Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Question: We have been matched with an expectant mom due in a couple of months. She is having twins. As we are preparing for the next steps, sleep training has come up frequently in newborn care books. What research is there on the cry-it-out method or other popular sleep training methods in relation to adopted children? We want to make sure they know their needs will be met and build a strong adoption bond, but we also want to eventually work towards them being able to sleep through the night.

Resources:

• Did Denmark Actually Ban "Cry it Out?"
• Video: The Attachment Cycle - Empowered to Connect
• Sleep Issues with Adopted, Foster, or Relative Children
• Balancing Attachment with Getting Sleep

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you looking for practical ways to build your child's resilience and sense of safety, and to strengthen your family's connectedness? Listen to this conversation with Ginger Healy, MSW, LCSW, director of programs for the Attachment & Trauma Network and host of the podcast “Regulated and Relational.” Ginger speaks across the nation on trauma-informed schools, therapeutic parenting, and community engagement.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What made you decide to write a book for educators?
• What were you observing about children’s needs around emotional language, self-regulation, and connection?
• Knowing that at home we often deal with a different rhythm, different dynamics (for example, one caregiver rather than teacher + many students), what initial advice do you have for parents and caregivers to translate this book’s classroom tools into a home context? 
• Why is it essential that children learn social/emotional language — not just “feelings words” but the capacity to talk about self, other, relationships, safety?
• How does having more social/emotional language help a child feel “seen, safe, valued” in a family environment?
• What are the risks when children don’t have that language or opportunity to practice it?
• We often hear culture around us say, “Kids are resilient.” Why is that a misconception, especially in our community of adopted, foster, or relative children?
• Why does a child who has experienced trauma need specific, intentional scaffolding to develop their social/emotional language and build their capacity for emotional strength?
• What are the themes of the workbook that parents or caregivers can bring into their everyday conversations at home?
  • Understanding my story within my family structure
  • Reframing my narrative: navigating family challenges and conflict
  • Building confidence, hope, and a positive future
• Can you suggest a few strategies to get families started with the conversations?
• What if we are struggling with or lacking these skills ourselves? How do we learn them so we can teach and model them?
• What practical strategies can we use to integrate these skills into our daily rhythms?
• How do we know our kids are ready for adjustments in how we practice these skills, or to “level up”?
• How will they know if these strategies are effective? 
• Do you have practical tips for families that want to strengthen their family dynamics but already feel overwhelmed by the long list of To-Dos? 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I would love to hear about family profiles for adopting older teens. 

Resources:

• Adopting a Child of a Different Race or Culture
• Adopting Older Kids
• Evaluating Risk Factors in Foster Care Adoption

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What is it like to be the only biological child in a large transracial adoptive family? Our guest, Elaine Duncan, shares her story of how transcultural adoption impacted her identity and resilience. She is a writer, speaker, and strategist whose work bridges storytelling, healing, and social change. She has a passion for improving outcomes for underserved young people and is currently working on a memoir of her life journey.

In this episode, we discuss: 

• What did your home look like growing up, and what was it like for you to be the only biological child in a transracial/transcultural adoptive family?
• Families who adopt across race or culture often wonder how to bring all of those differences together under one roof. 
• How did your family handle conversations about race, culture, and identity?  Were these things openly acknowledged, celebrated, or avoided?
• How did your parents support (or struggle to support) you in building your own sense of identity — not just as their child, but as an individual?
• Did you ever feel overlooked or lost in the mix? How could parents avoid that happening for their kids?
• What were some of the biggest challenges you carried from growing up in this transracial/transcultural adoptive family?
  • How have those challenges shaped your adult life, relationships, or even your current work?
• What are the gifts or strengths you gained from growing up in such a diverse family?
• Are there ways your unique upbringing has given you perspective, resilience, or empathy that you now value?

Additional Resources:

• Intergenerational Trauma (podcast)
• The Impact of Fostering & Adoption on Kids Already in the Family (free on-demand course)
• Raising a Transracial or Multicultural Child (resource page)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I have a friend whose 12-year-old adopted son (adopted at age 6) has been sexually abusing his younger siblings. She self-reported to CPS and law enforcement,  but they have not done a formal removal yet, and their solutions involved bringing the child back home or kinship (not an option). 

The offending child is currently in a temporary behavioral hospital, and a Refusal to Assume Parental Responsibility was opened on my friend because she will not pick him up, especially not until he receives specialized treatment for sexual aggression. The other children deserve a safe home to heal. Has anyone been through this before? If, after treatment, she still does not feel like it's in the children's best interest for him to return home, what are her options? 

