Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Question: How to talk to your child about their conception story when embryo donation/embryo adoption is involved in forming your family?

Resources:

• Embryo Adoption (Resource Page)
• Suggested Books for Children Conceived Through Embryo Donation
• Disclosing Donor Conception to Our Kids (podcast)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Talking about the difficult parts of our child's story, like abuse or prenatal substance exposure, can be overwhelming. Kelly Weidner, the co-founder and Executive Director of Haven Adoptions & Family Services in Ambler, PA. She has 28 years of experience in foster care, residential care, and adoption, which will help us navigate these challenging conversations with our kids.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What kinds of issues do we mean when we say “difficult parts” of a child’s story? What are some of the everyday challenging conversations that adoptive parents must tackle?
• Why is it necessary to introduce these potentially painful, complex issues to our kids?
• Why are parents reluctant to talk about these issues?
• What steps should adoptive parents take when choosing to start these conversations? Where do they start?
• What is a Lifebook, and how can parents use them to introduce and build on the story as their child grows?
  • What should be included?
  • How does a Lifebook differ between the types of adoption?
  • What if your child wants to bring their Lifebook to school or show it to people outside the family?
• What language can you use with young children to lay the groundwork for later, with more details filled in as they grow?
• How would a parent start the conversation about being conceived during a rape or abusive relationship, across several ages or stages, to build understanding?
• As another example, should we tell our kids about abuse or neglect that happened to them if they don’t remember it? How?
• Should you tell a child that her birth mother’s use of drugs or alcohol during pregnancy might be the cause of their learning disabilities? 
• How do you help your child understand how much of his story he should share with others outside the family?
• What if you don’t believe the birth mother’s story of what happened? 
• What if you don’t know the details of what happened, just that something “big” did happen?
• How can adoptive parents help their children understand that they are more than the difficult parts of their history and that they are not doomed to repeat their birth parents' mistakes?
• What are some practical tips for supporting our kids after we’ve had to share hard-to-hear information?

Resources:

• Suggested Books for Adoptive Families
• Using Lifebooks to Explain Complex Issues in Adoption to Kids
• Building the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their Stories
• The Art of Talking with Kids (Free Course)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Having the right documentation, signed, dated, and completed, is crucial to maximizing the claim and avoiding delays or audits. But before we jump into the actual documents, let's start with the big changes to this year's adoption tax credit, because these are important details for families to know this year.

Resources:

• Adoption Tax Credit Resource Page
• Finding a Tax Specialist to File Your Adoption Tax Credit Claim
• Adoption Tax Credit (IRS)
• 5 Things to Know About the Adoption Credit (IRS)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Let us know about your adoption journey

Did you finalize an adoption in 2025 or within the last several years? Are you eligible to claim the Adoption Tax Credit? Listen to this conversation about the 2025 Adoption Tax Credit. Our guests are Becky Wilmoth, an Enrolled Agent and Adoption Tax Credit Specialist with Bill’s Tax Service, and Josh Kroll, the Adoption Subsidy Resource Center coordinator at Families Rising.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What is the Adoption Tax Credit for adoption being claimed on 2025 federal taxes?
• What is different about this year’s Adoption Tax Credit? 
• How would you claim the Adoption Tax Credit if you get a tax refund every year?
• What types of adoptions are included or excluded in the Adoption Tax Credit? 
• Are kinship adoptions covered? Are kinship guardianship arrangements/expenses covered? 
  • What if the relative child was never involved with the foster care system?
• Can you claim the Adoption Tax Credit for each adoption you complete, even if you completed them in the same year? 
• What is a Qualified Adoption Expense for purposes of the Adoption Tax Credit 2025?
• When can you claim the Adoption Tax Credit for:
  • Domestic Private/Infant Adoption
  • International Adoption
  • Re-adoption in the US for International Adoption
  • Foster Care Adoption
  • Kinship Adoption
• For purposes of filing the Adoption Tax Credit, what qualifies as a Special Needs Adoption? 
• How does the Adoption Tax Credit differ for adoptions from foster care?
• What does the IRS accept as proof of “special needs” in foster adoptions?
  • What is a $0 subsidy agreement?
• Can you reclaim your expenses for an adoption that did not result in a placement (that is, a failed adoption)? How?
• What income level (Modified Adjusted Gross Income) is excluded from claiming the Adoption Tax Credit in 2025?
• How long can the credit be carried over?
• What if you didn’t claim the Adoption Tax Credit when eligible? 
• Will the Adoption Tax Credit offset self-employment tax?
• How does the Secure Act impact us if we are claiming the Adoption Tax Credit for 2025 taxes? 
• What should you do if the child’s Social Security Number is unavailable when you file?
• How does the Adoption Tax Credit work in conjunction with employee adoption benefits? 
• If you adopt, can you still claim the Child Tax Credit?
• Do you need to send any documentation for the Adoption Tax Credit to the IRS when you file your taxes? 
  • What type of documentation should you keep in your records? For how long?
• How to advocate for refundability? https://adoptiontaxcredit.org

