen time is considered healthy—or at least not harmful—for our tweens and teens? 
  • Is the amount of time as important as how that time is being spent?
  • Are there particular times of day when device use is more problematic for mental health (e.g., late at night)?
• What types of online content are most worrisome for the tweens and teens in our homes?
• What mental health effects are we seeing most often in tweens and teens related to tech use? 
• What are the symptoms of mental health that parents and caregivers should look for?
• Why might kids with a history of trauma and loss, prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs, or neurodiversity be more vulnerable to tech-related mental health challenges?
• How do issues like attachment, identity, and resilience intersect with device use?
• Are there specific risks associated with online relationships, gaming communities, or social media for these children?
• What can adoptive and foster parents, as well as caregivers such as grandparents raising their grandchildren, do proactively to reduce some of these risks before problems arise?
• What role do boundaries, monitoring, and co-viewing/co-playing have in prevention?
• How can they help their child develop self-protective, self-regulation skills, such as learning to prioritize their own mental health and manage their device use? 
• If a tween or teen has already had a harmful tech-related experience, what steps should parents/caregivers take immediately? 
• What does a healthy “tech culture” in a home look like for tweens and teens? 
• One piece of equipping and empowering advice for leading with purpose and mission around the issues of technology, devices, and tweens’ and teens’ mental health

RESOURCES:

• Managing Technology and Screens
• What Resource Parents Should Know About Prenatal Exposure
• How to Cultivate Resilience In Your Kids

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I have resentment against my (soon-to-be adopted) child’s mom, who is an addict. I get frustrated with his disrespect & disobedience, and bitterness & resentment rise up. He also respects my husband way more than me. I am trying so hard not to let it show or to take it out on him. I need help!

Resources:

• Parenting Children with Challenging Behaviors 
• Prenatal Exposure, Part 1: Parenting Babies through Elementary Ages
• Parenting a Challenging Child: A Collaborative Approach

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Do you dread the teen years? Or, if you're in the midst of parenting teens, do you struggle to find ways to connect? This week, we interview Dr. Melody Aguayo, a parenting coach specializing in working with at-risk children and their families and the founder of Real Child Consulting, LLC. She is the mom of two adopted kids.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Parents wonder why their easy and natural connection with their kids changed, and they now feel on the outs and have to work harder. What is the developmental stage that is happening between the ages of about 13 and 18 or 19?
• Teens act like they don’t need us, when I believe they need us even more, to be present, but in a distinctly different way. I think that our emotions as a parent can sometimes interfere with connecting with teens.
• Change our expectation of what “connection” means with teens.
• Parents report feeling powerless in parenting when their kids reach their teen years. What is the essence of our power as parents?
• Our goals for our teens are to become responsible and independent. How can we parent in such a way to foster these goals?
• Let’s address some common issues we face when parenting teens: 
  • Arguing. How to turn an argument into a conversation?
  • Spending too much time on technology
  • Running with the wrong crowd
• Tips for connecting and building trust and appreciation with your teen!

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

I spent some time this week thinking about what I’ve learned from my experiences as an adoptive parent and the wisdom of others in our community. In reflection, I've created a list of the things I wish I knew before adopting.

Resources:

• 8 Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Adopted
• Free courses to strengthen your family
• Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies & Solutions
• Beginner’s Guide to TBRI

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building