Resources:

• Resources for Finding an Adoption-Competent Therapist
• Gil Institute for Trauma Recovery & Education
• Helping a Child Heal from Sexual Abuse

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

We're thrilled to introduce you to our new Executive Director, Linda Fiore. Listen to today's conversation about her journey to Creating a Family and where we're heading in this next chapter under her leadership.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What first brought you into the world of adoption, foster care, and kinship care?
• When you started out, what was your “why”?
• What values or goals drove your work in those earliest years?
• What was your first introduction to Creating a Family?
• When presented with the opportunity to pursue the position of Executive Director, what was it about our mission or the organization’s evolution that drew your interest?
• How did you know this was the right next step for you?
• What are the pivotal lessons or challenges that shaped your leadership approach?
• When you look at where Creating a Family stands today, what are our greatest strengths?
• Kinship care has become a growing focus area for us. Why do you think kinship support is so critical right now?
• What are some of the plans Creating a Family has to deepen our impact in this space?
• Our online education programs reach families and professionals across the country. From your experiences in the field, why is education so crucial in these spaces?
• As we continue to raise awareness of who we are and how we serve this community, what message do you want people to associate with Creating a Family?
• What stories or values do you hope will come through most clearly?
• Where do you think Creating a Family is heading in the next few years?
• Your “why” has probably evolved — what keeps you going now?
• What’s one thing you’ve learned that you hope every family advocate carries with them from today’s conversation?
• Finally, for those listening or reading who are inspired — individuals, professionals, or organizations — what can they do to join the mission of Creating a Family? 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: Help for a youth dealing with being bullied because they are in foster care?

Resources:

• 5 Steps to Effectively Advocate for a Child Who is Being Bullied
• Are Transracial Adoptees More Likely to Be Bullied?
• Helping Our Kids Cope with Bullies at School
• StopBullying.gov

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Do you feel like raising a child with a history of trauma has stirred up your own traumatic past? If you wonder how to parent from a position of healing, listen to this conversation with Dr. Robyn Koslowitz. She is a psychologist, trauma expert, and author of the new book, Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle, Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.

In this episode, we discuss:

• You open your book by saying, ‘It’s not you, it’s your trauma.’ That feels like both a relief and a challenge. Can you unpack that for parents and caregivers who blame themselves for every misstep in their parenting?
• When you use the term post-traumatic parent, what do you mean? How does that differ from saying ‘parent with trauma’ or ‘healed parent’?
• Many caregivers feel haunted by an internal guilt that says, “How can I give what I never received?” How can parents or caregivers move from guilt to agency—without glossing over the pain?
• What are the 5 post-traumatic parenting defaults you identify in your book? What do they look like in real-life moments of parenting? 
• How does a parent choose not to opt into those old trauma-driven defaults (e.g., yelling, withdrawal, overcontrol) in the moment? 
• The metaphor of trauma as an app
• What is the concept of cycle-breaking versus cycle-making, and how is it valuable for breaking those unhealthy parenting patterns?
• What are some practical applications of this post-traumatic parenting reframe? 
• How can a parent create and maintain trauma-responsive routines or rituals that will increase a child’s sense of felt safety, without being rigid or feeling like a bunch of rules they must follow?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: I have been fostering our grandchild since March. It is now almost September. Both biological parents had drug addiction. Bio mom was on a trial home visit, but used this as the reason our grandchild is with us. After the trial home visit ended, bio mom was still getting supervised visits 2x a week. After every visit, the little one was dysregulated and started biting and hitting the daycare kiddos and the provider, and would also act out towards us. She is only 15 months old. 

Both parents terminated their rights in May, and that is when I put a stop to the visits. We know bio mom was still using while having her supervised visits. I give weekly updates and photos to bio mom. But she keeps pushing for (in-person) visits, and I can't do visits, as I don't know if bio mom is clean or still using. She has had 13 years of using and has found loopholes in the system to keep seeing her other kids, when she doesn't have custody of them. 

Since we stopped visiting, my grandchild has become more stable and regulated and has stopped biting and hitting. Our caseworker has filed the adoption papers, and we will soon finalize the adoption. Bio mom is still using, and she tells me she is an alienated parent, and that I am keeping her from her child. Am I doing the right thing by not letting her see the child?

Resources:

• How Do You Manage Relationships with Birth Parents with Substance Use Disorders?
• Open Adoption With Addicted Birth Parents
• 5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
• Practical Help for Shared Parenting in Kinship Caregiving

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Join us for a fun and inspiring conversation with Emily Cole, co-founder and co-owner of Banana Ball, the new sports phenomenon sweeping the country. We're talking with her about Bananas Foster, their non-profit that celebrates foster families all around the nation.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Please tell us the story of how Bananas Foster got started.
• What was happening in your life that made you say, “We need to do something for foster families”?
• What was the biggest challenge in getting things off the ground?
• For listeners who might not know you yet, what’s the mission of Bananas Foster?
• What are some of the biggest everyday needs you hear about from foster, kinship, or adoptive families?
• How do you see Bananas Foster stepping into those areas of need?
• What’s your big dream for Bananas Foster — say, five or ten years from now?
• You talk about celebrating and supporting foster families — can you share what that looks like at a typical Banana Ball game day?
• What kinds of local partnerships do you have in the cities you visit — with churches, agencies, schools, or other groups?
• Looking ahead, do you have a plan or goal for building on those partnerships or expanding the care you offer with them?
• The celebrations you host are such a bright spot! What do families tell you after those events — how do they feel when they leave?
• Is there a particular story, celebration, or family that has really stuck with you?
• How do you hope those celebrations will grow or change over the next few years?
• What’s one thing you’ve learned from the families you serve that’s changed you personally?
• For our listeners, how can people get involved or support what Bananas Foster is doing?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building