Resources:

• Adoption Tax Credit - Creating a Family Resource Page
• Claiming the Federal Adoption Tax Credit 2015-2024 - Families Rising

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: An aspect of adopting that we didn’t hear about was how your mental health is challenged throughout the process. It’s a roller coaster of emotions, and this isn’t discussed as often as organic issues such as drug or alcohol use.

Resources:

• Creating a Family Online Support Group
• Adoption Process & Important Considerations
• Self-Care for Parents and Caregivers

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering adoption this year but concerned about how to swing the cost? Join us for a practical conversation about managing the expenses of adoption with Ryan Hanlon, PhD, former president of the National Council for Adoption, an adoption advocacy organization dedicated to research, education, and policy in the service of all members of the adoption community.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How much can hopeful adoptive parents expect to pay for adoption? 
  • Domestic infant adoption? 
  • Adopting from foster care?
  • International adoption?
• What do these expenses cover? 
• Most hopeful adoptive families do not have access to large lump sums of $25,000 and upward. So, what are the different options they can pursue to help them afford an adoption?
  • Adoption Subsidies
  • Adoption Grants/Loans
  • Adoption Tax Credit
• What other methods are available to families to afford adoption? And can you explain the pros and cons of each so families can get a well-rounded view of what to consider?
  • Increase savings / Decrease spending
  • Increase income via a second job, selling things (things you own that you don’t want/need/use; things you can create or offer as services)
  • Employee benefits programs
  • Crowd-sourcing and fundraising, asking for money from family and friends (can be particularly controversial in some circles; take care in sharing the child’s story, etc.) 
• If a family chooses to fundraise, can you offer a few tips that might help them protect the child’s story and proceed ethically?
• Also related to fundraising, what types of fundraisers do you see as most effective? (offering a service, event, or experience vs. donations only, etc.)
• How far in advance do hopeful parents start some of these efforts to afford adoption?
• Can you explain the Adoption Subsidy in more detail? How do hopeful parents determine if they qualify?
• Where do they go to learn about financial resources to help them afford adoption?

Resources: 

•  The Adoption Tax Credit
• Foster Care Adoption Subsidies: What is Reasonable and How to Negotiate
• National Council for Adoption 

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: How do you deal with the emotions of not being able to adopt or foster because your husband doesn't share the desire?

Resources:

• A Reluctant Spouse: When Only One Partner Wants to Adopt
• I Want to Adopt. My Partner Does Not.
• Creating a Family Online Support Group

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering adoption to create your family this year? We’ve got answers to all (or most) of your questions. Join our discussion with Molly Berger, MSW, who has been with the Adoption Center of Illinois for 12 years as an adoption social worker. She counts it an honor to work with adoptive families and expectant parents.

In this episode, we discuss:

Part 1: Domestic Infant Private Adoption in the US

• What is the process?
• What are the reasons that pregnant moms are placing their children for adoption?
• Explain the matching process. How do expectant parents find and choose adoptive parents?
• What is The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC)?
• What is Open adoption? Why do expectant parents need to educate themselves about open adoption?
• What special needs are common in domestic infant adoptions?
• How long does it take? What factors influence this time?
• How much does it cost? What factors influence this cost?
• How do failed matches impact the cost of adoption (that is, when an expectant mom decides to parent rather than go through with an adoption plan)?
• What are the differences in adopting via an adoption agency or an adoption attorney?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting a baby?

Part 2: Adoptions From Foster Care in the US

• What is the process?
• How do you adopt your foster child (one who has already been placed in your home)?
• How do you go about adopting a waiting child, or one who is not currently placed with your family?
• What are the reasons children come into foster care in the US?
• What ages and races of children are most commonly available for adoption from foster care?
• What are the typical special needs prospective parents should expect to consider?
• How long does it take to adopt from foster care?
• How much does adoption from foster care typically cost?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting from foster care?

Part 3: International Adoptions to the US

• What is the process to adopt from another country?
• What is the Hague Treaty, and why is it important for prospective parents to understand?
• What types of special needs do we most commonly see in children available for adoption from abroad?
• How long does international adoption take? What factors influence this time?
• How much does it cost? What factors influence the expenses?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting internationally?
• Understanding Transracial/Transcultural Adoption
• What is transracial adoption?
• What should prospective parents understand about raising a child from a different culture than their own?
• What are racial mirrors, and why are they valuable for a family considering transracial adoption?

Resources:

• CreatingaFamily.org Adoption Comparison Charts

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Question: Hello, thank you sincerely for your podcast and the work you do. It has helped me feel less alone and allowed me to better navigate foster parenting and adopting from foster care. My husband and I have two amazing boys; they have the same bio mom, and two older siblings each in a different family. Our youngest is 5. We met when he was 3 months. Our oldest is 8. We met when he was 3. He was removed at birth, then placed with his bio mom at 2 months, removed at 8 months, moved to a new foster family at 10 months, and placed with his legal father at 2.5. His bio mom took him illegally after a few months (with the legal father's consent). When he and his baby brother were removed and placed with us, he was sad and scared. We formally adopted our boys three years ago. He has grown into a beautiful, highly intelligent, and athletic boy. However, he has never accepted me as his mother. 

He refuses affection, pulls away, and looks at me with what I perceive as disgust. We are close with his bio family (siblings and mom), and he is regularly upset that he can't live with his bio mom. Sometimes he blames me. I try to explain, but he shuts me out. His siblings are not with their bio mom either. I keep trying to build a connection, but after 5 years, I am losing hope. It is very easy and natural with my youngest. When we are affectionate, I am afraid my older son will feel left out, but he pushes me away and often won't even let me be near him. When we have special time (just the 2 of us), I plan activities with him that he likes and is excited for, but he often complains and is unhappy during his time with me. He does not remember his life before we met very well, but will recollect things we did and say it was his bio mom. 

His professional evaluations report that he is well adjusted, but my husband and I have concerns. I know this may be normal, but I desperately want to connect with him. The constant rejection is painful. Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated.

Resources:

• Why Foster Kids Create Fantasy Families
• Attachment-Informed Tools for Working with Kids
• 6 Tips for Creating Attachment
• 8 Ways to Strengthen Attachment with Your Child
• Navigating Challenging Behaviors: Practical Strategies for Parents (Free E-Guide)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Join us to learn about family rituals—how to create and why they can help build strong families. Our guest will be Elizabeth Barbour, the author of a new book, Sacred Celebrations: Designing Rituals to Navigate Life’s Milestone Transitions. She’s also a reunited adoptee and an adoptive mom.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why are rituals important for families? 
  • Define the culture of family-this is who we are
  • This is what we do
• What’s the difference between rituals and routines?
• What’s the difference between rituals and habits?
• Examples of family rituals. 
  • Family meetings, 
  • kid/parent dates, 
  • game nights
  • gratitude practices
  • prayer and meditation
  • family altars
  • travel
  • volunteering together
• When families are created through adoption, any specific rituals that can help them?

Tips

• Keep it simple
• Get input from all members of the family
• Consistency

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building